Just some fun: Rules about Men

Sapient
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Just some fun: Rules about Men

We always hear "the rules"From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us!

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1 You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

- Brian Sapient


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MattShizzle
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Just some fun: Rules about Men

That's good! Laughing out loud


Equilibrium
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Just some fun: Rules about Men

Fantastic, i'm saving it.


DrFear
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Just some fun: Rules about Men

fantastic.
i'm going to print this and hang it up as a quick reference guide for arguments...or mayyyybeee....i should just record it on tape and make her listen to it in her sleeeeep....yeeeesssss....ha ha haaaaaaa

Fear out
Wong

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Just some fun: Rules about Men

That's pretty good.


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Just some fun: Rules about Men

I completely agree with #1.
Though #1 and #1 and maybe #1 I don't fully agree with, but I'm a pussy. Smiling

I think #1, about scratching is great for this time of year, when you have 'velcro days' and you need to do some adjustments.

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Nick
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Just some fun: Rules about Men

Wow, alot of that I don't agree with at all, but it's still funny as hell. Steriotypes usually are. Laughing out loud

Wilson: "We were afraid that if you found out you solved a case with absolutely no medical evidence you'd think you were God." House: "God doesn't limp."


Sapient
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Bump.

Bump.

- Brian Sapient


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"We are not mind

"We are not mind readers".

Yep, both my mother and my x-wife always pulled, "You are just supposed to know".

WHAT IS UP WITH THAT! That makes me want to pull my hair out.

BTW sunday sports, yep. When I am tourturing myself watching the Skins lose, the last thing you want to do disturb me.  

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Awwww...this is

Awwww...this is adorable!!  Kinda like watching a toddler walk around with a Burger King crown on his head and claiming he is king of the world - cute, but not real effective.  Now, go back to the sandbox that you have all peed in and let us get some work done. 

(Just kidding - this is a funny list.  But it changes nothing - LOL)

 


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Just because it is Sunday

Just because it is Sunday and I am bored...

Sapient wrote:
We always hear "the rules"From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

We don't have rules...we have laws.

Sapient wrote:
Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

Whatever keeps is simple for you.

Sapient wrote:
1. Men ARE not mind readers.

We know.

Sapient wrote:
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

You can't aim that thing better by now?

Sapient wrote:
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Personally, I am ok with this one. It is like Nickelodian for grown men...cheap babysitting while we get stuff done.

Sapient wrote:
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

You all suck at it anyway.

Sapient wrote:
1. Crying is blackmail.

It took how many years of evolution for you all to figure this out?

Sapient wrote:
1. Ask for what you want Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

True. We need to start taking men's limited thinking abilitiy into account.

Sapient wrote:
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

Whatever.

Sapient wrote:
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

That's right. You guys are fantastic at solving problems. Like using duct tape to fix things. Yeah, that's a solution.

Sapient wrote:
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem See a doctor.

We don't always want to have sex...with you. How brutally honest do you want us to be?

Sapient wrote:
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

Because you can't remember anything for longer than that?

Sapient wrote:
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

Oh, puhlease!

Sapient wrote:
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us!

But you love us anyway?

Sapient wrote:
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

You all could just try thinking BEFORE you open your mouths....just a suggestion.

Sapient wrote:
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Does it matter? None of you listen anyway.

Sapient wrote:
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials

Right back at ya, baby!

Sapient wrote:
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

Queen Isabella??

Sapient wrote:
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

Then shut up if you don't like how things are decorated.

Sapient wrote:
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

And it is disgusting.

Sapient wrote:
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

So long as you understand that if you don't press for an answer, we will blame you for whatever was wrong in the first place even if it had nothing to do with you.

Sapient wrote:
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Now this is funny considering the size of the male ego that we are expected to constantly appease!

Sapient wrote:
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really.

Then stop looking at the hot babe with her "assets" hanging out.

Sapient wrote:
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

If I were you, I would be embarrassed about this.

Sapient wrote:
1 You have enough clothes.

And you have enough electronic devices.

Sapient wrote:
1. You have too many shoes.

And the TV is too big.

Sapient wrote:
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Me too.

Sapient wrote:
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Glad to hear it!  Laughing


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Heh heh. I remember this

Heh heh. I remember this thread and missed it. Glad it got crunked back up.


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Oh yeah!  To all of the

Oh yeah!  To all of the dads, grandpas, uncles, brothers and pet owners - Happy Father's Day!!  Enjoy!


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Sapient wrote:

Sapient wrote:
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.


Columbus didnt need directions? He was aiming for India and went to America. Thats thousends of miles in the wrong direction, if there ever was a man in need of directions it was Columbus.

Is it better to have loved and lost?


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Bjxrn wrote:   Hmm,

Bjxrn wrote:
 

Hmm, Columbus didnt need directions? He was aiming for India and went to America. Thats thousends of miles in the wrong direction, is there ever was a man in need of directions it was Columbus.

He still arrived at a destination, correct?  The fact that the destination that is arrived at is different than the one you are aiming for is completly immaterial. 

Personally, I never get lost.  I have 'adventures'.

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I'm curious why there is no

I'm curious why there is no rule about men thinking that passing gas is so funny.

Guess what:  No, it's not funny. 

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Susan wrote: I'm curious

Susan wrote:

I'm curious why there is no rule about men thinking that passing gas is so funny.

Guess what: No, it's not funny.

 

Sorry, Susan, it is.  Unfortunately you have to be a bloke to appreciate it. 

Freedom of religious belief is an inalienable right. Stuffing that belief down other people's throats is not.


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Quote: That's right. You

Quote:
That's right. You guys are fantastic at solving problems. Like using duct tape to fix things. Yeah, that's a solution.

Duct tape is -always- a solution, even in math.

x = Duct tape 

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Vastet
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Fun time. jce

Fun time. Laughing out loud

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
We always hear "the rules"From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

We don't have rules...we have laws.

Technically these are laws too. He was being nice. Sticking out tongue

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

Whatever keeps is simple for you.

It was more a matter of insuring that it's understood they are all equal to each other than simplicity. Eye-wink

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. Men ARE not mind readers.

We know.

You don't act like it. > >

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

You can't aim that thing better by now?

Since you don't have one I'll inform you that it doesn't always go where you aim it. Sometimes it even comes in two seperate streams. The bigger the bowl, the better.

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Personally, I am ok with this one. It is like Nickelodian for grown men...cheap babysitting while we get stuff done.

That's cool. Just add video games and I'll be happy. I only get excited about sports during Stanley Cup season, and only if a Canadian team is in it and has a good shot.

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

You all suck at it anyway.

I must vehemently disagree. A man goes shopping, and 5 minutes later he comes out to the car with everything he needs. A woman goes shopping, and 3 hours later she comes out to the car with 10 things she didn't need, and one thing out of 3 she went shopping for in the first place.

jce wrote:

Sapient wrote:
1. Crying is blackmail.

It took how many years of evolution for you all to figure this out?

About 5000.

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. Ask for what you want Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

True. We need to start taking men's limited thinking abilitiy into account.

Finally. Laughing out loud

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
Whatever.

Now see, that's not an acceptable answer. Too ambiguous. We never know for sure what you mean when you say this.

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
That's right. You guys are fantastic at solving problems. Like using duct tape to fix things. Yeah, that's a solution.

The world is held together with spit, bailing wire, and duct tape. It works. Eye-wink

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem See a doctor.

We don't always want to have sex...with you. How brutally honest do you want us to be?

100% brutally honest is preferable. We'd much rather know you don't want to sleep with us. That way we can go out and get laid by some hottie down the street and you can't get all pissy about it. Eye-wink

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

Because you can't remember anything for longer than that?

Pretty much. 3 days is actually a more viable time limit, but I can only assume the original author had a better short term memory than most.

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

Oh, puhlease!

Sticking out tongue

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us!

But you love us anyway?

Yes. But please note, it doesn't automatically mean you're fat. Anorexic girls complaining about their fat is rather weird to us.

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

You all could just try thinking BEFORE you open your mouths....just a suggestion.

We already established our inability to think in such a way a few lines up. Plus, the female is the ultimate inferrence machine. Only guys with 16 sisters and no brothers can accomplish this extraordinary feat. And it took them 20 years of experience to accomplish it.

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Does it matter? None of you listen anyway.

It's because of this that we don't listen anyway. Eye-wink

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials

Right back at ya, baby!

Cool.

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

Queen Isabella??

We all know how well Spain ended up in North America after the whole conquest thing ended.

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

Then shut up if you don't like how things are decorated.

This is not an acceptable response. You keep asking us our opinions on colours we have no awareness of, in correspondance with schemes and artifacts and....shit. Our heads just spin. Seriously.

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

And it is disgusting.

Then don't watch. We don't watch you shave your leg hair or put on makeup. Eye-wink

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

So long as you understand that if you don't press for an answer, we will blame you for whatever was wrong in the first place even if it had nothing to do with you.

So long as you understand we will refuse to accept responsibility for it, you can blame us for anything. We're used to it.

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Now this is funny considering the size of the male ego that we are expected to constantly appease!

Eh? I won't deny the male ego is large, but I'm not sure what that has to do with getting answers you don't want. > >

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really.

Then stop looking at the hot babe with her "assets" hanging out.

We don't have a choice. Hormones. You get your periods, we get horny.

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

If I were you, I would be embarrassed about this.

But we aren't(though substitute baseball for hockey, a far superior sport). Smiling

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1 You have enough clothes.

And you have enough electronic devices.

Maybe.

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. You have too many shoes.

And the TV is too big.

It is physically impossible for a TV to be too big.

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Me too.

Good enough then! Laughing out loud

jce wrote:
Sapient wrote:
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Glad to hear it!  Laughing

Sticking out tongue

The Patrician wrote:
Susan wrote:

I'm curious why there is no rule about men thinking that passing gas is so funny.

Guess what: No, it's not funny.

 

Sorry, Susan, it is. Unfortunately you have to be a bloke to appreciate it.

I'm a bloke and I don't get it either frankly. > >

Proud Canadian, Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.


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HealingBlight

HealingBlight wrote:

Quote:
That's right. You guys are fantastic at solving problems. Like using duct tape to fix things. Yeah, that's a solution.

Duct tape is -always- a solution, even in math.

x = Duct tape 

If it cannot be fixed with duct tape, fuck it, it's broken. Buy a new one, and more duct tape.

I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world. - Richard Dawkins

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Yellow_Number_Five

Yellow_Number_Five wrote:
If it cannot be fixed with duct tape, fuck it, it's broken. Buy a new one, and more duct tape.

Even women can be fixed with use of duct tape! Right over thier mouth. Problem solved! Laughing out loud

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HealingBlight

HealingBlight wrote:

Yellow_Number_Five wrote:
If it cannot be fixed with duct tape, fuck it, it's broken. Buy a new one, and more duct tape.

Even women can be fixed with use of duct tape! Right over thier mouth. Problem solved! Laughing out loud

LMMFAO! You know the women are gonna whip your ass for that one! Laughing out loud

[MOD EDIT - fixed quotes] 

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Vastet wrote: The

Vastet wrote:
The Patrician wrote:
Susan wrote:

I'm curious why there is no rule about men thinking that passing gas is so funny.

Guess what: No, it's not funny.

Sorry, Susan, it is. Unfortunately you have to be a bloke to appreciate it.

I'm a bloke and I don't get it either frankly. > >

Oh, Vastet.  Finally!  A gentleman who won't fart and then laughingly stick his partner's head under the blanket.

Thank you.

 

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I'm so glad I'm divorced

I totally don't miss my ex after reading this.  I just miss my money, tv, and sex.

But why is the rum gone? aarrggg Just noodles...must be a sign