The Haters: Volume Four, Kent Hovind
Stand up comedian Kent Hovind is the Ed Wood of the creationist camp. Wood was known for his utterly sincere efforts at film making which gave us some of the worst cinematic moments of all time. Hovind is equally well known for his laughable and simpleminded notions about geology, biology, palaeontology, cosmology and of course, the US Tax Code.
Hovind is an embarrassment to the creationists, a crowd not known for being all that rational themselves. His ‘theories’ are a shining example of self refuting clap trap, and are used on the creationist site “Answers in Genesis” as an example of arguments creationists should NEVER use.
Like Ed Wood, Hovind has built a cult of personality around himself, a mythology in which he is the heroic, martyred protagonist tilting at the windmills of science, government and society itself.
He was born Kent E. Hovind in 1953. I can find no information on his parents. Hovind claims that he became a ‘born again’ Christian in 1969 at the age of 16. He did graduate from East Peoria Community High School. He then spent two years at Midwestern Baptist College where he obtained a “Bachelor of Religious Education”. Note that the school is NOT accredited, so his first claimed ‘degree’ is to be blunt, fake.
(According to the US Department of Education, unaccredited degrees and credits might not be acceptable to employers or other institutions, and use of degree titles may be restricted or illegal in some jurisdictions.)
Hovind then spent 14 years (1975-1988) as a ‘teacher’ and assistant Pastor in a series of Baptist Private Schools, none of which required any real accreditation for its teachers. This is where Hovind gets his claim to have been a ‘High School Science Teacher’.
Between 1988 and 1991, Hovind attained a ‘Masters’ and a ‘Doctorate’ in “Christian Education” via correspondence from Patriot University in Colorado Springs, Colorado, a school that offers it’s Doctoral program for $25 a month… needless to say, not accredited.
His original “Doctoral Thesis”, bad typing, excruciating grammar, laughable misspelling and all is available in PDF format from Wikileaks.
Hovind started the Creation Science Evangelism ministry (CSE) in 1989. It’s goal, other than promoting Kent Hovind, is to preach a literal interpretation of Genesis with some interesting additions from Hovind’s fertile imagination (And we all know what makes good fertilizer, sorry, had to be said.)
Hovind contends that not only is Genesis a historically true and scientifically accurate account of creation, but that Dinosaurs lived along side Noah and his family, made it on the Ark, and still exist to this day in far off locals…
Hovind started Dinosaur Adventure Land in 1991, a Theme Park promoting his vision of a time (no more than 4000-6000 years ago) when happy cave people cavorted with Dinosaurs on a newly created earth. Yes, Hovind thinks the “Flintsones” is a documentary.
Hovind’s Theory involves an Ice Meteor breaking up over the young earth and landing at the poles, causing the great flood and prompting Noah to become a floating zoo keeper. His mythology includes tidbits like super cold snow burying the Mammoths, the back wash from the flood covering the corpses of those plants and beasts that didn’t have their tickets for the SS Ark… (thus producing the worlds coal and oil deposits in a couple of years). The Plates shifted, mountain arose (sometime last Tuesday, I think) and the receding flood waters carved the Grand Canyon in two weeks…
Hovind loves conspiracies. He thinks the New World Order, led by Israel, Jane Fonda, Ted Turner, The British Royal Family, and the American Civil Liberties Union along with the United Nations is out to suppress his vision of science and history. He also thinks 9/11 and the Oklahoma Bombing were inside jobs. But what got him in trouble was when he demonstrated that his knowledge of geology, biology and palaeontology are only exceeded by his understanding of US Tax Law.
Hovind’s ministry is not listed as Tax-Exempt under the IRS guidelines nor is it a ‘church’. Not even the people who work there think of it as a church. Thus, like any other business owner, Hovind was required to pay taxes both on income and on the wages paid to his employees…
Hovind worked on the theory that the income from the ministry and theme park belonged to God, who in spite of Republican opinions to the contrary, is NOT a US citizen. The people who worked at his ministry and theme park were merely volunteers… whom he paid cash in small bills and offered a dental plan…
The IRS is not noted for its sense of humor, and hauled Hovind his Frau into court. Hovind attempted to renounce his US citizenship, and just claim to be here, not to actually be a citizen. The courts didn’t buy it.
Federal Prisoner Kent Hovind, Bureau of Prisons number 06452-017, serving a 10 year sentence for stupidity is scheduled for release from prison on August 11, 2015.
Christianity: A disgusting middle eastern blood cult, based in human sacrifice, with sacraments of cannibalism and vampirism, whose highest icon is of a near naked man hanging in torment from a device of torture.