USA health care
Offline My dad has been in a nursing home since April. He broke his hip and had surgery.
He went in to hospital. They treated him like a number. After five days they were trying to push him out of the bed claiming they needed it but there were dozens of empty beds on the floor. We filed complaints and got him to stay a bit longer but then they called us to say we needed to come pick him up. We found him in a wheel chair in the hallway with his bag of personal things. They didn't even bother to sort his shit out. They threw it all in a bag and some of it had liquids in it.
My dad has Parkinson's and dementia. He can't speak very well or not at all. He has very limited movement. So there he sat. Waiting for us.
When we complained we were told that the new facility was waiting for him. We were responsible for moving him. We later found out that one of the administators called the facility and lied to them about us giving the ok to move him.
The next location he went to was actually really good. He responded well to the therapy and gained weight. He actually was improving. However he was only there for six weeks and we had to fight to keep him there a bit longer. The rule was that it was short term only.
The next place we took him to was terrible. They kept trying to feed him meat but he doesn't eat meat. We told them a number of times. NO MEAT. Even when they did feed him it was terrible. I couldn't chew it myself when I tried it was so tough. My dad couldn't eat it either because he had trouble swallowing.
We took him out of there and then moved him to another place which lasted three days. He had fallen because he tried to get up and go to the bathroom. He couldn't do this because of the hip. My mom and I found him on the floor.
When we went to look for the help we found one lady upstairs watching television and when asked told us she didn't take care of the bottom floor. When asked, she told us she didn't know where the other lady was located but we found out she had actually left the building to go on a personal errand.
We took my dad out of there and put him back in to rehab. It was an awesome six weeks. He responded very well to the treatments but they only allowed short term.
We then took him to a new place and that lasted four days. We found my dad in a fetal position and he was nearly dead. Dehydrated and unclean. We called the ambulance and they took him to the hospital where he recovered nicely. The off to six weeks of therapy.
We found out that each place we took him to kept forgetting to give him water. He had a PEG in his bellow to feed him and he never seemed to get enough water.
After six weeks we took him to another place but it lasted 24 hours. They never fed him and they never gave him blankets. It was a fucking nightmare. They even tried to get him to sign a release form but thankfully he couldn't write.
We then took him to another place where he stayed but we were never really happy with their service. They were more satisfied to have him poop and pee in his diaper than to get him up to use the bathroom.
They also didn't give him enough water. They also never did any thing about his bed sores.
Then last Thursday they called my mom and told her that he had a temp and that he wasn't doing well. She called the doctor on staff, WHO I KID YOU NOT, told them to give him an asprin and to call him in the morning.
NO FUCKING WAY.
My mom went down to see him the next day and he was shaking so violently they had to restrain him. They took him to the hospital and they found he was septic.
He was running a massive fever, 104, down 17 lbs, blood pressure 60/40.
They pumped him full of antibiotics and got the fever down. However the damage was done.
They have him on five drugs called pressers to keep his BP at 110/70. They also had another drug to draw the blood in to the heart and away from the fingers and toes. When you touch him he feels like an icicle.
So they wrap him with thermal blankets to warm him.
They also had to put big mittens on him to prevent him from pulling out the wires and tubes. I think he was trying to kill himself.
When I saw him on Sat he was ok but every hour they had to pump him full of this stuff to keep him alive. My mom is in denial thinking he'll come home.
I talked to my oldest brother who is a doctor and he said that we don't even need Hospice. You just need to stop giving him meds and he'll go to sleep.
So there we sit, waiting for his organs to give out from the toxic chemicals or for my mom to wake up.
All this for a guy who grew up on the streets of NY running with a gang because his parents were drunks. A guy who lived in dumpsters and got in to fights which were life and death. A guy who made it out of high school thanks to some Catholic nuns (amazing there is some good from the Catholics) who were hard on him to finish school. A guy who did 24 years in the military. 20 in the Post Office. Who saved his money, raised 4 kids, supported his wife through school, taught me baseball and taught me about cars. Who was a hard ass on all of us and some times beat us to the point where we bled. A guy who I hated at several points him my life and who I never wanted to grow up to imitate. A guy who later in life learned that being conservative wasn't the answer and that it was better to give than to receive. A guy who wasn't so bad after all. A guy who was just trying to figure out life with the cards he had been dealt.
To my dad. I hope you die soon and that it is quickly and painless. I hope that they don't bleed you any more because they keep trying to suck your savings from you even though you paid all your dues and paid all your insurance premiums. Who fought for this country in Korea and yet is shunned by the fucking government.
I'll miss you but never forget you.
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Damn Digital, that really sucks. I can totally identify my mother is 83 with mobility problems. You really have to throw a fit and piss people off to get things done, otherwise they will play hot potato with the elderly. My mom had an operation last year, the hospital wanted to dump her out doped up, I threw a fucking fit, I knew her history, and I knew she needed thearapy considering what they did. Turned out if she had not gone to thearapy she had gotten an infection that would not have gotten caught if she had gone directly home. She could have died.
But yea I totally get you, you don't want your loved one to die, but it sure sucks watching them in pain.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
I posted this message just after midnight yesterday. A few minutes later I got a call from my brother, the doctor, that my father's heart was working at 10%. His kidneys had shut down.
I made a bunch of calls to my siblings and other family and we rushed down to the hospital.
As we sat waiting for the moment to occur, we all shared stories about my father even thought he was gasping for air and he stared off in to ceiling.
I told my mom to speak to him. Let him hear your voice, I told her.
She spoke to him in a calm voice. He turned and looked at her with his ghoulish eyes and gaping mouth.
He was still there. He could hear her. I'll assume he was listening to us.
I imagined what was going on inside his shell of a body.
Was he frightened? Was he calm? Was he begging for the sting of death?
I sat in the chair across from the bed trying to hold back tears.
I knew he was gone for good and there would never be another version of him again.
I thought about multi-verses. Could he appear mathematically again in another universe? Could this entire family exist again in this configuration? Ever atom in the same exact position at the same exact time?
I looked at my dad. His face went flush. The heart monitor was flat. The BP dropped to 40/20, then it got so low it just said 15.
As I looked at his face I didn't know it then, but he had passed. All the blood from his face had stopped flowing. He was a paste colored that I had never seen before, even with my color blindness.
I looked at the monitor again and it jumped to 110/90, the heart rate was 92.
The nurse rushed over and turned off the monitor.
She looked at me with tears in her eyes and told me that it some times happens the heart doesn't know to stop and gives one last burst of life.
I was happy he had gone. 1:08am on my phone. His body will decieve him no more.
I had seen plenty of dead people and I had seen people die but not up close and not so personal.
I can see where people have these experiences and are lead in to the religious followings. I can see why people follow religions.
The emotions were high. Every one had tears in their eyes. Every one was quiet with words.
I sat silently. My mind numb. Looking away from the others.
I thought about religion. I thought about gods and such. I thought about my Buddhist teachings.
I calmed my mind. I detached.
This is how it was supposed to happen. This was the time. This was the place. This is exactly how every thing is supposed to be.
Control your mind. Control your emotions.
I got up and walked out of the room. I gave every one hugs, except for my one brother who I punched firmly in his shoulder. He punched me back.
I said my good byes and walked out of the hallway to the elevators.
Sorry for your loss. I am really scared shitless at the prospect of my mom not being around, but nothing you can do about time. It will happen to all of us.
Not sure about the multiverse theory, but I do find comfort, even though my consciousness wont be arround, I do find comfort that the atoms in me, were around billions of years ago, and after my death, will go onto other things. The neat part of nature that still is freaky to think about is that not one single atom that was in me at the time the sperm and egg met, are in me now.
The real comfort is what you said, no more suffering, and the comfort of the time you did have with him. Time takes everyone, but memories live on in those who survive loved ones. Words always fail but find comfort in the time you did have and the good times.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
If you think the heathcare industry is all greedy bastards that take total advantage of people in a bad situation, wait till you meet the funeral industry.
The only answer is to not live by society's rules but your own rules. Refuse to be a slave to either of these industries.
Taxation is the price we pay for failing to build a civilized society. The higher the tax level, the greater the failure. A centrally planned totalitarian state represents a complete defeat for the civilized world, while a totally voluntary society represents its ultimate success. --Mark Skousen
We found out last night that my dad was sneaky. In 2008 he pre-paid for every thing. Flowers. Casket. etc. He even arranged the transportation and burial at the military cemetery with an honor guard and 21 gun salute.
Mom was shocked. She knew nothing about it.
Typical of my dad. He's lucky we went to the mortician he picked. I imagine we could have easily picked one of the other dozen nearby facilities.
We have no idea how much he spent on it but I hear caskets go for a lot of money. Honestly, I don't get it. Just put me in a blender and feed me to the plants. The whole burial thing is a terrible and a scam.
I have a guy I know who told me his brother in law works in a place where they collect all the titanium and gold, etc after the cremate some one. Then they sell it off with out telling the family.
I'm worried they took my dad's titanium hip out and didn't tell us.
my deepest sympathies, good buddy. i'm reminded of when beyond posted about his father's passing a few years ago. when will i be doing the same? dad is only 66, but smokes like a chimney, drinks a bit more than he should (mostly beer), doesn't look after himself too well, and is all alone in a trailer back in kentucky, while his only son lives in europe. not to mention the wear and tear of a life spent in carpentry, construction, and farming. i'm a daddy's boy through and through. i hope it doesn't hurt you too bad, but i'll post you the same song i did for beyond. it always takes me to a place that is a bit sad, but ultimately warm and familiar, which is everything my father is to me.
"I have never felt comfortable around people who talk about their feelings for Jesus, or any other deity for that matter, because they are usually none too bright. . . . Or maybe 'stupid' is a better way of saying it; but I have never seen much point in getting heavy with either stupid people or Jesus freaks, just as long as they don't bother me. In a world as weird and cruel as this one we have made for ourselves, I figure anybody who can find peace and personal happiness without ripping off somebody else deserves to be left alone. They will not inherit the earth, but then neither will I. . . . And I have learned to live, as it were, with the idea that I will never find peace and happiness, either. But as long as I know there's a pretty good chance I can get my hands on either one of them every once in a while, I do the best I can between high spots."
--Hunter S. Thompson
Thanks. I remember your previous post but the music was perfectly fitting.
I've been reading from my Book of the Dead to satisfy something in me. I do it every morning when I'm alone and I read it out loud thinking my dad will be listening. I don't think he would listen if he could, but I still do it. My dad was a stubborn mule who did things his way.
Thanks. You should be prepared. Make sure all the paperwork is in order, make sure the DNR is taken care of, make sure the will and the funeral arrangements are straight, last wishes, etc. Your mom might not be thinking of it, but you should, because it will save you a lot of headaches later.
Watch out, if it is anything like life insurance, they'll try to screw you out of paying out. Extra fees in the fine print always.
Taxation is the price we pay for failing to build a civilized society. The higher the tax level, the greater the failure. A centrally planned totalitarian state represents a complete defeat for the civilized world, while a totally voluntary society represents its ultimate success. --Mark Skousen
So we found out today that the burial isn't personal. The way they work it is to have you drive in to a "drive through" lane. You wait. They they call you forward. They have a space setup, you do a ceremony, then you leave. They bury the casket later and you come back the next day to visit the grave. We are upset by this because there isn't complete closure. You don't get to do the actual burial. It isn't what my dad wanted and we don't want it either.
How the fuck do you get family and friends to drive 2 or 3 hours then not be a part of the actual burial. They expect others to make two trips? Some people have limited time. Some people have health problems.
fuck, that is some legitimately cold-blooded shit. i need to find out what dad's last wishes are, just in case. you never know when you might go. i would prefer he be cremated, not only to avoid a lot of bullshit, but also so i can leave part of him in the county he loves and has spent his whole life in and also carry a part of him back to europe to be with us. i don't know if that will fly, though, as no one on that side of my family has ever been cremated. i remember him telling me when i was kid that he'd prefer to be laid directly into the earth. i don't know if that's legal in KY or not, but i recently read that in states where it is, it's a bureaucratic nightmare to get permission. the funeral industry lobbies to get laws passed favoring their monopoly on death. fucking ghouls.
"I have never felt comfortable around people who talk about their feelings for Jesus, or any other deity for that matter, because they are usually none too bright. . . . Or maybe 'stupid' is a better way of saying it; but I have never seen much point in getting heavy with either stupid people or Jesus freaks, just as long as they don't bother me. In a world as weird and cruel as this one we have made for ourselves, I figure anybody who can find peace and personal happiness without ripping off somebody else deserves to be left alone. They will not inherit the earth, but then neither will I. . . . And I have learned to live, as it were, with the idea that I will never find peace and happiness, either. But as long as I know there's a pretty good chance I can get my hands on either one of them every once in a while, I do the best I can between high spots."
--Hunter S. Thompson
I wish my father would have been cremated. It would solve a lot of our problems.
The entire industry is a scam. The burial of a person is an old tradition which was there because it was the only way we could dispose of a body rather than leave them out for the animals to get them. Burials weren't even for the common man early in mankind. Usually burials were for the wealthy and respected. If you were some old hag they would tie you up in a bag and throw you in a swamp with a rock around your neck.
Sucks man.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
Sorry to read of your loss Digital. It is never easy to see a loved one struggle their last days and minutes.
If, if a white man puts his arm around me voluntarily, that's brotherhood. But if you - if you hold a gun on him and make him embrace me and pretend to be friendly or brotherly toward me, then that's not brotherhood, that's hypocrisy.- Malcolm X
The obituary was 30 pages long and went on, and on, and on. It brought up dirty laundry from my dad's past and his parent's who were loser drunks. Then to top that all off, she made the ending of the obituary all about her. It was all "I this" and "I that" with out once saying "The family" or "We..." She even went as far to say she was in the room when he passed before midnight when she saw what appeared to be a moth fly from his mouth. That using her scientific mind she deduced that there are no moths in the ICU and that it must have been his soul.
The worst thing about that ending was that she was telling all of us we weren't there when he passed and that it was only her at his bedside. Which basically tells our mom, "hey, you weren't there when he passed"
I just wanted to kick her in the fucking mouth. No one in the family was happy about what she did, including my mom.