What most atheists will deny
Posted on: October 22, 2009 - 3:53pm
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What most atheists will deny
1. That they were unloved in highschool
2. That they do not own a $20 or more watch
3. Their parents gave them a the Robin instead of Batman on Christmas
4. When they eat they fart silently so that no one knows
5. They are not satisfied with movies or popcorn but need a lot of chocolate
6. If they drink gatrade their hands explode and their veins hang out for little lizards to play on (but their hands heal after 45 minutes)
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
7. They tell jokes that don't make sense
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This relates to Atheism how?
Favorite oxymorons: Gospel Truth, Rational Supernaturalist, Business Ethics, Christian Morality
"Theology is now little more than a branch of human ignorance. Indeed, it is ignorance with wings." - Sam Harris
The path to Truth lies via careful study of reality, not the dreams of our fallible minds - me
From the sublime to the ridiculous: Science -> Philosophy -> Theology
By you maybe pffft im awesome *weeps silently*
true watches have no perpose anymore now everyone has cellphones
True I did have a robin action figure.. im awesome
bwahahahahahahaha shhh its a secret
true to the first half but not the second
I have never heard of that drink
When does a orange feel the most love?
when you give it a squeeze
bwahahahahahahaha
it makes sense
Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy.
Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.
No animal shall wear clothes.
No animal shall sleep in a bed.
No animal shall drink alcohol.
No animal shall kill any other animal.
All animals are equal.
Not true. My mother worked nights and all my friends came over to party.
Watches are becoming like buggy whips, obsolete
Actually neither as action figures came out when my kids were little. I gave them both.
I grew up in Southern Colorado eating Mexican food, no one farts silently there.
Depends on the movie. Rambo 6 I might need a big doobie
Anything to do with the gators is disgusting and gross including Gatorade.
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo who?
Aw, no need to cry.
____________________________________________________________
"I guess it's time to ask if you live under high voltage power transmission lines which have been shown to cause stimulation of the fantasy centers of the brain due to electromagnetic waves?" - Me
"God is omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent, - it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks please. Cash and in small bills." - Robert A Heinlein.
By whom? I'm an atheist, and as near as I can tell, I was loved (though not carnally) while in High School.
I do not deny that I do not own a $20 or more watch. I don't deny that I don't own any watch.
I do not deny nor do I confirm that my parents gave me Robin instead of Batman on Christmas. I cannot recall receiving either, since I was not a fan of Batman or Robin.
I do not deny having farted silently while eating.
I do not deny being unsatisfied with movies or popcorn, though I'm not sure if you're quite prepared for the truth table you'll get if you chart this sentence. I deny needing a lot of chocolate.
Were you high when you wrote this? I am pretty sure my hands have never exploded.
Three priests walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.
Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin
http://hambydammit.wordpress.com/
Books about atheism
Do you admit that you raped and murdered a young girl in 1990?
Theism is why we can't have nice things.
1: Quite the contrary. I had both friends and enemies in large quantity in high school. Until I realised the quality of those friends and ditched all but two of them. I think that should qualify.
2: My watch was worth $50 at purchase.
3: I didn't want either. Only real error they ever made was getting a cheap knockoff of Perceptor (if I remember the name right) instead of the actual Autobot. But it worked out, because the knockoff had a superior colour scheme.
4, 5, 6, & 7: Too ridiculous to bother with.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
When will any of your posts make sense?
"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."
VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"
If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?
You're welcome, fuck off and die now please
You're an atheist too but you're too scared to play nicely with all the other little boys and girls.
Well, enough of the projections chum. Come on in and get with the program.
Welcome to the nut house. How's it going?
"Experiments are the only means of knowledge at our disposal. The rest is poetry, imagination." Max Planck
I'll go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I'll let you fall in love with that kitty cat, then on some dark, cold night I'm going to steal away into your house and punch you in the face.
BigUniverse wrote,
"Well the things that happen less often are more likely to be the result of the supper natural. A thing like loosing my keys in the morning is not likely supper natural, but finding a thousand dollars or meeting a celebrity might be."
Unlike foul5towns' Thomathy your story makes perfect sense. Find him a cudly Angora.
"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."
VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"
If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?
Dammit. It's supposed to be a non sequitur and it's not even original.
Quoting Sue Sylvester is its own reward.
How can not believing in something that is backed up with no empirical evidence be less scientific than believing in something that not only has no empirical evidence but actually goes against the laws of the universe and in many cases actually contradicts itself? - Ricky Gervais
geez, i wish. highschool would have been a lot more fun and productive without all the drama.
duh, never have. a $5 watch tells the time just as well as a $500 watch.
never got either. star wars and gijoe.
hehe, i don't think any of my farts have been silent for the last 20 years or so. and my american bulldog, darwin, is the the loud-fart king.
popcorn whips chocolate anyday. salts over sweets.
gatrade???? i don't drink gatrade or gatorade, but lizards are really cool. i have 3.
oh oh oh!! best joke ever:
what's black, white and red and can't get through the door?
a nun with a spear through her head.
www.derekneibarger.com http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=djneibarger "all postures of submission and surrender should be part of our prehistory." -christopher hitchens
BigUniverse wrote,
"Well the things that happen less often are more likely to be the result of the supper natural. A thing like loosing my keys in the morning is not likely supper natural, but finding a thousand dollars or meeting a celebrity might be."
Yes we cane.
Theism is why we can't have nice things.
I actually was unloved in high school. However, when I went home I was very loved. My dad is/was a good man and a good parent. By the way, my dad is a Christian minister and we have a great relationship. Surprise!
I actually don't own a watch at all. I had a watch that my husband bought me a long time ago before we ever got married, but, being the immoral atheist I am, I donated it because I didn't want anything that reminded me of him anymore. You see, his Christian god put the idea in his head that it was okay to abuse his wife.
Actually, I did get the Batman. Seriously, I did.
I actually can't fart when I eat because it would make me lose my appetite. If it's a dire situation, I leave the table and go into the other room and fart. And the people I live with don't care if I fart because two of them are cats and the other one worships everything about me, including my farts.
I don't eat chocolate because most of it has milk in it and I am a vegan. Plus I don't even like chocolate. However, I am always satisfied by a good movie. I just watched El Orfanato and it was amazing. You should see it. Although if you don't understand Spanish you'll have to read the subtitles and that might be hard for you.
I have no idea what to make of this. I don't drink gatorade, and I don't know what it has to do with veins or lizards.
That your primitive mind can't comprehend the joke doesn't make it a senseless joke. Or are you trying to say that this list made an ounce of sense?
Liberate your mind. Fuck religion.
1. That they were unloved in highschool / By whom?
2. That they do not own a $20 or more watch / I don't know how much my watch cost, it was a gift.
3. Their parents gave them a the Robin instead of Batman on Christmas / I asked for neither and got neither
4. When they eat they fart silently so that no one knows / Oh really?
5. They are not satisfied with movies or popcorn but need a lot of chocolate / I am not satisfied with the movies since most movies made int the last 30 years are pure garbage. I can take popcorn with or without chocolate.
6. If they drink gatrade their hands explode and their veins hang out for little lizards to play on (but their hands heal after 45 minutes) / What?¿?¿
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
7. They tell jokes that don't make sense / Your confusing us with theists whose jokes don't make sense.
Don't deny
$24.99
Never wanted either Batman or Robin
Girls don't fart
Most movies suck. law abiding citizen was decent, and I love chocolate.
Nope
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
You poke her face