Greetings From the Negative Zone!

Sage_Override's picture

*Gets kicked through the portal* 

*dusts self off*  

Shit, at least they could have gently shoved instead of being practically militant-stomped into this UNKNOWN WORLD full of POSSIBLY DANGEROUS BEINGS, not to mention UNSTABLE LAWS OF PHYSICS.  If they wanted this place traversed so badly, they could have sent a fucking homeless guy or a prostitute or an Asian kid or----

Guess I was thinking out loud again.  Yeah, it's your old esoteric, grumpy, overall pain in the royal ass of a pessimist and grammar nazi Sage.  If you hadn't guessed by now, I'm in kind of a sticky situation.  Awhile back, I involuntarily became part of a very hush-hush operation involving the exploration of a recent tear in the universe located due north of (LOCATION REMOVED) in a place called (LOCATION REMOVED).  Long story short, I woke up one day and heard a knock at my door.  I opened it and there were two well-dressed chaps holding papers up for me to sign explaining almost nothing as to why they were there.  Lucky for them, this year has been nothing short of awful with almost nothing going on whatsoever so, I signed the documents without reading them, they took me into their sleek nothing-conspicuous-about-this-at-all black Oldsmobile and away I went.  We didn't really move per se; we just...arrived.  I threw up.  One of them handed me a towel.

When we got out, I noticed we were in the middle of some ruined town with these messed up landmarks.  One particular building stood out, though; more modern and encased in a bubble.  Once inside, a purple-like glow kept pulsing brighter with each step I took.  We arrived to the "outer shell" of the luminescence and both gentlemen unzipped the plastic coating surrounding this object and there it was; I was staring into what can only be described as the mouth of madness.  A shimmering expanse that seemed endless and deep beyond measure.

I backed up out of fear, but both of my escorts gripped me firmly by the arms.  Not hard, but in a manner that said "we own you now."  Next thing I knew, I was being pumped full of inoculations, given disgusting shit to eat, a weird looking communicator to relay progress and BAM; I was in.  

So, that's where I've been.  If you're wondering how I'm able to tell you all this, I'll be glad to answer that question...

Some guy gave me a laptop.  Yeah, this place has beings that are as nice as Canadians.  Not sure how the internet works here so, I just assume you'll get this message.  Everything here is really cool to look at and everyone helped me adjust almost immediately.  Nothing seems out of place really; very tidy, some trash here and there, lots of stores specializing in energy drinks only and the sky is like a giant electrical conduit.  I just recently got to have a sit-down with some of them earlier and thought I'd share some staggering stuff that was divulged to me:

- The God that most of us worship is actually a guy named Hector and he's pretty much a glorified custodian.  He has "rounds" like a doctor, but since there are an infinite amount of these universes, black holes, worm holes, dimensions and other anomalies, the chance that you'll ever meet him is almost non-existent.  They, and most other civilizations, have records tracing back to his first sightings and recorded everything that happened.  Nowadays, to keep a lower profile, you'd never know if you'd met him because he seems to blend in with every place he visits.  They say that they're not sure why there's such a division on who or what he is since he left iron-clad proof of his arrival; usually trinkets containing unknown metals and other unidentified properties not apparent until closer examination that prove of his travels, not to mention inscriptions on said object such as "Hector: I Don't Know What I Am, But I'm Not Divine Or God."  They speculate since our civilization is so primitive and skeptical that it's possible he's visited three or four times in our existence and the proper tools weren't available or we just didn't have the proper perception at the time to give a fuck.
- They claim that there's a dimension with all of Earth's missing socks.  I asked if there's a way to get there, but they told me I would probably choke to death due to the overwhelming odor that's permeated the atmosphere over centuries of fabric decay.
- They told me that our "Bermuda Triangle" is actually a gateway to their resorts and that Amelia Earhart stayed there for awhile before asking to be moved to a warmer part where she spent her final days. 
- I asked if they figured out the meaning of life, why they were there, etc.  They told me that their purpose was to create the perfect meal.  A meal so amazing that no one would ever be able to turn it down, every known race would accept it and enjoy it with nothing but awesome things to say about it.  They haven't gotten it right, though, and they told me they have been trying for nearly one-million of our years. 
- This dimension has no crime to speak of.  There's no real economy or reason to do anything bad.  They don't meddle with other being's affairs and try to keep to themselves.  The tear to our world happened due to an implosion of one of their own.  Members of their race don't really die; they shift.  Once a member of their society shifts, they radiate such a positive force of energy that it resonates to a random part of the universe and can cause potential damage; in this case, it hit Earth.  Most of the time, they're prepared for any unforeseen events such as this, but they were a little behind schedule because of a FPS tournament.  Yeah, apparently gaming is revered here.  It would explain the rash of energy drink stores.

- I didn't want to take up too much of their time so, I finally asked them what type of leadership they had?  They told me that their hierarchies are divided into contributions to their society, not monetary classes.  There are developer factions, engineer factions, scientist factions, etc.  There are people that choose to not associate themselves with these groups, but that doesn't put them any lower on the totem pole; just a choice.  However, becoming a part of these organizations gets you quicker access to the newest technology and a chance to contribute to projects.  Those outside of the circles just get to experience the creations and do with them what they please as long as it's nothing malicious which is hardly ever the case.

After our conversation, I took off to look for food.  I managed to find a small place that served what looked like pasta, but was green and had soft spines on it.  Wasn't bad, though; kind of a cross between asparagus and lemon-flavored chicken.  So, I'm writing this entry as I eat this very interesting dish, no doubt another moot, yet admirable, attempt to create the perfect meal.  

For the time being, I'm trapped here.  Don't know for how long.  Given the circumstances before coming here, I'm kind of glad.  I've been questioning things too much and I'm at a horrifying stand-still with my life.  Health hasn't been too great, either.  All I can say is that I'll be posting and updating when I can granted any of these communications are reaching you folks on the other side.

Until then, enjoy reality! 

"When the majority believes in what is false, the truth becomes a quest." - Me

Well, thank goodness you

Well, thank goodness you didn't go insane or anything.



Vastet's picture

"gaming is revered here." I

"gaming is revered here."

I want to go. > >

Proud Canadian, Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.

Beyond Saving's picture

 Was that intentional use

 Was that intentional use of acid or did someone slip some PCP in your joint?