Top Ten Signs that You're a Christian

serotonin_wraith
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Top Ten Signs that You're a Christian

Just found this, and I thought it was great-

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your god.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from lesser life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Trinity god.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" -- including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loop-holes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by pre-historic tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that the Earth is a couple of generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects -- will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet you consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving".

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to prove Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many Atheists and Agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history -- but still call yourself a Christian.

 

http://www.godlessgeeks.com/LINKS/Top10.htm


HC Grindon
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F'n hi-larious :^) -HCG

F'n hi-larious :^)
-HCG


djneibarger
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nice :)  

nice Smiling

 


Free Thinking
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Hilarious!  Thank you for

Hilarious!  Thank you for posting taht


MattShizzle
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Seen it before but still

Seen it before but still funny.


dead_again
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Sums it up

That is pretty much what it boils down to. Maybe I will show this to some theist friends of mine so they can see what they really believe: WHAT THEY WERE INDOCTRINATED INTO.

Your god's silence speaks loud and clear


BenfromCanada
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Brilliant!

Brilliant!


friendlyagnostic
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Here's another one

here's another one. I know everyone's probably seen it but I still laugh every time I read it. Smiling

http://swiften.logicaldrifter.com/DearPatRobertson.htm

Dear Pat Robertson,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can.

When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who
sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.


waldteufel
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Great list!

Your little list is one of those things that need to be folded into your wallet . . . .so you can pull it out when you are accosted by a bible thumping fundie bent on saving your soul.


Hambydammit
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This deserves a good,

This deserves a good, resounding Bible-Thumping BUMP

 

Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin

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Jarem Asyder
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I've seen the letter

I've seen the letter before, but it was to Dr. Laura, not Pat Robertson.  Still hilarious though.


Brian37
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Funny stuff but still not

Funny stuff but still not convincing because there are several cop outs Christians use.

1. That was the OT

2. Metaphore

3. God can do what he wants

4. God works in mysterious ways

5. He doesnt have to explain himself to you

6. It is our fault(even if our ansestors are the real purps)

7. God said, "Do as I say, not as I do".

 

A buffet of excuses and self delusion to avoid the contradictions. Still funny though. 

 

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
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