Conflict among groundhogs, humans and myth.

Sapient's picture

 Groundhogs around the world are in an uproar as conflicting nonsense reports are issued by humans who pretend to believe that a Groundhog can predict seasons. (do they actually believe this shit?)  The original groundhog (Phil) indicates 6 more weeks to winter.  But some copy hogs don't agree. 

Quote:

According to folklore, Phil’s sighting of his own shadow means there will be 6 more weeks of winter. Had Phil not seen his shadow, it would have meant “there will be an early spring.”

 

 

Some copycat groundhog in Canada  (they even copy the top hat and suit tradition) had a groundhog that indicates winter is over.  And the article says another copycat groundhog thought the same thing in Nova Scotia.  Why didn't they just refer to Phil?  No they had to make up a story to promote local business (or whatever the ulterior motive is).  Their blunder has led to this dilemma that proves conclusively that groundhogs are simply out to confuse you (or something).  
Quote:
WIARTON Groundhog celebrity Wiarton Willie has predicted the end to a winter that never was. The famed groundhog, who was dragged from his lair just after 8 a.m. this morning, failed to see his shadow.
 
Quote:
Willie’s prediction falls in line with Nova Scotia’s own Shubenacadie Sam, who couldn’t find his own shadow earlier this morning.
  Could someone please get all these groundhog wackos together and at least make their bullshit match?  I can't wait until groundhogs rule the earth and they trot out human captors to predict seasonal changes. 

 

- Brian Sapient


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Sage_Override's picture

It won't be the groundhogs;

It won't be the groundhogs; it shall be the SEA OTTERS!  They shall crack open your head like an abalone shell and eat pieces of your brain on their tummies!  

 

 

Oh, and flipping a coin has just as much of an effect as Punxsutawney Phil's weather predictions. 

"When the majority believes in what is false, the truth becomes a quest." - Me

Brian37's picture

Bill Murry is going to sue

Bill Murry is going to sue your ass Brian. This is beyond fair use. You blasphemed a time honored tradition.

You pissed on groundhogs. SCREW METEOROLOGISTS! RODENTS ARE THE REAL WEATHERMEN! Oh shit, gotta put it correctly "RODENTS ARE THE REAL WEATHER MAMMALS!

Maybe if you had a dome for your Eagles groundhogs wouldn't be able to screw with your off season so much.

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
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Jeffrick's picture

Brin37........

                          Bill Murry is not going to sue Sapiants ass.   Brians ass belongs to Elton John or George Takai;  I think. It's such a cute butt maybe I'll take a pinch at it.     Wiarton Willie, right  here in Ontario, is the only rodent worth listening to. Rational people know that.                        The Eagles  and the First nations  have time to play golf;   St.Thomas of  Brady and his desciples are busy this Sunday for some reason; I will explain later why.                         Brian!!!!!!!!!!   Stop picking on Brian!!!!!!!!!!   Jim says so!!!!!!!!!

 

"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."

VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"

If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?

Kapkao's picture

Kapkao merely wants his

Kapkao merely wants his LOLbuckets back...

 

[edit] and lolmice...

“A meritocratic society is one in which inequalities of wealth and social position solely reflect the unequal distribution of merit or skills amongst human beings, or are based upon factors beyond human control, for example luck or chance. Such a society is socially just because individuals are judged not by their gender, the colour of their skin or their religion, but according to their talents and willingness to work, or on what Martin Luther King called 'the content of their character'. By extension, social equality is unjust because it treats unequal individuals equally.” "Political Ideologies" by Andrew Heywood (2003)