The evil Bible

MattShizzle
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The evil Bible

Saw this posted on another website. Great resource, and pretty funny in places. Also great to post on websites that have a lot of Christians! :twisted:

http://www.evilbible.com/

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Randalllord
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The evil Bible

Matt,
Thanks for the link. It is a good resource.

Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful. - Seneca


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The evil Bible

Though there are numerous passages in the Bible that astound me, out of all the crap I have to say the one that really cracks me up is the one about how if you get injured in your groin area, you will be rejected from entering the Kingdom of Heaven:

"He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD. A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD."
--Deuteronomy 23:1-2

Imagine if a guy gets hurt in his testicles (stones), or I don't know, say, gets his penis (privy member) sliced off while working with machinery or something. I mean as illogical as the other contradictory requirements are for going to heaven, this by far is the most idiotic hands down! LOL


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The evil Bible

I'm beginning more and more to think that the jewish God and their entire religion is actually the work of somebody wanting to select certain individuals (as said "the chosen people"Eye-wink for a higher purpose than we would think. This does add up with the theory according to which the Jewish God and the "angels" were actually perfectly normal, but more advanced creatures that were making some sort of freak experiment here on Earth. Such a belief is stated in the Romanian book called "Experimentul Terra" (translated as "The Terra Experiment"Eye-wink, and I have to admit that what the author outlines in that book kind of makes a lot of sense.

Of course, that would be a theory, but it's the only one that explains the bizzarre natural genetic selection that God wishes to make in the Bible:
- Jewish people are not allowed to marry with people who are not Jewish
- Jewish men can make children with non-Jewish women taken as slaves, but only if they find them good enough (and by that time, good enough meant a strong and healthy body, thus coming back to natural selection, in order to refresh the gene pool with whatever's "good"Eye-wink, but Jewish women CANNOT make children with non-Jewish men (again, the natural selection thing, wanting to elliminate the genetic pool poisoning, I presume, since the woman cannot decide on marriage and child-making issues according to the Deuteronomy)
- Injured people are to be left to die (God forbids medicine, I believe you'll find a quote on this in the Deuteronomy and the Exodus)
- those whose origin is uncertain (bastards) are never to be kept near (again, to avoid gene pool poisoning, probably)
- there is a special care to those that die of disease (procedures outlined in the Deuteronomy), leading us to think that God's instructions were meant to avoid disease and Jewish death at all costs
The Evil Bible site confirms my statements above, and you'll find the biblical passage references there.

This being said, it is clear that God intends to create a Heaven for Jews only... naturally-selected Jews, to be more precise. If I recall from John's Apocalypse, there will only be 144000 (144 = 12 x 12, 12 thousand from each of the 12 legendary Jewish nations) souls in Heaven after the second descent of Christ (it does state that clearly, I'll come back on this one with a passage from the Bible) - and they will all be Jews, as stated above (off topic - actually that's why I oppose Christianity - it's a religion made by and for Jews only... and since I have absolutely no connection to Jews whatsoever, why would I possibly hope that I'll go to Heaven, when the Bible itself states that I have no such chance?).

I really wonder how will a priest explain the above statement... I haven't got the chance to talk to any one on this issue. Perhaps this, if proven logically right, could be a topic of a radio show...

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http://rigoromortis.blogspot.com/


shorty
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Re: The evil Bible

MattShizzle wrote:
Saw this posted on another website. Great resource, and pretty funny in places. Also great to post on websites that have a lot of Christians! :twisted:

http://www.evilbible.com/

dude i love this site. i would buy her a beer if i wasnt absolutely broke :smt102

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Rigor_OMortis
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The evil Bible

Last time I checked, the site hasn't been updated since 2004 or something... shame...


MattShizzle
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The evil Bible

Rigor_OMortis wrote:
Last time I checked, the site hasn't been updated since 2004 or something... shame...

When's the last time the Bible was updated? Laughing out loud

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The evil Bible

MattShizzle wrote:
Rigor_OMortis wrote:
Last time I checked, the site hasn't been updated since 2004 or something... shame...

When's the last time the Bible was updated? :lol:

Is that a trick question? Aren't they rewriting the damn thing every day? Laughing out loud

"Character is higher than intellect... A great soul will be strong to live, as well as to think."
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Rigor_OMortis
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The evil Bible

Equilibrium wrote:
MattShizzle wrote:
Rigor_OMortis wrote:
Last time I checked, the site hasn't been updated since 2004 or something... shame...

When's the last time the Bible was updated? :lol:

Is that a trick question? Aren't they rewriting the damn thing every day? :lol:


Yeah, I'd fear you would say that... I'd like to answer:
"The Bible Today - same shit, different bull"

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http://rigoromortis.blogspot.com/


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The evil Bible

My personal favorite silly verse is not one of the violent ones, but it's in Leviticus: it's the one where they tell you that you can't wear clothing made from two different fabrics.

...What?!

:smt017


Rigor_OMortis
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The evil Bible

Which one's that? Oh boy... it reminds me of dumblaws.com, perhaps I'll ask them to introduce biblical laws in there too...

Inquisition - "The flames are all long gone, but the pain lingers on..."
http://rigoromortis.blogspot.com/