The Haters: Volume Four, Kent Hovind

Louis_Cypher's picture

Stand up comedian Kent Hovind is the Ed Wood of the creationist camp. Wood was known for his utterly sincere efforts at film making which gave us some of the worst cinematic moments of all time. Hovind is equally well known for his laughable and simpleminded notions about geology, biology, palaeontology, cosmology and of course, the US Tax Code.

 

Hovind is an embarrassment to the creationists, a crowd not known for being all that rational themselves. His ‘theories’ are a shining example of self refuting clap trap, and are used on the creationist site “Answers in Genesis” as an example of arguments creationists should NEVER use.

Like Ed Wood, Hovind has built a cult of personality around himself, a mythology in which he is the heroic, martyred protagonist tilting at the windmills of science, government and society itself.

He was born Kent E. Hovind in 1953. I can find no information on his parents. Hovind claims that he became a ‘born again’ Christian in 1969 at the age of 16. He did graduate from East Peoria Community High School. He then spent two years at Midwestern Baptist College where he obtained a “Bachelor of Religious Education”. Note that the school is NOT accredited, so his first claimed ‘degree’ is to be blunt, fake.

(According to the US Department of Education, unaccredited degrees and credits might not be acceptable to employers or other institutions, and use of degree titles may be restricted or illegal in some jurisdictions.)

Hovind then spent 14 years (1975-1988) as a ‘teacher’ and assistant Pastor in a series of Baptist Private Schools, none of which required any real accreditation for its teachers. This is where Hovind gets his claim to have been a ‘High School Science Teacher’.

Between 1988 and 1991, Hovind attained a ‘Masters’ and a ‘Doctorate’ in “Christian Education” via correspondence from Patriot University in Colorado Springs, Colorado, a school that offers it’s Doctoral program for $25 a month… needless to say, not accredited.

His original “Doctoral Thesis”, bad typing, excruciating grammar, laughable misspelling and all is available in PDF format from Wikileaks.

Hovind started the Creation Science Evangelism ministry (CSE) in 1989. It’s goal, other than promoting Kent Hovind, is to preach a literal interpretation of Genesis with some interesting additions from Hovind’s fertile imagination (And we all know what makes good fertilizer, sorry, had to be said.)

Hovind contends that not only is Genesis a historically true and scientifically accurate account of creation, but that Dinosaurs lived along side Noah and his family, made it on the Ark, and still exist to this day in far off locals…

Hovind started Dinosaur Adventure Land in 1991, a Theme Park promoting his vision of a time (no more than 4000-6000 years ago) when happy cave people cavorted with Dinosaurs on a newly created earth. Yes, Hovind thinks the “Flintsones” is a documentary.

Hovind’s Theory involves an Ice Meteor breaking up over the young earth and landing at the poles, causing the great flood and prompting Noah to become a floating zoo keeper. His mythology includes tidbits like super cold snow burying the Mammoths, the back wash from the flood covering the corpses of those plants and beasts that didn’t have their tickets for the SS Ark… (thus producing the worlds coal and oil deposits in a couple of years). The Plates shifted, mountain arose (sometime last Tuesday, I think) and the receding flood waters carved the Grand Canyon in two weeks…

Hovind loves conspiracies. He thinks the New World Order, led by Israel, Jane Fonda, Ted Turner, The British Royal Family, and the American Civil Liberties Union along with the United Nations is out to suppress his vision of science and history. He also thinks 9/11 and the Oklahoma Bombing were inside jobs. But what got him in trouble was when he demonstrated that his knowledge of geology, biology and palaeontology are only exceeded by his understanding of US Tax Law.

Hovind’s ministry is not listed as Tax-Exempt under the IRS guidelines nor is it a ‘church’. Not even the people who work there think of it as a church. Thus, like any other business owner, Hovind was required to pay taxes both on income and on the wages paid to his employees…

Hovind worked on the theory that the income from the ministry and theme park belonged to God, who in spite of Republican opinions to the contrary, is NOT a US citizen. The people who worked at his ministry and theme park were merely volunteers… whom he paid cash in small bills and offered a dental plan…

The IRS is not noted for its sense of humor, and hauled Hovind his Frau into court. Hovind attempted to renounce his US citizenship, and just claim to be here, not to actually be a citizen. The courts didn’t buy it.

Federal Prisoner Kent Hovind, Bureau of Prisons number 06452-017, serving a 10 year sentence for stupidity is scheduled for release from prison on August 11, 2015.

Christianity: A disgusting middle eastern blood cult, based in human sacrifice, with sacraments of cannibalism and vampirism, whose highest icon is of a near naked man hanging in torment from a device of torture.

ex-minister's picture

 And from all I can tell

 And from all I can tell Hovind is still held in high regard by the fundies. His lock up must be persecution for Jeebus sake. There is even a free hovind website

http://freehovind.com/index

 

His son, Eric, has taken over the website drdino.com. It like a mob boss in jail still controlling things thru the family. While Eric is perhaps even more inept than his dad am sure he can empty of believers pockets just as well. His website has lots of opportunities for giving.

Wiki says Hovind website is still looking for someone to prove evolution for $250k, but of course he sets the rules. However, I cannot find it referenced there. Wonder if they dropped that.

 

I think Jim Bakker is back as well. Jesus never was raised from the the dead  but his Elmer Gantry type children seem to be doing that just fine. Glory hole to god in the highest.

Religion Kills !!!

Numbers 31:17-18 - Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.

http://jesus-needs-money.blogspot.com/

Louis_Cypher's picture

Basics.

I think this illustrates a basic principle of the universe.

People... are.... stupid.

 

LC >;-}>

I'm trying to decide who to profile next... Baker is possible, I even thought of dredging up Anita Bryant... but I'm leaning toward profiling a few Groups and their leaders.

 

 

Christianity: A disgusting middle eastern blood cult, based in human sacrifice, with sacraments of cannibalism and vampirism, whose highest icon is of a near naked man hanging in torment from a device of torture.

ex-minister's picture

suggestions

Quickly off the top of my head  

Ken Ham

Creflo Dollar

Joel Osteen is the richest preacher in the world. He makes 75 million dollars annually.

People who become incredibly wealthy off this bullshit I think are the lowest form of preachers. And many especially the Nigerian preachers have shown no pretense. 

 

Oh, I asked you in another thread but I think you missed it,  are you related to Dwight L. Moody the evangelist?

Isnt' there a resemblance anyway? 

 

Religion Kills !!!

Numbers 31:17-18 - Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.

http://jesus-needs-money.blogspot.com/

Brian37's picture

Kent Hovind? The jailbird?

Kent Hovind? The jailbird? Dobson and Robertson yea, but Hovind is a has been.

Olsteen needs to be knocked off his perch just as much as the "Haters" too IMHO. He's worse in some ways because people get sucked in to his "Kindness" motif. I'd love to see his feathers get ruffled and get that caught on camera.

Humans have fallen for that motif our entire history, "He sounds nice, he talks nice, he acts kind" and that allows them to swallow the lies he sells.

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37

Louis_Cypher's picture

Resemblence....

Wow... I didn't realize we looked SO much alike... gotta check that out.

 

LC >;-}>

 

Christianity: A disgusting middle eastern blood cult, based in human sacrifice, with sacraments of cannibalism and vampirism, whose highest icon is of a near naked man hanging in torment from a device of torture.

Louis_Cypher's picture

    

 

 

 

 

Christianity: A disgusting middle eastern blood cult, based in human sacrifice, with sacraments of cannibalism and vampirism, whose highest icon is of a near naked man hanging in torment from a device of torture.

Vastet's picture

Don't count Hovind out. Once

Don't count Hovind out. Once he gets out he'll get right back into things.

Proud Canadian, Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.

Louis_Cypher's picture

I concur

Vastet wrote:
Don't count Hovind out. Once he gets out he'll get right back into things.

 

He's got his kid out shilling for him now. Hell, he can parlay his prison time into that all important Martyr Points with his followers, the trailer park crowd eats that shit up.

 

LC >;-}>

Christianity: A disgusting middle eastern blood cult, based in human sacrifice, with sacraments of cannibalism and vampirism, whose highest icon is of a near naked man hanging in torment from a device of torture.

ex-minister's picture

Hovind has street cred,

Hovind has street cred, "falsely" accused for jeebus. Worse case a minor setback.

Religion Kills !!!

Numbers 31:17-18 - Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.

http://jesus-needs-money.blogspot.com/

Brian37's picture

ex-minister wrote:Hovind has

ex-minister wrote:
Hovind has street cred, "falsely" accused for jeebus. Worse case a minor setback.

Virtue of the oppressed is how every cult starts. I is how the Hebrews started, how Christianity started, how Islam started, how Mormonism started, How Scientology started and how Kwanza started.

Hovind has cred because it is easy to sell to the blind.

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37