Should I snap
Offline I was thinking there should be a witness, or a fellow human being made aware of what a boring bloody misserable life I have, and its not by my design, but by circumstances that occured as I struggled to avoid it. Perhaps by starting this thread in a few more hours and the first of a few in 2010 where this journal like account of me..before I do snap.
Its either this is the right place or I open a myspace account and blog about it on a daily basis. The purpose is to update and make available for all to be aware of whats happening to me. Sort of like a journal of each excruciating day, while I bleed away the residue of all that christian indoctrination I went through all those years. Its not rehab. But its real. Any suggestions will be appreciated. So long as a constant stream of updates are made available for anyone interested at the boring drama. It could abruptly stop. By that time, either I am wanted by authorities for murdering animals around me, or assited by cops in ending the missery. I got nothing but this worthless life to loose.
Its now 8:19pm Dec. 31, 2009 here in the Philippines, and I have just been informed by the owner of the house (my old man) that an ordained catholic priest will arrive on Jan 1, 2010 to bless again the house, which is not a home.
For those that have yet to know me I spilled a substantial portion of my guts in the introduction forum under "I thought I was alone" its a long reply to a fellow member. I wish it stoped where it did.
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It sucks to run into the wall.
However, I think you should "count your blessings" and compare your sitation to that of some REALLY miserable people in order to get a perspective. No matter how bad things are, they could be worse. Much worse. You have life, health and the ability to seek your fortune. I would recommend you start making a list over your opportunities rather than your limitations. Just my opinion.
"The idea of God is the sole wrong for which I cannot forgive mankind." (Alphonse Donatien De Sade)
http://www.kinkspace.com
There are other ways to survive. If it is his house, there realy isn't much you can do about what ever fruity thing he wants to do with it. May I suggest you go take a long walk while the priest is there, bring a book along and find a quit place to read and relax and be sane.
If your family members give you a hard time about your absence; just tell them you have seen a priest in action before but the book was new and interesting. Otherwise good luck.
"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."
VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"
If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?
What do you mean by snap?
Slowly building a blog at ~
http://obsidianwords.wordpress.com/
Don't hurt animals, that's as low as it gets.
If you must vent, make it in the direction of the people that have made you feel this way.
As previously mentioned it may be 'list' time. See why you have a reason to go on, not why you should not.
Make 2010 yours, don't allow anyone to make it for you.
How can not believing in something that is backed up with no empirical evidence be less scientific than believing in something that not only has no empirical evidence but actually goes against the laws of the universe and in many cases actually contradicts itself? - Ricky Gervais
Is there someone international that you trust that you could call on a cell phone? Or someone outside your family you trust to talk to. Our concern is that you take care of your emotions in a positive way. "Venting" is normal, but acting out physically towards others is unacceptable. If there is some way that you could get what is on your chest out to someone you trust, do that.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
Agreed here.
Also, I really try and focus that if it isn't harming people, to let it go. If they bless the house, so what? It's not like you will burn on contact with holy water. If it makes your family feel better, what harm does it really do?
"Shepherd Book once said to me, 'If you can't do something smart, do something right.'" - Jayne
Personally subverting biological evolution in favor of social evolution every night I go to work!
Edited: Accidentally double posted.
I don't have time to respond at length now, I just wanted you to know that I hope this thread helps you find an inner peace to help you get through your rough patch. Remember you control your destiny and should use that control to act in accordance with the law to better yourself. Don't hurt anyone or any animals because of your pain. Leave despicable acts of indecency like that to the theists, that is their forte. You should act be better than that, afterall you already are.
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You sound like a wuss. You should read some real horror stories about people who are really suffering. So your dad is a Catholic and is having a priest over to bless the house? And your internet connection isn't fast enough?
You jackass, I am a drunken ex-convict that can't get a job because of Obama and I can't quit doing shrooms every day and my whole life is a horror story. And it's been that way for over 20 years. And I know people a lot worse off than me.
Just a couple of weeks ago, I beat up a cab driver in Houston for running into me while I was going through the crosswalk on my bike, and I left him laying in the street as I pedaled off. Turns out, he had warrants for his arrest, and the woman with him was a hooker. Wanna guess what his warrants were for?
And you think your life is bad? I had a friend who killed himself AFTER he got out of prison, for marijuana possession many times over, because he got arrested again for possession and was facing going back to TX state prison. For marijuana, something that there should be absolutely no question of legality. Big business crams TV and Coca Cola and video games and violent movies down our throats but makes marijuana illegal.
We are supposed to be impressed that you beat someone up? Is this how you are suggesting someone handle conflict?
I don't think this guy should feel sorry for himself, but I do think ANYONE having problems that they feel their having a hard time dealing with, should at a minimum, talk to someone they trust, if not professional help. I don't think you are helping bragging about your street exploits like we should be impressed with the bloods and the kripts.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
you would be surprised how good it makes you feel to just kick someone in the face, but I guess you wouldn't know about things like that, being all sensitive and what-not.
this no good nerd thread starter complaining about Catholics and his dad and all that should just throw a screaming, maniacal fit and beat the ever-loving dogshit out of that child molesting Catholic priest when he comes around, and then he would never have to worry about things like that again. and I would be spared reading about his "misery" in the Phillipines, where he no doubt just sits around playing video games all day and fretting over why he can't get any sweet Filipino punani.
Sapient:
Yes sir I will stay the course as it is now, struggling to get out of the rutt. It is my responsibility not to let RRS down by doing something embarrasing.
Brian37:
Yes sir there is. RRS members. Let me assure you violence is not my nature, and yes I am venting thanks to RRS I can. About the situation I am in, I'm still working on it since I left it way back in 1993. 2010, still am.
The priest came and blessed as he does with the other houses. I have never spoken a word to Fr. M. not since 2007 when I first met this tall man who struck me as aloof. My old man nearly died that year, I was there in the hospital watching over him when told Fr. M was arriving and that I have to leave the two of them alone so my old man can make a confession. My old man seems fond of him, I have no objections.
I still have that ember of love for my old man, he can do as he pleases. Its not my priority in 2010.
SapphireMind
Harming people will only make me an outlaw. I have arrived a point where that prospect does not scare me at all. As a member of RRS, I should conduct myself to be above it. I have taken it way this far beyond my limits in 2007 the last straw. I do ignore the negative, and work on the possitive aspects. I did "let go" in 1996, hitting rock bottom that year never felt good. I did not shatter into smitherenes thats why, I got back on my feet in 1997.
I hope to hear from you more in 2010. I am pleased to make your acquaintance here at RRS.
Forget the RRS, how about not letting YOURSELF down by doing something embarassing. Look inside yourself for worth, make rational/ethical decisions because you are of good character not because you do or do not want to let a group down.
Not cool. Hurting animals is the lowest of lows, pathetic loosers hurt animals. If knew who you were and i had evidence of you intentionally harming an innocent animal i would fucking smash you. Or perhaps i'd kidnap you and bring you to my home and introduce to to my animal who is the left puppy in my pic. He is 1/2 italian mastiff and 1/2 american pitbull terrier, he's 125lbs of solid muscles and has head as big as a basketball, i'd like to see you harm him. I hope you were ranting and not being serious, but even if you were BAD FORM!!!
Marquis
Greetings. I was in a church one late evening in 2006 after the last mass of that day, was not even a sunday. The church does charity, I stayed to pray someore since I noticed they were not closing it down yet, then I noticed the destitutes of the city enter, I sat amongst them, the odor of humanity exposed to the elements. So I am not as unfortunate as they are.
The harder I try, and I have no criminal record that means I have never been in the can and do not wish to be, the more that goal of making it better from where I am now eludes me. No athlete would go to the field or court and put in less than 100 percent. Same as when I go out looking for a way out of my predicament.
Option 1: Keep at it.
Option 2: To be determined now that I am here at RRS.
Glad to meet you here at RRS Marquis. Thank you for sharing your opinions.
You are absolutely right.
Greetings NoMoreCrazyPeople. And thank you for sharing. Sorry for using the term animals what I meant with that are those that masquerade as humans and behave like animals, but the dogs here are cool with me, the birds chirp on my window, I have nothing against them. I myself grew up with a pet dog, my best friend, waits for me at the gates as I come home from school. She went ahead of me. It was her time. I miss my dog. She and I go a long way.
If I am a sicko and started harming animals like some filipinos do i.e. Baguio where they eat dog, or the slums of Manila where a group of juveniles put a powerfull firecracker on a dogs behind and let it detonate, the poor creature did not die instantly. If I became like those mentioned ...then I beg you to a contract out for my head and just put me out of my zombie existance. Let me assure you, I am not a sicko who hurts other creatures in this planet.
Thank you for pointing out that it is about me being upright on behalf of me, and not to any group. It is my personal responsibility not to let others down..I'm sorry I can't help myself.
Hope to make 2010 not just another year like the past few, with guys like you around here it sure helps.
Jeffrick
I hope the update does not affect others as it was not so much a big deal for me. The priest came, did his duties, and he left. Evrything is 'cava' for now. Did not expect it to be a big deal.
No one wants to read someones boring missery. The thread may not be as thrilling with sparks as a telenovela, never inteded it to be. Those that find it boring I can't blame them, I might not even be able to keep it up to be honest with you my friend. Not even sure now if I should post on a daily basis or only when significant events occur. A deadly incident is a major significant event, I do not think I will be posting plans or after it has been done with the authoroties possibly alerted, I might be updating on an internet cafe. On the run. I don't think many in RRS will like me after that.
About the house, my old man can do as he pleases, can even kick me out. Many have shared and focusing on the positive is better than the negative. Its back to the drawing board. Its 2010, need a new approach that might work.
Stay warm my friend. Kind of you to drop by.
obsidianwords:
I meant for this thread to be some kind of black box recording of what I was thinking from here and up to if i can help it, the point where I temporarily lose sanity and destroy in one count those that torment me. Sort of like something some people may be curious enogh to read and say...oh so thats what drove him to do it. Still does not justify murder that I can tell you. It will always be contrary to law.
De nihilo nihil....
My complements on that, I enjoyed reading it.
Forget about snap, many here at RRS suggested not to take that path. Its off the table. Besides I might not be able to keep up with it, even the idea sounds boring to myself. Many here shared that I should focus on the positive, and avoid all that negativity. Its a lifestyle and its now 2010.
I hope I answered the question. Its like a lousy indie movie plot.
Thanks for dropping by.
It's an awesome picture, isn't it? It's one of my favorites of me. (no seriously) Alcohol+camera phones=av :D
to the OP: I suggest reading up on Gandhi and non-violent principles. I can tell english is not your first language and I don't know if it is that, a cultural difference in expression or truly what you mean to say, but you don't come off well in your posts.
"Shepherd Book once said to me, 'If you can't do something smart, do something right.'" - Jayne
Personally subverting biological evolution in favor of social evolution every night I go to work!
I second that notion.
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Support our activism efforts by making your Amazon purchases via this link.
Excuse you. It's clear that Sapphire's picture is of her making a funny face at the camera. How does this affect you, or the discussion at hand? Furthermore, even if she is unattractive to you, what purpose does it serve to point that out? It is in no way relevant to the topic of this thread, or even atheism or religious issues in general.
If you want to participate in discussion and be taken seriously (which is dubious, given your troll behavior, but I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt), I suggest you stop antagonizing other valued members of this forum.
Ed: How old are you?
And is there any reason why you must stay at your father's house?
Good question, my household was to religious for me, and i left at 15. I made my way, graduated, it was tough but better than living somewhere that didn't feel like home, you always have a choice.
survey says: you are a tard.
"I have never felt comfortable around people who talk about their feelings for Jesus, or any other deity for that matter, because they are usually none too bright. . . . Or maybe 'stupid' is a better way of saying it; but I have never seen much point in getting heavy with either stupid people or Jesus freaks, just as long as they don't bother me. In a world as weird and cruel as this one we have made for ourselves, I figure anybody who can find peace and personal happiness without ripping off somebody else deserves to be left alone. They will not inherit the earth, but then neither will I. . . . And I have learned to live, as it were, with the idea that I will never find peace and happiness, either. But as long as I know there's a pretty good chance I can get my hands on either one of them every once in a while, I do the best I can between high spots."
--Hunter S. Thompson
greek goddess:
I'll be 35 this year and flat broke, that is why I am staying at my old mans house. Lost a lot during the fall back here. Now doing what I can to get back on my feet and go back out there on my own.
Pleasure to make you acquaintance here at RRS.
NoMoreCrazyPeople
Dude, I hope you're not mad at me with my fubar use of the word animal. I do not wish to offend anyone here. Hope we all make firends. Anyway you and I like to have dogs, but since my whitey left me, I was off to fend for myself, could not find a replacement either. Its heart wrenching to visualize how she waits for me at the gate as I come home from school back when I was a kid, or that time she sneaks into my room to wake me up, I pretended to be dead, I held my breath, she kept licking my nose, the face, this went on for some time until she started to whine, then bark in distress. I knew then and there she was no doubt my friend with no malice whatsoever. I miss whitey. The great white dog of jaws, bites before she barks. Intensely loyal and over protective to the people she lived with. Just to share some of my dog days.
About being upright, I try to balance my self esteem by keeping it in check, to allow that to balloon is as bad as to lose it. There is a line I draw, where I have to say back off. Aviators need self confidence or they get killed once released for solo. I'll keep mine but keep it in check or I end up a deuch, no one wants that. Anyway, I am in possesion of my faculties, I would not want to do something that will only make things worse than it is.
Any funny dog tales you can share? All the gloomy stuff might affect others who come across it in a negative way. Something funny please and it has to have pets involved.
iwbiek
Enjoy's good beer, the ladies, ear candy music and a good cigar. Now that is so cool. I like your style.
Glad to meet you here amigo. (sound of beer can opening) , To my new cool friend iwbiek, Cheers.