The Rules

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The Rules

Does anyone remember this? It seems to be an extremely irrational way of dating for women. It's a book that's still out - it was popular in the early to mid 1990s. It basically says the best way for a woman to get a man is to act like a cold hearted bitch. It also says not to read other books on dating advice, and even if a woman is seeing a therapist not to tell the therapist she read/uses the rules. It seems to be almost cult-like and extremely harmful advice. Of course most self-help type books are utter bullshit. Anyone have any opinions or know any more? Especially interested in hearing from any women who tried using it.

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I've heard about that dating

I've heard about that dating book, but never read it.  I've learned my game through experience - striking up conversations with anyone in a public place or talking to say a fat girl (someone easy to talk to that's a female).  There's no logical exact way of going about yourself to attract a mate.  There are techniques based in logic that can give you a greater advantage in getting what you want.  For me it took experience to develop rapport and talking to a wide variety of people (working in a nightclub and stripclub helped).  I started developing personality traits that are hard to define like:  charm, charisma, groove, finesse.  I also learned from more experienced people like real life pimps and veteran whores.  - This site breaks down ways of starting a conversation and maintaining one. - Great site that I wish I could spend more time 'cause the Ladder Theory sounds pretty accurate.

Marc Perkel's Nerd's Guide to Sex was influential for me because I was just like that kind of nerd.  I believe a good professional whore will work wonders.  The problem is in finding a "good professional" but if you do it's like being taught by an expert.

David D'Angelo is another guy that talks and writes about 'pick up' techniques.  I read a bit of his materials which sound good.

I was watching PBS Nature a while back and they had a great series called What Females Want and What Males will do.  The clips are on Youtube here.  Humans evolved from lower life forms over millions of years, so it's amazing to see how sexual selection in nature is similar to what humans do.

If you spend the majority of your time behind a computer and at home, you're not gonna get many opportunities to develop game.  Like this one pimp said:  There's a million fish out in the sea, you gotta keep on throwing your hook out there...



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Yes, I know of it and have

Yes, I know of it and have known girls that read it. It is a bit ridiculous, but there is some very solid advice if manipulation of men of is your goal...and that is the underlying mantra of the book.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Yoda

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Big problem is that if a

Big problem is that if a woman was like that to me (and most guys I talked to say the same) I'd figure she was a bitch or just a flake and would say fuck that shit. It seems especially disturbing that they actually say women shouldn't read any opposing viewpoint or tell a therapist they are seeing for professional help about it - that's what strikes me as cult-like.

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I haven't heard that or read

I haven't heard that or read that statement, that is a cultlike statement, do you have a link or anything that states those claims?


“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Yoda

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    It doesn't matter much to me,  because of this   AIDs   scare thingy, I gave up    dating   and    one night  stands 20+  years  ago;            It was my wifes idea.        Go figure  *shrugs*.

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Quote:Does anyone remember

Does anyone remember this?

Oh, sure.  I read the whole thing.  It's basically a training manual for getting a passive aggressive, insecure man who will kiss your ass and let you get away with anything.

In fact, it's a great example of how far astray you can get when you understand just a little bit of science.  And yes, it does have some brainwashing elements to it.


Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin
Books about atheism

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I can definitely see the

I can definitely see the cultish tendencies, though given that marriage=transfiguration, you're definitely not stuck in the cult for life.  According to an old episode of P&T's Bullshit, one of the authors is running a telephone help line for women attempting to follow The Rules.  I would kill somebody, in front of their own mother, for the numbers and names on that list.  Just think of what you could do.


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From Wikipedia (with my

From Wikipedia (with my "wtf?!" comments added in brackets where appropriate):

  • 01: Be a “Creature” Unlike Any Other

[excuse me... I am no "creature" I'm a damn woman!]

  • 02: Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance

[What is this 1800? There have been a number of instances in which I initiated a conversation with someone I thought was attractive, and none of them have ever complained.]

  • 03: Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
  • 04: Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
  • 05: Don't Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
  • 06: Always End Phone Calls and dates First
  • 07: Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday

[I've heard this gem since middle school. My best friend's older half-sister ended up a marrying a guy she met in the 90's during this Rules popularity (they married in '99 or '00, forget which). The anecdote told at the wedding by the other half-sister was that the husband called her and asked to go out on Saturday, but it was Thursday when he called so she wasn't sure because it went against this rule; but the sister said "he sounds really sweet, go for it." And at the time, when I heard this, I was in 7th grade, and I was like "That's a weird rule, who really cares?" Now I see... I still hear this rule thrown around all the time, but I choose to ignore it.]

  • 08: Fill Up Your Time before the Date

[Oh I do.. with primping for the date, teehee]

  • 09: How to Act on Dates 1,2, & 3 End the date first especially if you like him.
  • 10: How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time
  • 11: Always end the date first

[Ending the date first makes it seem like you're NOT into him... kind of the opposite of what you want to achieve??]

  • 12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day

[Give me a fucking break... I just asked my bf to buy me a bug zapper for an upcoming anniversary. Not that he doesn't take me out to romantic dinners as well. He did get me a Tiffany's necklace for our 6 month; then he didn't get me anything for my bday 3 months later, because he had spent so much on the necklace that he asked if it was ok if that "counted" for awhile. I didn't care. In my opinion a guy shouldn't feel obligated to buy presents, especially if you're unsure of how serious the relationship is, and where it's headed.]

  • 13: Don’t See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
  • 14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date

[My current relationship started as a one-night-stand.. whoops.]

  • 15: Don't Rush into Sex & Other Rules for Intimacy
  • 16: Don't Tell Him What to Do
  • 17: Let Him Take the Lead
  • 18: Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him

[Possibly the only true rule of The Rules.]

  • 19: Don’t Open Up Too Fast
  • 20: Be Honest but Mysterious
  • 21: Accentuate the Positive & Other Rules for Personal Ads
  • 22: Don’t Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment)
  • 23: Don't Date a Married Man

[Ok the second good rule.]

  • 24: Slowly Involve Him in Your Family & Other Rules for Women with Children
  • 25: Practice, Practice, Practice! (or, Getting Good at The Rules)
  • 26: Even if You're Engaged or Married, You Still Need The Rules

[You still should only see your husband once or twice a week? huh?]

  • 27: Do The Rules, Even when Your Friends & Parents Think It's Nuts

[There's probably a good reason why they think it's nuts - it is! This doesn't reek of Scientology or Jehovah's Witnesses at all...]

  • 28: Be Smart and Other Rules for Dating in High School
  • 29: Take Care of Yourself and Other Rules for Dating in College
  • 30: NEXT! & Other Rules for Dealing with Rejection
  • 31: Don't Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist.
  • 32: Rules May Be Pulled Out of Thin Air If the Situation Requires

[WTF??? This is like religion - make shit up as you go along! "Um, I'm sorry, The Rules say I can't date guys with a hair color different from mine." "The Rules say I can't drink alcohol on a date." "The Rules say i can only accept gold jewelry, not silver." The Rules are a great excuse to be a bitch. Doesn't this sound like the hypothetical high maintenance woman we were discussing on the "hot chicks" thread?]

  • 33: Do The Rules and You’ll Live Happily Ever After!
  • 34: Love Only Those Who Love You

[third good rule]

  • 35: Be Easy to Live With

[How the fuck are you supposed to be easy to live with if a) you're not supposed to live with a guy before marriage, and b) you're following all these bullshit rules??]


So personally, if you didn't get it already, I think these rules are bullshit, and just reinforce stereotypes and gender differences. This also reminds me of another "irrational precept," but I'll start a new thread for that, so as not to get away from the topic at hand. Basically, women, stop acting as if you're objects to be won. You're not; we're people too, just like men. Stop fucking with mens' minds and start bridging the gender gaps. It's ok to strike up conversation with a guy, and it's ok to go dutch. This isn't the victorian era.


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These are really bad for a

These are really bad for a woman who's best match would be with a passive/shy guy - notice how everything is on the man to initiate and how her treating him like shit will likely get him to break off.

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