Dinosaurs in The Bible (WTF)
Offline You know, there's a point where I just have to sit back and laugh. All of these Christians running around like their head just got cut off over silly things like masturbation, all this creepy talk of JESUS LOVES YOU...I honestly sometimes find myself speechless at the strangeness of people.
One of the weirdest things I've seen lately on a forum...
We have found some major verses that describe DINOSAURS in perfect detail. One thing to know about this is the word 'dinosaur' wasn't invented until the 1860s or so (close guestimate). One more thing, I had a friend try to tell me God wasn't saying this, if you read a bit back, you realize it is God.
Job 40:15-24 "Look at the behemoth, wich I have made along with you; He eats grass as an ox. See now, his strength is in his hips And his puwer is in his stomach muscles. He moves his tail like a tall cerdar tree; The sinews in his thighs are tightly knit. His bones are like beams of bronze, his ribs like bars of iron. He is the first of the ways of God; Only He who made him can bring him near His sword. Surely the mountains yeild food for him, and all the beasts of the feild play there. He lies under the lotus trees, in a convert of reeds and marsh. The lotus trees cover him with their shade; The willows by the brook surround him. Indeed the river may rage, yet he is not disturbed; He is confodent, though the Jordan rushes into his mouth, though he takes it in his eyes, or one peirce his noes with a snare."
http://www.christianteenforums.com/Dinosaurs-BIBLE-t55073.html
You guys...I have....no words. At all.
*Our world is far more complex than the rigid structure we want to assign to it, and we will probably never fully understand it.*
"Those believers who are sophisticated enough to understand the paradox have found exciting ways to bend logic into pretzel shapes in order to defend the indefensible." - Hamby
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That could just as easily describe a cow.
...you're acting like it's, I don't know, unreasonable or something to suppose that the author of the Book of Job might have seen a living, breathing apatosaurus.
I mean...really now...dating of fossils and complete extinction of dinosaurs can't really be all that significant, can they? Why, the next thing I know, you'll be counting the legs on insects and birds, complaining about the Bible's estimation of pi, and saying something about bats being mammals.
Can these minor little details really be all that important?
Conor
If you think that's bad....
http://christiananswers.net/dinosaurs/j-where1.html
It sounds like the writer is describing a hippopotamus, especially when he writes "...Jordan rushes into his mouth,...he takes it in his eyes, ...or pierce his nose with a snare." I've seen pictures of that in National Geographic. Hippos may well have lived in the Jordan 3000 years ago. Without doubt the auther would have known about Nile Hippos.
"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."
VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"
If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?
HeeHee.... I love the things that come outta theist mouth's sometimes. When will the literalists find out that they are causing more harm to their religion's credibility than any atheist. Creationism is almost predicated that dinosaurs and humans coexisted, so it's not unfair to think that christians will grasp at straws to prove their beliefs.
"Always seek out the truth, but avoid at all costs those that claim to have found it" ANONYMOUS
lol "perfect detail"
An excerpt from my favorite post on there:
Sigh. At what point will theists stop suspending logic and trying to prove the validity of a bunch of ancient texts, and realize IT'S ALL BULLSHIT!!!
The obvious solution here is that the dinosaurs were magic like unicorns, and humans rode them into battle while they shot missles and lasers at eachother.
I claim biblical evidence to support this.
Theism is why we can't have nice things.
Clearly this is from a Protestant or Evangelical as the Catholic version makes clear that it is an elephant being discussed. This version includes explanations as perceived by the Catholic Church:
The forum where the Job quote originated continues on to rant about dragons and discount the animal discussed from being either a hippo or an elephant. That there may be a logical explanation and the writer in Job was just using the largest land and sea animals he knew about to show what he perceived to be the power of the god is discounted. Instead they try to fit their fantasy beliefs and misconceptions such that they can promote their delusions as part of reality. I see no hope for these people in the real world.
As Greek Goddess points out they even try to give man credit for genetic manipulation and cross breeding which causes the god to flood the world. Delusion has no limits.
____________________________________________________________
"I guess it's time to ask if you live under high voltage power transmission lines which have been shown to cause stimulation of the fantasy centers of the brain due to electromagnetic waves?" - Me
"God is omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent, - it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks please. Cash and in small bills." - Robert A Heinlein.
I think you have found the Hindu version.
____________________________________________________________
"I guess it's time to ask if you live under high voltage power transmission lines which have been shown to cause stimulation of the fantasy centers of the brain due to electromagnetic waves?" - Me
"God is omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent, - it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks please. Cash and in small bills." - Robert A Heinlein.
Funny you say that. I have a co-worker (seventh day adventist) that claims dinos were genetically engineered by adam and eve's descendents and were used for such crap.
"Always seek out the truth, but avoid at all costs those that claim to have found it" ANONYMOUS
That's exactly the same thing I was thinking.
If the person in question had been describing an apatosaur, he wouldn't have used terms like bars of iron or beams of bronze. He would have used terms more akin to tree trunks and houses, something that more closely resembled the stature of the creature.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
In perfect detail? When did words lose all definition?
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
MySpace
When they become atheist?
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
MySpace
yeah...but can they explain the Sleestacks?
www.RichWoodsBlog.com
No, come on now. Everyone knows that it is sharks that have fricking laser beams on thier heads. Where have you been?
=
Devil's advocate here. Doesn't "'He moves his tail like a tall cerdar tree;'" describe just that? What hippo's tail is like a tall cerdar tree?
Just say'n...
EDUCATION! EDUCATION! EDUCATION!
I think you guys are missing the most important detail about biblical dinosaurs:
...
Yeah, that's right, biblical dinosaur, you take it right in the eye.
I wonder how high someone would have to be before they could write sections of the bible. I'd say somewhere between "I'm so high right now" and "My hands, man; look at my hands"
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence
And i claim...
YOUTUBE! to support it as well
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnHuNUNV0BE&feature=PlayList&p=5FEAAE242DD06C24&index=0&playnext=1
...what ever happened to that show?
What Would Kharn Do?
I can't believe there arent any christian responses that are against that post...
If i was still Xian i would have spoken up O_O
Actually they missed the boat on that one, the first attempt to put dinos and humans together was the Flinstones. Now if the Flinstones isn't an anthropology documentary, I don't know what is. COME ON, it must be real because we hear human voices in it!
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
http://www.missiontoamerica.org/genesis/dinosaurs-in-the-bible.html
lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
*Our world is far more complex than the rigid structure we want to assign to it, and we will probably never fully understand it.*
"Those believers who are sophisticated enough to understand the paradox have found exciting ways to bend logic into pretzel shapes in order to defend the indefensible." - Hamby
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olKlFDN5dNk
Enjoy. Somewhat related to the specific quote about the teeth.
Speechless...
EDUCATION! EDUCATION! EDUCATION!
LMAO @ THIS PARODY
http://jamesomalley.co.uk/blog/2007/08/natural-history-museum/
I don't mean to be a pessimist, but I wouldn't hold my breath is all I'm sayin'.
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence
Sadly, it's true. I mean, people actually BELIEVE this shit. That's going to take a long time to de-program.
*Our world is far more complex than the rigid structure we want to assign to it, and we will probably never fully understand it.*
"Those believers who are sophisticated enough to understand the paradox have found exciting ways to bend logic into pretzel shapes in order to defend the indefensible." - Hamby
Wow. Talk about watching the Discovery channel and thinking it's roughly equivalent to graduate work in veterinary dentistry. How do these people not get eaten by cougars?
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence
I get a kick out of their strong, persuasive and extensive vocabulary too. BIG SHARP TEETH.
*Our world is far more complex than the rigid structure we want to assign to it, and we will probably never fully understand it.*
"Those believers who are sophisticated enough to understand the paradox have found exciting ways to bend logic into pretzel shapes in order to defend the indefensible." - Hamby
Haha! Yeah, so specific.
You know, peppermint, not every animal with claws is a ferocious killing machine. Just look at the sloth! A sloth can't hurt you.
Therefore biological science is totally wrong about everything.
Genius.
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence
"There are people who believe that dianosaurs and men lived together and they roamed the earth at the same time. There are museums that children go to in which they build dioramahs to show them this...and what this is... purely and simply is a clinical psychotic reaction. They are Crazy. They are stone cold fuck nuts.I can't be kind about this because these people are watching the Flintstones as if it were a documentary."
-Lewis Black
www.RichWoodsBlog.com
Most likely a reference to the flexibility of the tree as opposed to it's actual size though. Bars of iron and beams of bronze make it clear that we aren't talking about something as big as a tree.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
Fair enough. Yeah, anyone in this century who believes OT characters hungout with dinos is_____________ (insert choice adjective of choice).
EDUCATION! EDUCATION! EDUCATION!
ARE YOU BLASPHEMING ALLAH? Everyone knows that lasers were an invention of Allah! I know this to be fact because a Muslim quoted a verse in the Koran talking about "mountains moving". Come on, if one observes an earthquake that must mean Muhammed knew about plate tectonics.
You are such a party pooper not buying into Dungions and Dragons thinking.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
I think you have been watching too many Austin Powers sexual enuendo endings........Mellons in front of real mellons doesn't fool anyone.
"hung out with dinos is "FUCKED UP, ASININE AND ABSURD"
I am not afraid of nipples or cuss words.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
You're soooo right I never even thought of it that way! And you know, panda bears eat bamboo so that means they would never ever attack a human under any circumstances. It's ~never~ happened before.
*Our world is far more complex than the rigid structure we want to assign to it, and we will probably never fully understand it.*
"Those believers who are sophisticated enough to understand the paradox have found exciting ways to bend logic into pretzel shapes in order to defend the indefensible." - Hamby
That's totally different. When God made panda bears, he made them evil, and painted them black and white, so we'd know. Look at the zebra: clearly evil. You can see it in those evil zebra eyes.
And just imagine if all you had to eat was bamboo. I'd be cranky, too!
Man, it's a good thing we have religion, or we'd never even know about evil, creation, and all the scientific knowledge it imparts about dinosaurs.
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence
Heresy! The Panda is god! Bow to The Panda, beg for its forgiveness! Or live forever without....something. I can't tell you what. You have to send me $99.99 to prove you have the devotion to start worshipping the Panda God.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
I KNOW RIGHT. Can you believe people think we came from ~monkeys~? How silly! Clearly we are a special snowflake species.
The panda bears used to be pretty rainbow colors, but they disobeyed god so he gave them HEATHEN, colorless fur and sentenced them to a lifetime of bamboo eating. That's why they're going extinct.
The zebra is the incarnation of Lucifer!
*Our world is far more complex than the rigid structure we want to assign to it, and we will probably never fully understand it.*
"Those believers who are sophisticated enough to understand the paradox have found exciting ways to bend logic into pretzel shapes in order to defend the indefensible." - Hamby
There's two of you now? OMFP!
That's it. Start the war.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
That one took me a second, holy shit was I laughing.
"ARGH! Filthy monochromatic beast worshipper!"
"Demon llama!"
"Yeah!"
...
"Wait, what?"
"Oh ... I thought ... sorry ..."
Being religious is confusing.
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence
Oh High Priestess of The Pantone, may your guidance see us through to the extinction of the Panda!
...
I think we may have just invented one of the most specific religious wars ever.
"Panda awesome!"
"Panda evil!"
AAAARGH!!!*(W#*(*()*(HFJWP(H*WH
(that was an internet clashing of swords and shields.)
...
ahem.
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence
I literally just fell off my chair laughing.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
LOLLERCOASTER! Nobody has ever proven that the Bible is innacurate BECAUSE you've never proved it is! DUH. These people make my brain silly...
I'm sure that would be a treat...
O RLY?
No.
Congratulations. It's not fucking obvious or anything if you look outside at night.
It says one star differs from another in glory. Again, congratulations. That's a pretty obvious thing, seeing as all the stars are DIFFERENT STARS. Jesus.
Yes, it's called observations of the obvious made by humans.
No, it's really not, because we don't have a spirit.
Not really. Now you're just stretching it:
Job 30:5,6
They were driven out from among men,
They shouted at them as at a thief.
They had to live in the clefts of the valleys,
In caves of the earth and the rocks.
I feel like I'm reading a book for idiots. I can't do this anymore, guys...
*Our world is far more complex than the rigid structure we want to assign to it, and we will probably never fully understand it.*
"Those believers who are sophisticated enough to understand the paradox have found exciting ways to bend logic into pretzel shapes in order to defend the indefensible." - Hamby
They should go to jail for child abuse.
''Black Holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.''
Aww, those kids are so cute. The museum should beat their parents/tour guides with tasers.
*Our world is far more complex than the rigid structure we want to assign to it, and we will probably never fully understand it.*
"Those believers who are sophisticated enough to understand the paradox have found exciting ways to bend logic into pretzel shapes in order to defend the indefensible." - Hamby
They are cute, aren't they? Too bad their parents are brainwashing them into spouting such nonsense. After the tour guides are in the ground, they should be beaten with a copy of ''Origin of the Species''
''Black Holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.''
I don't think you guys have to worry. The teenage years are going to be rough on the parents.
Mu-hahahaha! It's like nature's revenge!
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence