And Flying Spaghetti Monster took a man and placed him in the Olive Garden to dress it---and its delicious salads---and to keep it.

And Flying Spaghetti Monster commanded the man, saying, Of all pasta of the Olive Garden mayest thou freely eat, but of the meatball of the knowledge of God and Jesus, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely suffer explosive bowels.

And Flying Spaghetti Monster said, It is not good that the man should dine alone; I will arrange for him someone easy from an online singles service to dine alongside him."
And Flying Spaghetti Monster made a deep sleep fall upon the man, for he had consumed much, and the man slept.

And Flying Spaghetti Monster took of this man his cellphone and closed up the hand thereof. And upon the cellphone which Flying Spaghetti Monster had taken from the man, ordered he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

And the man said, She’s alright, like a seven maybe.

And Flying Spaghetti Monster said, She's the best I could find in a crunch.

And the man said, No, it's okay. She's doable.

Therefore shall a man leave his father’s and his mother’s table, and shall begrudgingly pay for his mediocre blind date's meals: and they shall be on one bill.

And they were both naked for some reason, the man and his internet success story, and they were not ashamed, despite any laws concerning public indecency.

Now the waiter was more shrewd than any employee of the establishment which the Flying Spaghetti Monster had chosen. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath Flying Spaghetti Monster said, Ye shall not eat of every pasta of the Olive Garden?

And the woman said unto the waiter, We may eat of all the pastas of the Olive Garden: But of the meatball of the pasta which is in the midst of the Olive Garden, Flying Spaghetti Monster hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye suffer explosive bowels.

And the waiter said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely suffer explosive bowels: For Flying Spaghetti Monster doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then you shall become a mindless zombie, and ye shall discuss things like gods, believing in both God and Jesus.

And when the woman saw that the pasta was a pretty good deal, for it was the special that day, and that it was a pasta to be desired by any true connoisseur of Italian cuisine, she took of the meatball thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband, who had already learned not to argue; and he did eat.

And the brains of them both were made unreasonable, and they remembered that they were naked, but that is beside the point.

And they saw the Flying Spaghetti Monster hovering in the garden in the busy lunch hour time of day: and the man and his mediocre internet success story hid themselves from the presence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster amongst the other patrons of the Olive Garden.

And the scream of a child was heard in the Olive Garden, for the child had never seen a grown man’s penis, and Flying Spaghetti Monster said, Oh, there you are.

And the man said, I tried to hide, but I was too naked.

And Flying Spaghetti Monster said, very naked, yes, but listen: Hast thou eaten of the pasta, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?

And the man said, She did it.

And the woman said, He did it.

And Flying Spaghetti Monster said unto the waiter, Because thou hast done this, upon minimum wage must thou live, and must thou beg constantly for tips, and must thou eat shitty tv dinners all the days of thy life.

And the waiter said, Tell me about it. 

And lo, it came to pass that the manager had already sent for the police, and they were all sent forth from the Olive Garden, for they had exposed themselves indecently in public.