Belief challenge for theists

triften
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Belief challenge for theists

(Disclaimer: Just feeling a little snarky today.) 

1) Take a plate from your cabinet.

2) Set it someplace it can sit undisturbed for an extended period of time.

3) Spend a few hours once a week telling yourself that the plate can fly.

4) Tell your children that the plate can fly.

5) Remember, do not test the plate (i.e. throw it, drop it, etc.) It doesn't like that. 

6) Hang out with a bunch of other flying-plateists.

7) Read books about flying plates in your spare time.

If you try this, you'll believe in the miracle of the flying plate. I just may change your life. 

You see, if you just open your heart to the flying plate, you'll understand. 

If you don't have any books about flying plates, I've got a copy of a really old one. It's amazing because events that are predicted earlier in the book, occur later in the book. 

-Triften 


LosingStreak06
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I often feel out of place

I often feel out of place when things like this come up. Nothing in this topic comes even remotely close to an accurate parody of how I live.


North00
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I hope its okay if I'm a

I hope its okay if I'm a little snarky back. No offense meant just making a parody.

 

 

1) Select a random cabinet in your house. Don't look in it!

2) lock it, throw away the key, and hang a sign warning people to not look inside.

3) Spend a few hours once a week telling yourself that the cabinet is empty.

4) Tell your children that the cabinet is empty!

5) Remember, do not look in the cabinet! It doesn't like that.

6) Hang out with a bunch of other empty-cabinetists.

7) Read books about empty cabinets in your spare time.

If you try this, you'll believe in the miracle of the empty cabinet. I just may change your life.

You see, if you just open your mind to the empty cabinet, you'll understand.

If you don't have any books about empty cabinets, I've got a copy of a really old one. It's amazing because it confirms that my cabinet is empty despite my never looking. I mean if I've never seen anything in the cabinet that I never looked in it must be empty!

-North


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LosingStreak06 wrote: I

LosingStreak06 wrote:
I often feel out of place when things like this come up. Nothing in this topic comes even remotely close to an accurate parody of how I live.

 {insert witty mock of everything you hold dear}


LosingStreak06
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Tarpan

Tarpan wrote:

LosingStreak06 wrote:
I often feel out of place when things like this come up. Nothing in this topic comes even remotely close to an accurate parody of how I live.

{insert witty mock of everything you hold dear}

If you guys don't get your acts together, I might be inclined to punish you by posting irreparably and painfully stupid things in a mock-fundy fashion. 


triften
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North, I get the feeling

North,

I get the feeling that you are trying to make a statement about atheism but, by including the "don't look in the cabinet" item, you seem to be agreeing with my plate thing.

 If you don't mean to agree with me: It doesn't matter whether the cabinet is full or empty. Check out the Am I Agnostic or Atheist? essay (left hand sidebar) for one explaination of weak atheism (agnostic atheism).

An agnostic atheist wouldn't make any claims about whether or not the cabinet contains anything.

Another cabinet analogy: Let's say that one person says that the locked cabinet in my house contains $100,000 and that I needn't save any money since there's plenty in that cabinet, should I really need it. Well, unless I see some proof, I'm not going to act like there's $100,000 in the cabinet. I'm not making any positive claims about the cabinet (agnostic), I'm just not going to behave as if the 100k really exists.

Also, you seem to imply that atheists have never investigated/been part of/believed in any religion. Do you think that's true? 

-Triften


triften
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LosingStreak06 wrote: If

LosingStreak06 wrote:

If you guys don't get your acts together, I might be inclined to punish you by posting irreparably and painfully stupid things in a mock-fundy fashion.

A threat?! How dare you, sir.

I'm sorry that I don't know enough about you to make a decent parody of your life. Feel free to PM me with enough information so that I can work something up. Smiling

 -Triften 


 


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This will probably get me

This will probably get me in trouble, but oh well.

 

  1. Buy a cabinet
  2. Measure the outside of the cabinet
  3. Write a book about the outside of the cabinet
  4. Open the cabinet.
  5. Write a book about the open cabinet.
  6. Measure the inside of the cabinet. Determine if the measurements taken of the outside of the cabinet correlate to the measurments of the inside.
  7. Write a book about correlating inner and outer cabinet measurements.
  8. Remove the cabinet door, locks and hinges. Calculate all forces necessary to allow proper functioning of these moving parts. Replace hinges and locks with other configurations to determine if there is an optimal design for cabinet doors and hardware.
  9. Apply for a grant to cross reference cabinet hardware across cultural boundaries. Write a book as part of the grant.
  10. Decompose the cabinet into sawdust. Chemically analyze the sawdust to determine the composition of the wood. Use carbon 14 dating to date the age of the wood.
  11. Write a book about the atomic composition of wooden cabinets.
  12. Find someplace else to keep your all books about cabinets.


triften
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Why do I have the feeling

Why do I have the feeling that this thread should be moved into the General Convo and Humor forum...

Smiling

-Triften

EDIT:

wavefreak wrote:

12. Find someplace else to keep your all books about cabinets.

Ha!

-Triften 

 


wavefreak
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Forgot one.

Forgot one.

 

13) A thousand years later, someone finds all the books about cabinets and starts a religion based on the mysterious proto-cabinet. Long fruitless arguments ensue about whether the cabinet ever actually existed.


pariahjane
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wavefreak wrote: This will

wavefreak wrote:

This will probably get me in trouble, but oh well.

 

  1. Buy a cabinet
  2. Measure the outside of the cabinet
  3. Write a book about the outside of the cabinet
  4. Open the cabinet.
  5. Write a book about the open cabinet.
  6. Measure the inside of the cabinet. Determine if the measurements taken of the outside of the cabinet correlate to the measurments of the inside.
  7. Write a book about correlating inner and outer cabinet measurements.
  8. Remove the cabinet door, locks and hinges. Calculate all forces necessary to allow proper functioning of these moving parts. Replace hinges and locks with other configurations to determine if there is an optimal design for cabinet doors and hardware.
  9. Apply for a grant to cross reference cabinet hardware across cultural boundaries. Write a book as part of the grant.
  10. Decompose the cabinet into sawdust. Chemically analyze the sawdust to determine the composition of the wood. Use carbon 14 dating to date the age of the wood.
  11. Write a book about the atomic composition of wooden cabinets.
  12. Find someplace else to keep your all books about cabinets.

LOL!!!  Trouble or not, that was incredibly clever.  And funny. 

If god takes life he's an indian giver


magilum
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1. Proclaim in an empty

1. Proclaim in an empty space there is a cabinet.

2. When contradicted, point out there's a cabinet-shaped disturbance in the dust indicating presence of cabinet.

3. When heretic points out dust is undisturbed, indicate this is what cabinet wants you to think, to maintain your free choice. Your choice to believe there being a cabinet.

4. When heretic waves hand through cabinet-space asking where the cabinet is if there is one, indicate that the cabinet exists on another vibrational level.

5. When asked what vibrational level means, clarify that it means plane of existence.

6. When asked what plane of existence means, clarify that it means vibrational level.

7. Call local news outlets, and charge pilgrims fee to pray to magic cabinet.


wavefreak
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magilum wrote: 1. Proclaim

magilum wrote:

1. Proclaim in an empty space there is a cabinet.

2. When contradicted, point out there's a cabinet-shaped disturbance in the dust indicating presence of cabinet.

3. When heretic points out dust is undisturbed, indicate this is what cabinet wants you to think, to maintain your free choice. Your choice to believe there being a cabinet.

4. When heretic waves hand through cabinet-space asking where the cabinet is if there is one, indicate that the cabinet exists on another vibrational level.

5. When asked what vibrational level means, clarify that it means plane of existence.

6. When asked what plane of existence means, clarify that it means vibrational level.

7. Call local news outlets, and charge pilgrims fee to pray to magic cabinet.

LOL.

Looks like the FSM has an upstart - Cabinetism. I wonder if Tom Cruise would join up. 


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Hmm, wasn't you-know-who

Hmm, wasn't you-know-who supposed to be a carpenter?  Maybe he made this cabinet. 

 


Anonymous88 (not verified)
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I am intrigued by this new

I am intrigued by this new platiest religion and I have questions:

1. Will the plate demand 10% of my food from every meal?
2. Will I be required to sacrifice a can of spam to the plate to keep it appeased? If so, does it have to be name brand spam or will a cheaper knock off suffice?
3. Has the plate sent it's own platelette to die in a dishwasher for my sins?
4. Has this plate ever performed any miracles? Turned spam into pot roast?
5. Is there only one plate or is there a whole matched set of plates that I must appease?
6. Will paper plates offend the one plate? This could be a deal breaker.
7. When the other platiests and I meet at the china shop, will there be songs to sing and deep meaningful dialog about the Final Washing?


jmm
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triften

triften wrote:

(Disclaimer: Just feeling a little snarky today.)

1) Take a plate from your cabinet.

2) Set it someplace it can sit undisturbed for an extended period of time.

3) Spend a few hours once a week telling yourself that the plate can fly.

4) Tell your children that the plate can fly.

5) Remember, do not test the plate (i.e. throw it, drop it, etc.) It doesn't like that.

6) Hang out with a bunch of other flying-plateists.

7) Read books about flying plates in your spare time.

If you try this, you'll believe in the miracle of the flying plate. I just may change your life.

You see, if you just open your heart to the flying plate, you'll understand.

If you don't have any books about flying plates, I've got a copy of a really old one. It's amazing because events that are predicted earlier in the book, occur later in the book.

-Triften

Bertrand Russell called, he wants his failed metaphors back ASAP.   


triften
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jmm wrote: Bertrand

jmm wrote:

Bertrand Russell called, he wants his failed metaphors back ASAP.

He's letting me borrow it for a bit.

So are you going to let us in on the fail or keep us hanging?

-Triften 


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Anonymous88 wrote: I am

Anonymous88 wrote:
I am intrigued by this new platiest religion and I have questions: 1. Will the plate demand 10% of my food from every meal? [...]

Hopefully you're a bad cook: the plate does demand burnt offerings.