new to atheist the e-scene

hellfiend666's picture

Hello all,
My name is Jack Wynne, and I have been an atheist my whole life, i just didn't know it the whole time. You see, i was raised by parents that never even brought up religion or atheism, or going to church, or even the bible. I was left to figure it out on my own, and I'm glad it was that way. As such, I was an outsider looking in on the Christian church, and therefore saw it with absolutely no bias. My whole life I have been reading everything I could find on "the Big Bang Theory" and Darwinian Evolution. At one point, in grade school, I brought a National Geographic in to school, (my parents had me subscribed to it if that tells you about my hunger for scientific knowledge), it dealt with the evolution of man, and I was virtually laughed out of the room. No one wanted to hear rationality, not even the teacher. I knew this stuff made sense, I knew there was solid scientific evidence behind it, and I just didn't understand why no one else could see that! So from then on, I kept my endevours in that realm, for the most part, to myself. I was encouraged to go to Sunday School with my best friend when I was 10, but I got half way there and decided not to, it just didn't "feel" right to me, even then. I did, however, feel a strong pull toward the sciences, and aspired t be an icthyologist from very early on.

When I reached adolesence, I did what most teens do when searching for thier place in the world, I started looking into this "religion" thing i'd heard so much about. Only, I didn't go to a Christian church. Oh no, by this time I was already disillusioned by the way they seemed to control the country, despite "the separation of church and state", and the countless contradictions in the bible. I saw the hypocrisy, and wanted nothing to do with it. Instead, I turned to something a little older, a little more Earthly, I became a pagan. I never really found a comfortable spot in that group either though, but still, my wife of the time and I joined a Wiccan coven. We spent a few years with this group, and eventually "hived off" (as they say) to form our own coven. We spent the next couple years running this group, acting as it's priests. Eventually the coven disbanned, and shortly after we were divorced, (the two events had little to do with each other by the way). So, I was left where I started for the most part, asking myself, "what is God".

During my time as a pagan priest, I had studied many religions. Many of the people i dealt with in those circles were disillusioned with the faith they were raised with and a large part of our gatherings was dedicated to discussing this. Sharring their reasons for looking elsewhere, what they liked about thier previous faith, what they didn't like, and what drew them to the path they currently walked. I listened very intently to everyone. We had former Jews, Catholics, Baptists, a Muslim or two, and they all taught me something in their own way. Through it all, I always felt like I wasn't being truthfull to the people that looked to me for guidance, for support, for leadership. It's because, though I tried, I could never convince MYSELF that i believed. Science still had a tight hold on my mind. I was always questioning my elders, and rarely did they give response that was satisfactory. In the end, I too was disillusioned, but with all religion. I realized what I was searching for so long and hard I already knew. Like Luke proclaiming to the Emporor, "I am a Jedi, like my father before me", so too was I an Atheist. A follower of reason, and ration. A man that doesn't believe anything without proof. For the first time, I felt whole. I had found myself, the self that was always there, I just couldn't see it.

The darkness of godlessness lets wisdom shine.

SmittysKitty's picture

I can totally relate.....I

I can totally relate.....I was also raised in a non-religious home with very open-minded, freethinking parents.  My mom was more of a hippy, new-ager, so I was exposed to alternative "spiritualities" as a youth.  I was drawn to the occult right away, I guess because it was asthetically appealing, but it never felt right, I don't believe in the supernatural, spirits, souls or magick.  Anyway I just wanted to say thanks for your blog, it's nice to hear peoples diverse stories.

S.K.

i was never raised to

i was never raised to believe anything either, so it's hard to understand why people just can't see right through all the bullshit.  it's very frustrating and depressing to know that infant brainwashing is so smiled upon by most people.

welcome to here, duder....wherever here is 

Fear is the mindkiller.

Vastet's picture

Welcome. It's great seeing

Welcome. It's great seeing all these people who were always atheists. Until I joined here I was the only person I knew who had always been one. Quite refreshing.

Proud Canadian, Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.

aiia's picture

I've always been an

I've always been an atheist.

I've never entertained the idea that there was any kind of magic in any form seriously enough to warrant a second thought about it other then to wonder why anyone else would believe in such things that exhibited no evidence of its existence.

Although I did study buddhism for a very short time and rejected it because of its dogmatism and inane riddles

Ghosts, witches, gods, spooks, spirits, vampires, boogymen, jesus, astrology, voodoo, superstitions were rejected without much ado through out my entire life.

People who think there is something they refer to as god don't ask enough questions.

I was raised xtain but

I was raised xtain but didn't really know what to believe.  I had my parents telling me that they loved god more than anything else even us kids!  It hurt.  Then later on, I went to a holy roller church out in the sticks and saw a woman practically orgasming on the floor and she was speaking in tongues or whatever.  That was another chance for me to say, "um...these people aren't right in da head".  So now I am just glad there is actually a site like this where atheists can discuss shit.  If there were more atheists in my town in person, then I'd be stoked.  Anyway, welcome.  Laughing

I need to post my little

I need to post my little story, I mean its already written, but yeah I was also raised without forced belief. I've never really been a part of a religious group, but I had had exposer to the beliefs and even a few conversion attempts before I done any research on my own. It was really when I was asked the question about my philosophy and not what my religion was that I started to really think about it. Then it all seemed kind of obvious.

When I was 5 eating jesus seemed kind of odd, the idea of prayer never really seemed productive, and pascal's wager has been shit since it was written down.

Those things are nice and personal, but I think there is also something to be said for how a person might come to the idea such delusions can effect me or how far I was willing to go. For me that idea was probably a more thought about then any idea of religion ever was. Although the realization was sudden with the question, "Do you want truth or friends?"

hellfiend666's picture

very good phrases

to voiderest: 

 

i really dig the, "eating jesus", and, "Do you want truth or friends?" really cool and poigniant.  i remember seeing you in the chat room on sunday, btw, didn't get to really talk to you though with all the chaos, if i remember correctly.  thanx for the response.

Later,

Jack

The darkness of godlessness lets wisdom shine.

hellfiend666's picture

i agree

 to Smittyskitty:

 

 it was asthetically apealing, and at the time, felt good to be involved in something spiritual that was totally non-violent, non-dogmatic, and accepting.  in the end though, it wasn't very fulfilling either, i always knew i wasn't in the right place.  thanx for the comment.

Later,

Jack

The darkness of godlessness lets wisdom shine.

g0at's picture

good to hear your story

good to hear your story jack! ( Hellfiend!)

Without Bias

Greetings,

 I think that we can never be without bias when considering religion.  As I look back to my teenaged years, I can see two great motivations unleased in me at the same time.  One was the peace that comes from knowing that I have a heavenly father who created me and therefore I have worth.  The other is the oppression of a heavenly father who is always judging. 

For me, the appeal of paganism would be the feeling that I am part of the universe and therefore, in some sense, have worth.  But at the same time, the universe doesn't judge my deeds.