The Dead Messiah

A_Nony_Mouse
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The Dead Messiah

http://www.giwersworld.org/mgiwer/messiah.html

 

The Dead Messiah

modified by Matt Giwer

Customer: You sold me a dead Messiah.

Shopkeeper: They are all dead for some time or other I suppose.

Customer: It has been more than three days.

Shopkeeper: Maybe this one is a late resurrecter.

Customer: It has been two bloody months!

Shopkeeper: "No man knoweth the hour ... "

Customer: Don't give me that Sunday School garbage, this Messiah is dead and he is not coming back.

Shopkeeper: "Ye of little faith ..."

Customer: Stop that! Look. It's not in a grave. It not moving. No angels hovering. It is dead, dead, dead.

Shopkeeper: Is not. I'll show you. (whispers, "they're out of wine&quotEye-wink See? It moved.

Customer: Did not. You nudged its cross.

Shopkeeper: Did not.

Customer: It's dead! You can see right here where you've nailed it to its cross.

Shopkeeper: Messiahs are SUPPOSED to be nailed to their crosses.

Customer: I'll prove its dead. (grabs up the cross and bangs it face down on the counter) Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead!

Shopkeeper: After all it has been through before getting on the cross that's a dawdle.

Customer: It's dead I tell you.

Shopkeeper: I give up. I want a satisfied customer. I'll trade you for this very lovely Galilean messiah.

Customer: I've never heard of that breed. Are you sure it's a real messiah?

Shopkeeper: I should know. I've sold enough of them.

Customer: I'll take it.

Three fortnights later.

Shopkeeper: Satisfied with the Galilean?

Customer: Not on your bloody life.

Shopkeeper: (exasperated tone) What's the problem this time?

Customer: I only had it for fourty days and it flew straight up into the sky and I haven't seen it since.

Shopkeeper: That's what Galilean Messiahs do.

Customer: You didn't warn me.

Shopkeeper: Tell you what. If it's not back in a thousand years I'll give you a new one.

Customer: A thousand years!?!?! I won't live that wrong.

Shopkeeper: That's the risk you take owning a messiah.

 

Jews stole the land. The owners want it back. That is all anyone needs to know about Israel. That is all there is to know about Israel.

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Brian37
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A_Nony_Mouse

A_Nony_Mouse wrote:

http://www.giwersworld.org/mgiwer/messiah.html

 

The Dead Messiah

modified by Matt Giwer

Customer: You sold me a dead Messiah.

Shopkeeper: They are all dead for some time or other I suppose.

Customer: It has been more than three days.

Shopkeeper: Maybe this one is a late resurrecter.

Customer: It has been two bloody months!

Shopkeeper: "No man knoweth the hour ... "

Customer: Don't give me that Sunday School garbage, this Messiah is dead and he is not coming back.

Shopkeeper: "Ye of little faith ..."

Customer: Stop that! Look. It's not in a grave. It not moving. No angels hovering. It is dead, dead, dead.

Shopkeeper: Is not. I'll show you. (whispers, "they're out of wine&quotEye-wink See? It moved.

Customer: Did not. You nudged its cross.

Shopkeeper: Did not.

Customer: It's dead! You can see right here where you've nailed it to its cross.

Shopkeeper: Messiahs are SUPPOSED to be nailed to their crosses.

Customer: I'll prove its dead. (grabs up the cross and bangs it face down on the counter) Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead!

Shopkeeper: After all it has been through before getting on the cross that's a dawdle.

Customer: It's dead I tell you.

Shopkeeper: I give up. I want a satisfied customer. I'll trade you for this very lovely Galilean messiah.

Customer: I've never heard of that breed. Are you sure it's a real messiah?

Shopkeeper: I should know. I've sold enough of them.

Customer: I'll take it.

Three fortnights later.

Shopkeeper: Satisfied with the Galilean?

Customer: Not on your bloody life.

Shopkeeper: (exasperated tone) What's the problem this time?

Customer: I only had it for fourty days and it flew straight up into the sky and I haven't seen it since.

Shopkeeper: That's what Galilean Messiahs do.

Customer: You didn't warn me.

Shopkeeper: Tell you what. If it's not back in a thousand years I'll give you a new one.

Customer: A thousand years!?!?! I won't live that wrong.

Shopkeeper: That's the risk you take owning a messiah.

 

Sounds like big business to me. There used to be something called "Costemer service" when you went to complain about something, or a defect and they emidiately rectified it. Now it seems all the big companies look for an excuse to dump it on you.

 

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
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