Santa answers letters...

Anonymous
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Santa answers letters...

Dear Santa letters……

What Santa really wants to say to your letters....

Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I’v ben a gud boy all year. Yer friend, Billy.

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell. Santa
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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they? Santa
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Dear Santa,
I don’t know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I’d like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy.

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad’s banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he’s gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It’s time you give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead… Santa

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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 3, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum set, a pony, and a tuba. Love, Francis.

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid “Francis” nowadays? I bet you’re gay. I’ll set you up with a Barbie. Santa
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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan.

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch. Santa.
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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas.

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porn films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the assess of cocktail waitresses while losing my money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa
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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we’re sleeping, do you really know when we’re awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica.

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I’m skipping your house. Santa
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Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one? Love, Timmy.

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn’t work with me. You’re getting a sweater again. Santa
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Dear Santa,
We don’t have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home? Love, Marky.

Dear Mark,
First stop calling yourself “Marky”, that’s why you’re getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don’t live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window. Sweet dreams… Santa.


Christen
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Joined: 2006-02-15
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I got this email today. Very

I got this email today. Very funny. "banging the babysitter like a screendoor in a hurricane." Laughing out loud