Meh.

I don't know if this is more or less agreed upon.  I did a quick google search and found quite a bit of discussion on both sides.

Real time interaction with a real person, even though it's over cyberspace.  Presumably, the other person is getting pleasure from it, and doing it willingly, so it's reciprocal.  Typically, that's a step worse than doing it with a hooker.  (Women will forgive a man for a hooker more easily than a mistress... not that they forgive either easily.)

There are sex toys for men...

Oh, and the same thing... personal interaction with a willing (and presumably turned on) partner.

The best way not to hurt your brain is to give up on the idea that it's actions.  It's a principle.  Infidelity is breaking the bond of sexual trust with a partner.  For monogamous couples, it's usually any act that signifies bonding with someone else.  It might be kissing, groping, oral sex, or full blown sex, but the implication is still the same.  Whatever the act, that's the boundary at which the bonded partners acknowledge the breaking of trust.

For swingers, the boundaries are different.  A lot of swingers are ok with their partners fucking other people, but they don't allow kissing.  (How's that for throwing convention under the bus?)  For some, it's any kissing on the lips, for others its open mouth... geez, if I had been cheating everytime I kissed a female friend on the lips, I'd be the biggest womanizer around...  

Anyway, the point is that cheating is a state of mind, not an act.  That's why cybering is so threatening to most people.  It's not the text.  It's what it represents.  

In the healthiest of relationships, by asking and then testing.

"Are we ok with this boundary?"

"I think so..."

(Tests)

"Are we still ok?"

"Yes."

"Ok.  That's our boundary."

You know I'm not a big fan of socially imposed monogamy.  However, consentual monogamy is the way most people roll most of the time.  What most people don't realize is that monogamy is usually serial.  We outlive the normal lifespan of a relationship.  (That hasn't always been so.)  Unfortunately, jealousy and social convention conspire such that cheating is how many people get out of a relationship they don't want anymore.

The thing is, we can talk all day about where a line ought to be drawn, and it won't change where the line really is.  Cheating is an individual thing because it is defined by how another person feels.  As you well know, we can't help how we feel.

Funny how you're in agreement with the hard-core fundies. The religious moderates and 'weak' atheists have their own made up standard. Whatever is convenient, so they are not a cheater.

But people will still believe in eternal monogamy. It's necessary for the high we get from being in love. The fairy tale wedding/honeymoon industry pushes this fantasy. If you take away the monogamous fantasy with scientific fact, there goes the fix.

Was not monogamy a useful ideal in our species development before we had birth control and an understanding of venereal diseases? A way to ensure both parents are involved in raising children?

Now we have nearly 50% of babies born out of wedlock. Shouldn't the stigma of being promiscuous change to a stigma against having unwanted pregnancies and deadbeat parents?

 There aren't many things that i agree with that bald headed, putz pulling, guilt peddling, spooge rag Dr Phil about...But he and I both define infedelity similarly.

"Cheating is anytime you act in a way without your spouse present that you wouldn't act if they *were* present"

                                                                  -paraphrased

Hamby is once again correct...most people are actually "serial monogamists"...like monkeys swinging from tree to tree they can't lt go of a vine until they have a hold of a new one...The unfortunate result is that otherwise terrifically compatible couples often succumb to inevitability of infedelity rather than simply acknowledging that most of us (men *AND* women) must sacrifice much of who we are to remain so. That frustration will invariably find a venue to express itself, either through a physical affair, an emotional affair, the internet, or food...

It would be lovely if relationships were like Walt Disney movies...but then again, I dont imagine that Ariel ever got to experience the carnal joys of getting double teamed. 

Its a lot healthier for a relationship to stop trying to decieve one another as to the motivations of our clandestine behavior, and what imaginary lines we may or may not have crossed, when the much simpler solution is to just be honest. Of course, with the way we are taught to exist within the Mars/Venus paradigm, we also have to be willing to allow our spouses honesty without them fearing a "moralistic" self righteous, religion/self-help inspired reprisal.

Found it! It was DBZ porn also...

Epic Win!

...But it's a tad more complicated than that (which is why I found the convo on Skype so amusing. )

Take WoW cybersex for example: the players in question tend to be fapping to the other player's avatar, not the person behind the keyboard. Better still, on many occassions, it's just a trap - some crusty asshole has hoodwinked a horny dude into 'cybering' with 'her', chuckling all the way to the proverbial bank as he logs the session and then posts it up on an alt. newsgroup for everyone to laugh at.

So it's certainly not guaranteed to be reciprical.

Or what about e-mail cybersex, where it's not in real time?