I have decided
Based on the evidence I have searched out - from BOTH sides. I believe the existance of the judeo christian god to be scientificly improbable. And logicly impossible. Therfor unless imperical evidence is placed in front of me or found by me to prove otherwise I do not believe in the existance of the Judeo Christian god. I will add this to the list of other gods I believe it is highly improbable they exist. Most of these gods can be found http://www.godchecker.com/pantheon/index.php.
This makes me athiestic in my views - not to be mistaken with strong athiesism which would indicate I think its impossible for god to exist.
I believe this frees me to do good things for the sake of being good and not for the sake of salvation on my soul. I also believe this frees me to start giving myself credit for the good choices I make and finding a link between those choices and my happyness - not looking for a link in how often I pray or how well I follow the bible ( which after actually reading a good chunk of it ISNT very well)
I think this will free me up to accept I only get one life and I should make the best of it, I should learn to forgive those who have wronged me and not eternally fantasize about them burning in hell. I should not waste my life bowing down or pledging allegiance to anything I myself couldnt stand for. And furthmore I should not assert I know something to be fact when I indeed have no evidence to the case.
I think removing my imaginary friend as a crutch will help me continue my healing proscess