The One Opinion You Are Allowed to Have

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The One Opinion You Are Allowed to Have

 

A lot of people believe the old adage that people are entitled to their opinions. Not so now that we have a mainstream media. In fact, this is only true in within a certain segment of issues, most of them involving sports and TV shows. Here I present the one opinion you are allowed to have. To deviate from this opinion on these issues means that you are a horrible person who has no business in the public discourse and should be picketed whenever you appear in public and you sure as hell should not hold any kind of public office ever. With only one opinion that we are allowed to have, it becomes much easier now that no one has to think or have a serious debate. All one need do is accuse ones opponent of deviating from The One Opinion. Without further ado, here is the one opinion.


The One Opinion Patriotism and the American Way of Life

 

The events of September 11th were perpetrated by a group of Islamists following a philosophy of hate acting under orders of Osama bin Laden who hates us for our freedom. The attack completely came out of nowhere, the people who did it were cowards, and none of our foreign policy decisions up until that point gave rise to any of the anger that led to the attacks.


The reason we attacked Iraq was because our President, who was lawfully elected, sincerely believed from the intelligence that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. The President of the United States being the commander and chief of the United States should not be called a liar. While the invasion and occupation of Iraq may or may not have been mishandled, the insurgents who are fighting us over there are heartless murderers who want to see every American dead because they follow the philosophy of Osama bin Laden. Also, regardless of what we should do from here on, we should always support the troops.


The Department of Defenses budget that is half of the military expenditure in the world is completely justified because there are so many people trying to kill us. The military industrial complex? What is that? We shouldn't say things that would offend our benevolent corporate advertisers or things that would offend the people who are share holders in our corporate run media.


America is undeniably the greatest and best country in the world. The Flag is a sacred relic that should be venerated by everyone. Our flag should always be placed above the flags of everything else, right side up. To burn the flag or to claim one is not proud of America is the most unholy of heresies committed only by those moral deviants who hate Americans, goodness, freedom, Jesus, and our way of life.


The one and only best approach to life is to live within the system, get a job, get married, and buy a house in the suburbs, preferably as far away as you can get from “urban people.” Its understandable that people may go through hard times but anyone who is poor can just pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Classical economics perfectly describes everything about the economy. To think that there are alternatives to capitalism that might be more fair or more just is unthinkable, for the American way is the best way. Our way is the most fair because everyone is rewarded based on their merits in America. Anyone that works hard can go to college. After college, as long as you are not lazy there are plenty of good jobs. People who cannot afford an education should be satisfied with a vocation. We may have hard times with our manufacturing base that continues to do business here going overseas to hire people willing to work for an eighth of what it costs to hire Americans but those jobs will all eventually come back.


Speaking of the economy, while it has its critics our health care system is much better than all the others because this is America and we are the greatest country in the world. The other health care systems are bad because they have people on waiting lists. In fact their health care is actually are being propped up by our efforts. Drugs are expensive because it costs a lot to develop them and drug companies deserve to be compensated. Nationalizing health care or drug research are unthinkable possibilities because they are part of a slippery slope to socialism. Drug companies are in fact, enthusiastically working around the clock to find cures for cancer and AIDS so patients who have those illnesses don't have to suffer from them or pay the drug companies for the expensive medications to treat the symptoms.


There is a God, although we can make concessions to religious minorities by referring to him as a higher power or “whom ever you believe in,” there really is a god and he is up there in heaven. God is in fact a white male, as was Jesus, who was also a real person who performed a number of super natural feats, never had a girlfriend and was executed on a cross and after 2000 years is going to come back some day. To think otherwise would put our moral fabric in jeopardy. Those who do not believe in god are arrogant jerks, particularly when they object to the fact that, the one true god, that is real, and up in heaven, is on our money and in our pledge of allegiance. Those who believe in more than one god are insane. Most of the people in both categories are rebellious teenagers or ivory tower snobs who hate morality. We have disagreements, and in this instance you can have more than one opinion: Both believing in evolution and believing in young earth creationism are perfectly valid opinions and deserve equal time. If you disagree with that premise you are a hypocritical censor and you probably also don't believe in god.


Columbine was terrible tragedy perpetrated by irredeemably evil kids who listened to Marylin Manson, trained themselves on how to kill with the realistic weapons in Doom, dressed in trench coats, and were popular members of the schools Gothic subculture. These influences are what are responsible for kids becoming mass murderers. To say that the repeated, continuous, unending stress of being bullied for years had any contribution to it is unacceptable as it blames the victim and would only be said by someone who wants to see kids killed. The same applies to every other school shooting.


The One Opinion of Sexuality and Drugs


The best way to live one's life is to wait until marriage before having sex, with a person who is the opposite sex from you, with the man facing the woman and on top of her, covered by the sheets. Also married couples should not having sex with anyone else. Any other form of relationship or sexuality should not be seen on television or in any kind of movie that is not rated NC-17. Divorce should be reserved for only the most extreme circumstances as marriage is our most sacred institution.


There are only two sexes with nothing in between and sex and gender are completely synonymous. Men who dress up in women's clothing and identify as women are a kind of sex crazed pervert who are out to trick men into having gay sex with them. Women who have sex with women are the only acceptable form of homosexual and only in small doses where children cannot see. Men who have sex with men should be considered immediately suspect, particularly around children.


Those teens who might benefit from reliable forms of preventions, vaccines, or cures for sexually transmitted infections should not be told or advised about them because sexually transmitted infections are a good disincentive for teens to not commit the sin of fornication by having sex before marriage. The phenomenon of young people having sex is a modern one that is a sign of our moral decay since the golden age of the 1950s when Teen pregnancy was a non-issue and was vanishingly rare.


Easy access to pornography is a contributor to our moral decay. The media and the Internet need to be carefully watched and regulated because of the threat of Internet pornography. Our naked bodies are traumatically disgusting and should never be seen. Children who witness pictures of naked people having sex or a one second flash of a blurry image of a breast on television are irreparably damaged and traumatized by the experience. Children are also irreparably harmed by hearing certain words on the radio and on network television and do not have any idea what those words mean.


There is nothing at all unreasonable about our sex offender laws and if you disagree you are probably a pedophile yourself. The only people in the sex offender registry are people who prey on kids. Anyone who has ever committed a sex crime has no business living or going within 50 miles of a school. It is the only way to keep children safe. If a few sex offenders trying to move on with their lives are killed by vigilantes it is a worthwhile price to pay. Don't you remember the little girl these laws are named after? Would you want to tarnish her memory?


 

The One Opinion of Race


Since the end of legal segregation, racism is no longer a problem. The only people who complain these days are radical racist black people. The best approach for the new century is total color blindness and for racial minorities to happily assimilate into the American middle class values of mediocrity and materialism. Complaining about the injustice of the current situation, calling on other black people to care about the black community, calling on black to celebrate the cultural heritage of African Americans that white people are completely blameless for destroying in the first place, or calling for Affirmative Action to correct the disparity in opportunities for poor black people, means that you are racist against white people. If someone who says this is white, then they are clouded by white guilt and should not be taken seriously.


The One Opinion of Crime and Punishment


Drunk Driving is one of the most reprehensible acts one can commit and God Bless Mothers Against Drunk Driving for taking a stand against it. All of the things that MADD have campaigned for are good ideas. The questions of the constitutionality of random DUI checkpoints is either irrelevant or easily justified by the compelling state interest of stopping people from drinking and driving. Getting into a car after a single beer is exactly the same as getting behind the wheel of a car after you have had 10. We need stronger laws against drunk driving so that people who drink and drive effectively never get out of jail.


Legalizing marijuana is unthinkable and advocated only by the furthest fringes of the left. Were we to legalize marijuana we would have people selling drugs in our schools to kids and on every street corner. If you have ever smoked marijuana, you are a moral deviant destined for nothing greater than living in the streets and a terrible person on par with child molesters, cannibals, and people who have a week old bottle of beer in the back of their car. The war on drugs is a noble effort and preventative programs like DARE which tell kids that marijuana leads to brain damage and hallucinations are the best approach to making sure kids don't do drugs. Random drug testing for students and adults in almost every profession, particularly critical professions such as stacking boxes at the grocery store and answering telephones is completely justified and does not infringe on anyones privacy rights because people with nothing to hide have nothing to worry about and people with something to hide deserve no privacy rights.


With racism not a problem anymore, we should all be righteously indignant whenever someone points out the disparity in sentencing between white people found with drugs and black people found with drugs. Rush Limbaugh said it best when he said the solution to what ever disparity there is should be to arrest more white junkies. A black person who goes through the courts after being found with illegal drugs is treated no different than Rush Limbaugh was when he went through the court system for illegal drugs. Crack Cocaine is a drug made from cocaine that was smuggled into this country by moral deviants. The CIA at no point played any role in helping bring it in to maintain alliances with South American drug lords or right wing militia groups.


The police are all heroes who do a thankless job. Since racism doesn't exist anymore, only moral deviants and fringe leftists would ever accuse the police of racial profiling. Mistakes by police officers are vanishingly rare and should not lead to people suspected of crimes getting off. The reputation of police officers is tarnished only by a few bad apples and there is no pressure on police officers who witness crimes committed by their colleagues to remain silent about it. Police officers choose their profession solely because they believe strongly in the need for law and order.


The best way to prevent crime is to increase the penalties for people found guilty of crimes because people who commit crimes carefully consider the costs and benefits of breaking the law and with increased penalties we can make sure that the costs will be much higher. Rape is part of the punishment of going to jail and if people in jail do not want to be raped by people bigger and stronger than they are they should not have committed the crime. Virtually everyone in prison is guilty aside from a few people who catch our attention from time to time and no one is in prison simply because they were too poor to afford a legal defense that wasn't in collusion with the prosecutors office or because they were pressured into a plea deal.


The One Opinion in General


In general, there is no law or policy whose purpose is to protect the children that can go too far. We need strict laws against moral deviants to protect our children from them. We need not have laws to correct racial injustice because these would put our children at a disadvantage. We need moral guardians to protect both us and our children from media that we find objectionable. We need a strong military willing to drop bombs against the civilian populations of bad countries to protect our children from the terrorists who want to kill our children. And we need to have a strong sense of patriotism so that our children will grow up and continue our way of life and our values of imperialism and consumerism, though we would never describe it with those things.


This is the one and only opinion that we are allowed to have. We can judge the value of any public official or public intellectual by their closeness to the one opinion. Do not go against the One Opinion for it is the American way. The One Opinion makes sure that we need not examine anything carefully. There is no need for debate.


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Very good writing. I thought

Very good writing. I thought it was pretty accurate, though I'm not American. Satire really is the best way to show how things can be ridiculous. Now I hope you're ashamed of yourself you godless heathenWhere's you're patriotism..

Psalm 14:1 "the fool hath said in his heart there is a God"-From a 1763 misprinted edition of the bible

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This is getting redudnant. My patience with the unteachable[atheists] is limited.

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A must-read article for all

A must-read article for all potential deviants and malcontents.

I know my life is turning around, starting right now.  Praise the One True God and his Holy White Son, Jesus.

 

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I couldn't help but to have

I couldn't help but to have a bittersweet smirk while reading through this.

I'm currently reading "If the War Continues" by Hermann Hesse, and sadly, much of it resembles what you wrote, which in turn is not all that far from reality. Almost a century has passed since Hesse wrote it and still we haven't learned a goddamn thing.

It reminds me of a thing George Carlin said on one of his shows: "The planet isn't going anywhere, WE ARE! Pack your shit folks, we're going away..."

 

 

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Sounds like the Conservative

Sounds like the Conservative Manifesto for a New American Century, you can now go on the O'Reilly factor as a traditionalist who upholds the moral views of most Americans while reviling the secular progressives and far left loons who hate America.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Yoda


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Brilliant, Fire, did you

Brilliant, Fire, did you write this? If so it deserves more than the obscurity of a forum post.

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Indeed I did write it. It

Indeed I did write it. It didn't go over as well on the awful forums

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2807367

Quote:

Evil Weasel of the Something Awful Forums said

Good god you are such a fucking moron Fire. You're well-known and loathed for being able to take reasonable positions and argue them so badly and so stupidly that people who hold them start doubting themselves. You constantly post arguments that make people remember their dumb arguments from 9th grade, complete with angst, social ineptness, and complete inability to reason coherently, which would be explicable if you hadn't been doing it for so long you have to at least be college-aged by now.

Rather than fault yourself for your complete inability to persuade anyone, of anything, you've chosen to post this tripe. The problem is not you, it's the rest of the goddamn world. Even here, a fairly liberal forum, you are posting this screed basically blaming all your problems on a pervasive demand that all people adhere to this ridiculous caricature. You know when you hear Republicans bitching about the “liberal media” because the facts aren’t on their side? That’s you. This reads like the whiny screed of the southern gentleman who has recently discovered people recoil when he starts his exposition on how the entire race of negroes is inferior and criminal.

None of those positions is held without debate and the majority of them are in fact minority positions in both popular opinion and media culture. The fact that when you start arguing against them you do it with such an annoying combination of whininess, completely undeserved arrogance, and flat-out stupidity is the reason you always fail, not that there is a pervasive mind-control scheme to force people to disagree with you.

If you’d ever read anything worth reading you might know a little more about how much stricter deviance from the “popular opinion” has been treated in the past compared to now, such as the McCarthy hearings, the Palmer Raids, the jailing of anti-war protesters in WWI, the list goes on.

You’re not brilliant, you’re not a visionary, you’re a goddamn moron who makes every position you take look retarded. The reason nobody likes you isn’t your “far-out” ideas, it’s the fact you’re so goddamn annoying you could go into a Baptist church, start preaching about Jesus, and get a churchful of atheists by the time you finished.

I considered going through that stupid, stupid post line by line pointing out which opinions were not even held by all the 29%ers, let alone a majority, let alone a supermajority that squelches all dissent, but anyone who bothered to read through that whole thing, besides you, already figured it out and probably really doesn't want to read it again.

 

 


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Fire wrote:Indeed I did

Fire wrote:

Indeed I did write it. It didn't go over as well on the awful forums

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2807367

Most of the replies have a shrill defensive tone,  that probably means you got something right and hit a few nerves over there with it. Don't let it get you down, I think what you've written is funny and relevant. It would be good to see a few people who recognise themselves in it have the courage to laugh at their own silliness. That would make it all worthwhile.

 

 ps: they aren't kidding about the annoying ads over there are they. Ugh.

pps: after reading the whole thread OMFG what a seething fleshwound of cutthroat pretentiousness is that community, I'm disgusted. But of course bloodthirsty vitriol against peers having a pop mainstay in US youth culture has nothing to do with Columbine, does it? Oh hang on, I'm allowed that opinion, I'm an Aussie. Sticking out tongue

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Racism does not exist anymore?

Someone should tell the racists! lol! Love the post!


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albedo_00 wrote: It reminds

albedo_00 wrote:

 

It reminds me of a thing George Carlin said on one of his shows: "The planet isn't going anywhere, WE ARE! Pack your shit folks, we're going away..."

 

 

 

ha ha, so true.  ya know, i care a lot about nature.  i grew up on a farm.  i took forest walks and communed with deer and danced with satyrs and made hot love to dryads until my back was scraped raw by the tree bark.  no, seriously, i love nature.

 

it's just activists that get on my nerves.  any kind of activist.  even if i agree with them.  maybe because they whine so goddamn much.  maybe because i love revolutionaries, and activists to me are like petulent overprivileged children playing revolutionaries.

 

anyway, a friend of mine in college who is big into that stuff once castigated me for carrying a styrofoam coffee cup out of the dining hall.  i was already in a pissy mood and when she made a comment about how we have to "protect the earth" i basically said, "bullshit, you mean we have to protect ourselves.  the earth will last a helluva lot longer than we will.  you think the earth gives a shit if we're here or not?  maybe it would like nothing more than to return to a seething ball of magma, spewing toxic gas.  if you had a bunch of fucking parasites living in your hair, wouldn't you want to shave your head?"  that actually shut her up, at least long enough for me to get to my 8 a.m.

 

 

 

"I have never felt comfortable around people who talk about their feelings for Jesus, or any other deity for that matter, because they are usually none too bright. . . . Or maybe 'stupid' is a better way of saying it; but I have never seen much point in getting heavy with either stupid people or Jesus freaks, just as long as they don't bother me. In a world as weird and cruel as this one we have made for ourselves, I figure anybody who can find peace and personal happiness without ripping off somebody else deserves to be left alone. They will not inherit the earth, but then neither will I. . . . And I have learned to live, as it were, with the idea that I will never find peace and happiness, either. But as long as I know there's a pretty good chance I can get my hands on either one of them every once in a while, I do the best I can between high spots."
--Hunter S. Thompson


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Fire wrote:Indeed I did

Fire wrote:

Indeed I did write it. It didn't go over as well on the awful forums

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2807367

Quote:

Evil Weasel of the Something Awful Forums said

Good god you are such a fucking moron Fire. You're well-known and loathed for being able to take reasonable positions and argue them so badly and so stupidly that people who hold them start doubting themselves. You constantly post arguments that make people remember their dumb arguments from 9th grade, complete with angst, social ineptness, and complete inability to reason coherently, which would be explicable if you hadn't been doing it for so long you have to at least be college-aged by now.

Rather than fault yourself for your complete inability to persuade anyone, of anything, you've chosen to post this tripe. The problem is not you, it's the rest of the goddamn world. Even here, a fairly liberal forum, you are posting this screed basically blaming all your problems on a pervasive demand that all people adhere to this ridiculous caricature. You know when you hear Republicans bitching about the “liberal media” because the facts aren’t on their side? That’s you. This reads like the whiny screed of the southern gentleman who has recently discovered people recoil when he starts his exposition on how the entire race of negroes is inferior and criminal.

None of those positions is held without debate and the majority of them are in fact minority positions in both popular opinion and media culture. The fact that when you start arguing against them you do it with such an annoying combination of whininess, completely undeserved arrogance, and flat-out stupidity is the reason you always fail, not that there is a pervasive mind-control scheme to force people to disagree with you.

If you’d ever read anything worth reading you might know a little more about how much stricter deviance from the “popular opinion” has been treated in the past compared to now, such as the McCarthy hearings, the Palmer Raids, the jailing of anti-war protesters in WWI, the list goes on.

You’re not brilliant, you’re not a visionary, you’re a goddamn moron who makes every position you take look retarded. The reason nobody likes you isn’t your “far-out” ideas, it’s the fact you’re so goddamn annoying you could go into a Baptist church, start preaching about Jesus, and get a churchful of atheists by the time you finished.

I considered going through that stupid, stupid post line by line pointing out which opinions were not even held by all the 29%ers, let alone a majority, let alone a supermajority that squelches all dissent, but anyone who bothered to read through that whole thing, besides you, already figured it out and probably really doesn't want to read it again.

 

That's one hell of an ad hom towards you. lol. Feels good to stir the natives doesn't it?

 

"...so goddamn annoying you could go into a Baptist church, start preaching about Jesus, and get a churchful of atheists by the time you finished."

I wonder if that would work?

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My posting privileges over

My posting privileges over there have actually been suspended for a week, for the above and for posting in an apple vs windows thread that got out of hand, causing the mods to probate almost everyone who posted in it.


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iwbiek wrote:albedo_00

iwbiek wrote:

albedo_00 wrote:

It reminds me of a thing George Carlin said on one of his shows: "The planet isn't going anywhere, WE ARE! Pack your shit folks, we're going away..."

ha ha, so true.  ya know, i care a lot about nature.  i grew up on a farm.  i took forest walks and communed with deer and danced with satyrs and made hot love to dryads until my back was scraped raw by the tree bark.  no, seriously, i love nature.

I love nature too. Even the wild, hot-monkey satyr loving too (or should I say hot-goat?), except for their breath, damn man take the drinking down a notch!

iwbiek wrote:
it's just activists that get on my nerves.  any kind of activist.  even if i agree with them.  maybe because they whine so goddamn much.  maybe because i love revolutionaries, and activists to me are like petulent overprivileged children playing revolutionaries.

Ain't that the fucking truth. George Carlin's thoughts on the born-to-whine lot: http://youtube.com/watch?v=7W33HRc1A6c

iwbiek wrote:
anyway, a friend of mine in college who is big into that stuff once castigated me for carrying a styrofoam coffee cup out of the dining hall.  i was already in a pissy mood and when she made a comment about how we have to "protect the earth" i basically said, "bullshit, you mean we have to protect ourselves.  the earth will last a helluva lot longer than we will.  you think the earth gives a shit if we're here or not?  maybe it would like nothing more than to return to a seething ball of magma, spewing toxic gas.  if you had a bunch of fucking parasites living in your hair, wouldn't you want to shave your head?"  that actually shut her up, at least long enough for me to get to my 8 a.m.

I would have loved to see the expression on her save-my-habitat face. By the way, I'm curious, what does it say in your display image right below the name Betty White?


 

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albedo_00 wrote:I'm curious,

albedo_00 wrote:

I'm curious, what does it say in your display image right below the name Betty White?

It says:

"... is sick of your shit."

 

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Eloise wrote:albedo_00

Eloise wrote:

albedo_00 wrote:

I'm curious, what does it say in your display image right below the name Betty White?

It says:

"... is sick of your shit."

Thanks, now with my curiosity sated, I can finally get some sleep.

Lenore, The Cute Little Dead Girl. Twice as good as Jesus.


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Fire:I actually lol'd to a

Fire:

I actually lol'd to a couple of parts of that. You were dead on a couple of places.

As far as criticism of the piece, I think it's a tad too long, and gets a little too preachy because of this. But if you just shorten it a bit I think this is a really decent piece of work!

It's a little over the top, as all parodies must be, but sounds to me from the criticism (lmao i mean FLAME) you posted, that you hit a nerve with a more moderate conservative who is getting pissed because the smell of the far right with whom he has been sleeping has rubbed off.

 

Still, If I were you this would be my new sig:

"You’re not brilliant, you’re not a visionary, you’re a goddamn moron who makes every position you take look retarded. The reason nobody likes you isn’t your “far-out” ideas, it’s the fact you’re so goddamn annoying you could go into a Baptist church, start preaching about Jesus, and get a church full of atheists by the time you finished."

 

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..

I love it! It's brilliant. I think it should go to a radio broadcast, it's a good opener of eyes. This is a bit like how I see USA (from the outside).
Well, if I'd try to be even more radical, do you see how it is all another repetition of the ancient idea of "God's chosen nation". You guys here have surely read Old testament and how nicely the Israeli tribes behaved towards other nations, for example, Kanaanites. We go to the promised land, no matter if someone already lives there, they won't live for long, anyway.
And how much it is different to German idea of a superior race, searching for a lebensraum? Deutschland, Deutschland, über alles... We can similarly point out colonialistic Britain, Holland, Spain, Portugese, Italy, and even Bohemian empire, which for once (or twice, if you count Great Moravian Empire) was a dominant power in the majority of Europe. In a good sense, I hope, there were some wise and very able kings. (of course I'm Czech, dunno how others saw it at the time)
Such a behavior is an archetypal thought model, a mental illness of nation as such. How do you get a whole nation, suffering of paranoia, on a psychoanalytic's sofa?
Even less I like when a political leaders like mine considers their duty and joy to climb up the dominant agressor's butt hole, begging to serve for free, arrogantly ignoring an opinion of public majority.

That Evil Weasel guy on Something Awful forums is a moron. Here's a saying, that a shot goose will always make itself be heard. Evil Weasel probably has exactly the same opinion as it is in the article, and he had to freak out, when he saw it written so literally, that it showed how it's ridiculous.

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