Funny Christian Story

pariahjane
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Funny Christian Story

This happened about five years ago, but I still kind of crack up about the absurdity of the stiuation.  There's some swearing involved, just to warn people.  I lived next to a baptist church in a not so nice part of town for a couple of years.  There were about five of us living in the house and we had a really long driveway, so parking was sometimes difficult since we crammed five cars into this driveway.  Anyway, I come home one day from the laundromat and can't pull in because there is an old school cadillac parked in the driveway.  Kind of annoying, but no big deal.  I just figured that one of the housemates had a friend over.  So, I get inside and my one housemate Matt tells me the car actually belongs to a woman who went into the church and had been in there for over an hour.  He's really pissed because he needed to leave and was going to be late for work.  So, the lady finally comes out of the church, all decked out in her Sunday best with a little kid in tow.  Matt leans out the window (we were on the second floor) and says, very nicely, "excuse me m'am, but could you move your car?  You're blocking me in and I really need to get to work."  The woman turns around and starts screaming at the top of her lungs "Why don't you come down here and make me move, mother fucker.  I'll kill you and your mother fucking friends and burn down your house while your sleeping, mother fucking bleep bleep bleep."  I won't even repeat some of the things she said.  I finally had to put my two cents in and told her she wasn't being very christian and she called me a stupid twat and told me she was going to kill me.  She started kicking the house too.   I swear I'll never forget it because I was so stunned at her explosive response to a very nice and reasonable request.


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I'd have come down and start

I'd have come down and start smashing the car up with a baseball bat. Or call a friend who has a tow truck and have him tow her car out to the lake and then dump it in.

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pariahjane
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We called the cops to have

We called the cops to have her towed but they wouldn't do it because we were tenants.  Which basically meant they were too lazy to go out there and tow her.  She created such a scene and people were gathering.  We were afraid there was going to be a riot. 

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Ugh, stupid

Ugh, stupid Christians.

Most of them are not even nice anyway. They remind people of the time Jesus cussed out the Pharisees and then they say, "see? we can cuss, too".

 Morons.


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pariahjane wrote: So, the

pariahjane wrote:
So, the lady finally comes out of the church, all decked out in her Sunday best with a little kid in tow. Matt leans out the window (we were on the second floor) and says, very nicely, "excuse me m'am, but could you move your car? You're blocking me in and I really need to get to work." The woman turns around and starts screaming at the top of her lungs "Why don't you come down here and make me move, mother fucker. I'll kill you and your mother fucking friends and burn down your house while your sleeping, mother fucking bleep bleep bleep."

What makes it really ridiculous is that she was on her way out anyway.  She could have said, "of course, I'm on my way out right now anyway" instead of going ballistic because someone asked her to mitigate circumstances that could have been avoided if she had refrained from parking in a private residential driveway instead of in the church parking lot or on the street. 


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I had a similar experiance

I had a similar experiance when I worked as a telemarketer.  We would work on Sundays, so we would get a lot of people give excuses like "Sorry, I'm late for church."  However, one day I got the best responce.  Here's how our conversation went:

Me:  Hello, Mrs. Smith?

Her:  Yes?

Me:  It's Jim, from MPI, representing the Ohio Patrolmen's Benevolent Association.  How are you today?

 Her:  Just fine, but I can't talk now.  I have to go to church.

Me:  This is important though, and I'll just be a minute.

Her:  What did I just say you f-ing *bleep*sucker.  Stop f-ing calling here you asshole!

 Me (what I should have said):  Do you pray to God with that mouth?

 

It made my day. 

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pariahjane wrote: The

pariahjane wrote:
The woman turns around and starts screaming at the top of her lungs "Why don't you come down here and make me move, mother fucker. I'll kill you and your mother fucking friends and burn down your house while your sleeping, mother fucking bleep bleep bleep." I won't even repeat some of the things she said. I finally had to put my two cents in and told her she wasn't being very christian and she called me a stupid twat and told me she was going to kill me. She started kicking the house too.

She was just emulating her god. How many times in the bible does the god curse and kill people at his whim?  

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pariahjane
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rab wrote: She was just

rab wrote:

She was just emulating her god. How many times in the bible does the god curse and kill people at his whim?

Thing is she was genuinely offended that we asked her to move.  I see it a lot with christians (yes, I know sweeping generalization, I'll apologize in advance), they feel so entitled that whenever someone 'wrongs' them, they get all fired up.  Very un-christian like, imo. 

If god takes life he's an indian giver


Vastet
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Ugh.

Ugh.

I would have had her car towed while she was in the church. Lets see what she says then.

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pariahjane wrote:

pariahjane wrote:

Very un-christian like, imo.

Well, I don't expect true Christians to be very kind, but they can be really crazy, though.