Marine Biology Assignment

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This is one of my older blogs.
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This is one of my older blogs. All my other blogs here are somewhat serious, about certain issues, so I'll see if I can't post something funny for once. Here it is:

My lattest Marine Biology Assignment (my favorite answers are to 30, 32, 33, and 37):

(Oh, and yes, I did turn this paper in with these answers.)

Samuel Thomas Poling
Marine Biology - Period #3
Marine Mammals Worksheet

1.) What is the body temp of most mammals?

-- True

2.) What other groups of animals are "warm blooded?"

-- Four and a half.

3.) What is the real difference between warm and cold blooded mammals?

-- Yes.

4.) What is thermal conductance?

-- Greater than.

5.) Why do otters have to keep their fur clean?

-- So it won't be dirty.

6.) How much more food do marine mammals have to eat than land mammals? Why?

-- Plenty more because THEY aren't a slave to public perception!

7.) A 100 lb. male otter must eat how much food each day?

-- Because it's an otter.

8.) Why are marine mammals larger than land mammals?

-- 1776

9.) How does a walrus survive in cold water?

-- It doesn't.

10.) How thick is the blubber on some artic seals?

-- Shh, you'll hurt their feelings.

11.) How thick is the blubber on some whales?

-- Alright, that was uncalled for.

12.) How is excess heat lost by marine mammals?

-- Gambling.

13.) Describe the counter current blood flow system in the flippers of marine mammals?

-- Like when you bite into a cookie and you find that it's really made of wax, on a hot summer day.

14.) What is the total number of marine mammals?

-- The "Net"

15.) What did marine mammals originate from?

-- Earth

16.) What type of mammals are they more likely evolved from?

-- Monkies, like everything else.

17.) What are sirenians?

-- Sirenians

18.) When did the relatives of seals enter the water?

-- Last tuesday.

19.) What are the likely ancestors of walking seals?

-- Adam and Eve

20.) What are the likely ancestors of crawling seals?

-- The Big Bang

21.) How do walking and crawling seals differ?

-- By their ancestors.

22.) What is the newest marine mammal?

-- $2.29

23.) Why do marine mammals have a streamlined body?

-- It's fun.

24.) Name 4 ways in which marine mammals have modified their bodies to increase streamlining.

-- Streamlinging it, painting it, waxing it, and showing it off.

25.) Why is blubber considered a better insulator than fur for a marine mammal?

-- 360 degrees

26.) Do seals have nails on their flippers.

-- Is there a question?

27.) How is a seal's sense of smell?

-- It still doesn't have a job, but it's out of the hospital.

28.) Can any mammals breathe and swallow at the same time?

-- Not according to Newton's 3rd Law.

29.) What mammal can dive the deepest?

-- Chuck Norris

30.) What mammal can remain submerged for the longest time?

-- A dead one.

31.) Name the 8 reasons why marine mammals can dive deeply and remain submerged for such long time periods. Explain breifly each reason.

A. I can't believe it's not butter.
B. The taste of a new generation.
C. Let us do the driving.
D. We love to see you smile.
E. More Harrison Ford than you can stomach.
F. We laughed, we cried, but we mostly laughed.
G. The Texico feelin'.
H. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

32.) How cold are the waters of the Puget Sound?

-- It's fine! Just come on in, you pussy!

33.) How cold are the waters in the Artic?

-- Alright, now you're just over exaggerating.

34.) Almost all of the food marine mammals eat is used for what purpose?

-- Food

35.) Describe the feeding habits of sea otters.

-- Keep your comments to yourself.

36.) What is the difference between the composition of a cow's and seal's milk?

-- Your mom.

37.) What do walruses feed on?

-- Children who don't finish their dinner.

38.) What are the functions of a walrus' tusks?

-- Wall decoration. (Kiss my ass, PETA)

39.) What do sperm whales feed on?

-- Egg whales. Then they form Zygoat whales.

40.) Why were killer whales so named?

-- Just a publicity stunt.

41.) What is a group of killer whales called?

-- Republicans

42.) Why are beaked whales different from other toothed whales?

-- They have beaks.

43.) What forms the tusk on narwhale?

-- Glacal movement during the ice age.

44.) What is the function of a narwhale's tusk?

-- This isn't sex-ed. Shut the hell up.

45.) How do baleen whales feed?

-- With the help of Nanny 911

46.) What is the difference between a gulper and a skimmer?

-- Skimmers taste better.

47.) How much milk does a baby whale drink per day?

-- 2 Percent

48.) How does the method of feeding by gray whales differ from other baleen types?

-- They use chop sticks.