Rolling like a truck tire,
The time is here to burn religion down on the pyre.

With your words I'm no longer tired.
May you never retire.

Tellin the truth,
Gettin called aloof,
Like this is a fake spoof,
But we still raise the roof!

My Great Friend Captain Caveman


I write this now with the permission of my beloved comrade of whom the title is named. He is a brother to me as much as my biological siblings. He and I share much, and always will.

When I met my brother Captain Caveman it was at a  party given by a bull rider.

That’s right, a party given by a bull rider.

I was a 16 year old goth prince of darkness.  A tormented Satanist who made evil love to the songs of Nine Inch Nails and the Cure. Oh and the love I made then often still makes me yearn for fucking!

My girlfriend and I were at this party. She was a naughty girl and had often resisted my satanic advances, but was at last mine.

There was a guy there who looked like Encino Man.

Encino Man is a movie which stars Pauly Shore, and is about a caveman that was thawed out of ice and becomes stoner -skater extraordinaire in Encino, California.

This Encino Man bastard manhandled my woman’s buttocks.

That’s right he was playing with my woman’s ass, and she was letting him.

She was very naughty.

So at this bull riders party I pondered the murder of the Encino Man looking motherfucker, who we shall from now on refer to as Captain Caveman.

As a Satanist I had to decide, should this dog bleed for me, or should he become my dog forevermore.

In Ireland they have a myth about a great hero called Cuchulain.

Cuchulain was approaching the home of the great chieftan Ulster, on an errand.

Ulster commanded a dog that was imbibed with the magic of the Tuatha de Daanaan which gave the beast a magical nature. It was something akin to a hellhound.

Cuchulain was attacked by the terrifying guard dog  and slayed the mythic beast.

When he faced Ulster, Ulster complained that the hell hound was irreplaceable.

Cuchulain was compelled to solve the problem.

He propositioned Ulster that he would become as Ulster’s hound and serve him and household.

Cuchulain as the Hound of Ulster lived to become a great and triumphant hero of Ireland.

Captain Caveman is my hound.

And he too, is a great hero.