Poem on why christians want to spread the gosple.

noafterlifenow
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Poem on why christians want to spread the gosple.

Follow me to death brother.

Here we are faithful and true

looking at the sky, In solipsistic solitude

My brothers, My sisters I need you

To be like me, To think like me

So when silence gait, gallows in the wind

we can wager with pascal

In the tormented, essence of selfishness

and fear, because together we are true.

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Peppermint42
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Your poetry makes me feel

Your poetry makes me feel like I'm standing in a breezy field under the moon in October.  Chills run down my spine and I'm a little bit frightened, but that's overshadowed by the sheer beauty of it.


noafterlifenow
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wow thank you for the

wow thank you for the compliment! I have quite a bit of stuff I don't want to over load the section but I'm glad you appreciated it^^ ill probably be posting more soon.

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Brian37
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Your meter was off. Your

Your meter was off. Your couplets were not a couple. Your imagery had low resolution..........

Sorry, couldn't resist poking fun at critics.

If someone gets the message, which I did, that to me is what counts. Another good job.

 

I don't think poetry has to be what I like to call "dog whistle" poetry, where you pull words out of a Harvard  dissertation. It shouldn't be "see spot run" either. But what counts to me is the message. It doesn't do anyone any good if you write something they cant understand.

Keep them coming.

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37


noafterlifenow
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haha yeah It doesn't

haha yeah It doesn't surprise me that my meter was off. I'm totally ignorant of traditional poetry rules, citations or tools.

My philosophy on poetry is simple this:

1.) it's all about assonance, and a general sound-feel.

2.) write what I know, in a subjective physiologicaly emotive sense, leaning more to to concepts than imagery while negating neither.

3.) develop my writing organically, as in no rules, just my voice in free form.

These are actually slam poems as well meant for spoken word.

But thanks for the info my brain is a sponge I'll take any and all advice!^^

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Brian37
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noafterlifenow wrote:haha

noafterlifenow wrote:

haha yeah It doesn't surprise me that my meter was off. I'm totally ignorant of traditional poetry rules, citations or tools.

My philosophy on poetry is simple this:

1.) it's all about assonance, and a general sound-feel.

2.) write what I know, in a subjective physiologicaly emotive sense, leaning more to to concepts than imagery while negating neither.

3.) develop my writing organically, as in no rules, just my voice in free form.

These are actually slam poems as well meant for spoken word.

But thanks for the info my brain is a sponge I'll take any and all advice!^^

Jebus kristos dude, I was kidding. I liked the poem. I have no criticisms of it. I was poking fun at my critics. And never take advice from me on this subject. I am not an expert. I strictly call them as I see them. If I like it, that is what matters to me.

I have had enough experience with other poets face to face in real life to know that you are not going to please everyone all the time. I had one critic in a poetry group whom EVERYONE made fun of because he was so snooty and anal. There were other's poems that 99% of the group would like, while he sneered at it. The poets in that group I belonged to all had poems I liked and others I didn't understand. So it wasn't the person, but the individual poem. I too had many people who liked individual poems of mine, while not liking others. For me it is a crap shoot. Sometimes I get lucky.

Your poems are fine and you can take advice from others too. I don't offer advice on this subject because I have seen poems trashed by one person and hailed by the person next to them, and have liked individual poems from those same people while not liking others from those same people.

I can only say, for myself, that I liked this one. But I will not judge you over all based on one poem, even if I didn't like it. In this case, I did.

I think it is ok to judge a poem, but false to assume that because one bombs that all that that person writes will bomb. Most of what I have read from others I get a mix of liking some and not liking others.

 

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37


iwbiek
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i can't resist the urge to

i can't resist the urge to show off either.  here's one i wrote just the other day along the same lines:

.....................................

the best bar in the city

is made entirely of wood

rough wood

rough people

a small kerosene heater in the winter

everyone in padded denim

and flannel coats

thick fingers

sagging faces

laborers

drinking vodka

tea with rum

smoking black virginia

that smells like coal

my wife hates the goddamn place

the other night

we dropped by her friends'

with their jesus-and-mary smiles

they wanted to play charades

and i just felt fucking sick

with the banality of it all

i said i was going out

for more camels

i slipped

into the wooden bar

two blocks away

and i stayed there

for 45 minutes

smelling the coal

the rum

the spilt beer

i read rousseau

just to feel like i was

sticking it to the fuckers

then i went back

without camels

they never even missed me

"I asked my father,
I said, 'Father change my name.'
The one I'm using now it's covered up
with fear and filth and cowardice and shame."
--Leonard Cohen


Brian37
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AND YET ANOTHER example of

AND YET ANOTHER example of poetry not being either or, black or white.

I thought the bar poem message was fantastic, although the style kinda distracted me. But that is something I am aware of. I focus more on the message than anything else and this message was not lost on me. Good work.

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37


noafterlifenow
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Thats a really good one. I

Thats a really good one. I loved the part about your wife hating the place it had this sudden comedic value. It was clear too while maintaining a poetic sound.

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