Just some fun: Rules about Men
We always hear "the rules"From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us!
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1 You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Please become a Patron of Brian Sapient
Support our activism efforts by making your Amazon purchases via this link.
- Login to post comments
That's good!
Fantastic, i'm saving it.
fantastic.
i'm going to print this and hang it up as a quick reference guide for arguments...or mayyyybeee....i should just record it on tape and make her listen to it in her sleeeeep....yeeeesssss....ha ha haaaaaaa
Fear out
Wong
Fear is the mindkiller.
That's pretty good.
I completely agree with #1.
Though #1 and #1 and maybe #1 I don't fully agree with, but I'm a pussy.
I think #1, about scratching is great for this time of year, when you have 'velcro days' and you need to do some adjustments.
-----------------------
I'll get back to you when I think of something worthwhile to say.
Wow, alot of that I don't agree with at all, but it's still funny as hell. Steriotypes usually are.
Wilson: "We were afraid that if you found out you solved a case with absolutely no medical evidence you'd think you were God." House: "God doesn't limp."
Bump.
Please become a Patron of Brian Sapient
Support our activism efforts by making your Amazon purchases via this link.
"We are not mind readers".
Yep, both my mother and my x-wife always pulled, "You are just supposed to know".
WHAT IS UP WITH THAT! That makes me want to pull my hair out.
BTW sunday sports, yep. When I am tourturing myself watching the Skins lose, the last thing you want to do disturb me.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
Awwww...this is adorable!! Kinda like watching a toddler walk around with a Burger King crown on his head and claiming he is king of the world - cute, but not real effective. Now, go back to the sandbox that you have all peed in and let us get some work done.
(Just kidding - this is a funny list. But it changes nothing - LOL)
Just because it is Sunday and I am bored...
We don't have rules...we have laws.
Whatever keeps is simple for you.
We know.
You can't aim that thing better by now?
Personally, I am ok with this one. It is like Nickelodian for grown men...cheap babysitting while we get stuff done.
You all suck at it anyway.
It took how many years of evolution for you all to figure this out?
True. We need to start taking men's limited thinking abilitiy into account.
Whatever.
That's right. You guys are fantastic at solving problems. Like using duct tape to fix things. Yeah, that's a solution.
We don't always want to have sex...with you. How brutally honest do you want us to be?
Because you can't remember anything for longer than that?
Oh, puhlease!
But you love us anyway?
You all could just try thinking BEFORE you open your mouths....just a suggestion.
Does it matter? None of you listen anyway.
Right back at ya, baby!
Queen Isabella??
Then shut up if you don't like how things are decorated.
And it is disgusting.
So long as you understand that if you don't press for an answer, we will blame you for whatever was wrong in the first place even if it had nothing to do with you.
Now this is funny considering the size of the male ego that we are expected to constantly appease!
Then stop looking at the hot babe with her "assets" hanging out.
If I were you, I would be embarrassed about this.
And you have enough electronic devices.
And the TV is too big.
Me too.
Glad to hear it!
Heh heh. I remember this thread and missed it. Glad it got crunked back up.
Oh yeah! To all of the dads, grandpas, uncles, brothers and pet owners - Happy Father's Day!! Enjoy!
Columbus didnt need directions? He was aiming for India and went to America. Thats thousends of miles in the wrong direction, if there ever was a man in need of directions it was Columbus.
He still arrived at a destination, correct? The fact that the destination that is arrived at is different than the one you are aiming for is completly immaterial.
Personally, I never get lost. I have 'adventures'.
"When you hit your thumb with a hammer it's nice to be able to blaspheme. It takes a special kind of atheist to jump up and down shout, 'Oh, random fluctuations-in-the-space-time-continuum!'"-Terry Pratchett
I'm curious why there is no rule about men thinking that passing gas is so funny.
Guess what: No, it's not funny.
Atheist Books, purchases on Amazon support the Rational Response Squad server.
Sorry, Susan, it is. Unfortunately you have to be a bloke to appreciate it.
Freedom of religious belief is an inalienable right. Stuffing that belief down other people's throats is not.
Duct tape is -always- a solution, even in math.
x = Duct tape
-----------------------
I'll get back to you when I think of something worthwhile to say.
Fun time.
Technically these are laws too. He was being nice.
It was more a matter of insuring that it's understood they are all equal to each other than simplicity.
You don't act like it. > >
Since you don't have one I'll inform you that it doesn't always go where you aim it. Sometimes it even comes in two seperate streams. The bigger the bowl, the better.
That's cool. Just add video games and I'll be happy. I only get excited about sports during Stanley Cup season, and only if a Canadian team is in it and has a good shot.
I must vehemently disagree. A man goes shopping, and 5 minutes later he comes out to the car with everything he needs. A woman goes shopping, and 3 hours later she comes out to the car with 10 things she didn't need, and one thing out of 3 she went shopping for in the first place.
About 5000.
Finally.
Now see, that's not an acceptable answer. Too ambiguous. We never know for sure what you mean when you say this.
The world is held together with spit, bailing wire, and duct tape. It works.
100% brutally honest is preferable. We'd much rather know you don't want to sleep with us. That way we can go out and get laid by some hottie down the street and you can't get all pissy about it.
Pretty much. 3 days is actually a more viable time limit, but I can only assume the original author had a better short term memory than most.
Yes. But please note, it doesn't automatically mean you're fat. Anorexic girls complaining about their fat is rather weird to us.
We already established our inability to think in such a way a few lines up. Plus, the female is the ultimate inferrence machine. Only guys with 16 sisters and no brothers can accomplish this extraordinary feat. And it took them 20 years of experience to accomplish it.
It's because of this that we don't listen anyway.
Cool.
We all know how well Spain ended up in North America after the whole conquest thing ended.
This is not an acceptable response. You keep asking us our opinions on colours we have no awareness of, in correspondance with schemes and artifacts and....shit. Our heads just spin. Seriously.
Then don't watch. We don't watch you shave your leg hair or put on makeup.
So long as you understand we will refuse to accept responsibility for it, you can blame us for anything. We're used to it.
Eh? I won't deny the male ego is large, but I'm not sure what that has to do with getting answers you don't want. > >
We don't have a choice. Hormones. You get your periods, we get horny.
But we aren't(though substitute baseball for hockey, a far superior sport).
Maybe.
It is physically impossible for a TV to be too big.
Good enough then!
I'm a bloke and I don't get it either frankly. > >
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
If it cannot be fixed with duct tape, fuck it, it's broken. Buy a new one, and more duct tape.
I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world. - Richard Dawkins
Atheist Books, purchases on Amazon support the Rational Response Squad server.
Even women can be fixed with use of duct tape! Right over thier mouth. Problem solved!
-----------------------
I'll get back to you when I think of something worthwhile to say.
LMMFAO! You know the women are gonna whip your ass for that one!
[MOD EDIT - fixed quotes]
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
Oh, Vastet. Finally! A gentleman who won't fart and then laughingly stick his partner's head under the blanket.
Thank you.
Atheist Books, purchases on Amazon support the Rational Response Squad server.
I totally don't miss my ex after reading this. I just miss my money, tv, and sex.