Suporting my son not going to church.

Gotrek66
atheist
Posts: 4
Joined: 2013-12-29
User is offlineOffline
Suporting my son not going to church.

My eldest son (15) wanted to have a talk to me as he felt  his mother would not understand how he was feeling (both being adventists he knew as an aethist I would be more considerate of his views). His problem was that at the church they go to, he was starting to get annoyed with the internal bickering that was going on (that made me chuckle), and did not want to go every week. Part of the problem was he was getting tired of the pastor/priest (whatever you call them) telling everyone what the could and could not do on the sabbath (I prefer the word "Saturday" ), and that they could not be married to non adventists.

He then reminded me that I said ages ago that I would back him up should his mother or the church start to push him into something he was not happy with doing. This jogged my memory on a discussion I had with my wife years ago about dragging the kids to church and trying to force her beliefs on them. Taking that memory on board I told my son that he is now at an age where he can make up his own mind on what he wants to in regards going to church or not and that when he reaches 16, should he decide that he has had enough with the whole religion crap that I would have no issues with backing him up regardless of what his mother or the church say.

Now I'm not saying I stood up and gave a long winded speech about the stupidity of religion, just that if he wanted to stand up for himself and needed somebody to be there for him then he could count on me for support.

I know this is going to cause a lot of friction between me and my wife, however I flatly refuse (and I have told her many a time) that at the point that any of our children decide they no longer wish to be part of her religion that I will not stand by and have them be bullied or coerced into something they no longer wish to be a part of and being unhappy.

 


digitalbeachbum
atheistRational VIP!
digitalbeachbum's picture
Posts: 4901
Joined: 2007-10-15
User is offlineOffline
Tough issues.I think you are

Tough issues.

I think you are on the right track. Support your son on what ever decision he decides.

Be prepared for the worst.

 


Vastet
atheistBloggerSuperfan
Vastet's picture
Posts: 13210
Joined: 2006-12-25
User is offlineOffline
I think you are doing the

I think you are doing the right thing. Those who try to force the unwilling to do or believe something always end up with the short end of the stick.

Proud Canadian, Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.


Brian37
atheistSuperfan
Brian37's picture
Posts: 15761
Joined: 2006-02-14
User is offlineOffline
Vastet wrote:I think you are

Vastet wrote:
I think you are doing the right thing. Those who try to force the unwilling to do or believe something always end up with the short end of the stick.

Nice notion, but no, in reality sometimes the tyrant, bully and criminal win and can go through their entire life not understanding the pain they cause others. The good thing, despite that reality, is that they also don't always win.

 

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37


ProzacDeathWish
atheist
ProzacDeathWish's picture
Posts: 4127
Joined: 2007-12-02
User is offlineOffline
Brian37 wrote: Nice notion,

Brian37 wrote:

 

Nice notion, but no, in reality sometimes the tyrant, bully and criminal win and can go through their entire life not understanding the pain they cause others. The good thing, despite that reality, is that they also don't always win.

 

                               Guns, Brian the answer is always more guns.

Patrick is an edgy edgelord.


Vastet
atheistBloggerSuperfan
Vastet's picture
Posts: 13210
Joined: 2006-12-25
User is offlineOffline
Brian37 wrote:Vastet wrote:I

Brian37 wrote:

Vastet wrote:
I think you are doing the right thing. Those who try to force the unwilling to do or believe something always end up with the short end of the stick.

Nice notion, but no, in reality sometimes the tyrant, bully and criminal win and can go through their entire life not understanding the pain they cause others. The good thing, despite that reality, is that they also don't always win.

 

As always you are wrong. The bully might win a great number of battles, but they ALWAYS die in the end.

Proud Canadian, Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.


Sapient
High Level DonorRRS CO-FOUNDERRRS Core MemberWebsite Admin
Posts: 7580
Joined: 2006-04-18
User is offlineOffline
Gotrek, I would take it a

Gotrek, I would take it a step further.  Be willing to have open discussions about religion.  If possible a family discussion.  Make sure to utilize socratic method and avoid coming on too strong.  If your wife doesn't want part of those discussions, fuel your son with knowledge from your perspective.  In my opinion, the best thing you can do is open up about why you feel the way you do.  Give him an at home atheist church so to speak... a learning center.  He's been bombarded with the theist angle, can you help balance that injustice with some reality from your perspective?

Oh, and if the wife has a problem with you teaching your son reality, it's a divorceable offense in my eyes.  disclaimer: I'm not married, never have been, probably never will be... but I do "crush" a lot.

 

Vastet wrote:
The bully might win a great number of battles, but they ALWAYS die in the end.

There are two times in my life that I was assaulted by a friend without provocation or warning.  I believe both people to have been mentally unstable.  The trauma I have felt from those events are with me almost daily.  I am completely unaware of the current state of life of both people.  As far as I'm concerned they could both already be dead... it wouldn't change the fact that I will live with the trauma of those events for the rest of my life.  Sure, I'll die... but the pain caused by the bully can outlive the bully.

Please donate to one of these highly rated charities to help impede the GOP attack on America 2017-2019.

Support our activism efforts by making your Amazon purchases via this link.


Vastet
atheistBloggerSuperfan
Vastet's picture
Posts: 13210
Joined: 2006-12-25
User is offlineOffline
That's true, but it doesn't

That's true, but it doesn't have any bearing on the fact that a bully can't win forever. The more vicious and brutal someone in power is, the faster does resistance to their imposed authority rise, until one day it crumbles away.

I spent most of my years in school being bullied in various ways by various people. Some of it was psychological and some of it was very physical. It had a deep effect on me that will never go away. And as a direct result of those assholes and bitches I won't stand for it anymore. The last time someone I couldn't handle fucked with me, I put him in jail. Every bully to screw with me since that one I either beat the fuck out of or scared them off with pure vicious rage.

They'll never step on me again. I'll kill them first.

Proud Canadian, Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.