When a lover believe

MattShizzle
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When a lover believe

Dammit, some of you know about me severe social anxiety, that I've never been on a date in my life. Well, I've met someone and she says she loves me, and wants me to move in with her. Yeah, she believes in the invisible man, and I haven't argued against yet, though if she looked at any profile I have she should know. I do really like her. I'm about to agree and move in with her. She lives in Florida, so I will be able to get away from snow living with her, too. I will miss some things from home, though. The only weird thing is she asked me to move in with her before we actually ever met.

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Nick
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When a lover believe

(Try to ignore the fact that I?m fifteen whilst you're reading...)

Did you meet over the internet? I'm assuming you did, hence the "never actually met" part. If you did, don't you think she would have seen one of your profiles by now? If she really loves you, I'd bet an arm she has. If she hasn't, I'd bet an arm she doesn't love you.

Anyway, you defiantly need to at least establish the fact that you're an atheist.

If it's okay with her, than there shouldn't be much to worry about.

If it's not, try to convert her.

If you fail miserably multiple times over an extended period, and she still has a problem with you being a heretic, I'd say screw it and move on.

The other stuff shouldn't matter. Except maybe the anxiety. You can get over it, though, you're a man. Suck it up. Laughing out loud

Wilson: "We were afraid that if you found out you solved a case with absolutely no medical evidence you'd think you were God." House: "God doesn't limp."


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When a lover believe

I think you have to be careful here. Not on the fact that she's a theist, but on the fact that she's asked you to move in with her before even meeting her. I just cannot fathom the idea that someone would fall in love over the internet without even meeting the person. I don't know...I'm just to skeptical over these kinds of things. Love is something that grows between two people. It is not something that is spontaneous, it stems from understanding, compromising, acceptance and time.

The fact that she's a theist at this point should be secondary to the idea of whether this person is true or not. I"m just saying be careful, especially moving so far from home with someone you don't even know.

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Yellow_Number_Five
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When a lover believe

Run. Run away as fast as you can. You've never had a seriously relationship (let alone a date as you admit), and some mysterious stranger you've never seen in person says she loves you and wants you to move hundreds of miles to live with her? How do you even know it's a she? How do you know the pictures you've seen are "her"? How do you know you won't be putting the fucking lotion in the basket the minute you walk through the door?

Step back and think about this rationaly for a moment. The fact that she's a theist is the LEAST of your concerns.

I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world. - Richard Dawkins

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MattShizzle
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When a lover believe

Actually we've been talking online for about a year, and on the phone a few times.


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When a lover believe

Yellow_Number_Five wrote:
Run. Run away as fast as you can. You've never had a seriously relationship (let alone a date as you admit), and some mysterious stranger you've never seen in person says she loves you and wants you to move hundreds of miles to live with her? How do you even know it's a she? How do you know the pictures you've seen are "her"? How do you know you won't be putting the fucking lotion in the basket the minute you walk through the door?

Step back and think about this rationaly for a moment. The fact that she's a theist is the LEAST of your concerns.

Seconded. This girl doesn't love you, love comes from shared trevails and you sure as hell haven't had any of those with her.

This won't end well.

"Character is higher than intellect... A great soul will be strong to live, as well as to think."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson


Yellow_Number_Five
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When a lover believe

MattShizzle wrote:
Actually we've been talking online for about a year, and on the phone a few times.

Yeah, like I said, RUN!

I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world. - Richard Dawkins

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spentley
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When a lover believe

Maybe go see her first.

It's quite clear though, shes either nuts or really likes you.

I personally can't fathom moving in with someone before meeting them.. What if their odor is detesting?

God is the omnimax creator by definition of major religions. If there is evidence that the religion is incorrect about the nature of reality, then there is evidence that the God the religion defines does not exist.


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When a lover believe

What if they want to put you in a well, make you rub lotion on yourself, hack you up and wear your skin?

I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world. - Richard Dawkins

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When a lover believe

Yellow_Number_Five wrote:
What if they want to put you in a well, make you rub lotion on yourself, hack you up and wear your skin?

That might be the downside.

The plus side, you might get some action.

God is the omnimax creator by definition of major religions. If there is evidence that the religion is incorrect about the nature of reality, then there is evidence that the God the religion defines does not exist.


Yellow_Number_Five
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When a lover believe

Tough call. Puzzled Laughing out loud

I've probably risked more for less, I simply know a bit better now.

It puts Joe Dirt in the Hole!

I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world. - Richard Dawkins

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When a lover believe

Yellow_Number_Five wrote:
What if they want to put you in a well, make you rub lotion on yourself, hack you up and wear your skin?

great movie by the way.

And Mattshizzle, at least I would try to set up a meeting with her...you know go on a few dates...get to know each other in person...etc...before doing something so rash as to move in with her. I do agree with Yellow, what if you do end up in a well..we wouldn't have the pleasure on RRS to have your comments posted anymore.. and that would suck.

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MattShizzle
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When a lover believe

I don't know what movie your talking about (last movie I seen in the theater was Forrest Gump), but yeah, I do plan to meet her first, at least once. I'd be away from everyone and everything I know (well, besides her I know a couple people online in the area.) But yeah, I'd need to know how things are in real life first, not just the phone/online.

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When a lover believe

MattShizzle wrote:
I don't know what movie your talking about (last movie I seen in the theater was Forrest Gump), but yeah, I do plan to meet her first, at least once. I'd be away from everyone and everything I know (well, besides her I know a couple people online in the area.) But yeah, I'd need to know how things are in real life first, not just the phone/online.

it would be the rational and wise thing to do. for your safety and happiness.

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spentley
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When a lover believe

MattShizzle wrote:
I don't know what movie your talking about (last movie I seen in the theater was Forrest Gump),

Silence of the Lambs

- im not certain, but i think its a couple years older than Forrest Gump.

God is the omnimax creator by definition of major religions. If there is evidence that the religion is incorrect about the nature of reality, then there is evidence that the God the religion defines does not exist.


MattShizzle
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When a lover believe

OK, I seen that one, but it was long ago.


qwak
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When a lover believe

also remember that they have alligators in florida.

which she is probably going to feed you to Eye-wink

If you go down there, look into hotels first, and maybe take a friend.

music

http//www.myspace.com/antiqwak


MattShizzle
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When a lover believe

Actually, I don't have any friends except online. Sad


MattShizzle
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When a lover believe

Haven't heard from her now since Tuesday. Fucking depressed. Feel like doing something to myself. Like taking every pill I can find. :smt088

I am so tired of being alone. Sad

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When a lover believe

Don't sweat it bro.

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When a lover believe

You can NOT let a chick do this to you.


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When a lover believe

WTF man, no pills, death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
If pain is so bad that you cant really see beyond a situation then you should at least remind yourself that -there is something- beyond it, and such would be revealed in time, even if you can't see it now.

-----------------------
I'll get back to you when I think of something worthwhile to say.


MattShizzle
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When a lover believe

Feeling a little better today. Guess all the beer last night made it seem worse. Still don't get what's going on - she made an ofer like that and then no contact?

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When a lover believe

LOL they do that a lot. I had it once.

This is why it's heathens only for me.


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When a lover believe

MattShizzle wrote:
Haven't heard from her now since Tuesday. Fucking depressed. Feel like doing something to myself.

I am so tired of being alone. Sad

The only thing you should do to yourself in response to this sort of thing involves your right hand and maybe some lube. Should you find yourself in this mindspace again, go find a male divorcee's forum to hear some others' concepts of true freedom & happiness.

Many people are more alone with another person than they are by themselves. Cool


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intervention

Matt,
We've read each others posts for a year and a half.
I'm sorry to be the one to tell you that your behavior toward yourself is irrational.

You've got to take a step back and evaluate your situation for yourself as objectively as possible. Then you must make adjustments accordingly. THAT'S the only advice you need to hear.

Each of your on-line friends has told you before that you are welcomed and valued in any and every conversation. We've done our part. The rest has to come from you.

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MattShizzle
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When a lover believe

I am still so in love with her and waiting to hear back. Would be devastated to be rejected. Technically her profile said "Catholic, but I have my own beliefs", and she didn't have any religious messages, so she is no more irrational than the average person. I haven't brought that sort of thing up. This is her by the way:

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The_Yakman
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When a lover believe

MattShizzle wrote:
I am still so in love with her and waiting to hear back. Would be devastated to be rejected. Technically her profile said "Catholic, but I have my own beliefs", and she didn't have any religious messages, so she is no more irrational than the average person. I haven't brought that sort of thing up. This is her by the way:

she's fairly attractive IMO. Only you can know whether there's anything actually there between you two. I would still be very skepticle. I mean, if she doesn't even know something as personal as your beliefs (or lack thereof)...I mean, that's stuff people usually talk about in depth because it matters in a relationship.

I'd say, go out there and check it out (if you are financially stable enough to do so)...maybe it's true and you guys will click and have a great relationship. However, I highly suggest a contingency plan if things do not.

good luck.


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When a lover believe

"Catholic, but i have my own beliefs" is usually a good indicator of someone who was born into a soccermom/blucollardad catholic family, went to catholic school, and thus wears catholicism like guys in south philly wear "Drink til' You're Irish" shirts....point being, seems like she might be one of those people to whom religion is the furthest thing from the mind, and it only comes up when some web form asks about it.

Fear is the mindkiller.


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When a lover believe

I've found in my personal relationship my overt atheism has one of two effects:

1) Is accepted and actually moves the person toward adopting a more atheistic belief structure

2) The exact opposite Laughing out loud

Both of these being the result of the person never actively examining their beliefs on the subject.

I can't speak on a relationship with a truly religious person as I have never had one. I don't think it's probable to have a relationship with someone with a diametrically opposed worldview.

The paper read yesterday, the earth exploded, nobody noticed the passing of this hapless planet.


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When a lover believe

I fucked up big time, but she thinks she's not good enough for me.


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When a lover believe

Probably both overreacting.
Do you have any plans for meeting her, Matt?

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Re: When a lover believe

MattShizzle wrote:
Dammit, some of you know about me severe social anxiety, that I've never been on a date in my life. Well, I've met someone and she says she loves me, and wants me to move in with her. Yeah, she believes in the invisible man, and I haven't argued against yet, though if she looked at any profile I have she should know. I do really like her. I'm about to agree and move in with her. She lives in Florida, so I will be able to get away from snow living with her, too. I will miss some things from home, though. The only weird thing is she asked me to move in with her before we actually ever met.

Don't do it, man. Love is bullshit. I'd hate for you to have to learn that the hard way.


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When a lover believe

darth_josh wrote:

Do you have any plans for meeting her, Matt?

Not yet, we got to talk again, but I would definitely do so before moving in!

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Matt This thread is old so

Matt
This thread is old so not sure if you will end up reading this. I'm really happy for you having met someone special like that. This is a wonderful and positive thing! I think that you should definitely explore this relationship further. I suggest you organise a 2 week trip together somewhere neutral....or even just a weekend together somewhere if you feel uncertain. Yes it is scary to make yourself vulnerable to another person in such a way, but the rewards of love far outweigh the risk of being hurt.
I think you should sit down and write down the absolute worst possible thing that could happen if you make the move. Write down your concerns and work through all your fears. And then accept them and decide that even if they happen you WILL be fine and it WON'T break you. Once you have accepted the worst possible outcome as being something bearable you will feel much braver and empowered.
Because you feel alone, have not had a proper relationship and feel you only have friends online, your idea of what is expected of you in a relationship is probably incongruent with reality. Just be honest and giving with her. If it is a real relationship she wants, this is all you will need to do.
Don't let this opportunity slip past you. Also, remember that relationships dont always have to be amazingly successful to have value and enrich your life. It could be over in 6 months but have given you a lifetime of inspiration and beauty.
Keep me posted
Good luck
xxx


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Sapient wrote:Don't sweat it

Sapient wrote:
Don't sweat it bro.

Hmmm great advice Dr Phil.


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I'm going to actually call

I'm going to actually call her in a few minutes.


MattShizzle
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She fucking hurt me and I

She fucking hurt me and I can't take it any more. A plastic bag and a rubber band will take care of it, hey we shouldn't worry - it's like going to sleep. I like sleeping, and being asleep forever is nothing. I'm still rational enough not to be afraid of hell. No longer feeling any pain is much better than where I've been. Sad

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I do want to say goodbye and

I do want to say goodbye and wish my luck to the squad and its fight against irrationality. You are doing a service to humanity and if I was still around I would help.

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I felt that way at one

I felt that way at one point. It can change in a moment, bro. Make sure you're around for that moment.


MattShizzle
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I didn't go through with it

I didn't go through with it - started but changed my mind. Still very upset but not ready to do anything now. I did decide to stop trying to call her. If she wants to she can contact me.

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Thank you. We like having

Thank you. We like having you around Smiling

Really, though, you should talk to a counselor or something; IMO your priorities are a little askew if a girl who you didn't know very well could have this effect on you.

...or, go get some really good porn. Eye-wink


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good relationships between a

good relationships between a rationalist and a theist are like gods and unicorns, they would be really cool, but through rationality and personal experience logically cannot exist, been there done that, almost drowned my sorrows in vicodine and hallucinogens mixed with some 151 proof vodka but i relized noone is worth my life, and after a while i relized she was both a waste of money and time, and almost my life. Unfortunately i guess im what led her to theism. so i guess i kinda ruined her life and mine. but im in rehab b/c of it. In the end i guess a rational thinker such as yourself shouldnt succomb to such faulty ideals as a relationship with a theist you met on the net, and she just might go silence of the lambs on ya, too.

adaypastdead out

ps: go for the pr0n

Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people.-Karl Marx


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Well, now it turned out her

Well, now it turned out her phone got cut again and I was just overly worried again. Today she told me she thinks I'm too good for her. I told her no way, I'd be lucky to have her and I want to be with her through good and bad times.

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I heard from her again.

I heard from her again. She's kinda down from not being able to get a job yet, but she sees me as really sweet. Imagine how depressed she'd feel if I had killed myself. And now I have 2 attempts under my belt - the plastic bag thing last week and the pill one back in November. Sad

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The only thing I can say

The only thing I can say here, having been in many relationships of varying seriousness with people of various religious opinions, is taht you cannot have a good relationship without first being comfortable being alone.

Another person can bring great benefits and happiness to your life, but don't expect that if you don't already have that, starting a relationship will help. If you are not happy, finding a loved one won't necessarily help. Dependence on a relationship is akin, IMHO, to dependence upon god-belief.

If you are OK being alone theistically, you should be able to be alone romantically.

But I'm no professional advice-giver, so take my words as you will.

I wish you all the best no matter what happens with this girl.

Shaun

I'll fight for a person's right to speak so long as that person will, in return, fight to allow me to challenge their opinions and ridicule them as the content of their ideas merit.


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Well, I thought she was the

Well, I thought she was the one, but she has apparently been ignoring me. I sent her this finally:

This is all I can take. Unless you can give me a good reason I haven't heard from you in almost 2 weeks - by any method, and you didn't even answer Tim( a guy we both know online - he's on a site she was signed into and she ignored him, even though they were friends IRL before.) - It's over. How could you? I am looking elsewhere. I'll have you know you have hurt me worse than anyone ever has in my life. I really did love you - and for some crazy reason I still fucking do. Yeah, I'd take you back in a minute if I heard from you, but please, if you don't want me just tell me it's over so I can move on. If there is a good reason, I am so sorry and will still want you and make it up to you in any way I can, but if you are just playing games please stop and let me be with someone who truly will love me.

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Quote:I fucked up big time,

Quote:
I fucked up big time, but she thinks she's not good enough for me.

Before my wife and I got married, she often thought that she wasn't good enough for me.

My wife is Catholic, by the way. I hated the Catholic marriage preparation classes that I attended with her. The wedding at the Catholic church didn't thrill me, either.

I am Antie at the Infidelguy.com forums. Avatar made from this image.


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We've been talking more the

We've been talking more the last couple days. We still love each other, but she has medical issues for now and her ex husband is being a real prick to her - wish I could give the fuck a ghetto thrashing. Anyway, she doesn't want me dragged into this, that's why. I'm so fucking depressed about this. I need to focus on bitch-slapping religion. I wish I could find a nice atheist girl.

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