Politcally incorrect

wavefreak
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Politcally incorrect

Why are there no Christians in fox holes? The rapture silly!

Why are their no atheists in fox holes? Since the Christians left there are no more wars.

Why are there no muslims in fox holes? Well - there are. It's just after the exploding belt thing, they're in more than one. 

 

Bwahahahaha Yell

 


darth_josh
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There has been much

There has been much disagreement in scripture as to what jesus' last words on the cross were. Here are some of the submissions not addressed:

"Get me down from here!"

"Ouch!"

"I swear he said he was eighteen."

"Ok. Joke's over. I wanna get down now."

"I hurt."

"Hey, Peter. I can see your house from here."

"Thirty pieces of silver???!!! That's all!"

"Ok. Ok. I take it back" (close to the same syllables for 'eloi eloi' ) Eye-wink

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RagenGaijin
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He said "ITS A LIE ITS A

He said "ITS A LIE ITS A LIE" he actually spoke in english since He is God he knows everything and expected later readers to put it together.


Watcher
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darth_josh wrote: There

darth_josh wrote:

There has been much disagreement in scripture as to what jesus' last words on the cross were. Here are some of the submissions not addressed:

"Get me down from here!"

"Ouch!"

"I swear he said he was eighteen."

"Ok. Joke's over. I wanna get down now."

"I hurt."

"Hey, Peter. I can see your house from here."

"Thirty pieces of silver???!!! That's all!"

"Ok. Ok. I take it back" (close to the same syllables for 'eloi eloi' ) Eye-wink

Darth, I think this post you made was a hundred times more damning that the Blasphemy Challenge.  Prepare for hell.

LOL.  I laughed my ass off so I'm going too.

Maybe in hell I'll get to stand next to you wearing a T-shirt saying, "I'm with the comedian.  -->"

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The last words Jesus said

The last words Jesus said on the cross were, "This is a hell of a way to spend Easter."

 

Frosty's coming back someday. Will you be ready?


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  RickRebel wrote: The

 

RickRebel wrote:

The last words Jesus said on the cross were, "This is a hell of a way to spend Easter."

 

"I thought it was a chocolate bunny!"

"She said she wanted me to find her hidden egg!"

"Ever have an itch you can't reach?"

 "It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater..."

 "ooo, I think I got a sliver."

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to fall asleep with all you people standing around talking?"

"When I return they will call me Jackson, Michael Jackson."

"I'm so glad I called shotgun, I'd hate to be on one of those back 2 crosses." 


darth_josh
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God is walking around

God is walking around heaven and he sees that everyone there is lazy. He perchance passes jesus leaning on the pearly gates and it sets him off.

god: Alright! That's it. I've got two jobs. One on Venus paying $10,000 and one on Earth paying $50,000. Choose.

jesus: I'll take Venus.

god: Why not Earth, it pays more?

jesus: The last time I was there I got hammered with tax(tacks)!

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jmm
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(No subject)


darth_josh
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  I feel bad about picking

 

I feel bad about picking on people that can't defend themselves because of that whole 'non-existence' thing. Too bad the belief is still there.

Oh wait. I'm over feeling bad now.

Jesus walks into a motel and puts three nails on the counter.

The innkeeper looks at him and says, "What do you want?"

Jesus says, "I was wondering if you could put me up for the night." 

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Brian37
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Just to show theists we can

Just to show theists we can laugh at ourselves too.

1. What does an atheist shout during sex?

Answer: "OH NOTHING!"

2. What do atheists disscuss at their conventions?

Answer: "Nothing"

3.What is our favorite holiday?

Answer: "April Fools Day"

...................................................

I may have fangs for hocus pocus claims, but I also have a sense of humor. 

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
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It is no accident that the

It is no accident that the symbol of a bishop is a crook and the sign of an archbishop is a double-cross.

Jesus was renowned for his ability to heal. What was the one affliction that proved to malignant for his cure? Christianity.

If "he who lives by the sword shall die by the sword" holds true, then Jesus the carpenter met his end properly. After all, he was nailed to a piece of wood, wasn't he?

All Gods were immortal.

On the other hand, the Bible contains much that is relevant today, like Noah taking 40 days to find a place to park.

They found Noah's Ark but there was a sign on it: "Made in Hong Kong."

Stultior stulto fuisti, qui tabellis crederes!


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Jesus' actual final words

Jesus' actual final words (said while cross he was on was slowly falling over)

 

"Fucking beavers!"

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wavefreak
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So where are the muslim

So where are the muslim jokes? You haven't lived until you are the target of a fatwa.


jcgadfly
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wavefreak wrote: So where

wavefreak wrote:
So where are the muslim jokes? You haven't lived until you are the target of a fatwa.

I haven't got the time or inclination to publish the entire Muslim joke book aka the Koran. 

"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."
— George Carlin


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Why did Mohammed fuck

Why did Mohammed fuck sheep?

The Quaran bans pigs and dogs.


Jacob Cordingley
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As Jesus is being put on

As Jesus is being put on the cross:

"Actually guys! Guys! Listen to me you sons of bitches!! Guys, if you put the nail through the palms of my hands it will just rip through them and I'll fall off, the best place is actually the wrist, make sure you don't get the artery though, don't want to die too quick, these are your bloody sins I'm dying for."

To his followers:

"Actually I said I was the son of Dog! Have you seen my mum? Teenage whore turned into rough middle aged prozzie... yup that's right. Not really a looker. But if you're gonna follow me, I think my ego needs some massaging."


darth_josh
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Cop: What do we know about

Cop: What do we know about this islamic suicide bomber?

CSI: His eyes were blue.

Cop: How can you tell that?

CSI: One blew that way and one blew this way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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