Afraid of Church!

SSBBJunky
Superfan
Posts: 209
Joined: 2009-02-06
User is offlineOffline
Afraid of Church!

My 10yr old cousin is going to have his first communion on saturday and I'm afraid I might spontaneously burst into flames when I enter the church....

 

Should i risk it?

''Black Holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.''


scole665
Posts: 67
Joined: 2008-06-27
User is offlineOffline
Ahhhh, just go . . .

Perhaps it will just spit you out..... khhhhhaaaaaaaaa tooweeeeeeey! 

 


JillSwift
Superfan
JillSwift's picture
Posts: 1758
Joined: 2008-01-13
User is offlineOffline
SSBBJunky wrote:I'm afraid I

SSBBJunky wrote:
I'm afraid I might spontaneously burst into flames when I enter the church....
Been there, done that. It kinda tickles.


 

"Anyone can repress a woman, but you need 'dictated' scriptures to feel you're really right in repressing her. In the same way, homophobes thrive everywhere. But you must feel you've got scripture on your side to come up with the tedious 'Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve' style arguments instead of just recognising that some people are different." - Douglas Murray


Kevin R Brown
Superfan
Kevin R Brown's picture
Posts: 3142
Joined: 2007-06-24
User is offlineOffline
You're right to be afraid. I

You're right to be afraid. I mean, sure, it's never happened to anyone yet... but does that mean it never will? Think about that.

 

Lucky for you, though, I can guarantee that you will not spontaneously conflagrate if you purchase and wear my patented Lapel of Darwinistic Protection from God. Only 19.99 + shipping & handling. Total protection from spontaneous human combustion absolutely 100% guaranteed; user will recieve a full refund if even a single lick of flame randomly spouts from their body. Smiling

Quote:
"Natasha has just come up to the window from the courtyard and opened it wider so that the air may enter more freely into my room. I can see the bright green strip of grass beneath the wall, and the clear blue sky above the wall, and sunlight everywhere. Life is beautiful. Let the future generations cleanse it of all evil, oppression and violence, and enjoy it to the full."

- Leon Trotsky, Last Will & Testament
February 27, 1940


JillSwift
Superfan
JillSwift's picture
Posts: 1758
Joined: 2008-01-13
User is offlineOffline
Kevin R Brown wrote:user

Kevin R Brown wrote:
user will recieve a full refund if even a single lick of flame randomly spouts from their body. Smiling
I see - and not one thin dime back if it was an "Intelligently Placed" lick of flame. Sticking out tongue


 

"Anyone can repress a woman, but you need 'dictated' scriptures to feel you're really right in repressing her. In the same way, homophobes thrive everywhere. But you must feel you've got scripture on your side to come up with the tedious 'Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve' style arguments instead of just recognising that some people are different." - Douglas Murray


EXC
atheist
EXC's picture
Posts: 3944
Joined: 2008-01-17
User is offlineOffline
SSBBJunky wrote:My 10yr old

SSBBJunky wrote:

My 10yr old cousin is going to have his first communion on saturday and I'm afraid I might spontaneously burst into flames when I enter the church....

 

Should i risk it?

Yes, have some fun with it, take communion yourself. When the priest says "The body of Christ". Say: No testicles please!

Taxation is the price we pay for failing to build a civilized society. The higher the tax level, the greater the failure. A centrally planned totalitarian state represents a complete defeat for the civilized world, while a totally voluntary society represents its ultimate success. --Mark Skousen


Fanas
Posts: 249
Joined: 2008-03-27
User is offlineOffline
Go for exorcism first.The

Go for exorcism first.

The body of christ compels you, the body of christ compels you.


The Doomed Soul
atheist
The Doomed Soul's picture
Posts: 2148
Joined: 2007-08-31
User is offlineOffline
Fanas wrote:The body of

Fanas wrote:

The body of christ compels you, the body of christ compels you.

 

... to do what?

 

(i thought it was "power" of christ)

What Would Kharn Do?


Fanas
Posts: 249
Joined: 2008-03-27
User is offlineOffline
The Doomed Soul wrote:Fanas

The Doomed Soul wrote:

Fanas wrote:

The body of christ compels you, the body of christ compels you.

 

... to do what?

 

(i thought it was "power" of christ)

I'm pretty sure it's not, anyways thats not the point.


spike.barnett
Superfan
spike.barnett's picture
Posts: 1018
Joined: 2008-10-24
User is offlineOffline
SSBBJunky wrote:My 10yr old

SSBBJunky wrote:

My 10yr old cousin is going to have his first communion on saturday and I'm afraid I might spontaneously burst into flames when I enter the church....

 

Should i risk it?

Keep in mind that they love little boys, and not in any kind of good way...

On a serious note. If I walked into a church and spontaneously combusted for being a heathen, I might think about converting... maybe.

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.

The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
MySpace


Vastet
atheistBloggerSuperfan
Vastet's picture
Posts: 13211
Joined: 2006-12-25
User is offlineOffline
I've had to go into a church

I've had to go into a church to vote on a number of occassions, so I wouldn't worry too much. On the off chance there is a god and he didn't nuke me because I was being a responsible citizen, well that doesn't cover the funeral I went to and spent most of the ceremony making fun of the church and its practices with those seated close to me. None of us burst into flame. Sticking out tongue

Proud Canadian, Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.


Brian37
atheistSuperfan
Brian37's picture
Posts: 15833
Joined: 2006-02-14
User is offlineOffline
"The power of crap compeles

"The power of crap compeles you!"

Funny how an all powerfull being always needs some sort of vehicle to get his message out.  Can't get off his lazy ass and do it himself.

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37


Tapey
atheist
Tapey's picture
Posts: 1477
Joined: 2009-01-23
User is offlineOffline
Brian37 wrote:"The power of

Brian37 wrote:

"The power of crap compeles you!"

Funny how an all powerfull being always needs some sort of vehicle to get his message out.  Can't get off his lazy ass and do it himself.

If you were all powerfull and could make people do things would you do anything yourself? Maybe it's just me but I would be far to lazy 

Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy.
Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.
No animal shall wear clothes.
No animal shall sleep in a bed.
No animal shall drink alcohol.
No animal shall kill any other animal.
All animals are equal.


SSBBJunky
Superfan
Posts: 209
Joined: 2009-02-06
User is offlineOffline
EXC wrote:SSBBJunky wrote:My

EXC wrote:

SSBBJunky wrote:

My 10yr old cousin is going to have his first communion on saturday and I'm afraid I might spontaneously burst into flames when I enter the church....

 

Should i risk it?

Yes, have some fun with it, take communion yourself. When the priest says "The body of Christ". Say: No testicles please!

 

''Black Holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.''


Luminon
SuperfanTheist
Luminon's picture
Posts: 2455
Joined: 2008-02-17
User is offlineOffline
Kevin R Brown wrote:You're

(post self-deleted, I'm sorry I mistook the forum for General conversation)


Rich Woods
Rational VIP!
Rich Woods's picture
Posts: 868
Joined: 2008-02-06
User is offlineOffline
Do what I do...pretend

Do what I do...pretend you're in a scene from "the planet of the apes", and the few remaining mutants have learned to communicate via telepathy ...and are praying to a giant Bomb...and then imagine the priest as Victor Buono right before he tears his own face off...

It makes the mindless, regurgitated murmering a lot more tolerable. 


Not_Your_Therapist
atheist
Not_Your_Therapist's picture
Posts: 108
Joined: 2007-06-28
User is offlineOffline
Yeah, it totally tickles! I

Yeah, it totally tickles! I go to a different church every week (I think I am a glutton for punishment) and each one burns in a slightly different way.

Your resident OTD/S, Christina
A good scientist will always change her mind if new evidence is presented which gives her sufficient reason to change it.
www.ziztur.com