UCF Student steals the body of Christ!

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UCF Student steals the body of Christ!

From Fox news:

A student at the University of Central Florida claims his life — and afterlife — were threatened by enraged Catholics after he pocketed "the body of Christ" during a church ceremony, according to a report on myfoxorlando.com.

Webster Cook says he received death threats and eternal damnation after he removed a wafer of bread from his mouth during communion and smuggled it from the church in a Ziploc bag.

Click here for video.

Though Cook returned the wafer one week after the theft, outraged Catholics were unforgiving, according to WFTV.com.

“We don’t know 100 percent what Mr. Cook's motivation was,” Susan Fani, a spokeswoman with the local Catholic diocese, told myfoxorlando.com. “However, if anything were to qualify as a hate crime, to us this seems like this might be it.”

The UCF student leader said he stole the communion bread, known by Catholics as the Eucharist and believed to symbolize the body of Christ, to show to his non-Catholic friend

 

The video lays out the events better then this article. Apparently it is a 'misunderstanding' LOL

BRING ME BACK MY CHRIST!!

 

 

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I can't figure out who is

I can't figure out who is dumber...the kid who stole the wafer in a ziplock bag to show his non-catholic friend ("Hey Fred, look!  This here is teh Jesus!&quotEye-wink or the Catholics thinking that stealing a wafer equals a hatecrime...or the Catholics pissed off over the "theft" of a 1 inch cube of bread/flat piece of bread.  I would have hoped the kid would have been smart enough to test the bread in a lab to show once and for all that it is literally a piece of  bread and does not contain flesh.  I swear, Christians get dumber every week.

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Renee Obsidianwords

Renee Obsidianwords wrote:

 

“However, if anything were to qualify as a hate crime, to us this seems like this might be it.”

 

No. A hate crime would have involved shoving the wafer up the priest's ass, and scrawling a pentagram on his back with a pen knife along with the words "I Hate Catholics".

Nobody I know was brainwashed into being an atheist.

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Remarkable. Someone steals a

Remarkable. Someone steals a piece of flat bread, recieves death threats for it, and he's the one being labelled as having commited a hate crime by the people sending him death threats. It is as Rook says: Christians get dumber every week.

"Physical reality” isn’t some arbitrary demarcation. It is defined in terms of what we can systematically investigate, directly or not, by means of our senses. It is preposterous to assert that the process of systematic scientific reasoning arbitrarily excludes “non-physical explanations” because the very notion of “non-physical explanation” is contradictory.

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umm you do realize

That these are the catholics, the ones with a million and one saints that they believe in as well that can heal and save you and make you rich beyond your wildest imagination if you just pray hard enough....and send money to (can I give my address out here? because I can help you catholics see the light....they just have to send 19.99) Laughing out loud


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Rook_Hawkins wrote:cube of

Rook_Hawkins wrote:

cube of bread/flat piece of bread

Unleavened bread.

Quote:

The term unleavened breads can also refer to breads which are not prepared with leavening agents. These flatbreads holds special religious significance to adherents of Judaism and Christianity. Jews consume unleavened breads such as Matzo during Passover. They are also used in the Western Christan liturgy when Christians celebrate the Eucharist.

 

 

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I don't know, but isn't

I don't know, but isn't everyone that takes these communions removing it from the church, too?...Like Canibal style?


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I was raised in the Greek

I was raised in the Greek Catholic church, not the Roman rite (not until much later).  At my church, we received cubes of leavened bread.

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So it was soft?How odd. 

So it was soft?

How odd.  Baptists use unleavened bread where I grew up.


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I've read that back in

I've read that back in mideval times the idea of this happening was terrifying to Catholics - they feared that Jews (or Moslems or anyone else they didn't like) would do something like this in order to torure Jesus - as they truly believed it was the body of Christ (as if chewing it wouldn't be painful to him were this so!) They actually made it a crime - "Host desecration." Throwing it down and pissing on it would be more shocking/funny.

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...So Jesus was made out of

...So Jesus was made out of flatbread? And eating him is what he wanted?

 

/confused


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I dont konw...

how many of you grew up catholic...

 

But I really miss eating that bread...they are awesome...

 

kinda spongy, melt in your mouth crackers.....

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iluvc2h5oh wrote:But I

iluvc2h5oh wrote:

But I really miss eating that bread...they are awesome...

It was one of the things I looked forward to in church as a kid.  Like snack time or something!


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PorkChop wrote:It was one of

PorkChop wrote:

It was one of the things I looked forward to in church as a kid.  Like snack time or something!

Yeah!  Me too.  It was such an interesting little ritual thing.

Why do us humans find ritualistic behaviour so interesting?

Kind of like having a secret handsake and shit.  In the Baptist churches you can't partake of the Lord's Supper until after you have accepted Jesus and been Baptised.  So it was like a sign that you were "part of the club".

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Can't you lie?

Can't you lie?


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What was amazing to me was

What was amazing to me was that you could not touch God/Jesus because he was 'holy'. Yet you could chew him up, you could vomit him up or turn him into shit in your intestines. I asked a priest about this when we studied the digestive system, how long does the bread remain Christ? He said one hour, which is why one could not eat within one hour of of taking communion. Apparently Jesus gets pissed off if you mix him with other food(who wouldn't), but water is OK.

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What if you take laxatives

What if you take laxatives first?


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MattShizzle wrote:Can't you

MattShizzle wrote:

Can't you lie?

Can you?

If you grew up in a church with the average weekly attendance of 30-45 people then it's pretty obvious to everyone who has and hasn't been "saved".

You live in a small town like I used to, Matt.

I was raised in a church that my family had attended for over a century.

Everyone practically knew every time I took a dump.  And that went for most everyone else.  I could have lined everyone one up and told you who had been baptised or not even at the age of 10 years old.

 

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MattShizzle wrote:What if

MattShizzle wrote:

What if you take laxatives first?

Well I guess if Jesus does not spend at least an hour in your digestive system and you deficate him out your ass....

HOLY SHIT!!!

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MattShizzle wrote:Can't you

MattShizzle wrote:

Can't you lie?

Of course, you can lie.  That's what xtians do best!


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EXC wrote:MattShizzle

EXC wrote:

MattShizzle wrote:

What if you take laxatives first?

Well I guess if Jesus does not spend at least an hour in your digestive system and you deficate him out your ass....

HOLY SHIT!!!

I prefer a shitty God.

 

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Watcher wrote:MattShizzle

Watcher wrote:

MattShizzle wrote:

Can't you lie?

Can you?

If you grew up in a church with the average weekly attendance of 30-45 people then it's pretty obvious to everyone who has and hasn't been "saved".

You live in a small town like I used to, Matt.

I was raised in a church that my family had attended for over a century.

Everyone practically knew every time I took a dump.  And that went for most everyone else.  I could have lined everyone one up and told you who had been baptised or not even at the age of 10 years old.

 

 

I was thinking if you were going to pull this sort of stunt to go a few towns over and say you were of the same church. Or if you did move go to the equivalent. I have a more evil mind than most people. There are 2 churches in my town, but they are pretty much the harmless type (one is a UCC the other something similar.) They have people go there but they don't bother those of us who don't. Funny thing is a few years ago one was struck by lightning.

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MattShizzle wrote:There are

MattShizzle wrote:

There are 2 churches in my town, but they are pretty much the harmless type (one is a UCC the other something similar.)

Your town has 800 people and only 2 churches?

My hometown had 750 people back then and 7 churches.

You immoral, heathen bastidges.

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What were we saying about

What were we saying about moderates and extremists? Take a bit of wafer away from a moderate and suddenly you are getting death threats! They are all so kooky.

Putting Jesus body in a plastic bag is a hate crime, but eating him is not? These bastards are nuts!

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Holding the Eucharist hostage: the next RRS challange?


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LOL

I wonder what woulda happened if he'd fed it to a squirrel.

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What happens if someone is

What happens if someone is sick and they puke when they eat it?


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MattShizzle wrote:I've read

MattShizzle wrote:

I've read that back in mideval times the idea of this happening was terrifying to Catholics - they feared that Jews (or Moslems or anyone else they didn't like) would do something like this in order to torure Jesus - as they truly believed it was the body of Christ (as if chewing it wouldn't be painful to him were this so!)

 

Hey,  but yeehaw errr,  I mean,  yahweh really gets off on sendin' all those sinners for the gnashing of teeth ritual, don't he ?  And since jesus has already endured, what could a few more teeth hurt ?


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I like to buy my communion

I like to buy my communion wafers in bulk:

http://www.churchpartner.com/store/customer/cat-490.html

I tend to buy the gluten free since I am Jesus intolerant.  After a few handfuls I wait to transmute the wafers into holy shit and flush it down the communion throne whereupon the new Ewwwwchrist will go into the dark underworld and preach to the sinful used condoms and spent tampons which have felt the taint of sin.


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MattShizzle wrote:What

MattShizzle wrote:

What happens if someone is sick and they puke when they eat it?

 

OK....now I'm recalling the opening moments of the movie starring Robert Duvall as Lt. Col. Bull in "The Ace", or as it was later titled, "The Great Santini".

Anyone else recall, the famous faked barf scene ???  Hee-hee

Get them spoons ready !


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I remember a story a few

I remember a story a few years back where there was a girl who couldn't eat gluten without getting very sick and they wouldn't allow her to substitute gluten-free. I wonder what they do about the wine with recovering alcoholics or people with liver disease that can't drink...

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MattShizzle wrote:I remember

MattShizzle wrote:

I remember a story a few years back where there was a girl who couldn't eat gluten without getting very sick and they wouldn't allow her to substitute gluten-free. I wonder what they do about the wine with recovering alcoholics or people with liver disease that can't drink...

They serve grape juice for those who don't wish to consume alcohol.


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D-cubed wrote:I tend to buy

D-cubed wrote:

I tend to buy the gluten free since I am Jesus intolerant. 

THAT is hilARious!

D-cubed wrote:

After a few handfuls I wait to transmute the wafers into holy shit and flush it down the communion throne whereupon the new Ewwwwchrist will go into the dark underworld and preach to the sinful used condoms and spent tampons which have felt the taint of sin.

Like Mr. Hanky?


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D-cubed wrote:I tend to buy

D-cubed wrote:

I tend to buy the gluten free since I am Jesus intolerant. 

Always check for the warning... May contain traces of nuts, Jesus and Jesus nuts.

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Awareness of stupidity

Rook_Hawkins wrote:
I swear, Christians get dumber every week.

I would like to offer an alternative explanation for your feelings: I think it is your awareness of their stupidity that grows with every week.  Although, there is something to be said about continuing to believe in this stuff in a world where our scientific knowledge grows every minute.

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MattShizzle wrote:I remember

MattShizzle wrote:

I remember a story a few years back where there was a girl who couldn't eat gluten without getting very sick and they wouldn't allow her to substitute gluten-free. I wonder what they do about the wine with recovering alcoholics or people with liver disease that can't drink...

They give you a choice: body(wafer) or blood(wine). Catholic doctrine(Greek Orthodox as well, IIR) states that receiving either is the same as receiving both. This is signified by the little piece of wafer that the priest drops into the chalice during the consecration. The Greek Orthodox(again, IIR) offer both species on a spoon, so I'm not sure what they would do. But the Catholics would just offer one or the other, depending on what your particular problem was. I don't if the issue of both allergies has ever come up.

The various Protestant churches have beliefs all over the map, from being almost Catholic in terms of practice to allowing Pepsi and soda crackers(and I even recall, pizza, in one extreme case).

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If Jesus' blood became Pepsi

If Jesus' blood became Pepsi wouldn't that kill him again from all the carbonation in his circulatory system?

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So what happens when the

So what happens when the Jesus wafers go stale and inedible?

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Jesus' body goes in the

Jesus' body goes in the trash.


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jcgadfly wrote:So what

jcgadfly wrote:

So what happens when the Jesus wafers go stale and inedible?

You eat them anyway Smiling I've had more than a few which weren't exactly fresh tasting. If there is some actual defect(mold, fell down and got stepped on, etc), then they either put it in a place to rot(once it loses the appearance of bread, it's no longer considered Christ's flesh, which is also what digestion falls under) or, I think they can be buried under some circumstances. But they usually only consecrate enough for that Mass, with a few left over for adoration(putting up the host in a special container for people to pray to) or to be distributed to the home-bound. I remember spending hours in front of a piece of bread, praying for faith. I guess it didn't work Smiling

Unconsecrated hosts(as they are called) require no particular veneration, and can be thrown out at will.

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Wow. I had no idea they

Wow. I had no idea they actually prayed to the cracker. That is, as Dawkins says, "barking mad." That's funny about circumstances - "Dude, you just stepped on Jesus and crushed him!" Then they let him rot! If someone grabbed the cracker and shoved it up their ass would that warrant excommunication? Burying a cracker is also funny. Do they have a funeral?

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Kevin R Brown wrote:...So

Kevin R Brown wrote:

...So Jesus was made out of flatbread? And eating him is what he wanted?

Well, there was some confusion over dinner when Jesus said to Mary Magdalene, "Yo, my cutie with a bootie. Eat me."

So we end up with millions of people with a bread fetish.

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MattShizzle wrote:Wow. I had

MattShizzle wrote:

Wow. I had no idea they actually prayed to the cracker. That is, as Dawkins says, "barking mad." That's funny about circumstances - "Dude, you just stepped on Jesus and crushed him!" Then they let him rot! If someone grabbed the cracker and shoved it up their ass would that warrant excommunication? Burying a cracker is also funny. Do they have a funeral?

They would excommunicate someone who desecrated a host. Here's a website on the practice: http://www.therealpresence.org/eucharst/pea/a2.html

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Hmmmmm can you say the "Get

Hmmmmm can you say the "Get Excommunicated Challenge" for anyone who is still technically Catholic? I do remember a member on here a while back mentioning he got excommunicated for spitting out the host right in front of the bishop.

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 Maybe he just wanted to

 Maybe he just wanted to settle the debate over transubstantiation?  You'd think the catholics would be more greatful.. sheesh.

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The Non-prophets podcast

The Non-prophets podcast just issued the "Eucharist challenge" comparing it to the Blasphemy Challenge - though they don't expect it to be as succesful - to send them a eucharist wafer. PZ Meyers also asked something similar. They said maybe put enough of them together to make a Jesus voodoo doll! Or maybe put him back together.

 

 

*** EDIT ***

 

They also mentioned it's official church policy that if someone tries something like this people are to physically restrain them and take the cracker away from them. That's assault!

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Webster Cook (the student

Webster Cook (the student who kidnapped Jesus) was a guest on the latest episode of Freethought Radio.

 

He actually was told outside the room (which wasn't in a church - it was in the Student Union building of a State University - not an appropriate place to be doing this anyway) why they won't let people take the host home. Apparently they're worried it could be used for black magic or witchcraft. Pure fucking lunacy out of the 16th century.

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MattShizzle wrote:What

MattShizzle wrote:

What happens if someone is sick and they puke when they eat it?

Haha, this reminds me of when I had a cold or something and vomited horribly in the middle of chapel when I was in first grade. Everyone's head was bowed, the pastor was praying, and then hehe.

 

I hadn't taken communion at that point though. In the Lutheran church, you are baptized as a baby by your parents, but apparently that's not good enough. You have to confirm your parents' decision when you are old enough (usually about age 13 or 14) by getting confirmed. Only then are you eligible for communion. I went through the whole tedious process, which was sort of like a year-long class, with assigned bible readings and worksheets and memorization for homework, just for some lousy bread and grape juice. Anyone want to hear the apostles' creed?


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Its worse than that. The

Its worse than that. The student has been impeached from the Senate over it.


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MattShizzle wrote:What

MattShizzle wrote:

What happens if someone is sick and they puke when they eat it?

 

then gawd is punishing them with Celiac Disease for being a persistent heretic

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D-cubed wrote:MattShizzle

D-cubed wrote:

MattShizzle wrote:

I remember a story a few years back where there was a girl who couldn't eat gluten without getting very sick and they wouldn't allow her to substitute gluten-free. I wonder what they do about the wine with recovering alcoholics or people with liver disease that can't drink...

They serve grape juice for those who don't wish to consume alcohol.

 

not really, they either send you to the penguins if you're  vaginally endowed or make you take a score of the Mysteries on the rosary if you aren't.

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