Fundy logic

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Fundy logic

source: http://thewaronfaith.com/hhfundydictionary.htm

1. TRANSCENDENTAL ARGUMENT

(1) God exists.
(2) If God exists, then if reason exists then God exists.
(3) Reason exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

2. COSMOLOGICAL ARGUMENT

(1) If I say something must have a cause, it has a cause.
(2) I say the universe must have a cause.
(3) Therefore, the universe has a cause.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

3. ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I)

(1) I define God to be X.
(2) Since I can conceive of X, X must exist.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

4. ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)

(1) God exists.
(2) Since God exists, God must be perfect.
(3) That which is perfect must exist.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

5. MODAL ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT

(1) God exists.
(2) God, existing, is either necessary or unnecessary.
(3) God is not unnecessary, therefore God must be necessary.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

6. TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT

(1) Check out that tree. Isn't it pretty?
(2) Therefore, God exists.

7. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES

(1) My aunt Helen was most likely to die from cancer.
(2) She didn't.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

8. MORAL ARGUMENT (I)

(1) Person X, a well-known atheist, was morally inferior to the rest
of us.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

9. MORAL ARGUMENT (II)

(1) In my younger days I was a cursing, drinking, smoking, gambling,
child-molesting, thieving, murdering, bed-wetting bastard.
(2) That all changed once I became religious.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

10. ARGUMENT FROM CREATION

(1) If evolution is false, then creationism is true, and therefore God
exists.
(2) Evolution can't be true, since I lack the mental capacity to
understand it; moreover, to accept its truth would cause me to be
uncomfortable
(3) Therefore, God exists.

11. ARGUMENT FROM FEAR

(1) If there is no God then we're all going to die.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

12. ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE

(1) [arbitrary passage from OT]
(2) [arbitrary passage from NT]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

13. ARGUMENT FROM INTELLIGENCE
(1) Look, there's really no point in me trying to explain the whole
thing to you stupid atheists -- it's too complicated for you to
understand. God exists whether you like it or not.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

14. ARGUMENT FROM UNINTELLIGENCE

(1) Okay, I don't pretend to be as intelligent as you guys -- you're
obviously very well read. But I read the Bible, and nothing you say
can convince me that God does not exist. I feel him in my heart, and
you can feel him too, if you'll just ask him into your life. "For God
so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son into the world,
that whosoever believes in him shall not perish from the earth" John
3:16.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

15. ARGUMENT FROM BELIEF

(1) If God exists, then I should believe in Him.
(2) I believe in God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

16. ARGUMENT FROM INTIMIDATION

(1) See this bonfire?
(2) Therefore, God exists.

17. PARENTAL ARGUMENT

(1) My mommy and daddy told me that God exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

18. ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS

(1) Millions and millions of people believe in God.
(2) They can't all be wrong, can they?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

19. ARGUMENT FROM ABSURDITY

(1) Maranathra!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

20. ARGUMENT FROM ECONOMY

(1) God exists, you bastards!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

21. BOATWRIGHT'S ARGUMENT

(1) Ha ha ha.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

22. DORE'S ARGUMENT

(1) I forgot to take my meds.
(2) Therefore, I AM CHRIST!!
(3) Therefore, God exists.

23. ARGUMENT FROM GUITAR MASTERY

(1) Eric Clapton is God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

24. ARGUMENT FROM INTERNET AUTHORITY

(1) There is a website that successfully argues for the existence of God.
(2) Here is the URL.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

25. ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPREHENSIBILITY

(1) Flabble glurk zoom boink blubba snurgleschnortz ping!
(2) No one has ever refuted (1).
(3) Therefore, God exists.

26. ARGUMENT FROM AMERICAN EVANGELISM

(1) Telling people that God exists makes me filthy rich.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

27. MITCHELL'S ARGUMENT

(1) The Christian God exists.
(2) Therefore, all worldviews which don't assume the Christian God's existence are false and incomprehensible.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

28. ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (I)

(1) Atheists are spiritually blind.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

29. ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (II)

(1) God is love.
(2) Love is blind.
(3) Ray Charles is blind.
(4) Therefore, Ray Charles is God.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

30. ARGUMENT FROM FALLIBILITY

(1) Human reasoning is inherently flawed.
(2) Therefore, there is no reasonable way to challenge a proposition.
(3) I propose that God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

31. ARGUMENT FROM SMUGNESS

(1) God exists.
(2) I don't give a crap whether you believe it or not; I have better things to do than to try to convince you morons.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

32. ARGUMENT FROM META-SMUGNESS

(1) Fuck you.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

33. ARGUMENT FROM MANIFESTATIONS

(1) If you turn your head sideways and squint a little, you can see an image of a bearded face in that tortilla.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

34. SLATHER'S ARGUMENT

(1) My toaster is God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

35. ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPLETE DEVASTATION

(1) A plane crashed killing 143 passengers and crew.
(2) But one child survived with only third-degree burns.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

36. ARGUMENT FROM POSSIBLE WORLDS

(1) If things had been different, then things would be different.
(2) That would be bad.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

37. ARGUMENT FROM SHEER WILL

(1) I DO believe in God! I DO believe in God! I do I do I do I DO believe in God!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

38. ARGUMENT FROM NONBELIEF

(1) The majority of the world's population are nonbelievers in Christianity.
(2) This is just what Satan intended.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

39. ARGUMENT FROM POST-DEATH EXPERIENCE

(1) Person X died an atheist.
(2) He now realizes his mistake.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

40. ARGUMENT FROM EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL

(1) God loves you.
(2) How could you be so heartless to not believe in him?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

41. ARGUMENT FROM INCOHERENT BABBLE

(1) See that person spazzing on the church floor babbling incoherently?
(2) That's how infinite wisdom reveals itself.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

42. OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (I)

(1) The human spirit exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

43. OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (II)

(1) Check out this video segment.
(2) Now how can anyone watch that and NOT believe in God?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

44. CALVINISTIC ARGUMENT

(1) If God exists, then he will let me watch you be tortured forever.
(2) I rather like that idea.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

45. ARGUMENT FROM CROCKERY (I)

(1) Pots don't go around giving orders to the potter.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

46. ARGUMENT FROM MASS PRODUCTION

(1) Barbie dolls were created.
(2) If Barbie dolls were created, then so were trees.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

47. ARGUMENT FROM PAROCHIALISM

(1) God is everywhere.
(2) We haven't been everywhere to prove he's not there.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

48. ARGUMENT FROM UPPERCASE ASSERTION

(1) GOD EXISTS! GET USED TO IT!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

49. ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE REGRESS

(1) Ask atheists what caused the Big Bang.
(2) Regardless of their answer, ask how they know this.
(3) Continue process until the atheist admits he doesn't know the answer to one of your questions.
(4) You win!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

50. ARGUMENT FROM INCREDULITY

(1) How could God NOT exist, you bozo?
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLICITY

1) I have a large number of arguments for God.
2) One of them is probably true.
3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER

1) God exists.
2) [atheist gives counterarguments]
3) You're in my prayers.
4) Therefore, God exists.

THE DUTCHMAN'S ARGUMENT (ARGUMENT FROM MUSICAL CONSPIRACY THEORY)

1) The atheist likes music.
2) Therefore, the atheist is schitzophrenic.
3) Who cares if the logic is flimsier than a house of cards? Character assassination is the only way I can win this debate.
4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CATCHPHRASE

1) There are no atheists in foxholes.
2) [atheist points to some atheists in foxholes]
3) They don't count.
4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM HOSPITALS

1) Atheists don't build hospitals.
2) [atheist points to Bill Gates and Ted Turner, who donate millions to charity]
3) Yes, but do they build hospitals?
4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM 9-11

1) Terrorists destroyed the World Trade Center, killing thousands.
2) One piece of the rubble sort of looks like a cross.
3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE FOUNDING FATHERS

1) The Founding Fathers were Christians.
2) Yes they were.
3) Yes they were.
4) YES THEY WERE!!!
5) Well anyway, the Founding Fathers were really smart, so they MUST have been Christians!
6) (And anyway, Deists are really Christians, they just haven't figured it out yet.)
7) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CHILD CUSTODY

1) We have legal custody of your son.
2) If you don't act as though the Christian God exists, you will never, ever see him again.
3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM POLITICS

1) The majority of Americans believe in God.
2) If I pretend to believe in God too, I'll get elected.
3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BEER

1) Christian: Whatever you believe in, that is your God.
2) Atheist: I believe I'll have another beer.
3) Ha ha ha!
4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM IGNORANCE

1) I don't understand evolution. I mean, how could there be nothing rather than something?
2) [atheist gives articulate explanation of evolution, and gently explains that the beginning of the universe has nothing to do with evolution.]
3) Well it seems way too complicated and unlikely to me. Plus, I don't want to live my life thinking I evolved from a monkey.
4) Therefore, God exists, and Jesus died for our sins.
5) [atheist points out that theists' ignorance of evolution does not mean that there is a god, let alone the Christian god.]
6) Says you, god bless.
7) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM AMERICA

1) God bless America.
2) You're either for us or you're against us.
3) Therefore, God exists.


Noor
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Yeah, I once came across a

Yeah, I once came across a satire page with over 300 arguments, pretty much the same ones.
http://www.godlessgeeks.com/LINKS/GodProof.htm

Here are the disproof-of-god arguments using the same logic.
http://www.tektonics.org/guest/300proof.html

Out of the above post, I think my favorite is #25.


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ahaha nice, I really like

ahaha nice, I really like the Argument From America.


Apokalipse
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this is one I paraphrased

this is one I paraphrased from here:

1. See this nice person?
2. Therefore God exists


Tilberian
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Sapient should sticky that

Sapient should sticky that somewhere so we can just reference the numbers. Dmiclock has been dishing out a #49 on atheists vs theists for a while now.

Lazy is a word we use when someone isn't doing what we want them to do.
- Dr. Joy Brown


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I'm making another one

I'm making another one up. It's one I hear quite often, actually.

Musical Argument:
1. There is music.
2. God/Jesus Rocks!
3. God exists.


qbg
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My favorite: 256. ARGUMENT

My favorite:
256. ARGUMENT FROM MUSHROOMS
(1) This pizza tastes funny.
(2) That purple llama on the ceiling is juggling chainsaws.
(3) Purple llamas can't juggle chainsaws.
(4) It must be a miracle!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

"What right have you to condemn a murderer if you assume him necessary to "God's plan"? What logic can command the return of stolen property, or the branding of a thief, if the Almighty decreed it?"
-- The Economic Tendency of Freethought


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qbg wrote:My favorite: 256.

qbg wrote:
My favorite:
256. ARGUMENT FROM MUSHROOMS
(1) This pizza tastes funny.
(2) That purple llama on the ceiling is juggling chainsaws.
(3) Purple llamas can't juggle chainsaws.
(4) It must be a miracle!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

I seem to remember using a lot of this sort of logic in the early 90's... usually with Pink Floyd blasting in the background.


22jesus22
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I never got to see a purple

I never got to see a purple llama! lucky bastards.


Tilberian
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That should be: "THE

That should be: "THE ARGUMENT FROM WAY TOO MANY MUSHROOMS"


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I like number 29, it's

I like number 29, it's funny.


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30. ARGUMENT FROM

30. ARGUMENT FROM FALLIBILITY

(1) Human reasoning is inherently flawed.
(2) Therefore, there is no reasonable way to challenge a proposition.
(3) I propose that God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

I've heard so many forms of this one.  Since I can't prove that reasoning is perfect, and you can't either, then the only reasonable thing is that god exists.

Duh.

 

Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin

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Lmao.

Lmao.


Noor
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I had a classmate who

I had a classmate who actually used this argument:

1. I had cancer.
2. The devil was the only one who could have given me it.
3. God helped me recover from it since he loves me.
4. Therefore, God exists.


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I would tell your

I would tell your classmate that God created the devil. I mentioned that to GWG at freethinkingteens, and he is yet to respond. Eye-wink

1. God created the devil (and cancer!)

2. The devil gave your classmate cancer.

3. God helped your classmate recover.

4. Therefore, God exists.

 :D


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While some of these are very

While some of these are very true to life and incredibly amusing, could a theist not box up atheistic arguments in a similar fashion?  By stripping the speaking theist of their context in debate in favor of a quotable phrase which debunks them by default on grounds of absurdity, are we not just sinking to their level?  There are many ways to create an emotional appeal on behalf of atheism.  Pointing out the incredulity of the theist argument, while necessary in individual cases, doesn't seem to me to help the cause when done en mass.

"No end justifies the means of lying."
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Nice, I should have thought

Nice, I should have thought of that. Eye-wink I was agnostic atheist then (rapidly leaning towards strong atheism though) and I was still learning about atheism, so I couldn't really come up with any good arguments. I do remember emailing her with a bunch of questions months ago, and I never got a reply either. Laughing out loud


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Lol, I have to remember to

Lol, I have to remember to take it easy on them theists. I hate it when they log out on me or leave the stickam chat room when they can't think of anything to respond with. There was this guy in the stickam chatroom named ChristianHillbilly, he was telling us that dinosaurs and people were alive at the same time, then he left.


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2xhaha! These are great... here's my corny one.

ARGUMENT FROM SYLVIA BROWNE

1) Thousands of people believe Sylvian Browne is really psychic.
2) No one has punched her in the face yet because of this.
3) Therefore, God exists.


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1. God doesn't play the

1. God doesn't play the lottery.

2. Sylvia Browne has never played the lottery. (I know this because if she's played, she would have won.)

3. Coincidence? I think not.

4. Therefore, God exists.


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I think we've proven it all

I think we've proven it all right here.

1. I buy a Powerball ticket whey I buy gas.

2. I have never won Powerball.*

3. Therefore, god does not exist.

*I once won a ham in a raffle. For the sake of argument, we will assume that doesn't count.

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1. God is everywhere. 2.

1. God is everywhere.

2. You don't see him behind you because you don't have eyes on the back of your head.

3. You don't see him in front of you because you can't see ALL the places God's at.

4. Therefore, God exists.

I made that one up, it's dumb. Sticking out tongue


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American Atheist wrote: 1.

American Atheist wrote:

1. God is everywhere.

2. You don't see him behind you because you don't have eyes on the back of your head.

3. You don't see him in front of you because you can't see ALL the places God's at.

4. Therefore, God exists.

I made that one up, it's dumb. Sticking out tongue

 

hehehe... I quite enjoyed it.


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Lol, thanks!

Lol, thanks!


Noor
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I've been reading some of

I've been reading some of William Lane Craig's articles, and here's how his arguments go:

1. The Big Bang theory supports the idea of a god before the singularity.
2. Therefore, God exists.

1. God exists.
2. (Theist desperately tries to work backwards towards proof)
3. (Theist claims he found proof)
4. Therefore, God exists.

A variation of # 49, the god of the gaps argument:

1. We don't know what caused the big bang.
2. God is the only one who could have started the big bang and is the most plausible explanation.
3. Therefore, God exists.

1. Why does the universe exist instead of nothing?
2. There must have been a cause.
3. Therefore, God exists.


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Check this one out, Noor.

Noor
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American Atheist

American Atheist wrote:
Check this one out, Noor. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G%C3%B6del%27s_ontological_proof

That's a pretty intelligent one, but the problem is, according to that proof, the FSM, fairies, dragons, leprechauns, Santa, etc. would all have to exist in some world or the other.


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Yeah, I agree with you.

Yeah, I agree with you.

 

1. Do you see God? No.

2. Do I see your brain? No.

3. Therefore, God exists.


Hambydammit
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This thread really took off

This thread really took off since last time I checked... I want to go back to the post that said that you could make silly reductions of atheist arguments.

I actually don't think that's true. There are only a couple of arguments for atheism, and they are very strong because they follow logical rules. If you changed the arguments, any good atheist would say, "No, that's not our argument. THIS is our argument." Theists can't do that because any reduction of a theist argument becomes silly.

I don't feel like thinking out an exact atheist reduction right now because my brain hurts from too much high gravity beer last night, but maybe someone with more gumption feels like it.

(The disclaimer has to be that any proof will always rely on a high degree of improbability, not 100% certainty, so theists will never be happy with it.)

 

Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin

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1. I have never seen,

1. I have never seen, heard, or found proof of an existance for a god.

2. Just because I don't know how the universe happened exactly doesn't mean a god did it.

3. Therefore, I don't believe God exists.

(Does this work Hamby?) 


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American Atheist

American Atheist wrote:

Yeah, I agree with you.

 

1. Do you see God? No.

2. Do I see your brain? No.

3. Therefore, God exists.

 Ha, nice one. Laughing out loud

1. Evolution is only a theory - a guess.

2. I don't understand a thing about how evolution works.

3.Therefore, evolution is false and creationism is true.

4. Therefore, God exists.


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noor wrote: American

noor wrote:
American Atheist wrote:

Yeah, I agree with you.

 

1. Do you see God? No.

2. Do I see your brain? No.

3. Therefore, God exists.

 Ha, nice one. Laughing out loud

1. Evolution is only a theory - a guess.

2. I don't understand a thing about how evolution works.

3.Therefore, evolution is false and creationism is true.

4. Therefore, God exists.

 

A muslim friend of mine told me this:

1. Did you know that if the sun was but a little closer to earth, the earth would be too hot to sustain life?

2. And if it were a little bit farther away it would be too cold to sustain life.

3. Ask a scientist! Everything is placed in it's position. Think about it!

4. Everything has a precise design!

5. Therefore, God exists.


Noor
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American Atheist wrote: A

American Atheist wrote:


A muslim friend of mine told me this:

1. Did you know that if the sun was but a little closer to earth, the earth would be too hot to sustain life?

2. And if it were a little bit farther away it would be too cold to sustain life.

3. Ask a scientist! Everything is placed in it's position. Think about it!

4. Everything has a precise design!

5. Therefore, God exists.



I'd recommend The Atheism of Astronomy to your friend, it explains really well why the basics of astronomy wrecks theism.


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noor wrote:American

noor wrote:
American Atheist wrote:


A muslim friend of mine told me this:

1. Did you know that if the sun was but a little closer to earth, the earth would be too hot to sustain life?

2. And if it were a little bit farther away it would be too cold to sustain life.

3. Ask a scientist! Everything is placed in it's position. Think about it!

4. Everything has a precise design!

5. Therefore, God exists.


I'd recommend The Atheism of Astronomy to your friend, it explains really well why the basics of astronomy wrecks theism.

You posted that in the freethinkingteens forum, right? I'm going to check that out.


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American Atheist wrote: You

American Atheist wrote:
You posted that in the freethinkingteens forum, right? I'm going to check that out.

Yup, I think I did. Smiling


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noor wrote: American

noor wrote:

American Atheist wrote:
You posted that in the freethinkingteens forum, right? I'm going to check that out.

Yup, I think I did. Smiling

 

Ok, I found it. I'm reading some of it and it has some good information. I'll post the link right here for anyone that's interested. http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/woolsey_teller/atheism_of_astronomy.html

It's going to be hard to get my friend to look at that, though.


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American Atheist

American Atheist wrote:
noor wrote:

American Atheist wrote:
You posted that in the freethinkingteens forum, right? I'm going to check that out.

Yup, I think I did. Smiling

 

Ok, I found it. I'm reading some of it and it has some good information. I'll post the link right here for anyone that's interested. http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/woolsey_teller/atheism_of_astronomy.html

It's going to be hard to get my friend to look at that, though.

Yeah, it's a great book. I especially appreciate the line, "To ascribe these aimless and senseless activities to intelligence is to insult intelligence." (That book was perhaps the main reason I became a hard atheist also.)


American Atheist
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We already had something

We already had something similar to this one, but check this out anyway.

 

1. God made ape and man.

2. Man thinks he evolved from monkeys.

3. But monkeys are still around.

4. Therefore, God exists.