What should I do?

Brian37
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What should I do?

I just sent a pm to Bob on Skype about a co-worker. I am not giving out names here in this post just in case I am being paranoid.

BUT, here is the jist. This guy got his hours cut back, like me. He is having a hard time feeding his kids and paying his bills. He has also made mistakes, legally in the past. Now, I am all for giving people second chances and I a certainly not judging him.

But, he just called me up tonight with a desperate voice and admitted to punching a hole in the wall of the house, explaining he needed to get out of the house and move. I listened and understood that being cooped up in a small house with 6 or 7 people would drive anyone nuts. But when he asked me to borrow my van(actually my mom's, only in my name because she cant drive), in haste I said yes before I thought about it.

1 How is he going to pay rent if he moves out but has no money?

2. When I suggested I come along for company he said "This is something I need to do alone".

Now I feel stupid because I feel like I said yes too fast because he was emotional and I was reacting to it.

So I am wondering if I should tell other people to get him some help before he does something stupid.

The reason I am thinking this is because he also admitted to me that his cousin, and also his neighbor had borrowed the same van and did things in it that he knew I wouldn't approve of. That cousin is now out of my life fortunately, I wonder if I am making the same mistake again?

 

 

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I have had experiences

I have had experiences with really pushy people.

(Not saying that is what this guy is, but it reminded me of a few similiar situations).

They seem almost gifted at playing on people's emotions and catching people at vulnerable moments to get what they need.

I am like you, I am all for giving people second chances (hell, I have given some people fourth and fifth chances).

 But more often than not, I have found that people who do these types of things generally are users and semi-predators.

Not always though. I had a close biker bro, that I had to help out of a million jams one year. I was almost fed up with his inability to get his shit straight. But he finally pulled his life together and has been there for me, every single time that I have been down.

I have encountered other people, that immediately vanished out of my life, when they found out they were not going to be able to get any more money, free rides and whatever other charities they thought I was supposed to provide.

If this dude admits to the fact his cousin and neighbor did things in the van "that you would not approve of" that leads me to believe that he is a user.

 

“It is proof of a base and low mind for one to wish to think with the masses or majority, merely because the majority is the majority. Truth does not change because it is, or is not, believed by a majority of the people.”
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Brian37
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Here is the thing. I don't

Here is the thing. I don't care that he is poor, I only have 10 bucks on my debit card that has to last me to Wednesday. If anyone, not just him, but anyone stays poor their entire lives, I don't care, that doesn't make them bad people. What bothers me is it seems he is hiding stuff from me via omission because if the told me the truth he knows I wouldn't approve.

That and yes, he is pushy. I used to be comfortable in saying no to him and it hasn't become a problem until now. Now he is acting he is owed my help.

Again, I really think this fits in with evolution. You push any animal or any human into a corner to the point they are desperate they will do desperate things.

I have myself gotten to that state. Now I don't mean in terms of committing crimes or physically harming others. But when my wife left me. She left me in the apartment we shared. That loneliness and isolation was painful. On top of that I could not afford to stay in it and I hadn't found another place. I seriously thought about calling it quits at that time. So I understand desperation.

And the most recent time was when my mom flipped her van in 06, back when she was driving. The stupid thing was that the only reason she was driving was because the day before I wanted a beer and just asked her to go to the hard wear store while I was at work the next day, because I didn't want to go myself. I felt so guilty and even though she was merely bruised they gave her strong meds to kill the pain while she was at home. She was a piece of rubber on top of already having mobility problems in standing and walking, So on top of the severe guilt I was desperate for help night and day. I was frightened to be alone with her because I was afraid I couldn't help her. I was also frightened to be at work where I couldn't help her. The nights when she was in the hospital when she sent me home, then too did I think about calling it quits.

But this is different, this guy has a temper, I don't think he'd kill himself. And although he has said he wouldn't hurt me, he also is in a house with 5 to 7 people with 3 kids and one screaming baby. He gets no sleep. And he has used the line on me when yelling at me "I can be stupid, don't make me do something stupid".

And besides him, I often here both men and women say all the time "I would do anything for my kids". So combine his anger, desperation with "I'd do anything for my kids", and he has no money to pay rent, and he wants to find a place, WITHOUT me tagging along while using my van.......It makes me think.

 

 

 

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People must earn there

People must earn there second chances. I will let people take advantage of my kindness once. He is not his cousin so don't treat them as the same people but if life has taught me anything is people will disapoint you over and over but unless he has given you reason to mistrust him you should trust him. Everyone gets one free pass with me, if you do right by me and pay me back for whatever or don't over step your bounds we are cool, but if you take advantage of that kindness you get totally cut from my life. I give everyone a fair chance to be a decent human being, most don't seem to manage it though.

 

Example, People often ask me for loans and I almost always say yes, I normally have the spare money (I don't drink or smoke nor do I pay rent yet so naturally I always have money). Its such an easy way to tell what type of person they are. It is such an easy way to tell if I want them in my life or not. And to be honest I don't care about the money its not like I ever agree to lend a large sum. All I expect is that they make an effort to try and pay me back in a timely fashion without me having to get on there case about it. If you cannot do that I write off the money as money well spent discovering I don't want to know that person any more. Person gets totally cut from my life and I move on. (To date only one person has paid me back after being cut, paid me back 5 years after the loan with a relevant amount of interest) If we are forced to interact because of work or whatever I will hang the debt over there head so I can get my way and they will do as I wish. Even if people don't care enough to honour there debts they will always want to appear to in public.

 

Edit: Probably should have mentioned. Never lend what you cannot afford to lose unless you 100% trust the person, even then use caution. Be very wary about lending an emotionally unstable person your van. BTW first thought that came to mind.... prostitutes. Good reason o have a van and not wanting a co-worker to come along.

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Change your mind

 

 

That's what your instinct is telling you to do. Easy for me to say, I know it. But that's the vibe you are putting out.

All the chatter aside, you feel put upon and you don't trust this person, probably for a good reason. 

Doesn't sound like he's planning a camping trip to me...

 

 

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Quote: "This is something I

Quote:
"This is something I need to do alone".

I'll make this real brief.

"Doing this alone"  is a luxury he can't afford.

 

If YOU agree to help him with YOUR van, it's on YOUR terms.

Dictating to you is also a luxury he doesn't have, nor does he have the right.

 

Make that very, very, very clear to him.

I would.

 

I keep asking myself " Are they just playin' stupid, or are they just plain stupid?..."

"To explain the unknown by the known is a logical procedure; to explain the known by the unknown is a form of theological lunacy" : David Brooks

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 Its your van so it is your

 Its your van so it is your right to know what he will do with it. 

Just my opinion, but you sound like you are afraid he might harm you and maybe trying to convince yourself otherwise.

Do you have less concern about your van and what he might do to it?

Is he using?

 

One thing that has helped me is in any decision in life, you have 7 choices. Sit down with paper (if having a hard time focusing) and write down 7 options. The first one is a give me - "kill someone". That is to free your mind and hopefully give you a chuckle. At this point you are free to consider any option. Then after you have brainstormed and got you 7 options. Think and feel each one. Which one makes you the most comfortable? A side benefit is you can learn things about yourself.

 

Religion Kills !!!

Numbers 31:17-18 - Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.

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 Also training yourself to

 Also training yourself to say "let me get back to you on that" instead of "yes" or even "no" is quite beneficial. Although I get how hard it would be in this situation, but once you do it a few times with a person, they generally calm down and find a different solution. You are not responsible for this guy, which I do hear you saying. We do teach people how to treat us and with some like this guy it is work.

The guy definitely was doing his best to prevent you from thinking and wanted you to be reactive mode. He was coming off desperate & violent. 

Religion Kills !!!

Numbers 31:17-18 - Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.

http://jesus-needs-money.blogspot.com/


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ex-minister wrote: Its your

ex-minister wrote:

 Its your van so it is your right to know what he will do with it. 

Just my opinion, but you sound like you are afraid he might harm you and maybe trying to convince yourself otherwise.

Do you have less concern about your van and what he might do to it?

Is he using?

 

One thing that has helped me is in any decision in life, you have 7 choices. Sit down with paper (if having a hard time focusing) and write down 7 options. The first one is a give me - "kill someone". That is to free your mind and hopefully give you a chuckle. At this point you are free to consider any option. Then after you have brainstormed and got you 7 options. Think and feel each one. Which one makes you the most comfortable? A side benefit is you can learn things about yourself.

 

No he isn't using pot, but he admitted to in the past.( I smoked pot when I was a teen, so I cant judge him for his past) The fact that he didn't tell me his cousin was using my van for transport and sale, says to me that omission, even if he isn't using, and I don't think he is because if cops pull him over I am sure they will have priors on him if they smell pot. But I do worry that he might be using it to sell so he can get food for his kid. I really don't want to believe this.I really do want to believe that he is different from his cousin. He certainly was a more pleasant person and I felt like I could say no to him when I first met him.

Now I know why people say, "Never a borrower or lender be". If I could buy him his own car I would and simply give it to him. This is stressing me out too. I think I made a mistake lending it to him from the start, and not even about the issue of pot. I feel like that van is being held over my head for our friendship.

 

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog


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Brian37 wrote:Now I know why

Brian37 wrote:

Now I know why people say, "Never a borrower or lender be".

There's a reason for that, and that's why I wanted to be brief. There's a time and place to discuss the 'woulda/coulda/shoulda's', but this ain't it.

You're stressed. Because you've got pressure coming at you from this guy.

There's ways to deal with that.

You have to use 'reason' with people.

 

Brian37 wrote:
I feel like that van is being held over my head for our friendship.

It is, and he's going to use certain things as leverage to justify to himself/you why you'd be a prick not to 'help' him.

He can play the 'trust' card.

As in 'Why not??? Don't you trust me??' 

With that, he puts you on the 'defensive'.

He's turned the tables. He's on the offense. You are being attacked, and now he hopes that you will feel like you have to defend yourself.

 

Funny how that works, huh?

You were just sitting there minding you own fucking business, and (due to being someone's friend) now you have to justify yourself. You find yourself on trial.

Some fucking friend this clown is, huh?

 

Don't let him turn the tables. This is NOT what a friend does. A friend accepts any generosity with graciousness, not attacks.

You don't have to defend YOUR reasons for wanting to help him YOUR way.

It's YOUR van, YOUR terms.

Period.

 

 

I keep asking myself " Are they just playin' stupid, or are they just plain stupid?..."

"To explain the unknown by the known is a logical procedure; to explain the known by the unknown is a form of theological lunacy" : David Brooks

" Only on the subject of God can smart people still imagine that they reap the fruits of human intelligence even as they plow them under." : Sam Harris


Brian37
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Tapey wrote:People must earn

Tapey wrote:

People must earn there second chances. I will let people take advantage of my kindness once. He is not his cousin so don't treat them as the same people but if life has taught me anything is people will disapoint you over and over but unless he has given you reason to mistrust him you should trust him. Everyone gets one free pass with me, if you do right by me and pay me back for whatever or don't over step your bounds we are cool, but if you take advantage of that kindness you get totally cut from my life. I give everyone a fair chance to be a decent human being, most don't seem to manage it though.

 

Example, People often ask me for loans and I almost always say yes, I normally have the spare money (I don't drink or smoke nor do I pay rent yet so naturally I always have money). Its such an easy way to tell what type of person they are. It is such an easy way to tell if I want them in my life or not. And to be honest I don't care about the money its not like I ever agree to lend a large sum. All I expect is that they make an effort to try and pay me back in a timely fashion without me having to get on there case about it. If you cannot do that I write off the money as money well spent discovering I don't want to know that person any more. Person gets totally cut from my life and I move on. (To date only one person has paid me back after being cut, paid me back 5 years after the loan with a relevant amount of interest) If we are forced to interact because of work or whatever I will hang the debt over there head so I can get my way and they will do as I wish. Even if people don't care enough to honour there debts they will always want to appear to in public.

 

Edit: Probably should have mentioned. Never lend what you cannot afford to lose unless you 100% trust the person, even then use caution. Be very wary about lending an emotionally unstable person your van. BTW first thought that came to mind.... prostitutes. Good reason o have a van and not wanting a co-worker to come along.

I lent money before. I'd rather give it if I have it, because I hate the animosity if there is a misunderstanding or delay. One thing I got burned about his cousin, was that he would say, "I need 5 bucks for food or diapers for his kid, then we'd go into the gass station and he'd end up buying a cigar(and he always pretended or thought I didn't know what he was doing). Then that night or next morning I could tell he got high. He burned me so bad and I am glad he is out of my life. It sucks because I loved his wife and daughters. I also love this guys family too.  I am just hoping this is not a repeat. Not with smoking, but possibly selling to feed his family.

Another time his cousin took me to a house, he was in and out so quick and when I asked to go in with him to meet his friends, he told me to stay in the car. Right then I knew what he was doing and it pissed me off. I must be weak man. I have a hard time saying no to people.

 

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog


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Brian37 wrote:  I have a

Brian37 wrote:

 

 

I have a hard time saying no to people.

 

Let me get back to you on that. Smiling

 

I have a hard time saying no as well, but was trained that way. I would get smacked as a child if I said no. It is a survival instinct. Saying no with nothing following it was the hard re-training I had to do. It felt unsafe and awkward, but it gets easier with practice. You don't have to explain no. You have a right to it just like anyone else. For me religion added a lot more pressure to not say no. God was gonna get me. Saying no to God and then no God fixed that.

 

Religion Kills !!!

Numbers 31:17-18 - Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.

http://jesus-needs-money.blogspot.com/


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Hey, Brian37, I read all

Hey, Brian37, I read all your comments here, and basically, based on what you've written here, if it were me, I would not lend him the van. It appears to me that this guy is currently on a downward trajectory and there's a high risk you would not get your van back, or would get it back only after a long struggle and getting involved in a lot of personal drama, or would get it back damaged, or otherwise costing you a lot of money.

If you depend on the van, then you need no other excuse to change your mind than that. You depend on it, it's too important to risk. If you were better off, it might not be an issue, but you're not, and the van is an important asset to you. Its loss would be a large loss. If you are really desperate for a rock-solid excuse, then just tell him that the van is being used as collateral in a loan, and that, legally, you cannot lend it to anyone. Whatever, just make something up that he has no way of disproving, and shifts the responsibility of your decision away from yourself, so that he can't blame you.

I have a feeling that this guy has anger/rage issues (punching a hole in the wall? yeah, kind of a giveaway). He needs more help than a van. He needs help with mental health, I imagine, and coming from me that's not a condemnation, that's just pointing out what seems to be a fact. You may or may not have the resources to help him find the help he needs; that's up for you to consider. But if worse comes to worst, it's okay for you to say straight to his face, "I'm really sorry, man. I would really like to help you, but I just can't. I'm just not in a position where I can help. Maybe if you talk to so-and-so, they might be able to help, yadda yadda yadda."

I think you need to focus on figuring out your personal boundaries (you said you have trouble saying no). You have your life and your problems. He has his life and his problems. There is (or should be) an invisible boundary between them. Right now, he is trying to cross your boundaries, and letting his problems become your problems. I'm not saying not to help people. Helping people is great, but if trying to help someone drowning causes you to start drowning too, then two lives are getting wrecked instead of just one. You should only help him when and how you are able to help him without risking messing up your own life.

Focus on the boundary that separates what you are comfortable doing to help, and what you are not. It seems clear to me from your OP that you are having serious doubts about this. I would recommend trusting those doubts, and not letting yourself get caught up in what appears to be a huge mess coming up.

If the guy seems suicidal about it, then look up the nearest crisis hotline in your area and give him the number. You're probably not in a position to help him out of suicidal thoughts/behaviour.

(The above is strictly my opinion. I'm not a professional in any sense here, esp. not in mental health. Consult a professional if you want the best advice in this situation.)

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He knows the van is paid

He knows the van is paid off. He isn't suicidal. But he is angry at the world, his family, his job cutting his hours, and me for allegedly not "trusting him".

I have an excuse for the next week, I'm not looking forward to breaking the news to him, but come Monday I'm going to have to come up with something else. He's gotten used to using it to drive to work. I wouldn't mind but all this is worrying me. It was a mistake for me to start doing this in the first place. If I can shake him, I am not doing this ever again. I am just affraid of what he might do to others, himself or me. Like I said, desperate people do desparate things.

I'm just recording all this here in case something happens. Bob knows the guy's name. He is a current co worker who lives right down the street from me.

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog


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 Does your insurance cover

 Does your insurance cover if he wrecks it? Does your insurance cover this guy? You might want to check that out with your insurance company.  It might be the excuse you need and I believe using a truthful excuse is far better.

What if he does do something illegal or even with his cousin? Could you afford to have your vehicle impounded? Friends don't put their friends at risk.

It sounds like it is time to stand up to him and take care of yourself IMHO. It is good to be very clear on what your gut says. If you follow your gut says you can better stomach the results. Having other people tell you what to do and buckling under is a bad step.  

 

(Like Natural I am not a lawyer or a therapist and don't even play one on TV. Making it your decision and no one else is always for the best)

Religion Kills !!!

Numbers 31:17-18 - Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.

http://jesus-needs-money.blogspot.com/


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It does cover "occasional"

It does cover "occasional" drivers. But I am wondering if he were to do something illegal in it and it got impounded, I wouldn't know how much it would cost to get out, a hassle by itself, but if he wrecked it with something illegal in the car my insurance might not cover it. And they might even dump me as a ressult.

But when everything IS legal, my insurance does cover "occasional" drivers.

When all this started I was comfortable with him and trusted him. But the past month he has come accross as angry at life. 

 

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
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Brian37 wrote:It does cover

Brian37 wrote:

It does cover "occasional" drivers. But I am wondering if he were to do something illegal in it and it got impounded, I wouldn't know how much it would cost to get out, a hassle by itself, but if he wrecked it with something illegal in the car my insurance might not cover it. And they might even dump me as a ressult.

But when everything IS legal, my insurance does cover "occasional" drivers.

When all this started I was comfortable with him and trusted him. But the past month he has come accross as angry at life. 

Hi Brian, let's play a hypothetical here.

Knowing insurance companies these days, they will find any way they can, if possible, to get out of paying.

So, imagine something does happen to the van, and the insurance does not cover it. That's your hypothetical: No more van. Gone. Poof. Vanished. No trace, no money from it, not even scrap metal.

Would that fuck your shit up, or not? Would you be up shit creek? Is that a situation you could afford?

If not, then I would suggest that that is simply your rock-bottom position: Hey man, I'd love to help you. I know you wouldn't intentionally fuck my shit up. I just cannot afford to take any risks right now. I really depend on that van. If something unforeseen happened to it, I would be up shit creek. I can't lend it to you. Sorry. Maybe talk to so-and-so. Do you know anyone else that could help you? Etc.

Also, you might point him in the direction of whatever kind of social services you have in your area (which I have no idea; the Canadian system is different).

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Brian, to solve your problem

Brian, to solve your problem you should:

 1)  use a shotgun to blow his shit away

 2)  wrap his body in a plastic tarp

 3)  wait until dark

 4)  take his body to the nearest lake or river

 5)  toss him in

                               ...problem solved.


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ProzacDeathWish wrote:Brian,

ProzacDeathWish wrote:

Brian, to solve your problem you should:

 1)  use a shotgun to blow his shit away

 2)  wrap his body in a plastic tarp

 3)  wait until dark

 4)  take his body to the nearest lake or river

 5)  toss him in

                               ...problem solved.

Yeah not the most practically useful solution. Much easier just to say no then no need to resort to murder.

 

on a very much hypothetical note from my 3 days last year vegitating infront of the crime and investigation channel

Just asking to be caught, Shotgun creates an obvious crime scene, wrapping a body in plastic is retarded if done for anything other than moving a body, you want the river to wash away any evidence not trap the evidence in. River or lake is probably not ideal either. Without doing research I cannot be sure but you could probably find some industrial strength drain cleaner (acid) that would melt a body up pretty good over a few weeks hell maybe even days if all stuck in a drum I have no clue, I imagine it would smell but thats what duck tape is for, pour the remains down a drain when finished. Just need a quiet place not associated with you to store it. No body + no crime scene pretty much ensures no conviction even if they do somehow manage to suspect you, no evidence the person is even dead.

 

And I think that is enough murder mode for me.

Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy.
Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.
No animal shall wear clothes.
No animal shall sleep in a bed.
No animal shall drink alcohol.
No animal shall kill any other animal.
All animals are equal.


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Wonderist wrote:If not, then

Wonderist wrote:

If not, then I would suggest that that is simply your rock-bottom position: Hey man, I'd love to help you. I know you wouldn't intentionally fuck my shit up. I just cannot afford to take any risks right now. I really depend on that van. If something unforeseen happened to it, I would be up shit creek. I can't lend it to you. Sorry. Maybe talk to so-and-so. Do you know anyone else that could help you? Etc.

Also, you might point him in the direction of whatever kind of social services you have in your area (which I have no idea; the Canadian system is different).

For guys like this, the fewer the words the better. The more you say the more they will argue with you.

No. (Period. End of sentence. It is hard to argue with that. You can learn this with trolls)

But, man, you gave it to me before, whats you problem?

No problem.

Dude come on I am desperate. I am going to hurt myself.

That is your decision. 

Well, you are no fucking friend.

(silence)

Hummp....fucking asshole  (walks away, muttering under breath)

 

Religion Kills !!!

Numbers 31:17-18 - Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.

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ProzacDeathWish wrote:Brian,

ProzacDeathWish wrote:

Brian, to solve your problem you should:

 1)  use a shotgun to blow his shit away

 2)  wrap his body in a plastic tarp

 3)  wait until dark

 4)  take his body to the nearest lake or river

 5)  toss him in

                               ...problem solved.

Yea, just what atheists should do, live up to the stereotypes of theists. No, I'll stick to barbecuing kittens and recording the NFL without their permission.

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Since you're torn, I would

Since you're torn, I would recommend writing a contract. Highlight what the van is and is not to be used for (and the time he should return it by), and that he'll be completely responsible for any damages and/or law violations in his use of it. That will give you a measure of protection, and if he refuses to sign it you can tell him no without feeling guilty or anxious.

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Vastet wrote:Since you're

Vastet wrote:
Since you're torn, I would recommend writing a contract. Highlight what the van is and is not to be used for (and the time he should return it by), and that he'll be completely responsible for any damages and/or law violations in his use of it. That will give you a measure of protection, and if he refuses to sign it you can tell him no without feeling guilty or anxious.

I've already made my decision. I just hope he doesn't flip out. If he does then it will confirm that our frienship which when it started did not involve the van but became about the van. If he treats it as a litmus test, which I think it has become, then I know what to do.

It just sucks because I might lose a friend. But I cant live with the worry.

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
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I learned a long time ago

I learned a long time ago that quality > quantity regarding friends. Being a burden is quite acceptable, provided the friend is eager and willing to reciprocate when the tables are turned. But if the friend always asks and never offers then they aren't a friend and probably can't be trusted.

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Vastet wrote:I learned a

Vastet wrote:
I learned a long time ago that quality > quantity regarding friends. Being a burden is quite acceptable, provided the friend is eager and willing to reciprocate when the tables are turned. But if the friend always asks and never offers then they aren't a friend and probably can't be trusted.

He has done things for me, that is not the issue. It isn't reciprocation, it is the WAY he tries to get what he wants. He borrows the van, and puts gas in it AFTER I tell him not to because he cant afford it. He then uses that to say "Look what I did for you, you owe me". And when he gives me rides I tell him not to if he cant, and he still does when he doesn't want to or have time to. And again, uses that to say "Look what I did for you". It's not recipocation it's emotional blackmail. He even washed my car without telling me. He's using that to hang over my head, not because he's doing something nice. When I give him rides to work I don't ask for gas money because I know he cant afford it.

You do things because you want to, not because someone says "Look what I did for you".

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog


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Brian37 wrote:He has done

Brian37 wrote:

He has done things for me, that is not the issue. It isn't reciprocation, it is the WAY he tries to get what he wants. He borrows the van, and puts gas in it AFTER I tell him not to because he cant afford it. He then uses that to say "Look what I did for you, you owe me". And when he gives me rides I tell him not to if he cant, and he still does when he doesn't want to or have time to. And again, uses that to say "Look what I did for you". It's not recipocation it's emotional blackmail. He even washed my car without telling me. He's using that to hang over my head, not because he's doing something nice. When I give him rides to work I don't ask for gas money because I know he cant afford it.

You do things because you want to, not because someone says "Look what I did for you".

I totally understand that.

I had a "friend" one time, who was supposedly struggling to get on his feet. Now, when I bought him gas or cigarettes, or gave him a ride some place, I did this without ever expecting anything, other than friendship in return.

(Hell, if it had not been for people that were charitable to me, at one of the lowest points of my life, I do not know where I would be).

Yet this same "friend" when the situation got reversed, would not give me a hand with ANYTHING, unless he could hold it over my head or practically present a bill.

For instance, we worked on the same job together. I gave this dude rides to work every day until he bought a car and never charged him a penny in gas money. I needed a ride to work one morning and he wanted fifty bucks for doing it. When I told him that I did not have that kinda cash on me, at that moment, he literally tells me "Alright, I'll come by, but if you weren't a good friend of mine, you would probably be shit out of luck, just don't forget that you owe me. After all, I helped you work on your bike that one time,".

There were a few more instances like this. Where he was quick to mention something that he had done for me, but seemed to conveniently forget about anything that I had done for him,".

I did not have too much to say to him after that.

To make matters worse, the asshole went around the job and told everyone what a fair-weather friend I was, after I cut him off.

But it backfired. Everyone knew me and it turned out, he had treated several others the same way so his word did not hold much weight.

(For instance, he borrowed 100 dollars from another co-worker, claiming that he owed me money for rides to work. When I found out about this, both I and the guy he borrowed it from confronted him and he had a bullshit story).

He ended up quitting shortly thereafter, probably to go somewhere else and start the whole thing over.

 

“It is proof of a base and low mind for one to wish to think with the masses or majority, merely because the majority is the majority. Truth does not change because it is, or is not, believed by a majority of the people.”
― Giordano Bruno


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Tapey wrote:Just asking to

Tapey wrote:

Just asking to be caught, Shotgun creates an obvious crime scene, wrapping a body in plastic is retarded if done for anything other than moving a body, you want the river to wash away any evidence not trap the evidence in. River or lake is probably not ideal either. Without doing research I cannot be sure but you could probably find some industrial strength drain cleaner (acid) that would melt a body up pretty good over a few weeks hell maybe even days if all stuck in a drum I have no clue, I imagine it would smell but thats what duck tape is for, pour the remains down a drain when finished. Just need a quiet place not associated with you to store it. No body + no crime scene pretty much ensures no conviction even if they do somehow manage to suspect you, no evidence the person is even dead.

 

 

WTF?  Surely you understood that my comment was only farcical ?


 


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ProzacDeathWish wrote:Tapey

ProzacDeathWish wrote:

Tapey wrote:

Just asking to be caught, Shotgun creates an obvious crime scene, wrapping a body in plastic is retarded if done for anything other than moving a body, you want the river to wash away any evidence not trap the evidence in. River or lake is probably not ideal either. Without doing research I cannot be sure but you could probably find some industrial strength drain cleaner (acid) that would melt a body up pretty good over a few weeks hell maybe even days if all stuck in a drum I have no clue, I imagine it would smell but thats what duck tape is for, pour the remains down a drain when finished. Just need a quiet place not associated with you to store it. No body + no crime scene pretty much ensures no conviction even if they do somehow manage to suspect you, no evidence the person is even dead.

 

 

WTF?  Surely you understood that my comment was only farcical ?

 

 

I thought it was pretty obvious that you weren't being serious, perhaps you should ask yourself why you feel the need to joke about killing people. Pretty messed up when you think about it.

Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy.
Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.
No animal shall wear clothes.
No animal shall sleep in a bed.
No animal shall drink alcohol.
No animal shall kill any other animal.
All animals are equal.


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Tapey wrote: perhaps you

Tapey wrote:
perhaps you should ask yourself why you feel the need to joke about killing people. Pretty messed up when you think about it.

 

...and now you're moralizing to me after you give me a lesson in forensics and how to commit the perfect crime ?   That's what's messed up you self-important prick.


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ProzacDeathWish wrote:Tapey

  PS, thanks again  tapey for giving me such detailed advice on how to commit  murder and get away with it,  I'm sure you were just joking , too, but it's not "messed up" when you do it.  Right ?


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ProzacDeathWish wrote:Tapey

ProzacDeathWish wrote:

Tapey wrote:
perhaps you should ask yourself why you feel the need to joke about killing people. Pretty messed up when you think about it.

 

...and now you're moralizing to me after you give me a lesson in forensics and how to commit the perfect crime ?   That's what's messed up you self-important prick.

Guilty as charged?

Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy.
Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.
No animal shall wear clothes.
No animal shall sleep in a bed.
No animal shall drink alcohol.
No animal shall kill any other animal.
All animals are equal.