People that should start to pray. (Part 2)
It's late, I had the best sex session with my woman (on her birthday) about twenty minutes ago and I feel AWESOME. What better time than now to lay out the next group of dimwitted, primordial shit stains of the populace of Earth?
Without further ado...
4. The Stuck-In-Gridlock-Music-Enthusiast - Yeah, I'm off work and traffic is mighty slow today. Even though I left early, I'm still stuck in half hour/hour delay. Oh, I see someone next to me is trying to cope with the situation by playing a little Notorious B.I.G. Yeah, he's not a bad rapper. Ahh, you turned it on full blast because you think everyone will like it! Your trunk is rattling, you're giving me a migraine and causing me to get a little belligerent, but can't nobody hold you down, yo! These hair-pulling pricks come in all varieties, too. The other day, I was at the car wash and this ignorant Latino, throughout the entire time he vacuumed and washed his car, had Spanish hip-hop on to the point where by the time I left, I had a fucking headache. The son of a bitch was lucky I don't carry a damn crowbar because I would have done a Mexican hat dance on his scuzzy ass. I usually hate to point out that I have much better taste in music and a better sound system than these annoying fleas by turning up my stereo louder so, the only thing that seems logical prior to that would be to fire bomb their rolling heaps of noise polluting shit and pull them out of the smoldering wreckage to bust their kneecaps and cave their skull in with a metal bat from Big 5 Sporting Goods.
5. Indecisive-Four-Way-Stop-Driver - Nice day for a drive. Not a lot of people on the road and everything is peachy. A four way stop, eh? No problem! Someone got here before I did. No problem! I see he/she isn't going. I'll wave them on. They're waving me on. I insist that they go. They insist that I go. I still insist that they go since they have the right of way AND is on my right. They're still not moving. Incredible. Ok, I'll just make my move and- FUCK! They inched forward! NOW they try to go? Even after egging me on to go before them? After all the courteous waving? What a stupid douche. These types of drivers should not be anywhere near a motor vehicle. They can't decide what to do unless they are baby-stepped through everything on the road. They don't know the laws so, they assume and accidents happen. Ever try to make a u-turn when you're already on the road and some hapless numbskull on your left is pulling out of a shopping center or a restaurant parking lot and thinks they have the right of way and almost hits you and then gets mad at YOU for abiding by simple traffic laws? Newsflash! If you fucking hit me, you're fucking WRONG! In any case, fire a gun into the air the next time you're faced with timid drivers and watch fence-sitting dredges make a decision pretty fucking quick.
6. The Traumatized-Into-Religion-Survivor-Or-Ex-Druggy - So, had a rotten run of life, huh? Yeah, sorry to hear that. I wish I could make it all better and help you, but I'm not a figment of your imagination like God. Ok, look, I know you think you had an eye opening experience, but there's no need to bring up your past or situation that molded you into who you are today. Also, there's no need to preach your holy epiphany to every friend and foe you run across in stores and gatherings a couple decibels louder than the average human converses with. Yes, I'm sure God is great. Yes, I'm sure you pray every day now. Of course, the bible says many things. Certainly, Jesus is lord in your mind, that's fantastic. Uh huh. Mm hmm. Yep. Alrighty. SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! I swear, why is it that every single time someone gets into a really bad accident, shoots up too many times and gets revived after an OD or hallucinates during a bad experience suddenly opens up their mind and body to a higher power? It's like an AA meeting without the support group. As if that wasn't bad enough, these sad sacks of protoplasm become shameless advertisements for religion and aren't afraid to get in your face about how it saved their life. Someone needs to wire these naive liabilities of the human race into a Vulcan mind meld machine or just strap them to the hood of a mack truck going ninety off of the Grand Canyon.
(more to come...)