i couldn't stay away from my lovable bunch of atheist friends at RRS!

sapphen
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i couldn't stay away from my lovable bunch of atheist friends at RRS!

well.. don't know what this would be considered but i would love to discuss it if you guys had the time.  the christains had mixed opinions but really no input.  it is still a work in progress so u might wanna quote cause i could be inclined to edit it if needed.

 
argue

.3.


diverse ideas repel apart
faithful is faith enough
our roads are a struggle
and words can be tough

no matter what we argue
nothing will ever change
men were born to fight
protect what they proclaim

you may feel cheated
if a perjurer has abused
we gather what we sow
we both are very bruised

we tend wear our scars
they have a certain appeal
a footprint in your skin
to remember when you heal

.7.

smile to show assurance
pulsing from rational veins
break down quote to quote
debating a left side brain

disassemble each detail
label then throw away
what was it we were saying
so easy we go astray

because i devote to God
you think i toss my wit
simple minded simpleton
because i soul commit

it is a flaw to point at others
the mistakes will be ample
stop and look within yourself
we all are a good example

.9.

you doubt our beloved text
then reflect over it's meaning
a book that's part history
riddle'd with spiritual cleaning

seek and you will find
knock and the door will part
He is inside of us all
when we ask Him in our heart

before you get cynical
let us try to naturalize
we are beings of dirt and light
placed in a mammal's disguise

we are free to think
and question our transgressions
filter out prideful blunder
and manage our persuasion

.15.

cerebral minds of logic
uncovered a new revelation
brilliant men of science
answered all the questions

we are weathered rocks
existing to take a breath
you don't believe in God
but we all suffer death

we are bound by many laws
spirit and nature within
what science is discovering
is what has already been

we are not meant for perfection
this world is not that place
standing around our Sheppard
only safe by His grace

 

May God bless us and give us the words to express our ideas in a creative and civil manner, while providing us an ear that we may truly hear each other, and a voice to clearly project our thoughts.


djneibarger
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to whom it may concern i'm

to whom it may concern i'm writing
to introduce you to the man you're fighting
the last person you want as an enemy
a graduate of your brainwash academy

i know about your sunday school factories
planting the seeds of lies & insecurity
teach the children to believe the propaganda
so they can grow up and further your agenda

it's my life
it's my mind
i'm not blind

i don't need anyone to tell me who i am
i'll bow my head to no one
the child you lied to has grown into a man
this man

you seek out the young and naive
and douse the flame of individuality
imbed fear to insure compliance
crush doubt before it turns to defiance

my mother taught me not to be afraid to question
my father taught me not to be afraid of anyone
i'm not a slave to a fictional entity
i'm a man in control of my destiny

it's my life
it's my mind
i'm not blind

i don't need anyone to tell me who i am
i'll bow my head to no one
the child you lied to has grown into a man
this man

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9G0ZTSvjnpg 

www.derekneibarger.com http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=djneibarger "all postures of submission and surrender should be part of our prehistory." -christopher hitchens


sapphen
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amazing and powerful

amazing and powerful lyric, despite our opposing views.

i have recently dealt with a church that forces and belittles and i'm not here for that.

can a true follower be apart from those that wish to enslave?

 

i would like some time to work with a decent reply, please check back.

May God bless us and give us the words to express our ideas in a creative and civil manner, while providing us an ear that we may truly hear each other, and a voice to clearly project our thoughts.


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sapphen wrote: it is still

sapphen wrote:

it is still a work in progress so u might wanna quote cause i could be inclined to edit it if needed.

 

Please remember to make a notation of edits so changes can be identified.

Thanks!

 



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sapphen
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shadowed light dimmed a

shadowed light dimmed a path
coated with the undead
daemons rise and angels fall
poetry infested this thread

to those that hate the other side
follow not the God that i follow
the one that gave His son to die
for the sinners they slander

brainwashed and fuzzy inside
thier lies sicken me as well
they tarnish our name
in a putrid and festering hell

i come as a sheep in wolves clothing
they will answer for their poison
i too bow to no man
but kneel before a master

May God bless us and give us the words to express our ideas in a creative and civil manner, while providing us an ear that we may truly hear each other, and a voice to clearly project our thoughts.


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As poetry I enjoyed the

As poetry I enjoyed the first part of the post. The second addition not so much, it was a bit too direct.  But, I definitely liked the initial poem and its lyricism.

As a side note, concerning the message and most likely the part you wanted commented on in this forum. I would have to say that my impression of what your disguised message is saying may be wrong, but here it goes. --

 I felt like you were trying to communicate a feeling of a shared dilemma between believers and non-believers. Both trapped in a polarized dispute between belief in evidence and belief in spirit. Neither atheist nor theist can go without picking a side, were each compelled to encounter one another. Yet, in the end, it is not enough for the battle or the polar opposition to separate us, we will all be united in death. The great equalizer, the truthful answer to our current dispute; Death.  

 Just my interpretation, let me know how you feel about it. 

The implication that we should put Darwinism on trial overlooks the fact that Darwinism has always been on trial within the scientific community. -- From Finding Darwin's God by Kenneth R. Miller

Chaos and chance don't mean the absence of law and order, but rather the presence of order so complex that it lies beyond our abilities to grasp and describe it. -- From From Certainty to Uncertainty by F. David Peat


sapphen
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thank you for the comment

thank you for the comment Jread.   the second posted pose was kind of a reply to djneibarger.  it has not been carefully thought out as much as the first poem and is more like poetry slang.  i see a lot of frustration in him from his songs and artwork.  i wanted to try and let him know that not all christians are like that stereotype.

i would like to hear a reply back from him in a similar "poetic" form.  he is a very talented artist and musician with a lot of powerful political and personal motivations that would make for great conversation beyond the conventional means.

just because there are crazy "christian" fanatics doing insanely absurd actions in His name does NOT mean they are in God will.  people tend to want to force people to believe exactly what they do.

i have heard the word brainwash a lot and it puzzles me.  there are ways to condition the mind but if the mind does not want to be conditioned in a certain way it rebels.  mankind has always questioned ideas and because some people never questioned or look for answers does not mean they were brainwashed.  i don't understand how we as christians got the reputation for not questioning anything.  i have always questioned my faith and God... that is the way we grow.

 i also feel like science and logic is being tossed around like a new catch phrase.  30 years from now we will probably be scoffing at the scientific revolutions that we hold so valuable today and in all of its brilliance logic can be flawed.

i wonder if their is an equal polar opposite of logic and if it holds the same truth.  logic is the frame of ideas but naturally we are inclined to feelings or instincts.  logic does not tell us that we are hungry but the rumbling in our gut.

you wrote a nice summary on my first poem.  i did want to express a shared dilemma amoung believers and non-believers. i put a lot of thought into my poem but it isn't about what i was thinking but what idea was recieved by the reader.  in that regard you where right on target with you description and i am grateful that you took the time to read it.

May God bless us and give us the words to express our ideas in a creative and civil manner, while providing us an ear that we may truly hear each other, and a voice to clearly project our thoughts.


djneibarger
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LOL

LOL

don't over analyze my artwork, it's a waste of your time Smiling i'm a horror movie buff, and there's no inner expression in my visual art, whatsoever. it's just goofy, gory, scary fun.

here's more "poetry". i'm just copy-pasting lyrics from my songs, so this can't be considered a direct response to anything in this thread. just sharing for fun. the mp3 link follows the text.

r i s e


i can't believe
i'm not blind from all that i've seen
how many lies
can i hear before my ears will bleed

i still believe
that there's others out there just like me
who've had enough of hate and greed
corruption and stupidity

gun toting - gay hating - bible thumping idiots
oil babies - racists - spreading lies
buying legislation
forcing segregation
stealing our freedom
right before our eyes

easy to follow
so hard to swallow
they milk our sorrow
and steal tomorrow

look at what we've become
puppets dancing to the drum of
bigots fools and war-mongers
i can't stand it any longer
rise
revolution
rise
revolution
rise
revolution
rise
rise

i can't believe
just how gullible we all can be
so quick to judge
and quick to hate, so desperate to believe

i still believe
that there's hope adrift inside this sea
if we don't swim, now, we'll all drown
in disillusioned apathy

 gun toting - gay hating - bible thumping idiots
oil babies - racists - spreading lies
buying legislation
forcing segregation
stealing our freedom
right before our eyes

easy to follow
so hard to swallow
they milk our sorrow
and steal tomorrow

look at what we've become
puppets dancing to the drum of
bigots fools and war-mongers
i can't stand it any longer
rise
revolution
rise
revolution
rise
revolution
rise
rise

if one man can make a difference
one million could change the world

http://www.derekneibarger.com/rise.mp3

www.derekneibarger.com http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=djneibarger "all postures of submission and surrender should be part of our prehistory." -christopher hitchens


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Enough of this elaborate

Enough of this elaborate poetry.

 

Real men argue in Haiku!

 

Once when lightning crashed

We called static discharge God

Good Lord, we were twits.

I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world. - Richard Dawkins

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As I really am a poet (and

As I really am a poet (and I love horror movies too), here is a poem I wrote based on a genuine early American historical event where a young woman was hung for killing a baby she had out of wedlock. The names and date have not been changed. I got the story from the diary of Cotton Mather, who was often called to witness at witch trials. These 2 lines are directly quoted from his diary

"Before the jury they caused her to touch the face of it whereupon the blood came fresh into it"

In those times, they had a belief that if someone touched the face of a murdered person, if that person was the murderer then a bruise would appear where they touched the corpse.

The point of the poem, if it's not obvious enough, is the crimes that can be ascribed to absurd religious taboos, in this case having a baby out of wedlock.

Finally, Mary's last words in the poem were her real last words. 

Now the poem:

The Judgment of Mary

Today Mary floats under a Summer tree,
her green eyes wide engaging what they see:
us on our knees looking up at her saintly face
awaiting her doubtful ascension into grace.

Her story begins in Plymouth with two years gone
on a glowing Summer day much like this one
when her father, his business there being done,
decides to return without her to distant London.

And within the brief span of a single season
she, ripened and naive at twenty one,
takes up with a married man by the name of Mitton
who begins with her the dark solicitation

of her young chastity. She hesitates
but still in time delivers his desires.
Perceiving her sins, after another season
she bids him a pained farewell and flees to Boston.

Once settled there she settles some in her heart
but shortly thereafter her worst fear is confirmed:
"Mister Mitton, you wretch, you left me pregnant.
Oh if the word circulates I will be doomed."

Unable to accept her vile aspect
Mary naively undertakes to hide
the truth behind actions oh so modest
that none would dare suspect she is with child.

And then that fated night in the dead of winter,
I recall it was the thirteenth of December,
she lay alone in pain in a back room
and sees the healthy child come from her womb.

Knowing what must be done I'm sure she cried
as she prayed for its death by kneeling on its head.
Thinking the business done she lays it by
but later that morning startles at its cry

so takes an iron poker to its head,
bashing at the child until it is dead,
lays it in a chest, an improper tomb,
and then goes up to bed in her well kept room.

Not long after she moves away with speed
hoping to leave behind her this foul deed.
But soon she is found by a suspicious woman
who demands of her an examination.

The woman finds that she was brought to birth,
and, thus pressed, Mary confesses the truth.
Before the jury they caused her to touch the face of it
whereupon the blood came fresh into it.

Mary was sentenced to hang in a public place
so now from a Summer tree she hangs a space.
While floating, she asks, "What do you mean to do?"
So the knot is turned and the sky in her face turns blue.


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Here's mine.  I don't

Here's mine.  I don't profess to be a poet, but I write from time to time.

 

I look at the universe and ask...

How?


I look at the universe and see the beauty of the atom,
The quarks, the power, the emptiness,
The complexity,
The building blocks of everything can be two things at once
and it seems not to matter


How?

I look at the universe and see the beauty of humanity,
The vibrant colors, the cultures, the language,
The love,
A people who struggle with each other
and their own fragile lives


How?


I look at the universe and see the beauty of Earth,
The oceans, the mountains, the intricacies,
The life,
Gaia, my home, a world of endless possibilities
and so small on the backdrop of the cosmos.


How?


I look at the universe and see the beauty of our galaxy,
The stars, the clusters, the order,
The mysteries,
The Milky Way, a spiral filled with billions of stars
and nothing to seperate itself from the siblings


How?


I look at the universe and see the beauty of everything,
The stars, The stars, the stars,
The magnificance,
All that I could possibly see no matter how hard I could look
and insignificant to what I cannot see


...can any thing be greater?

I hope that when the world comes to an end I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.


sapphen
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great poetry !!  ty for

great poetry !!  ty for sharing.

lol.. i always over analyze everything!  i love the art though.  i am also a horror movie fan.  love the zombie flicks... George Romero done some great movies.

this poem is just a copy and paste from my old works.  i was in college when i wrote this, before i was married.  i was always talking off the wall but it was ok because i was going for a fine arts degree.

 

I Have Poor Communication Skills Between Everyone I Know

each being is beautiful art
carved from flesh and tissue
your soul is feed
by your heart
as your mind tries to trick you

i mull you over and back again
marveling about your thinking
i measure your flaws
by my mistakes
i'm in doubt and i'm sinking

i grow blind studying thought
my destructive analogical way
when i'm silent
and contemplated
i'm thinking of something to say

i lie awake torn apart
staring from out this vessel
when i feel
i have the words
you've moved to another issue

May God bless us and give us the words to express our ideas in a creative and civil manner, while providing us an ear that we may truly hear each other, and a voice to clearly project our thoughts.


sapphen
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yellow number fiveman i

yellow number five
man i can't believe that jive
where did that contrive? LOL Eye-wink 


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sapphen wrote:great

sapphen wrote:

great poetry !!  ty for sharing.

lol.. i always over analyze everything!  i love the art though.  i am also a horror movie fan.  love the zombie flicks... George Romero done some great movies.

this poem is just a copy and paste from my old works.  i was in college when i wrote this, before i was married.  i was always talking off the wall but it was ok because i was going for a fine arts degree.

I Have Poor Communication Skills Between Everyone I Know

each being is beautiful art
carved from flesh and tissue
your soul is feed
by your heart
as your mind tries to trick you

i mull you over and back again
marveling about your thinking
i measure your flaws
by my mistakes
i'm in doubt and i'm sinking

i grow blind studying thought
my destructive analogical way
when i'm silent
and contemplated
i'm thinking of something to say

i lie awake torn apart
staring from out this vessel
when i feel
i have the words
you've moved to another issue

Maybe this'll help calm your mind then Smiling

SONG

There is only sky where I come from
The birds the air the light in minds resume
Shallow waters come to see the foam
Bringing with them pearls to be alone

Now the folds of spring are singing new
Washing clean the stone supporting day
The quiet winds coming from the bay
Are telling me to say I love you

**************

Dawn of the Dead is one of my favorite movies. The mroe recent Land of the Dead was pretty good too.

Xamination, Your last was better than most. Not bad at all. Nice rhythm.

*****************

STARING AT THE SUN

That disk up there, it keeps insisting

I give up, as I fall farther with every step.
The brilliance grows within the passion it demands,
still moving away faster than I can pursue.
A nasty game.

It must take a lot of pain
to widen that slit it comes through
each morning, up through the blocks and organs
of this existence. And often I get lost,

but still sometimes awaken in an upward draft,
in a lift I call the soul, sparks and flares
blazing away from within like the consummation
of an undevised perfection which must be called

miraculous. Yet always busy tearing itself to pieces
as it slides into the pit of being taken for granted.
I study it like a child at play, as if knowing
how it works might be what makes it work.


sapphen
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HAHA!!! i love it Kmisho..

HAHA!!! i love it Kmisho.. great poetry.  the judgement made me melancholy yet the love song made me really jolly.

great works, thanx for sharing! 

 

May God bless us and give us the words to express our ideas in a creative and civil manner, while providing us an ear that we may truly hear each other, and a voice to clearly project our thoughts.


xamination
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that is great kmisho... that

that is great kmisho... that is some good poetry


ABx
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Like serpentsgliding through

Like serpents
gliding through the mist
searching for something
looking for warmth.

Blithly slighting
the light has come
and turned your face to stone.

The ground trembles, the sky grows wide
your mouth opens
but sound falls
around your feet
and moistens the soil.

Only death grows.

The sun shone red that day
as the blood on the hands
of the children
born to sing
from masks so cold.

They say that day will never be forgotten
but nobody remembers quite what.

The tears of history flow down her face
the scars deepen
but feeling has gone long ago.

The explosion killed many that day
as they stood, not understanding
not comprehending
what they heard.

The songs of the supernova
spreading the germ
the worm eats, while dogs burn.

Lo! Here be truth!
Greet the sky with your shining teeth!
Riddled with maggots
see the truth before you
behind you
and at your feet.

They pulled the trigger and killed the sky
what poured down was white and pure
putrid
infecting
coating the ground with crystaline pain
calcified
covering the holes
and binding their feet to the bone.

Their eyes gleemed
members grew
all for one

...but they only sang the song that day
of the void in their eyes
the blackness
as they took her heart
burned her soul
scorched the sky
and devoured her whole.

It doesn't matter, they say
they looked to the sky
they held their sticks
piercing putrid flesh
screaming for LIFE!
they rose
they waited
they grew old.

Voices boomed
and wailed from above...
ONLY DEATH GROWS.

The buzzing madness was hard to take
they could not see
beyond their feet
they could not see
the child
tainted with fear
her body twisted and bruised
they would not listen
they would not see
the millions
dying
far away.

I grabbed their collars
I shouted
I screamed
I tried to show them
I tried to warn them
the spot on the sun
it was dying
but they would not see

All around me
falling
drowning
singing the choir of the tears
of the bodies
of the mother
of the years

Why have you forsaken her, I asked
my eyes searching
for meaning
behind the mask
my hands trembling
my knees gave way

His eyes retreated
into the comfortable glow
the halogen fear
wrapped in sheets
stained with seed
dried
infirtile
but yearning to grow

He lifted his face
wrung his hands
shifted his feet
He said it was god
looking for meaning

I'm searching...
...but I'm looking at you.


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ABx wrote: The songs of

ABx wrote:


The songs of the supernova
spreading the germ
the worm eats, while dogs burn.

About 9/11 right?

To not repeat the poem, I cut out all but my favorite part. Powerful words. Nice semi-rhyme. germ, worm, burn


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Thanks, mate I hadn't

Thanks, mate Smiling I hadn't given any particular verse (or whatever) a lot of thought, but that's definitely one of the things on my mind - but it's all pretty condensed.

 I hadn't written any poetry in years. It was kinda fun to do again Smiling


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sapphen wrote: I Have Poor

sapphen wrote:

I Have Poor Communication Skills Between Everyone I Know

First of all, the title made me chuckle.

 

sapphen wrote:

i lie awake torn apart
staring from out this vessel
when i feel
i have the words
you've moved to another issue

I feel that way frequently.  There are wonderful threads that I'd love to jump into, but (due to the Day Job) I'm a day or two late and the thread has morphed into something entirely different. 

By the way, this thread really impresses the heck out of me.  Who wudda thunk one could log onto the RRS forums and find a bunch of wonderful, original poetry? 

 

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xamination
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Susan wrote:

Susan wrote:
By the way, this thread really impresses the heck out of me. Who wudda thunk one could log onto the RRS forums and find a bunch of wonderful, original poetry?

Yeah, because we're all a bunch of illiterate NASCAR fans who couldn't spell "haiku" without spell check.

I hope that when the world comes to an end I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.


sapphen
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lol... i love that about

lol... i love that about art/poetry.  it tends to grow out of people.  a lot of us are poets deep down inside but never have an audience to share our work with.  i am glad this post took a life of it's own.

 keep the poetry coming!  

May God bless us and give us the words to express our ideas in a creative and civil manner, while providing us an ear that we may truly hear each other, and a voice to clearly project our thoughts.


Yellow_Number_Five
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sapphen wrote:yellow

sapphen wrote:
yellow number five
man i can't believe that jive
where did that contrive?LOL Eye-wink 

It ain't turkey jive

God fills the gaps in our lives

'Till facts are realized

I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world. - Richard Dawkins

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Yellow_Number_Five
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Star-bellied

Star-bellied sneeches,

Suess describes religion's reaches.

I hated the movie, "Beaches".

I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world. - Richard Dawkins

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triften
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Yellow_Number_Five

Yellow_Number_Five wrote:

Star-bellied sneeches,

Suess describes religion's reaches.

I hated the movie, "Beaches".

Reminds me of a t-shirt over at Threadless.com:

Haikus are easy

But sometimes don't make much sense.

Refrigerator.

 

Some very nice work here (the thread, not this post). Without words, where would we be?

 

-Triften 


xamination
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Hate

Hate
 
 
 
 
 
Love
 
 
 
 
Joy
 
 
 
Sadness
 
 
Envy
 
Sympathy
Guilt
Aggression Disgust
Excitment Fear Pleasure
RageRemorsePassionPrideHumilityAttractionLoathing
HorrorPityEmpathyAngerLonlinessAcceptanceEuphoriaPietyShameAngstBitternessFrustration
Hope
 
 
 
Who am I?

I hope that when the world comes to an end I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.


Yellow_Number_Five
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triften

triften wrote:
Yellow_Number_Five wrote:

Star-bellied sneeches,

Suess describes religion's reaches.

I hated the movie, "Beaches".

Reminds me of a t-shirt over at Threadless.com:

Haikus are easy

But sometimes don't make much sense.

Refrigerator.

Some very nice work here (the thread, not this post). Without words, where would we be?

-Triften 

Uber LOL Laughing out loud

 

BTW, what's up with this: "Some very nice work here (the thread, not this post). "

It isn't my fault if you can't recognize brilliant writing when you see it.

Trif won't recognize,

My total badass haiku.

Microwave oven.

I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world. - Richard Dawkins

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triften
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Yellow_Number_Five

Yellow_Number_Five wrote:

Uber LOL Laughing out loud

 

BTW, what's up with this: "Some very nice work here (the thread, not this post). "

It isn't my fault if you can't recognize brilliant writing when you see it.

Trif won't recognize,

My total badass haiku.

Microwave oven.

I meant my specific post. "This post" was not meant to refer to the one I quoted (yours).

Sorry... :P 


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misunderstandingbatrachomyoma

misunderstanding
batrachomyomachy
exclamation mark


Susan
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Please don't let this

Please don't let this thread die!  It just makes my day to log on and read the new contributions here.

Please, everyone, please keep contributing here!

 

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just for fun, more lyrics

just for fun, more lyrics from one of my songs. if you can correctly guess the topic of this song, you win a cookie.

a d a n d o n e d . . .


rain is falling
strangers calling
out to me
but i am loyal to you

hours roll by
day turns to night
i'm afraid
but i will be loyal to you

i've waited here so long
what did i do wrong?

i'll wait for you
i know you'll come back cause you wouldn't just leave me
i'll wait for you
i know you'll come back cause you wouldn't just leave me to die

headlights pass by
as my heart sighs
i'm dying inside
but i will be loyal to you

sunrise, sunset
you're not back yet
where did you go?
i've always been loyal to you

i've waited here so long
what did i do wrong?

i'll wait for you
i know you'll come back cause you wouldn't just leave me
i'll wait for you
i know you'll come back cause you wouldn't just leave me to die

 

here's the link to the mp3 and explanation, but make a guess before you peek, or no cookie for you: http://www.derekneibarger.com/abandoned.htm

www.derekneibarger.com http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=djneibarger "all postures of submission and surrender should be part of our prehistory." -christopher hitchens


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djneibarger wrote:

djneibarger wrote:



i've waited here so long
what did i do wrong?

i'll wait for you
i know you'll come back cause you wouldn't just leave me
i'll wait for you
i know you'll come back cause you wouldn't just leave me to die

I cheated.

It's so true and just broke my heart. I admit that it brought tears to my eyes.

Edit - I just finished listening to the mp3.  It really got to me. 

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Susan wrote: sapphen

Susan wrote:
sapphen wrote:

I Have Poor Communication Skills Between Everyone I Know

First of all, the title made me chuckle.

 

sapphen wrote:

i lie awake torn apart
staring from out this vessel
when i feel
i have the words
you've moved to another issue

I feel that way frequently.  There are wonderful threads that I'd love to jump into, but (due to the Day Job) I'm a day or two late and the thread has morphed into something entirely different. 

By the way, this thread really impresses the heck out of me.  Who wudda thunk one could log onto the RRS forums and find a bunch of wonderful, original poetry? 

This sort of thing has actually affected my life. At one time I was a painter. I gave up fine art for many years because I used to have a continuous internal dialog while I painted. This really annoyed me after a while. It was too solitary.

So I veered into being a musician and I joined a band. Both the annoying internal monologue and the solitary confinement with canvas disappeared. I now consider myself a musician more than anything else, in the artistic realms.

Working on poetry was the last of my forays into different artistic media. I still write, but continue to consider music primary.


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xamination wrote: Hate   

xamination wrote:
Hate
 
 
 
 
 
Love
 
 
 
 
Joy
 
 
 
Sadness
 
 
Envy
 
Sympathy
Guilt
Aggression Disgust
Excitment Fear Pleasure
RageRemorsePassionPrideHumilityAttractionLoathing
HorrorPityEmpathyAngerLonlinessAcceptanceEuphoriaPietyShameAngstBitternessFrustration
Hope
  

 
Who am I?

One small error. After "Hope" you left out "Cheeseburger"

Smiling


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Susan wrote: djneibarger

Susan wrote:
djneibarger wrote:



i've waited here so long
what did i do wrong?

i'll wait for you
i know you'll come back cause you wouldn't just leave me
i'll wait for you
i know you'll come back cause you wouldn't just leave me to die

I cheated.

It's so true and just broke my heart. I admit that it brought tears to my eyes.

Edit - I just finished listening to the mp3. It really got to me.

Smiling it does that to just about everybody. sorry if it made you sad!!! my wife jokes that "abandoned" is my most "evil" song Smiling LOL

www.derekneibarger.com http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=djneibarger "all postures of submission and surrender should be part of our prehistory." -christopher hitchens


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sapphen wrote: well..

sapphen wrote:

well.. don't know what this would be considered but i would love to discuss it if you guys had the time.  the christains had mixed opinions but really no input.  it is still a work in progress so u might wanna quote cause i could be inclined to edit it if needed.


argue

.3.


diverse ideas repel apart
faithful is faith enough
our roads are a struggle
and words can be tough

no matter what we argue
nothing will ever change
men were born to fight
protect what they proclaim

you may feel cheated
if a perjurer has abused
we gather what we sow
we both are very bruised

we tend wear our scars
they have a certain appeal
a footprint in your skin
to remember when you heal

.7.

smile to show assurance
pulsing from rational veins
break down quote to quote
debating a left side brain

disassemble each detail
label then throw away
what was it we were saying
so easy we go astray

because i devote to God
you think i toss my wit
simple minded simpleton
because i soul commit

it is a flaw to point at others
the mistakes will be ample
stop and look within yourself
we all are a good example

.9.

you doubt our beloved text
then reflect over it's meaning
a book that's part history
riddle'd with spiritual cleaning

seek and you will find
knock and the door will part
He is inside of us all
when we ask Him in our heart

before you get cynical
let us try to naturalize
we are beings of dirt and light
placed in a mammal's disguise

we are free to think
and question our transgressions
filter out prideful blunder
and manage our persuasion

.15.

cerebral minds of logic
uncovered a new revelation
brilliant men of science
answered all the questions

we are weathered rocks
existing to take a breath
you don't believe in God
but we all suffer death

we are bound by many laws
spirit and nature within
what science is discovering
is what has already been

we are not meant for perfection
this world is not that place
standing around our Sheppard
only safe by His grace

This reminded me another poem of mine, one I consider among my best. It's partly about how opposing sides are a unity.

OPPOSING VISIONS

Of bloodless flesh and fleshless bones
Some boneless men devise foul zones
For some see sun where some see none
And thus undone they war as one

Tuneless birds in birdless skies
On skyless winds forlorn arise
Some men claim yet some deny
That birds were ever known to fly

Shelless snails on snailless trails
This aimless quest forever fails
Mere tacit tones of silent sonnet
And still I scrawl my title on it

Lifeless births and worthless coin
Opposing visions loathe enjoin
But judge if this is wrong or right
All darknesses are made of light


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djneibarger wrote: Susan

djneibarger wrote:
Susan wrote:
djneibarger wrote:



i've waited here so long
what did i do wrong?

i'll wait for you
i know you'll come back cause you wouldn't just leave me
i'll wait for you
i know you'll come back cause you wouldn't just leave me to die

I cheated.

It's so true and just broke my heart. I admit that it brought tears to my eyes.

Edit - I just finished listening to the mp3. It really got to me.

Smiling it does that to just about everybody. sorry if it made you sad!!! my wife jokes that "abandoned" is my most "evil" song Smiling LOL

I admire any art that communicates, even if what it communicates is abject depression. Remember that.


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kmisho wrote:

kmisho wrote:

I admire any art that communicates, even if what it communicates is abject depression. Remember that.

Kmisho, click on the link to see what the song is about and you'll see why it got to me in particular.

Any art that can provoke an emotional response (such as this song "Abandoned" ) is well done and demonstrates talent.

 

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Susan wrote: Any art that

Susan wrote:

Any art that can provoke an emotional response (such as this song "Abandoned" ) is well done and demonstrates talent.

 

thanks, susan Smiling 

www.derekneibarger.com http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=djneibarger "all postures of submission and surrender should be part of our prehistory." -christopher hitchens


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kmisho wrote: One small

kmisho wrote:
One small error. After "Hope" you left out "Cheeseburger"

Silly me. 

I hope that when the world comes to an end I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.


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Susan wrote: kmisho

Susan wrote:
kmisho wrote:

I admire any art that communicates, even if what it communicates is abject depression. Remember that.

Kmisho, click on the link to see what the song is about and you'll see why it got to me in particular.

Any art that can provoke an emotional response (such as this song "Abandoned" ) is well done and demonstrates talent.

 

Exactly, and there's really more skill than talent to that part of it.


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xamination wrote: kmisho

xamination wrote:

kmisho wrote:
One small error. After "Hope" you left out "Cheeseburger"

Silly me. 

Of course I was joking. I liked the structure of it. It felt like a cliff dive, starting slow then splash.


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kmisho wrote: Exactly, and

kmisho wrote:

Exactly, and there's really more skill than talent to that part of it.

a lot of luck and patience are involved, as well. i wrote the music first, and then it took 3 years for the lyrical inspiration to hit me. but it was worth the wait Smiling

 

www.derekneibarger.com http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=djneibarger "all postures of submission and surrender should be part of our prehistory." -christopher hitchens


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triften

triften wrote:
Yellow_Number_Five wrote:

Uber LOL Laughing out loud

 

BTW, what's up with this: "Some very nice work here (the thread, not this post). "

It isn't my fault if you can't recognize brilliant writing when you see it.

Trif won't recognize,

My total badass haiku.

Microwave oven.

I meant my specific post. "This post" was not meant to refer to the one I quoted (yours).

Sorry... :P 

I'm filled with ardour,

What were we fighting over?

RonCo food dehydrator.

I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world. - Richard Dawkins

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am i so wrythat you wish to

am i so wry
that you wish to use the water
when i'm bathing wholesome
in my weekly shower

i adjusted it to perfection
to patch myself
and wash away the podsol
that has been piling up for days

for once i feel serenity
sitting on the shower floor
solving my subtle moments
and actions i feel i should sake

then your begrudging behavior
bellows down on me
i yelp and disband in bewilderment
as the water burns my skin

i know you did it on purpose
you think i'm such a fool
i could hear you chuckling
over the flushing of the stool

May God bless us and give us the words to express our ideas in a creative and civil manner, while providing us an ear that we may truly hear each other, and a voice to clearly project our thoughts.


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sapphen wrote: am i so

sapphen wrote:
am i so wry
that you wish to use the water
when i'm bathing wholesome
in my weekly shower

i adjusted it to perfection
to patch myself
and wash away the podsol
that has been piling up for days

for once i feel serenity
sitting on the shower floor
solving my subtle moments
and actions i feel i should sake

then your begrudging behavior
bellows down on me
i yelp and disband in bewilderment
as the water burns my skin

i know you did it on purpose
you think i'm such a fool
i could hear you chuckling
over the flushing of the stool

It would be remiss

To not explain this

Shower not, where others piss.

I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world. - Richard Dawkins

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plummet me then devour

plummet me then devour me
what events rolled your way
that made you see my faults
in your frontal assault on me

mark me as your target
you're attacking an empty cause
a hopeless case with no concern
like you are without your flaws

so go ahead and add the things
that has been building up debris
i'll pile them in the corner
among my undone reworn laundry

it’s impolite to point at traits
like you think i’m so thirsty
you feel it is your job to inform me
with the meal you feed upon

the perfect world that you perceive
and the stone i cast in your path
can’t you see we are all reflections
and eventually you'll see yourself

May God bless us and give us the words to express our ideas in a creative and civil manner, while providing us an ear that we may truly hear each other, and a voice to clearly project our thoughts.


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sapphen wrote: plummet me

sapphen wrote:

plummet me then devour me
what events rolled your way
that made you see my faults
in your frontal assault on me

mark me as your target
you're attacking an empty cause
a hopeless case with no concern
like you are without your flaws

so go ahead and add the things
that has been building up debris
i'll pile them in the corner
among my undone reworn laundry

it’s impolite to point at traits
like you think i’m so thirsty
you feel it is your job to inform me
with the meal you feed upon

the perfect world that you perceive
and the stone i cast in your path
can’t you see we are all reflections
and eventually you'll see yourself

No offence from me,

Just frendly advice you see,

Bathe not while others pee.

 

 

 

Your post, not for me?

Then you have my sympathy,

Wink, nod, levity.

 

I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world. - Richard Dawkins

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excellent work of art

excellent work of art Kmisho.  i love the playing of words in "Opposing Visions", it is a very strong poem.

May God bless us and give us the words to express our ideas in a creative and civil manner, while providing us an ear that we may truly hear each other, and a voice to clearly project our thoughts.


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i just listened to

i just listened to "Abandoned" djneibarger.  i love the music, very nice guitar in there, it carries very well, emotional yet has a hard edge.  singing and lyrics are great as well.

LOL, i couldn't even begin to guess it's meaning.

May God bless us and give us the words to express our ideas in a creative and civil manner, while providing us an ear that we may truly hear each other, and a voice to clearly project our thoughts.


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ROFL!!! a stray dog! that

ROFL!!! a stray dog! that is a good one.  the best thing i could come up with was leftovers from when you where religious 25 years ago?!

 that song just got really sad after i read the description. listening to it for the first time it felt kind of hopeful yet depressed.  after explanation it turned to a hopeless rejection with big brown puppy dog eyes.

great work. 

May God bless us and give us the words to express our ideas in a creative and civil manner, while providing us an ear that we may truly hear each other, and a voice to clearly project our thoughts.