church of the invisible purple dragon.

ifywar
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church of the invisible purple dragon.

it turns out i accidentally founded a new religion.

i was on facebook arguing with some christians when i came up with a religion merely for arguments sake. turns our people are starting to take it seriously, so i made a facebook page. that was on saturday. in only afew days i already have roughly 20 followers, despite the fact that we say that the universe was made last wednesday, and that the earth is made from a burnt marshmallow.

specifically, i started by saying this;

"yet, i see a cross, and because of this, i am assuming that this was made for only the Christians, but is my god welcome? you see, i am a dragovinian. my religion believes that an invisible purple dragon with 3 arms, 2 heads, and 3 eyes on both his heads created the earth this past Wednesday, and every Wednesday he destroys, then recreates the universe just as it was. in our belief every scar you have, every memory you have, they are all fake, put there to test your faith in the great invisible purple 3 armed, 2 headed dragon. dinosaur bones? put there to test your faith in him. carbon dating? testing your faith. evolution? merely testing your faith. family? you were made to share DNA with people who were made at the same time as you. elders? if you are reading this, you are tied with about 6 billion other people for "oldest person on the planet."
but even through all that, it was all put there to test your faith in him. i worship the great dragon god "Sluffywinks" and i pray to him, and he is how i perceive god, and even though most people look at my religion and think i am stupid, will you welcome my god? is my worshiping welcome here?"

i then continued on;

"my religion is a semi new tradition which holds such beliefs as "last wednesdayism" (which i briefly talked about) and a belief which is also held by the pastafarians known as "intelligent falling" and when i talk about it people think i am lying, or playing a joke, but i am not. intelligent falling states that the theory of gravity is false. it states that the near innumerable "branch arms" of the great dragon "sluffywinks" (in pastafarianism it is the noodly appendages) come from under the trillions of scales of the dragon and hold every atom in the universe together. people who are shorter are more blessed because they are being held tightly, but with the recent population booms, the needs to use all his arms, and in an extremely quick rotation, which is why people are becoming taller and taller. we believe giraffes are liked by the dragon, as in one of our sacred tales, the giraffe attempted to flatter the dragon, by copying the dragons neck, and is now blessed with such a long neck. if you are interested in joining the canadian dragovinian church, just send me a message on facebook, or reply to me on this thread, and i will tell you about our beliefs."

i was surprised that people took it as seriously as they did, with responses such as;

"I've been a dragovinian since last Wednesday. its truly been a earthshaking experience for me, considering I am one of the less mainstream practitioners at my church of the dragovinian.

I've recently joined the choir here and cant seem to get the Psalms of Scale out of my head."

""the near innumerable "branch arms" of the great dragon "sluffywinks" (in pastafarianism it is the noodly appendages) come from under the trillions of scales of the dragon and hold every atom in the universe together."

=

The best thing ever said on Facebook."

so, i made a facebook group for the church, ordained some ministers, and 2 grand masters, and in several days i already have 20 followers.

so, awesome religion, or awesomest religion?

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=172599125250


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Awesome religion, sure. Not

Awesome religion, sure. Not awesomest.

The Invisible Pink Unicorn is awesomest. Because she's older. And in theology we all know older is truer, right? That's why fundamental/literal interpretations of holy books are more true, right?

 

IPU for the win.

IPD for the close second place. Sticking out tongue

"Anyone can repress a woman, but you need 'dictated' scriptures to feel you're really right in repressing her. In the same way, homophobes thrive everywhere. But you must feel you've got scripture on your side to come up with the tedious 'Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve' style arguments instead of just recognising that some people are different." - Douglas Murray


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I thought Russell's Teapot

I thought Russell's Teapot was the oldestest.


HisWillness
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 I don't know if you

 I don't know if you noticed, but there's an ongoing religious war on the site. You're welcome to join. It's under "the greatest religious war of the 21st century".

Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence


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JillSwift wrote:IPU for the

JillSwift wrote:

IPU for the win.

IPD for the close second place. Sticking out tongue

I see you have now fully renounced the filthy Pandafarian nonsense, but have taken up with some sort of lizard cult. For shame! All know and hail the Cosmic Moose, in His Nosely Wisdom.

Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence


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I wish to know more of this

I wish to know more of this Cosmic Moose. Please: go on.


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HisWillness wrote:JillSwift

HisWillness wrote:

JillSwift wrote:

IPU for the win.

IPD for the close second place. Sticking out tongue

I see you have now fully renounced the filthy Pandafarian nonsense, but have taken up with some sort of lizard cult. For shame! All know and hail the Cosmic Moose, in His Nosely Wisdom.

I was told by the person down at the Panda Org who gave me that personality test that Padafarianism does not contradict IPU teachings. So there.

Everyone knows a moose can not be divine, because the plural of moose isn't meese when we know it has to be because the plural of mouse is mice. Proof! Scientifical proof!

Praise the Panda and yay for the IPU.

 

"Anyone can repress a woman, but you need 'dictated' scriptures to feel you're really right in repressing her. In the same way, homophobes thrive everywhere. But you must feel you've got scripture on your side to come up with the tedious 'Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve' style arguments instead of just recognising that some people are different." - Douglas Murray


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...Poor, poor Jill.She'll be

...Poor, poor Jill.

She'll be heartbroken after OP X is revealed to her. Sticking out tongue

 

I remain steadfast in my view that only through togetherness and much philosophical ponderance will we unlock the ultimate hyperomega reality of the universe.

Quote:
"Natasha has just come up to the window from the courtyard and opened it wider so that the air may enter more freely into my room. I can see the bright green strip of grass beneath the wall, and the clear blue sky above the wall, and sunlight everywhere. Life is beautiful. Let the future generations cleanse it of all evil, oppression and violence, and enjoy it to the full."

- Leon Trotsky, Last Will & Testament
February 27, 1940


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Kevin R Brown wrote:...Poor,

Kevin R Brown wrote:

...Poor, poor Jill.

She'll be heartbroken after OP X is revealed to her. :P

Blasphemer!

Oh, that reminds me. Please, everyone, stop blaspheming the P-nda by typing out its full name. If you must refer to the P-nda you will have to use the name allowed for use by unbelivers and heretics: "Imastoopidmoosebeleever".

 

Kevin R Brown wrote:
I remain steadfast in my view that only through togetherness and much philosophical ponderance will we unlock the ultimate hyperomega reality of the universe.
Lies!

There is only the Great Hypoalpha Reality! And omly those traversing the Panda Path (only $4049.95 per hour!) can understand its mysteries!

"Anyone can repress a woman, but you need 'dictated' scriptures to feel you're really right in repressing her. In the same way, homophobes thrive everywhere. But you must feel you've got scripture on your side to come up with the tedious 'Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve' style arguments instead of just recognising that some people are different." - Douglas Murray


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JillSwift wrote:Awesome

JillSwift wrote:

Awesome religion, sure. Not awesomest.

The Invisible Pink Unicorn is awesomest. Because she's older. And in theology we all know older is truer, right? That's why fundamental/literal interpretations of holy books are more true, right?

 

IPU for the win.

IPD for the close second place. Sticking out tongue

And we know the colors of these invisible creatures...how?...oh, nevermind. I clearly don't have Faith.

Nobody I know was brainwashed into being an atheist.

Why Believe?


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Pink is the most Perfect

Pink is the most Perfect color!  Thus the perfect beings must be pink!


HisWillness
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crazymonkie wrote:I wish to

crazymonkie wrote:

I wish to know more of this Cosmic Moose. Please: go on.

The Cosmic Moose has much to teach. Start with this thread:

http://www.rationalresponders.com/forum/17351

wherein certain secrets are revealed.

Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence


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well, i don't know about the

well, i don't know about the IPU, but we know the color of the invisible purple dragon, because according to the religion it was revealed to the prophet harris, who was also told of its two heads, 3 main arms, and innumerable branch arms.

all hail the great and powerful sluffywinks.


ifywar
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LIES! purple is the perfect

LIES! purple is the perfect color.


Answers in Gene...
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JillSwift

JillSwift wrote:
Blasphemer!

 

Oh, that reminds me. Please, everyone, stop blaspheming the P-nda by typing out its full name. If you must refer to the P-nda you will have to use the name allowed for use by unbelivers and heretics: "Imastoopidmoosebeleever".

 

Oh come on Jill, I had just had a nice dish of chicken with Chinese vegetables and all that I said was “Those bamboo shoots were tender enough for a panda”. How can that possibly be blasphemy?

 

In any case, it is not like you can stone me to death twice.

 

Panda! Panda, panda, panda, panda, panda.

NoMoreCrazyPeople wrote:
Never ever did I say enything about free, I said "free."

=


HisWillness
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ifywar wrote:LIES! purple is

ifywar wrote:

LIES! purple is the perfect color.

The perfection of purple is only mandated by the Great Cosmic Moose!

Pandas, being monochromatic, have no appreciation for the majesty of such colourific goodness.

Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence


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Answers in Gene Simmons

Answers in Gene Simmons wrote:

Oh come on Jill, I had just had a nice dish of chicken with Chinese vegetables and all that I said was “Those bamboo shoots were tender enough for a panda”. How can that possibly be blasphemy?

 

Stoning!

Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence


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Quote:Stoning!...Again!?*Sigh

Quote:
Stoning!

...Again!?

*Sigh*

 

*Grabs his novelty moose-shaped bong*


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All hail the great

All hail the great moose!

 

Monochromatic mammals shall suffer greatly!