For the Bitches [Trollville]
Offline Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men.
It was laid out in five floors, with men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The only rule was that once you opened a door to a new floor, you either had to choose a man from that floor, or ascend to the next floor. You could not go back down a floor, except to leave the store, never to return.
A couple of girlfriends went to the store to find a husband each.
First floor.
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids."
The women read the sign saying, "Well that's better than not having a job and not loving kids, but I wonder what's up further?" So up they went.
Second floor.
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking."
"Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"
Third floor.
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."
"Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.
Fourth floor.
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.
Fifth floor.
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left, we hope you fall down the stairs."
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
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By the way, when I was little and I heard the expression "Son of a bitch" I always pictured a question mark broken in half. Any idea what that means?
And I'm sick of the ad that comes up in this thread that says "Obama Finsihed?" Hello! He won the primary and is ahead in polls - he's certainly not "Finished!" I know the RRS can't help what comes up (which sucks) but I just think it's a dumb ad.
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
Errrrg! She didn't call me. She said she had company and didn't feel once it was 11:30 pm that that was an inappropriate time to call (I was taught growing up that calling someone after 9pm is very rude.) Also I know it is an hour earlier where she lives, but what kind of guest is rude enough to stay past 8 or 9 pm???
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
Matt,
You are a glutton for punishment. Stop sending this woman gifts. She does not love you; she is just using you. This behavior has gone way past the "normal" region with you. You must STOP talking to her NOW. Do not send her one more thing.
I am trying hard to make this not sound mean. This behavior you have...this back and forth with a woman that you have never met, is literally CRAZY. This is NOT a relationship. It is a virtual roller coaster where you send her stuff and she is nice for a while, and then she gets bitchy until you send her something else.
Please allow me to do a background check on her. I would be a huge sum of money that you are not the only guy that is sending her things. I bet she isn't who she says she is. PM me her name and address.
You have told us many times that she emotionally abuses you. You do have some power here, the power to STOP COMMUNICATING WITH HER. She is not going to change.
STOP IT. NOW. Seriously Matt...this is really crazy.
She didn't call you? And you are surprised? MATT! You're killing me here!
having someone you invited over staying past 8 or 9 is not rude. hell, most people i invite over spend the night - and not just for that either.
unless someone is in 8th grade or living with their mom, i think calling someones cell phone after 9 is generally okay.
but regardless hon - you need to take this another sign hitting you over the head. just give up on her. how did you feel when you were waiting for the phone to ring? do you want to feel like that everyday for the rest of your life? besides, you have kittens that need socializing... it's saturday so there's a fresh new employment section waiting in the newspaper for your perusing, it's after noon so totally permissible to pick up a beer and you have cable, right?
just do something else and get your mind off her. you've never even met her - hello?! for all you know she could have 100 problems you don't know about in addition to the 1,000 problems we all see crystal clear. hell, she could have a dick for all you know.
Listen to this!
Matt,
Become a Christian--it would be more rational. Best case scenario, the odds of both being equally too good to be true are approaching 1:1 at this point.
You should consider making more sense next time.
Yes. And the offer stands.
Well, once again she didn't call me. Big fucking surprise. That bitch.
That bitch, that bitch, my kingdom for that bitch.
To be honest I see no real reason to survive if I don't have a woman to be with. Being alone sucks and hurts worse than anything. I would rather be with a woman who beats me on a daily basis than be alone. At least I'd have romantic companionship.
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
i notice you just edited this in. did you forget to cut and paste it in earlier?
just turn the phone off tomorrow so you won't be so disappointed when she doesn't call. or use it to call a suicide hotline if you really feel that way.
Why would I call a hotline that would be trying to save me if I wanted to die? That would be counterproductive. Anyway she has until Tomorrow to call me. After that even if she jumped on me she can't have me.
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
I don't know - because it's free, it will keep your line tied up, and it will give you some of the companionship/attention that you seem to crave. Besides you're not listening to us and you're not listening to your shrink so I proposed an alternative.
Why does she have until tomorrow? She was supposed to call you two days ago and she didn't. Matt just let it go. I've tried to explain this to you pretty much every freaking day for the past month and at least once a week before that. I've been telling you Carla was bad news since the first time I talked to you. Everyone has been saying it for a long, long time. You can give Carla one more day to call you if you want but I'm giving up - I'm officially never typing anything about Carla ever again. Goodnight Matt.
My go at another rational response here... What if we try it like this? You don't believe in "god" but you believe you have a relationship with Carla. (which seems to be equally as imaginary)
1. You give her things and get nothing back (like god.)
2. You feel in your heart you have a meaningful relationship a person you've never seen or touched in person (like xtians have with god.)
3. If Carla/god doesn't approve of you, you freak out and can't imagine living life in its absence.
4. While she hasn't said anything, you're busy making a list of her rules to follow.
5. Thinking about it too much has turned you into a wuss just bowing down to her will. (and more than just on sunday)
Buy some double IPAs, some man pants and a fucking helmet... become acarlaist.
Trust me Matt, you're better off alone. I personally wish I had become a eunuch or a monk or at the least asexual. A woman has the potential to fuck your life up beyond repair.
Enjoy your freedom.
She did message me she tried to call me - I did turn my phone off at 10 last night to charge - but still I've told her not to wait until the middle of the night before. I can't figure out how to set up or check my vioce mail so that's no help.
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
Your voice mail should already be set up. I don't know what kind of phone you have, but they all basically function the same. There should be a "go to" option on the screen somewhere. Hit that, and then there should be a "voice mailbox" option. Hit that, and it should dial out to your voice mail.
Why turn your phone off to charge it? Maybe with really old phones, but with modern batteries I'm sure it doesn't make a difference when you charge it. And 10pm is still pretty early.
Psalm 14:1 "the fool hath said in his heart there is a God"-From a 1763 misprinted edition of the bible
Argument from Sadism: Theist presents argument in a wall of text with no punctuation and wrong spelling. Atheist cannot read and is forced to concede.
I think it's safe to say that electronics is not the problem here. Matt, please be a pimp and treat the woman with disdain.
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence
You don't understand, Will. A pimp's love is complicated...
What's to figure out on voicemail? Is this a mobile or land line?
A cell phone. I've been told that Tracfone is hard to figure out - and I tend not to be good with technology. There is a number you have to call for setting it up or listening to it - and it uses your minutes while you do it.
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
Come on, really? I found this page in 5 seconds on google: http://www.tracfone.com/voice_mail_redirect.jsp?task=voice_mail_ins&AID=VMLN
Enter phone number, enter serial number... get voicemail instructions.
it's probably better that carla can't leave messages and i don't think you get many calls anyway. the annoying thing is that the message you get when it's off (something along the lines of 'this number is not accepting calls right now' ) gives you the impression that the service was cut off.
i'll fix it for you matt - if you even want voicemail, that is.
This seems like a good place to put some useless trivia:
When woman-cum dries and gets flaky it's known as "cunt-fetti."
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
Bwahahahahaa! That's horrible, and I'm a bad person for thinking that's funny.
Anyway, in my experience women don't date guys like you described, way toward the beginning of this thread, for the same reason I don't date ladies like that. I've had all kinds of bad experiences with shy (tends to mean crazy), unemployed (tends to mean irresponsible) women. I like independent gals who have a mind for what they want. If they don't look like they're looking for someone, I assume they aren't. So I notice controlled elements of appearance first, such as hair, make-up, manner of dress, and to a certain degree fitness.
Edit, just to keep with the flow of the thread:
Never mind Carla. The sooner you move on, the better.
Another related joke:
What do tampons say to each other?
Nothing. They're stuck up bitches.
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
Seriously, I don't know why women aren't flocking to you in droves? I thought most of them loved misogynistic humor, oh well.
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Yoda
awesome. i haven't laughed that hard in a while.
I saw my therapist today and she said kickig Carla to the curb is the right thing. I'm torn because I do still feel love for her - even though I know feeling that way is very irrational. Michelle (my therapist) said she is a horrible person and is abusive - and said for all I know she could escalate to physical abuse if I did end up meeting her. What doe she offer me - she's emotionally abusive and dishonest at least. I am sick of that shit. I just wish I wouldn't have wasted nearly 3 years on her. Maybe I'd have found a woman to treat me right.
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
Note:
She did call me tonight.
And in a twist of irony, Matt turns out to be the only bitch in this thread.
For the love of ... oh, fuck it ... for the love of Christ, Matt, be a pimp or don't. Key in your quest for pimpitude is distain for women. I mean deep-down disdain. Actual pimps would be flat-out sociopaths, but I'm thinking you're just going for the spirit of the thing.
Anyway, the point is, if you're going to have disdain for a woman, why not start with one who deserves it? I'm thinking Carla. Why?
Think like a pimp, Matt! Is Carla making you money? No? Then she's a bad ho. She's COSTING you money. Isn't that against the Pimp Code?
Take two hours of 50 Cent and call me in the morning.
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence
LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously the whole pimp thing was an inside joke that started at work. For real I want a woman I can treat like a queen and do anything for that will love me for who I am.
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
I can't find an effective way to write out the incredible dry heaving sound I just acheived, so I'll settle for repeating the funniest thing I've seen in recent memory:
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence
Sometimes I would so like to do what Iceberg Slim's good friend Sweet Jones did at the end. You gotta understand this was in the late 1940s and he was like 70 years old. He blew his head off and left a note - "Goodbye square world. KIss my pimpin' ass!" Note he was a pimp since the late 19th century.
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
Uh-huh. Suicidal ideations aside (suicide's a stupid idea - it causes all kinds of misery to everyone you like) you know they were pimps, right? Have you ever met an actual pimp? I mean, not to get too heavy on you, but they're not just assholes, they're evil assholes. When I say "evil", I'm not talking metaphysical evil, I mean they'll do anything to get something, and they don't give a shit about anybody but themselves.
Mind you, any time anyone starts telling me that they wish they could die in a specific way, and by their own hand, I tend to get heavy (and square).
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence
Iceberg was really cool though (realistically he'd be pissed how popular pimpin' was among urban kids today - he talked against it in the 70s. He was a pimp from the 30s through 60s and died of old age in 1992) He gains a lot of points from me for in he's 1971 book "THe Naked Soul of Iceberg Slim" by comparing Billy Graham to Elmer Gantry.
I seriously sometimes see no reason to live.
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
Move to Japan.
"Asian women seek white, groveling men"
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/world/2008/06/30/lah.white.cafe.cnn
"I am an atheist, thank God." -Oriana Fallaci
Matt if you really want to treat a woman like a queen maybe you should ease up on calling women bitches and hoes. Just a thought.
That's normal. Suicide (and more importantly thinking about suicide) is the worst possible way to deal with that very common mental quagmire.
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence
Pff. As if THAT would work.
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence
Here's a quick math lesson
Girls take your time and money, therefore
Girls=TimexMoney
But as every business owner knows time=money
Girls=Money2
But money is the root of all evil.
Girls=SQRT(Evil2.)
Girls=EVIL!
Matt, meet everyone. Everyone, Matt.
AND means the operation addition should be used here....
So...
Girls = Time + Money
The whole equation falls apart.
"When the missionaries arrived, the Africans had the Land and the Missionaries had the Bible, They taught us how to pray with our eyes closed. When we opened them, they had the Land and we had the Bible." - Jomo Kenyatta
My money is still on:
--
maybe if this sig is witty, someone will love me.