The New New Rules.

Sage_Override's picture

I was at Costco the other day and I was checking out the latest in new releases ranging from "Baby Momma: The Reason My Womb is Now Barren" and "Dictators: Dead and Loving It" when I came across a new book by Bill Maher.  Imagine my surprise to see not only his first book in about six years, but a book that didn't reflect the backwoods region I currently reside in; ignorant, illiterate and pregnant. 


Now, I'm not sure how many of you are Bill Maher fans, but I've been watching him for a long time from Politically Incorrect and Real Time to his hilarious HBO specials.  The guy is on the ball about everything and only those with enough sense to listen won't immediately ostracize his views and cast him aside as an overly-liberal fuckhead that supports a groovy miracle plant and believes people have the right to live longer.  You know, silly things that Republicans and what Bill calls "tea baggers" say shouldn't even be a part of the progressive world.  There's no denying that most of his viewpoints are accurate, like a priest's advances on a vulnerable altar boy, but it's what makes sense and the crux of his arguments boil down to what this nation needs to do in order to survive for another decade, not just scrape by and hope everything will go mediocre for awhile longer.  Granted, it's hard to get behind some of his views because they are swathed in political ideology that's hard for me to swallow these days, like Ted Haggard trying to suck off a black guy at a glory hole, but I'm trying hard to believe more in the fact that change can lie right around the corner if what guys like Bill suggests is done first; then we can hone our focus onto the more specific parts of re-shaping America like ousting the monetary system, religion and the Kardashians.  I'm realistic and I understand that with change, sometimes you have to accept the fact that you have to settle on a persistent few evils for awhile and make the best of a bad situation which is what I think Bill is adhering to; kind of like a fat kid that has to eat a baked potato without the sour cream and butter.


I just finished his newest book "The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass" and it's basically a collection of his "new rules" segments and closing thoughts on his Real Time show.  I haven't seen all of those episodes so, it was funny to go back and see how his viewpoints have evolved since 2005 and what thoughts I've missed since that time.  When I neared the end of it, I read a portion of his thoughts on the dynamics of "eye for an eye" as seen through practicing Christians and his overall his two cents so, I thought I'd share this passage with everyone.  It's amazing how this guy can sum up what most of us are thinking in less than two pages.



"If you're a Christian who supports killing your enemies and torture, you have to come up with a new name for yourself.  Last week, as I was explaining why I didn't feel at all guilty about Osama's targeted assassination, I made some jokes

about Christian hypocrisy, and since then, strangers have been coming up to me and forcing me to have the same conversation.  So let me explain two things: (1) No, I'm not Matthew McConaughey.  He surfs a longboard.  And (2) capping thine

enemy is not exactly "what Jesus would do."  It's what Suge Knight would do.  For almost two thousand years, Christians have been lawyering the Bible to try and figure out how "Love thy neighbor" can mean "Hate thy neighbor" and how "Turn the

other cheek" can mean "Screw you, I'm buying space lasers."  Martin Luther King Jr. gets to call himself a Christian because he actually practiced loving his enemies, and Ghandi was so fucking Christian he was Hindu.  But if you rejoice in revenge,

torture, and war---hey, that's why they call it the weekend---you cannot say you're a follower of the guy who explicitly said, "Love your enemies," and "Do good to those that hate you."  The next line isn't "And if that doesn't work, send a titanium-

fanged dog to rip his nuts off."  Jesus lays on that hippie stuff pretty thick, with lines like "Do not repay evil with evil" and "Do not take revenge on someone who wrongs you."  Really.  It's in that book you hold up when you scream at gay people.


   And---not to put too fine a point on it---nonviolence was kind of Jesus' trademark.  Kind of his big thing.  To not follow that part of it is like joining Greenpeace and hating whales.  There's interpreting---and then there's just ignoring.  It's just

ignoring if you're for torture, as are more Evangelical Christians than any other religion.  You're supposed to look at that figure of Christ on the cross and think, "How could a man suffer like that and forgive?" not "Romans are pussies; he still has his

eyes."  If you go to a baptism and hold the baby under until he starts talking, you're missing the message.


   Like, apparently, the president, who says he gets scripture on his Blackberry first thing every morning, but who said on "60 Minutes" that anyone who would question that Bin Laden deserved assassination should "have their head examined."  Hey,

Fox News, you missed the big headline: "Obama Thinks Jesus Is Nuts."  To which I say, hallelujah, because my new favorite government program is surprising violent religious zealots in the middle of the night and shooting them in the face.  Sorry,

Head Start.  You're number two now.  But I can say that because I'm a non-Christian---just like most Christians.


   I'm just saying, logically, if you ignore every single thing Jesus commanded you to do, you're not Christian.  You're just auditing.  You're not Christ's followers, you're just fans.  And if you believe the Earth was given to you to kick ass on, while

gloating, you're really not a Christian.  You're a Texan.





Thanks for reading.



"When the majority believes in what is false, the truth becomes a quest." - Me

Maher wrote:And if you

Maher wrote:

And if you believe the Earth was given to you to kick ass on, while gloating, you're really not a Christian.  You're a Texan.

Hell yeah, bitches!  Texas rules!

I just got a $25 gift card for Barnes & Nobles today and I was wondering what to get.  I think I have a winner.

"I am an atheist, thank God." -Oriana Fallaci

Philosophicus's picture


Here's the clip of that new rule:

I love that one.  Maher beautifully demonstrates the hypocrisy of conservative Christianity. 

Louis_Cypher's picture

Call me a fan.

I really like Maher, and have for a long time.


LC >;-}>


Christianity: A disgusting middle eastern blood cult, based in human sacrifice, with sacraments of cannibalism and vampirism, whose highest icon is of a near naked man hanging in torment from a device of torture.

Brian37's picture

I like Bill too, but just

I like Bill too, but just like Sam Harris, both of them have a tinge of woo that make my lip twitch.

Bill has this woo about medicine and not trusting it, when all he would have to do is add "BLINDLY".

Sam Harris has his woo that there is something to Buddhism that we need to study and wont abandon the word "spiritual".

I loved Bill's Religulous movie. And Sam's book "Letter to a Christian Nation" might as well been a Playboy centerfold I got the pages stuck together. It was that good.

Now, please don't thank me for the mental image I stuck in your head and you wont be able to get rid of. You're all welcome. Did I mention I am thin as a rail and missing teeth and live in a trailer? Completes the picture doesn't it?

My point is that even in our own label we ARE individuals and questioning is just as important within our own label.




"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37

Brian37 wrote:Sam Harris has

Brian37 wrote:

Sam Harris has his woo that there is something to Buddhism that we need to study and wont abandon the word "spiritual".

Naw, by saying "spiritual" he doesn't mean ghosts or life after death.   He means it's a way of thinking about the world that actually makes humans less violent and more harmonious with existence than we would otherwise be naturally with no religion and no other philosophical outlooks hindering us.

He means it as in a "self-help" mental mindtrick that is admirable for it's beneficial outcome in human behavior.

Too many atheists just recoil at the word of "spiritual" and start adding preconceived ideas.

"I am an atheist, thank God." -Oriana Fallaci

moxia19's picture


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Vastet's picture

Other than his support for

Other than his support for the death penalty there's little he's said I disagree with. Glad we have people like him, Stern, Colbert, & Stewart to keep the O'Reilly's and Becks in their place.

Proud Canadian, Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.

Sage_Override's picture

You forgot the guy he

Glad we have people like him, Stern, Colbert, & Stewart to keep the O'Reilly's and Becks in their place.


You forgot the guy he criticizes the most; Sean Hannity.  What a fucking bonafide whack job.

"When the majority believes in what is false, the truth becomes a quest." - Me