KJV literalism gone crazy

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KJV literalism gone crazy

My mom--who is still an active Southern Baptist--was telling me about a television preacher who she saw doing a sermon based on the King James version of Matt 24:7

For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places.

Apparently this preacher--named Jensen or Jenson--had decided that "divers places" meant the bottom of the ocean.  You know, where divers go.  So he had this whole long scheme worked out about how all these recent underwater earthquakes in the Pacific were signs that the end of the world is on its way soon. 

My mom wanted to confirm with me, correctly, that "divers" was a Jamesian spelling of "diverse" meaning "various."  More current translations actually say "various places."  But I thought it was pretty funny that this guy got all in a knot about underwater earthquakes because he doesn't understand that his version of the Bible was written in the 1600's.  Literalism at its worst.

Also it makes some other KJV verses mean interesting things (and suggests this guy hasn't read enough of the Bible to notice that "divers" occurs all over the place):

Deu 22:11 "Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts," so no wetsuits for you Christians.

Deu 25:13 "Thou shalt not have in thy bag divers weights, a great and a small."  I guess you have to carry your divers weights in the trunk of your car or on your boat.

2 Sam 13:19 "And Tamar put ashes on her head, and rent her garment of divers colours"  I thought most wetsuits were black anyway?

Psa 78:45 "He sent divers sorts of flies among them, which devoured them; and frogs, which destroyed them." What sort of flies do divers use?

Mar 1:34 " And he healed many that were sick of divers diseases."  So Jesus cured the bends.

"After Jesus was born, the Old Testament basically became a way for Bible publishers to keep their word count up." -Stephen Colbert

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Textom wrote: 2 Sam 13:19

Textom wrote:

2 Sam 13:19 "And Tamar put ashes on her head, and rent her garment of divers colours" I thought most wetsuits were black anyway?

Maybe back in the day, I've got a blue and grey one, canoeist

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This pretty much sums up

This pretty much sums up religion to me, lol.

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That is incredibly laffo.

That is incredibly laffo.

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come on this is more common

come on this is more common i suspect than we really know.

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That's fuckin' awesome,

That's fuckin' awesome, dude. It's amazing what people will put up with from religious texts and their interpretation.