Christians in Texas Command Hurricane Ike to Stop

kellym78's picture

 A group of Christians from Windsor Village United Methodist Church in Houston, Texas, has decided to call upon the Almighty to stop the advancement of Hurricane Ike into Houston.  By beseeching the assistance of Jesus, the alleged son of God, they have "power and authority to affect the weather," says one churchgoer upon questioning. When asked how it came to be known that they possessed this extraordinary ability, the answer was simple: faith. While it may seem absurd to claim any knowledge of this power since it has not been borne out by evidence of any kind, faith is all the evidence these believers need. Rev. Caldwell, pastor of the church, says, "It is definitely by faith that we know that we have an impact." Their church recently held a prayer meeting in order to officially command Ike to cease and desist its approach into the Houston area. Some participants claimed to have calmed Edouard and sent hurricane Gustav into southern Louisiana. No explanation was given for the Almighty's lack of regard for the residents in that area. 

Other incredulous residents have demanded proof. "If they do have this power, then they should be using it for the good of all, possibly even 24 hours a day for weather all over the world," says one of these skeptics. Another person suffered mild oxygen deprivation and was nearly hospitalized after hearing the news due to sanguinea, or excessive laughter. Overall, the reaction has ranged from anger to hilarity. Some are simply curious. In order to quell the doubts of the faithless, it is the responsibility of the members of Windsor Village UMC and all others who feel that they possess this power to gather en masse and put this argument to rest.  

Staying in the Houston area and commanding this "satanic" storm to stop is not only the right thing to do for the sake of all of the residents of this heavily populated area, it will also prove the veracity of their claims. The existence of such a power could have life-saving potential for people all over the world, and the brave men and women here should do all they can for the benefit of humanity--gather together on the beaches of Houston, Galveston, wherever this storm is predicted to make landfall, and push it back with the power of prayer. With more knowledge of this phenomenon, we can all look forward to a future free from natural disasters and other, shall we say, acts of God.

(portions of the above are parody) 

If you are interested in helping to stop Hurricane Ike, the following prayer is the official "Severe Weather Prayer" being used:

Quote:

 

Dear Believer,

Stand in your front or back yard, extend your hand in the direction of the Gulf of Mexico and speak to Hurricane Ike.

Pray with the authority that has been given to you in Jesus Christ and pray in faith. Please pray this prayer out loud and with fervency and determination. God has placed His power in our verbal expressions so lift up your voice. Believe that your prayers will produce results in Jesus’ name.

Please pray this prayer 1-2 times per day.

Thank you, in advance, for standing on the wall for Houston.

A Prayer Against Hurricane Ike

Father, there is none like You. You are great and Your Name is great in might. Who would not fear You, O King of the nations? This is Your rightful due. Among all the wise men of the nations and in all their kingdoms there is none like You. We acknowledge You as Lord over the United States. Thank You for blessing our great city. Thank You for Your continued love, grace, and provision.

Using the authority given to us in the Name of Jesus, we speak to Hurricane Ike and we command the winds and storms to dissipate. We command the peace of God to be still within Hurricane Ike and we declare that Ike will not bring harm or devastation to Houston and the surrounding coastal areas.

Lord, we ask You to touch the heart of every believer in this area to pray against this hurricane.

Father, please forgive us for our many sins. Please forgive disobedience, rebellion, unbelief, forms of idolatry, shedding of innocent blood, and the rejection of Your Son, Jesus Christ. God have mercy on the Houston Metropolitan Area.

Lord, help us to overcome our temptations and deliver us from this impending destruction. We ask You to destroy every satanic assignment against us.

Now to You, the King Eternal, Immortal, Invisible, to You who alone is wise be honor and glory forever and ever. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Scripture References for the Written Text: Jeremiah 10:6-7, Mark 4:39, Matthew 6:13, I Timothy 1:17

THE NON-PARODY RESPONSE:

For the full story from the weather channel, click here.

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Brian37's picture

shawn12345 wrote:I have to

shawn12345 wrote:

I have to say sometimes how amusing you guys can be and I'd like to apologize for some, okay, well most Christians acting like fools. 

I know you guys don't believe and that is your descision or where your evidence points you.  That's your deduction.  I commend you for knowing the Bible as well as you do too.  Most of you are 10xs more educated on scripture that 90% of most "Christians" 

But I do have to say that at the same time many of you base your opinions off standard maintstream Christianity which in all honesty makes no sense.

For example the whole thought on God "knows everything" arguement and if he does then why did he create Satan, Humans, etc. In all honesty he can know everything but just because he can know everything does not mean he runs around predicting everything.  I know guys who can bench 300 lbs easily but they don't go around picking up everything they find that weighs 300 lbs.  Yeah just because you can do something does not mean you excercise that ability at all times.  

But that is just me.  I believe in God for various reasons other than faith.    Them praying for Ike to stop makes even me laugh. 

 

Quote:
many of you base your opinions off standard maintstream Christianity which in all honesty makes no sense.

None of it make sense. But since you are "not like the others" please do tell all of us here how you got it right while everyone else got it wrong.

Quote:
I believe in God for various reasons other than faith. 

Ok, wow us with your fact based reasoning.......(tapping fingers waiting in antisipation)

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37

been there

When I was a believer and pentecostal while in the Coast Guard me and some others prayed like this as well while at sea and several times it did "seem" to work. The storms we were predicted to run into at a certain time and day either dissipated or shifted direction. But what I of course didn't take into account then is that is just the nature of nature. Weather has a habit of "shifting" or blowing out of steam. Then of course there's the times that the storms still hit and we were pulling fishermen out of the ocean and marking the locations of their now sunk vessel. - I guess we or they didn't have enough faith too bad for the widows of those no one got too in time.

But christianity provides the ultimate "out" for seemingly unanswered prayer: God's will  (for the evangelical) or not enough faith on someones behalf (for the word faith crowd). It's better than psychic's excuses for their misses.

Rob

Nice one Kelly.Never ceases

Nice one Kelly.

Never ceases to amaze me, this peculiar Christian viewpoint that (a) we're being punished with a hurricane but (b) we can stop it by hastily hitting our knees and praying for it to go around us. Look, from what Christians say, God apparently has a Plan for all mankind. So if God's punishing you, who the hell are you to question his Plan? But if for some reason it did work and you managed to talk God out of smiting you, are you going to go down there and help your neighbours or sit in your church and congratulate yourselves for being blessed? Y'know, the neighbours who copped the hurricane that God originally meant for you! It's the least you could do...right?

 

 

Falstaff's picture

Today news from Italy

A classic: the husband returns home ahead of schedule and finds his wife with lover. To give this story an aspect even more pruritic, the fact that "the other" in question was a priest. It happened in Chioggia (Venice), and the news reported by the Gazzettino soon made the rounds of the network. Yes, because once established betrayal and the special status of his rival in love, her husband "cornuto" rose to counterattack seeking justice directly to Bishop. The man was received by the monsignor, but his state of agitation - need to understand - was such that it was necessary the intervention of police. In search of revenge, her husband is also went to look for his wife's lover - a priest 23enne teacher of theology - in the spiritual home that the hosts. Also here are the carabinieri had to take action. The Curia has decided to open an investigation into the thorny matter.

Wonko's picture

Falstaff wrote:A classic:

Falstaff wrote:

A classic: the husband returns home ahead of schedule and finds his wife with lover. To give this story an aspect even more pruritic, the fact that "the other" in question was a priest. It happened in Chioggia (Venice), and the news reported by the Gazzettino soon made the rounds of the network. Yes, because once established betrayal and the special status of his rival in love, her husband "cornuto" rose to counterattack seeking justice directly to Bishop. The man was received by the monsignor, but his state of agitation - need to understand - was such that it was necessary the intervention of police. In search of revenge, her husband is also went to look for his wife's lover - a priest 23enne teacher of theology - in the spiritual home that the hosts. Also here are the carabinieri had to take action. The Curia has decided to open an investigation into the thorny matter.

Huhhhh ???

Falstaff, you've lost me...

I'm uncertain what your story has to do with hurricane Ike.

thingy's picture

Wonko wrote:Huhhhh

Wonko wrote:
Huhhhh ???

Falstaff, you've lost me...

I'm uncertain what your story has to do with hurricane Ike.

I can't figure out what ANY of his posts have to do with any of the threads I've seen them in.  Are we sure he's not a spam bot of some sort?

Organised religion is the ultimate form of blasphemy.
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An apologist explanation

There's a really simple explanation for why the prayers to stop Ike didn't work - a larger contingent of people on Galveston Island were praying something to the effect of "you know, God, it's been entirely too nice here for far too long.  Please just blow us the fuck away . . . . "

faith

Yes. God does say to pray "behind closed doors" so that God can bless you for your private devotion. But those who have a personal relationship with Jesus know that you can pray anywhere at anytime...loud or quiet. It's a matter of the heart. True prayer is simply talking to God. Now if a person wants to be recognized for their piousness and great zeal for God and wants everyone to know how "spiritual and religious" they are...that is one thing. But it sounds like these Christians have good intentions...they are stretching out their faith. God honors people who seek Him and stand on His word. He can do the impossible. I would rather reach for God...who the bible say's "is love." than live a life of despondency and apathy. If I am wrong...i vanish at death. But If I am right i enjoy love for eternity. I think what many atheists forget is that God is love. I notice alot of cursing and bitterness on this website...why? Are you truly walking in love?

freypark123, NO to your

freypark123, NO to your idol, fuck you, god is also hate. No to all dogma idol worship. To study god is to know hate too, as all is ONE. Love and hate. You idol worshiper pretenders suck. I hate you, so how will I heal sick you, all you idiot idol worshipers ??? Yes, love is all the answer, as I lovingly hate you.

To say I AM GOD , is to say there is no master , no idol above me. So to all I ask, show me the idol above me, and no one ever has, NEVER EVER .... fuck all you religious idol inventors, FUCK YOU.

 

 

in responce

all i wanna say is this..

 

don't let the actions of few, affect your judgment of many.

 

I have one question:

 

How can you, someone who does not believe in a creator; who does not believe in God, how can you spend so much time trying to convince others that there is no God? How can you be upset with God, if there is no God in the first place..?

- Ben; Texas

 

Wonko's picture

Ben,Thanks for stopping by

Ben,

Thanks for stopping by RRS.

You are aware that you asked two questions, not one, right?

Now that we have that out of the way....

 

You stated: don't let the actions of few, affect your judgment of many.

 

But then, didn't you place all Atheists in one basket when you said:

How can you, someone who does not believe in a creator; who does not believe in God, how can you spend so much time trying to convince others that there is no God? How can you be upset with God, if there is no God in the first place..?

Or am I mistaken, and you were actually writing to just one Atheist ?

Feel free to chime in anytime if you know the answer. Best of luck to you.

 

disclaimer: Prizes will be awarded only for residents of the 50 United States, excluding the continental (contiguous) states, Palinland (formerly known as Alaska and Hawaii.

 

skeptic griggsy's picture

Isn't faith wonderful!

 Atheist Revolution notes how some theists lauded God for His miracle in saving all but one thirteen year old girl.  Note how some laud Him for finding their car keys, yet so rationalize His insouciance during the Holocaust! So much for irrationality and stupidity!

morgan L lamberth Fr. Griggs rests in his Socratic ignorance and humble naturalism. Logic is the bane of theists.
" God is in a worse position than the scarecow who had a body to which a mind could enter whilst He has neither. He is that married bachelor. No wonder He is ineffable!" Ignostic Morgan"
"Life is its own validation and reward and ultimate meaning." Inquiring Lynn
Please support mental health and take the stigma off metnal illnes!

  ...lets be real ....most

  ...lets be real ....most of you i feel can't find purpose or meaning in this life.... you live pay check to pay check and use drugs, sex, alcohol and this site to give it meaning. there is more to life then those things.... most of you study the bible more then   90 percent of us christians...which is cool on your part... it puts you ahead in the game.... but before i was a christian i felt like you guys did when i read it....how could he create all of this? it's impossible!!.... then i got saved and the scriptures meant something to me my whole out look changed. right now i live my life in peace knowing that he will take care of me as long as i follow him.... and he does everytime..i am not here to slam any of you.. you  are very smart people But not rational...to be rational in this sort of game you gotta look at both sides intently..reading the bible is not being a christian like you think ...you guys play the "your books says this "and "you do that" game and its not that at all ...sure most christians are hypocritical at some point but aren't we all......   to fully know which is true you gotta put your whole heart into it...you guys put your whole heart into this website and feel your are right...i put my whole heart into christ and feel i am right....are positions could easily be switched....  my point is if your so worried about the truth and you haven't searched everywhere with your whole heart then your wasting your tiem and not being true to your self... some of you will read this and throw it aside and you are the ones that just wanna create strife and you don't care what the truth is...the ones that read this and think your right i haven't givin' anything  a chance and i should are the ones that are true rational responders....... and i challenge you guys,  just like you challenged us christians, to reach out and find the truth...you may find your self in the same place on this site and thats is fine...but at least you can say i tried that and don't feel it....p.s  i will not test god by standing in a hurricane.that is foolish and irrational.  he is there to save you in times of need..not to save you in times of utter foolishness thats why he gave us common sense....run when there is danger!!! just like the rabbit and the deer.  and remember  be rational not a hyprocrite

Anonymou, "remember be

Anonymou, "remember be rational not a hypocrite." ~

Umm.   Me and the atheistic mentor buddha jesus are one, as is god, therefore I am not a pauline christian separatist idol worshiper. Xianity is wrong thinking, the very definition of Satan, Devil, Demon, Antichrist .... irrational blindness, ugly as leper, fools as praying hypocrites.

My way or the highway .... I have not come to bring peace as appeasement, but to divide truth from superstition dogma .... Pick your jesus wisely. Good luck. "Shout at the Devil", the abraham church. Love as to understand the enemy within and outward, to then heal.  All is ONE.

 

Wonko's picture

Anonymou wrote:  ...lets

Anonymou wrote:

  ...lets be real ....most of you i feel can't find purpose or meaning in this life....

I have NO trouble finding meaning and purpose. Wish I could find your paragraphs.

 

Anonymou wrote:
you live pay check to pay check and use drugs, sex, alcohol and this site to give it meaning.

No, I don't use drugs, I rarely have alcohol and I don't live paycheck to paycheck. Not that I'm dripping in money, cause I'm not...

 

Anonymou wrote:
there is more to life then those things....

Yes, there is.

 

Anonymou wrote:
most of you study the bible more then   90 percent of us christians...

D'ya suppose there's a reason christians don't study like they should ?

 

Anonymou wrote:
 but before i was a christian i felt like you guys did when i read it....how could he create all of this? it's impossible!!....

Yes, the christian god is impossible.

Anonymou wrote:
then i got saved and the scriptures meant something to me my whole out look changed.

Yes, well, the brainwashed generally have tunnel vision, not to mention they're never fully aware that they are brainwashed.

 

Anonymou wrote:
right now i live my life in peace knowing that he will take care of me as long as i follow him....

I submit you don't actually KNOW that.

Anonymou wrote:
i am not here to slam any of you..

Ahhh, but you've no problem accusing us all of being drug users and hiding behind a bottle. 

Anonymou wrote:
you  are very smart people

Are you sucking up now???

Anonymou wrote:
...to be rational in this sort of game you gotta look at both sides intently..

Game ? So you gonna kick the extra point or go for two?

Anonymou wrote:
...sure most christians are hypocritical at some point but aren't we all......

No, I'm not. It's been my experience that christians can be a lot worse than just hypocritical. Hey, but thanks for stopping by RRS !

 

  

TKnight's picture

Texas and Hurricanes

Coming from someone who lives in Texas and is literally 2 and half miles from the coast, I don’t think that god was paying any attention.

 

My point…

I am an atheist, my wife is atheist, my dog and cats are atheists and when Ike came through we stayed in our house. We took all the regular precautions but we stayed to ride out the storm as we have done many times before.

The area we live in is a small town on the Galveston Bay. For the most part our neighborhood did not take that much damage. But the interesting part would be that the Atheist house sustained NO damage. Almost every church within 25 miles of our house was either destroyed or took on water or wind damage.

Conclusion…

Your god is pissed at you and he is attempting to communicate with you in the usual cryptic manner…

Or you are all full of shit and there is no god…

Or my favorite, you god actually like me more than the so called Christians.

Peace

TK