Hi forum, I'm drunk

beardedinlair
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Hi forum, I'm drunk

I got a badge! I am silver. That's cool. Is there criteria behind using the official RSS badge as my avatar?

I'm drunk cause last september my wife of 10 years left me and took our 10 year old daughter, and I am aware of the ramifications of the effect that will have on her still developing psychology, but there's not a damn thing I can do about it. The story is about 5 years ago I had a lesbian friend, who I became close with, due to me not trying to get in her pants, and her respecting that. (she's hot and gets hit on a lot.) The wife became jealous and knew in good faith that I must be having an affair with this girl literally half my age who doesn't even like men.

I came home from work one day and she told me, "If you love her, I will let you go and move on, and accept it." I was astounded. I have never been unfaithful, even in my heart.   And there was nothing I could do or say to convince her otherwise. So, she started cheating, gradually over the years. Until she finally just left. So, I'm better off, but that daughter...which isn't entirely true, I regret a failed marriage, I married for life. Is that western religion rhetoric? I don't even know. We are raised in a Western religous culture, it informs our personalities even if we call ourselves atheistic, don't you think?

Anyway, that's my life. I quit my job and live on my military pension and drink all the time. And that is the american govt. Thank you very much. Without the welfare, she wouldn't have been able to leave me as easily, and without my pension from my military, I wouldn't be able to drink myself to death, ala "Leaving Las Vegas". I am not seeking comfort (at an atheist site?), nor am I "reaching out for help". Simply stating my life and intentions. Yeah yeah, I know there is a daughter that needs me still. I do what I can. I'm also as aware as I can be about the affects of seperation or death of parental figures on a personage of that age.

Say, can anyone point me to some of the more entertaining Jean or Jean like threads? I read his main one "God may hate you" and that was totally hilarious. Elijahtruth is pretty fun also, but mostly unreadable. I read his first few sentences and last few, and mainly look to the responses from other members for material.


Beyond Saving
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 Not seeking comfort or

 Not seeking comfort or advice? Alright, neither from me then. 

 

If you find anyone particularly entertaining you can see what threads they have posted in by clicking on their name to bring up their profile. Then click on "track" and you will see every thread they have (ever?) posted in. Usually theists are easy because they tend to post in a handful of threads.  

I just usually go with my own taste. If I like something, and it happens to be against the law, well, then I might have a problem.- Hunter S. Thompson


Brian37
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In a utopia world people

In a utopia world people wouldn't be insecure. In a utopia world people would know what they are getting into and know the mutual "rules" before hand. But there is no such thing as a utopia, not hers, not yours.

I could have for example, trusted my x wife with any "guy friend" even if they were not gay. I did trust her when we were dating and married to be with guys. The truth is that she is her own person and not my property.

But not everyone is like that.

Jealousy can even exist between partners over mere time spent on the job or with mere friends. I think the important thing if it can be done, is to figure out this BEFORE you commit to someone. But since life is not a script you can never know fully how things will play out.

I think the best thing for you now is to not turn this into a battle over the kid. BOTH of you need to keep it civil. You need to not feel sorry for yourself, she still is entitled to her own feelings, even if you find them irrational. Just move on and accept that this is part of life.

My wife left me to, not because of other people, but because we simply were not on the same page as far as what we wanted. I cant fault her for that. I cant make her feel something she wasn't feeling. It simply didn't work out.

You are not the only one who goes through this and it wont be the worst thing in the world that will happen to you. It will get bad if you put the kid in the middle of it and the kid certainly has nothing to do with any adult problems you have with your wife.

My strongest advice is to let it go, do the best you can to keep your peace with her so the kid knows that she is loved by both of you. Don't bring up the past, it is not worth it. She is not you and neither she or you can make clones out of each other.

You DON'T have to like her reasoning, but you cant force her to take your position. The most important thing now is that BOTH of you keep it civil for the kid and let the kid know that they are loved and that they did nothign wrong.

You ARE entitled to morn the loss of a relationship. It certainly hurt when my x left me. But it wasn't a matter of blame, it was just a matter of "thats life" and sometimes people don't end up on the same page.

I couldn't do what she wanted and she couldn't do what I wanted but NEITHER of us were wrong. Life is not a script and sometimes things don't work out. This is not a movie script nor is it a utopia. Just do your best to keep it civil and be there as much as you can for your kid. Don't get into the blame game.

 

 

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
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Welcome to the forum, it

Welcome to the forum, it sucks to be you from what you have described.  I'm going to comment on what you wrote not because I think it will do anything to change your life, you sound pretty set in your ways, but because you put it out there and I like typing Smiling

I've been married for five years, and have three kids now, my oldest is four, and I have two and a half year old twins.  Marriage is freaking hard, marriage with kids is even harder.  I find it is all about prioritizing in your life what you find important.  There's a lot of shit that I had to give up, which at the time seemed unfair.  But you have to look at what you signed up for, and what your ultimate goal is.  If your goal is to get the most out of marriage on a personal level, without too many inconveniences, then you need a submissive zombie for a wife and you need to have no children.  If that were the case, you most likely would not be satisfied.  You need to be realistic, we're far from perfect as individuals, and your wife is no different.  

As soon as my children arrived my goals changed, I still love my wife dearly, but that seems somewhat secondary with what I feel for my children.  It was all involuntary also, I had no presupposed ideals about parenting, I didn't know what to expect and took it all one day at the time.  I've always followed a pseudo-Taoist basic philosophy when it came to everything that I did, I just applied that to parenting and so far it works very well IMHO.  Far from what today's society considers ideal parenting but it is my one focused goal with everything else secondary. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if my wife turned around and cheated on me, I would be very hurt, and I would leave her right away, but it wouldn't change my overall goals very much, nothing can really.  Anything that would stop me from that goal, such as alcoholism and/or other forms of self pity, I simply fight with as much willpower as I can muster.  

Quote:
I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.

A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough

without ever having felt sorry for itself

Good luck with everything else, and you need to knock that excessive drinking shit off if you care about your kid.

"Don't seek these laws to understand. Only the mad can comprehend..." -- George Cosbuc


beardedinlair
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Thank you, Beyond Saving.

Thank you, Beyond Saving. That is what I was looking for.

And Brian...you are attempting mind reading. That's a lot of energy spent on things that don't apply to me. Thanks for the effort? I appreciate the thought. Same to Ktulu. Really, not being snippy. You guys are extrapolating facts from the bare bones I gave you. I have a reason for telling my tale:

Other than self indulgent twattle weaving, I mean this as a cautionary tale, that does fit the forum. Never ever believe anything without evidence or proof. Never take anything on blind faith. Great evil can come from it. Investigate, hire an investigator if you aren't smart enough. Ask people smarter than you to find real evidence, and not just personal experience before you take any actions that are irreversable.


Ktulu
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beardedinlair wrote:Thank

beardedinlair wrote:

Thank you, Beyond Saving. That is what I was looking for.

And Brian...you are attempting mind reading. That's a lot of energy spent on things that don't apply to me. Thanks for the effort? I appreciate the thought. Same to Ktulu. Really, not being snippy. You guys are extrapolating facts from the bare bones I gave you. I have a reason for telling my tale:

Other than self indulgent twattle weaving, I mean this as a cautionary tale, that does fit the forum. Never ever believe anything without evidence or proof. Never take anything on blind faith. Great evil can come from it. Investigate, hire an investigator if you aren't smart enough. Ask people smarter than you to find real evidence, and not just personal experience before you take any actions that are irreversable.

Smiling Just putting my two cents in dude, I realize it won't make a difference, I laid out a response for my benefit really.  Emotionally provoking posts usually don't appeal to me, but this one resonated with some thoughts I've been having regarding the whole marriage/parenting thing.  I didn't assume anything about you that you haven't given out as information.  And in context, I was laying out one possible atheist perspective.  All too often I see people falling on religion on this subject

Anyways, I'm sorry if I overstepped. Smiling Enjoy the forum and keep in mind that Jean may be a Poe.

Edit: mistype that could be misunderstood, lol

"Don't seek these laws to understand. Only the mad can comprehend..." -- George Cosbuc


beardedinlair
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Ktulu, you didn't overstep,

Ktulu, you didn't overstep, I'm sure. I may have misread. It simply looked like the things you stated about your situation were an attempt to apply them to my own. And I would love for religious people fall on religion with this. I meant to be emotionally provoking (and drunken rambling, but let's give me some dignity).

To me, the wife acted in a theist manner. She could not prove anything in any way other than her feelings. Evidence is essential. Acting on evidence without proof is evil.

I know who Poe is. I like Poe, in general. I get the idea of what you are saying, but what is poe?

Oh, and post script, I have strong feelings about marriage/parenthood also. Not just feelings, but well researched cause and effect.


Ktulu
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beardedinlair wrote:Ktulu,

beardedinlair wrote:

Ktulu, you didn't overstep, I'm sure. I may have misread. It simply looked like the things you stated about your situation were an attempt to apply them to my own. And I would love for religious people fall on religion with this. I meant to be emotionally provoking (and drunken rambling, but let's give me some dignity).

To me, the wife acted in a theist manner. She could not prove anything in any way other than her feelings. Evidence is essential. Acting on evidence without proof is evil.

I know who Poe is. I like Poe, in general. I get the idea of what you are saying, but what is poe?

Oh, and post script, I have strong feelings about marriage/parenthood also. Not just feelings, but well researched cause and effect.

This is poe.

As for the whole parenting/marriage thing, there is so much 'research' out there into something that is not an exact science.  I think one is better off with taking the information with a grain of salt.  There is no objective truth, just as with anything else in that category, it is relative.  Anyone that tells you otherwise is either an idiot or a charlatan.

I've drunk posted before, or jumped to quick stupid conclusion by quick posting at work between stressful shitty network breakdowns.  It's always a face plant upon re-reading, but most of that 'shoot from the hip' shit is honest, and most times helps me reflect on my own state of mind better than some elaborated stuff I type.  You have nothing to apologize for, there's no judgement here, just my opinion.  I'm no better than anyone else. 

"Don't seek these laws to understand. Only the mad can comprehend..." -- George Cosbuc


beardedinlair
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Questions

What do the red and yellow folders mean in the atheist vs theist forums? I thought I knew, but it seems i don't.

And is there a way to automatically click to the last page of a thread? If there is a "new" link and there is only one page, perfect, it goes right to the last post, but if there is more than one page I find I have to scroll all the way to the bottom of the page and then click on the "last" link. Am I missing something?


Atheistextremist
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Hey Bearded.

 

If you want to read some dumb shit you should swing by Fonzie's titanic It Works For Me thread in which the motorcycle boy oscillates between dogmatic cliche and throw-out-the-money-changers righteous indignation. 

I think Jean might have blown in there a while back and told The Fonz he was off to hell. Cool, man. 

 

 

"Experiments are the only means of knowledge at our disposal. The rest is poetry, imagination." Max Planck


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 hello, given you past you

 hello, given you past you might find this funny, or depressing I'm not sure which.  

 

http://www.cracked.com/article_19066_7-psychotic-pieces-relationship-advice-from-cosmo.html


Ktulu
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RatDog wrote: hello, given

RatDog wrote:

 hello, given you past you might find this funny, or depressing I'm not sure which.  

 

http://www.cracked.com/article_19066_7-psychotic-pieces-relationship-advice-from-cosmo.html

hehe, that was pretty funny.

"Don't seek these laws to understand. Only the mad can comprehend..." -- George Cosbuc


beardedinlair
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Hilarious. Laughed first

Hilarious. Laughed first time in a while. Oh! My ex read Cosmo! I'm going to sue them!


Kapkao
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(No subject)

“A meritocratic society is one in which inequalities of wealth and social position solely reflect the unequal distribution of merit or skills amongst human beings, or are based upon factors beyond human control, for example luck or chance. Such a society is socially just because individuals are judged not by their gender, the colour of their skin or their religion, but according to their talents and willingness to work, or on what Martin Luther King called 'the content of their character'. By extension, social equality is unjust because it treats unequal individuals equally.” "Political Ideologies" by Andrew Heywood (2003)


Atheistextremist
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Yep

RatDog wrote:

 hello, given you past you might find this funny, or depressing I'm not sure which.  

 

http://www.cracked.com/article_19066_7-psychotic-pieces-relationship-advice-from-cosmo.html

 

That's bloody funny. I don't most girls are as mad as this, honestly. Well. Mostly.  

"Experiments are the only means of knowledge at our disposal. The rest is poetry, imagination." Max Planck


cj
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Atheistextremist

Atheistextremist wrote:

RatDog wrote:

 hello, given you past you might find this funny, or depressing I'm not sure which.  

 

http://www.cracked.com/article_19066_7-psychotic-pieces-relationship-advice-from-cosmo.html

 

That's bloody funny. I don't most girls are as mad as this, honestly. Well. Mostly.  

 

It's sick - sick, sick, sick.  I hate Cosmo.  Always have.  It's as sick as Phyllis Schlafly.

If that is the kind of women you guys hang out with, no wonder you are having relationship problems.

 

-- I feel so much better since I stopped trying to believe.

"We are entitled to our own opinions. We're not entitled to our own facts"- Al Franken

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