How to control Humanity in 5 easy steps!

Jesterspace's picture

Picture the's back in the old, old, old, old days. Back when we were digging grubs up out of the ground to eat, and that damned sabre-toothed tiger kept eating half the village. Og (Our hero) was out getting some grubs to smear on his genitals as part of a mating ritual (Og has a big date tonight. He polished his club, and even got Grok to go and pick some flowers. Too bad Og doesn't know that Shirley, his date, was being eaten by that damned sabre-toothed tiger while he was out.) Well, Grok was on a hill, picking some flowers and debating throwing his bone club into the air and letting it metamorphosize into a spaceship. Well, a large flash of light came from the clouds and incinerated poor Grok. And here we get to the first point of this weeks diatribe.

We as human beings have always been inqusitive little monkeys. Og couldn't just look over and see the remains of Grok and shrug, going back to his grub collecting. Og needed to know Why that flash from the sky turned Grok into the first source of fire. Even thought Og got over losing Grok and Shirley since he took Grok's head back to his village and was accredited as being the man to first find fire in the soon to be Sacred Brazier of Grok-Skull, he still pondered why it all happened. Well, through storytelling Gods were invented. Gods served the purpose of answering those questions we didn't have the knowledge to figure out. Such as the fact that Grok was standing on a large deposit of Nickel ore, and lightning tends to be attracted to such things.

Gods were a good answer to such questions. And we needed answers. Humans have always needed a reason for things. We have the hardest time accepting that some things just are or just happen. Thankfully, there are people today who use this silly thing like logic and common sense. And well.. we're trying to save the species.

One of the things we were at first good with was sex. We knew why sex was. Making the babies. The fact that ir felt good was a bonus. We needed to make new people to make sure our little monkey species survived. Og was meant to go out and knock up as many of the Femme-style cavewomen as he could, and Latisha (Shirley's sister), was to find the best DNA strands she could and make strong babies. The more the better. We all knew why sex was done, and all was Good.

Well, after some rampant breeding, we won. We were the dominant species on the planet. We killed that damned sabre-toothed tiger, weathered the ice age, and generally began our long tradition of beating the crap out of Nature. We weren't too good at it at this point in history, but we were learning. One of the side effects of all this breeding was something the world had never encountered before. Overpopulation. Greece, Babylon, etc...were starting to get crowded. We got a little confused. and with enough people, we didn't really need to make as many babies, especially in the populated areas.

This disturbed us. We used to know in our cells what sex was for. We understood. But when the reason started to get more tenuous, we got perplexed. We liked sex, we had gotten used to sex..but we didn't need it.

Remember earlier in this rant when I mentioned the Gods thing, well, here is where it all ties in.

Well, there was a meeting of this new organization called the Church. They had capitalized on this Gods thing to make some money and prevent themselves from getting skewered. They were on the way to make their paperwork easier, but that is another story. Anyway, the leaders of the church were at Luigi's Clam Shack on Mithras Ave. one day. They were in the back room all snappy-looking in their Fedoras and pinstriped Togas. Over some wine, the conversation turned to the whole sex thing.

One ambitious Clergyman, his name lost to history*, stood up. "Gentlemen, I know you all have heard the commoners griping about their confusion over the sex thing. I know how we can turn this to our advantage. The people want a reason for the sex thing. They seem confused that we don't need to make babies anymore. Hence, I propose a reason for sex endorsed by the Church. That reason is...LOVE! The reason people have sex is because they are in love. Love is the reason for sex. You don't have sex unless you're in love."

Another clergyman sipped his wine and spoke up "Well, that's al fine and good, but what does that have to do with us?"

The ambitious one smiled. "Here's the trick. We tell them that Love is the reason for sex. Then we tell them that love isn't valid unless WE approve of it. We'll call! By being the only ones who can make love valid, we control love, and by controlling love, we control sex. And, as everyone wants sex, we control them!"

And they all raised a toast, scarfed some clams, and plotted how to bilk humanity out of a whole lot of money.

The problem with this theroy is that sex and love are not, nor should they ever have been, intrinsically connected. Sex is an action. something physical. Love is an emotion, something mental/spiritual. Don't get me wrong, sex with someone you love is wonderful, but sex isn't love. If I love someone, I can 'make love' to them from across the room without ever touching them. Love is Magic (You can spell it with a 'K' if you're one of the wiccan bunnie-hugger types). Two people having sex is people pleasing themselves and others and themselves with physical actions. Giving someone a massage and giving them oral sex is not really that different except for location and body parts used. The motive is the same. It makes me feel good to make someone else feel good. It's like cheese and crackers. You can eat them together, and if that's how you like them by all means, eat them that way. However, you can eat just cheese, or just crackers if your mood suits it. In my life, I have loved women I've never had sex with and had sex with women I've never loved. I'm not knocking monogamy. If that is what works for you, great. We're all here on the Big Blue Marble to eek as much pleasure out of life as we can. But it's one option among many. Realize that, and you'll be one step closer to True Freedom, and casting off your psychic suit of armor. Don't lose it, you will find times you need it, but if you wear it all the time, it's gonna chafe, and that's no fun.

More later


* There is a school of thought that believes that this clergyman was an ancestor of the man who came to prominence in 1166 and came to be known as Greyface.

"Imperious, choleric, irascible, extreme in everything, with a dissolute imagination the like of which has never been seen, atheistic to the point of fanaticism, there you have me in a nutshell.... Kill me again or take me as I am, for I shall not change.