*sigh* It really is true isn't it?

Zeeboe
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*sigh* It really is true isn't it?

I saw Zeitgeist the movie clip on google a few days ago and that officially confirmed it for me....between "The God Who Wasn't There" DVD I recently watched for the first time and Zeitgeist the movie....the little Christian that is in me is dead..... and I can now say that with confidence and with no fear or doubt or hesitation in my mind.............that Jesus Christ never existed and that Christianity is a lie and a fraud.

 Jesus Christ died in my heart tonight and he will not rise again.

 "It is finished."


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To be the complete ass that

To be the complete ass that I am...did you use a quick shot to the back of the head or pin him to a big piece of wood?

"I, on the other hand, do not feel it necessary to construct a lofty meaning for myself. I prefer the style of the butterfly myself. I will eat what I want, flit about aimlessly, and enjoy the sunshine. Then, I will die. " - Nero, RRS Forum User


Zeeboe
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Nope.

Nope.


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I actually has a dream

I actually has a dream about Jesus last night. If anyone wants to read about it, check out my blog.


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Breathe the free air.

Breathe the free air.


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Can't read your blog entry

Can't read your blog entry as it is set to private Smiling

 

Welcome to the bright side. 


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I watched Zeitgeist for the

I watched Zeitgeist for the first time this weekend. While I already knew most of what was in the first part of the movie, I had never put much thought into the remaining sections of the movie. What really got my mind rolling was the way the steel beams were cut diagonally on the WTC. I seem to keep thinking about the episode of South Park where the "Hardly Boys" investigate the urinal turd and 9/11 conspiracy theories when I watch it though Tongue out

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I find it amazing when they

I find it amazing when they find one diagional cut I-beam and conclude it was intentional. It takes a crew of demolation experts many days to prepare a building for that. The idea that a crew was working there for days preparing it and no noticed is absurd.

Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful. - Seneca


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Zeeboe wrote: ....the

Zeeboe wrote:

....the little Christian that is in me is dead.....

What was his name? 


Zeeboe
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Yeah, I changed everything

Yeah, I changed everything up on my site because I don't wanna hurt my family anymore or embrass my Mother. As of right now, I don't know what to do with it. It looks pretty bad now.And I'm sorry, but I am really getting tired of the jokes here. I realize this will cause me to get more heat by saying this, but I am just being honest and letting you all know I don't apprecaite the jokes at all. I take this topic very seriously and in my humble opinion, everyone should do the same, but I know they won't. But I'll be ignoring all the jokes from this point on.This has been probably one of the toughest things I've ever had to go through, and it's all just a big joke to everyone else. Must be nice to have a great life and be able to look your nose down on everyone else who is either suffering or going through a tough time.I tell ya, rather one believes in God or not, I think "compassion" is a dead word in this day and age.I honestly think the reason why some of you who were Christian became atheists was because you were never into the Christian lifestyle that much. You most likely never enjoyed the Christian life style or had a good relationship with God, and that is why you left. Not because of the overwhelming amount of evidence against God, but because you hated the idea of God from the get go...or you were just raised atheist and that is why it's so easy to make a big joking game out of all of this.Anyway, go ahead and flame the hell outta me and make some more jokes. I won't be reading.


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Zeeboe wrote: Yeah, I

Zeeboe wrote:
Yeah, I changed everything up on my site because I don't wanna hurt my family anymore or embrass my Mother. As of right now, I don't know what to do with it. It looks pretty bad now.And I'm sorry, but I am really getting tired of the jokes here. I realize this will cause me to get more heat by saying this, but I am just being honest and letting you all know I don't apprecaite the jokes at all. I take this topic very seriously and in my humble opinion, everyone should do the same, but I know they won't. But I'll be ignoring all the jokes from this point on.This has been probably one of the toughest things I've ever had to go through, and it's all just a big joke to everyone else. Must be nice to have a great life and be able to look your nose down on everyone else who is either suffering or going through a tough time.I tell ya, rather one believes in God or not, I think "compassion" is a dead word in this day and age.I honestly think the reason why some of you who were Christian became atheists was because you were never into the Christian lifestyle that much. You most likely never enjoyed the Christian life style or had a good relationship with God, and that is why you left. Not because of the overwhelming amount of evidence against God, but because you hated the idea of God from the get go...or you were just raised atheist and that is why it's so easy to make a big joking game out of all of this.Anyway, go ahead and flame the hell outta me and make some more jokes. I won't be reading.

Wait a few years.

Then you'll see why atheists kid.  I understand this is serious for you, and by the way, your post here outlines why people need to be more conscious of others. 

While someone on "the atheist side" may be applauding that this happened to you - you're not clapping.  You've been mentally jarred and shocked. 

For every victory an atheist achieves, there has been a defeat that nobody has shed any light on.  Not the defeat of theism, or os "god", but a defeat of everything you've ever known. 

It gets better.  Once you realize that you're a nice and good person, and Jesus doesn't have a thing to do with it, you'll find an unimaginable solace.

I wish you well. 

 

Every step I took in faith betrayed me

-Sarah McLachlan


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Zeeboe wrote: And I'm

Zeeboe wrote:
And I'm sorry, but I am really getting tired of the jokes here. I realize this will cause me to get more heat by saying this, but I am just being honest and letting you all know I don't apprecaite the jokes at all. I take this topic very seriously and in my humble opinion, everyone should do the same, but I know they won't. But I'll be ignoring all the jokes from this point on.


I understand you are a very sensitive fellow but I think the jokes were meant to lighten the mood and not to insult. I think many of us understand it is a serious thing to lose your faith, and you received ample compassion here when you first began posting and doubting god. This is now the umpteenth thread you have started about how you finally realize it is true, I think people are running out of things to say and are trying to let you see life goes on and things will get better for you.

Zeeboe wrote:
This has been probably one of the toughest things I've ever had to go through, and it's all just a big joke to everyone else. Must be nice to have a great life and be able to look your nose down on everyone else who is either suffering or going through a tough time.
I tell ya, rather one believes in God or not, I think "compassion" is a dead word in this day and age.
I honestly think the reason why some of you who were Christian became atheists was because you were never into the Christian lifestyle that much. You most likely never enjoyed the Christian life style or had a good relationship with God, and that is why you left. Not because of the overwhelming amount of evidence against God, but because you hated the idea of God from the get go...or you were just raised atheist and that is why it's so easy to make a big joking game out of all of this.
Anyway, go ahead and flame the hell outta me and make some more jokes. I won't be reading.


It is rather arrogant of you to assume why anyone is an atheist. There are many people here who were fundamentalists, Hamby, Iruka, and I am sure there are many more.

We are sympathetic to your plight and many of us fully understand what you are going through but for you to make assumptions about why others lack belief is rude, and insulting on your part so you are just as bad as the people you are criticizing.

 

 


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You will find no flames

You will find no flames from me.

True, this is a hard thing to go through. It's horrible and painful.

I understand that jokes aren't the best thing to be giving to you at the moment, because it doesn't help this big change you're trying to understand and cope with. This is an honestly, completely, 100% serious thing to you, but I do not believe they were making fun of you or trying to belittle you or make light your situation. I think that some of them at the very least are happy and delighted for you, that you have come to a point in your life where you can freethink and decide for yourself in things that you weren't able to before.

Zeeboe wrote:
Must be nice to have a great life and be able to look your nose down on everyone else who is either suffering or going through a tough time.

I do have a great life, but I absolutely do not look down my nose at everyone who is suffering or going through a tough time. I do not look down my nose at my grandmother, whose body is riddled with diabetes, leukemia (in her lymph nodes), and alzheimer's. I didn't really ever like her enough to be close like other grandparent-grandchild relationships can be, but I don't let that fact get in the way of helping my father help take care of her when he needs it. My grandmother is suffering. She doesn't have long to live, and the way this it is going, she's going to die with very little "dignity" left.

Shame on me if I ever think less of her (however much I complain about it).

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Quote: And I'm sorry, but I

Quote:
And I'm sorry, but I am really getting tired of the jokes here. I realize this will cause me to get more heat by saying this, but I am just being honest and letting you all know I don't apprecaite the jokes at all. I take this topic very seriously and in my humble opinion, everyone should do the same, but I know they won't. But I'll be ignoring all the jokes from this point on.

When I was 24 years old, my father was in a plane crash and became a vegetable.  His condition was quite similar to Terri Schiavo's.  He had brain stem function, but both his frontal lobes were gone, and virtually all cognitive function was gone.  He could feel pain.  That was about it.

He lived for almost 11 years, being turned every four hours to prevent bed sores.  He vomited on himself every time he ate.  Finally, someone had compassion on him and put a feeding tube in.  Shoving baby food down someone's throat is just not compassionate.   He choked on his tongue at night.  He got pneumonia at least six times.  He had a continual staph infection.   When he died, it was early in the morning, and the nurse didn't notice that he was choking on his own vomit.

For the two years that I lived in the same town with him after the accident, every other person I saw asked me how my father was doing.  Many of them told me they were praying for him.  Many told me they were sure he'd get better.  None of them realized that my greatest wish in all the world was that he would die so that he wouldn't be in pain any more.

I resented, and even hated, the people who told me they would pray for him.  I wanted everyone to stop talking about it.  I wanted to live just one week without someone mentioning him so that maybe I could move on, even if just a little bit.

The thing is, Zeeboe, they were trying to help.

Each person, in their own way, was doing what they thought was the right thing to do.  They thought they would be callous if they didn't mention it.  They thought that I would think poorly of them if they had such bad taste as to act as if nothing had happened.

 

Quote:
Must be nice to have a great life and be able to look your nose down on everyone else who is either suffering or going through a tough time.

I made a lot of assumptions about the motivations of people who were just trying to help.  My anger was misplaced.  It took me many years to realize this, though.  Perhaps hearing this, you will look more kindly on those who are trying to help, but can't read your mind at any given moment.  Many of your posts have been cheerful.  Many have been morose.  Your moods are not easy to predict.  You write posts, presumably because you'd like to get responses.

Well, you get responses.  Some are not what you like, but you're the one who signed on and wrote the post.  It's not going to win you many friends when you gripe about people who are just trying to help.

As you can see, I've lived through some shit.  I've gotten over it.  I've lost the most important person in my life.  Not just lost him, but in a gruesome, horrible way that lasted over a decade.  Remember in another post when I got onto you for assuming that your suffering is unique?  Well, you haven't done a good job of realizing this.

At the same time that I was losing my father, I was also losing my mother.  (She divorced my father almost 14 years earlier, by the way.)  She's still alive, but I decided shortly after my father's accident to reveal my atheism to my family.  I had to go through losing my whole family all at once.  My father was alive and I couldn't talk to him.  My mother was alive, and I couldn't talk to her either. 

 

Quote:
I tell ya, rather one believes in God or not, I think "compassion" is a dead word in this day and age.

And you're making the mistake of thinking that because you're going through a hard time that you're exempt from being compassionate.

 

Quote:
I honestly think the reason why some of you who were Christian became atheists was because you were never into the Christian lifestyle that much.

Think it all you like.  It would be better if you just asked so that you could learn the truth.

 

Quote:
You most likely never enjoyed the Christian life style or had a good relationship with God, and that is why you left.

That's right Zeeboe.  You're suffering worse than we did.

Run with it.

Or, admit to yourself that we're just as human as you, and that we got through it.  Admit to yourself that we're doing everything we know how to do to encourage you and help you through this.   Admit that some of us have lived through things like what you're going through, and it's just possible that you don't know everything about us, and that you could learn something if you'd turn off the pity party for a few minutes from time to time.

 

Quote:
Anyway, go ahead and flame the hell outta me and make some more jokes. I won't be reading.

When you get done reading this, ask yourself, "Is Hambydammit taking time out of his life specifically to make me miserable and to make jokes about me?  Or is it possible that he's taken the last twenty minutes of his life, when he could have been drinking a beer, or going out, or playing with his pets, or looking at porn... Maybe he took that 20 minutes out of his life because he cares, and he's trying to help."

 

Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin

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If it was me then I am

If it was me then I am sorry. I had to go through a similar situation just as many of the other members of this site did. Once you see the truth it tears you apart to know it's all been a lie. It tore me apart and left me depressed for a while. Reminds me very much of the first Matrix movie when Neo is given the "shock and awe" treatment by morpheus about the real world.

Again if it was my South Park pun I meant no harm.

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Randalllord wrote: I find

Randalllord wrote:
I find it amazing when they find one diagional cut I-beam and conclude it was intentional. It takes a crew of demolation experts many days to prepare a building for that. The idea that a crew was working there for days preparing it and no noticed is absurd.

I don't claim to know for sure what happened to the World Trade Center towers on 9-11, but I've researched it enough to have some serious questions.  If the evidence was only one I-beam that "evidence" can be discounted.  Like you I wonder how a demolition crew could have gained access to the building.

Have you looked into who provided security for the World Trade towers?  It was one Marvin P. Bush heading up a company called Securacom.  I'd definitely double-check any claims like this, but from what I've read, the bomb-sniffing dogs that usually worked the WTC were removed on September 6. 

Again, I don't claim knowledge.  I know just enough to be suspicious of claims from all sides of the conspiracy debate. 

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Iruka, Like you, I do have

Iruka,

Like you, I do have some concerns about 911 but "Zeitgest - The Movie" jumps to the conclusion that it was all staged to get the USA to invade Iraq. 

Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful. - Seneca


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Zeeboe wrote: Yeah, I

Zeeboe wrote:
Yeah, I changed everything up on my site because I don't wanna hurt my family anymore or embrass my Mother. As of right now, I don't know what to do with it. It looks pretty bad now.And I'm sorry, but I am really getting tired of the jokes here. I realize this will cause me to get more heat by saying this, but I am just being honest and letting you all know I don't apprecaite the jokes at all. I take this topic very seriously and in my humble opinion, everyone should do the same, but I know they won't. But I'll be ignoring all the jokes from this point on.This has been probably one of the toughest things I've ever had to go through, and it's all just a big joke to everyone else. Must be nice to have a great life and be able to look your nose down on everyone else who is either suffering or going through a tough time.I tell ya, rather one believes in God or not, I think "compassion" is a dead word in this day and age.I honestly think the reason why some of you who were Christian became atheists was because you were never into the Christian lifestyle that much. You most likely never enjoyed the Christian life style or had a good relationship with God, and that is why you left. Not because of the overwhelming amount of evidence against God, but because you hated the idea of God from the get go...or you were just raised atheist and that is why it's so easy to make a big joking game out of all of this.Anyway, go ahead and flame the hell outta me and make some more jokes. I won't be reading.

Zeeboe, I was very much into the Christian lifestyle.  It's all I knew!  I was raised in a virtual bubble with no contact from the outside world.

I agree that now is probably not the time for jokes.  When the pain is fresh, it's hard to joke about anything.  You have some grieving to do and I understand there are a number of stages... let's see... um... denial... anger... depression... acceptance.   I probably missed one or more, but I don't recall "joking" and / or "laughter" as being one of the stages. 

However, you will get to a point where you can laugh about it.  Laughing about it is part of the healing process, but you're not ready for that yet.  There came a time for me when banishing fear of hell meant ridiculing the religion I'd been forced to accept before I could develop critical thinking skills.  Since then, there's been a lot of laughter.  Unfortunately, it pisses off Christians and the newly deconverted.  I think a bit of tact wouldn't hurt.

As for compassion, I agree with you.  Internet forums tend to be dehumanizing.  And you may be right about the level of religious commitment affecting how others view the process of losing faith.  I can tell you that for me the process was agony.  It was drawn out over many years.

I'll recommend a couple of books that may speak to your experience.  They were written by former fundamentalists who lost their faith: Losing Faith in Faith by Dan Barker and Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell.  Both will validate your experiences and help you work through this.

Whether or not you are religious, whether or not you had a painful experience leaving Christianity, I think it's important to maintain compassion.  Sensitive and blunt approaches both have their place, but knowing when to use them is something we could all learn. 

And yes, I am looking in the mirror. Smiling 

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Iruka Naminori
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Hambydammit wrote:

Hambydammit wrote:

At the same time that I was losing my father, I was also losing my mother. (She divorced my father almost 14 years earlier, by the way.) She's still alive, but I decided shortly after my father's accident to reveal my atheism to my family. I had to go through losing my whole family all at once. My father was alive and I couldn't talk to him. My mother was alive, and I couldn't talk to her either.

Dammit, Hamby. Sad ...and: Eye-wink (play on your screen name) (See how eclectic emotions can be?)

This must have been agony. Interestingly, I lost my father and mother in similar ways. My father's death from cancer was pretty gruesome and I can only be grateful it did not last ten years. Once it the cancer relapsed and metastasized, my father went pretty quickly. It took about six months, but it seemed like forever. I never had a very good relationship with him, but that creates its own set of problems.

I've pretty much lost my mother, too, due to irreconcilable differences. Sad She's as much as admitted she doesn't want to know the truth and even if I proved (evolution / god doesn't exist / Jesus might not have existed even as an historical figure / Republicans are assholes / Wal*Mart sucks / ad infinitum), she would continue to do and believe whatever she wants. A few days ago, she told me she didn't care about little kids in China suffering in sweat shops as long as she got good deals on "stuff."

When I was a kid, I felt close to my mother, regardless of any problems. That feeling of closeness has been slowly extinguished. Every once in awhile I reflect on what has been lost...and cry.

During the last couple of years I've tried to accept my mother for what she is, realizing I cannot change her. I can only change myself and even that is pretty damn hard. When she spouts off some callous remark like not caring why Wal*Mart's prices are so low, it reminds me she has become a fascist. When Reagan became president, my family got caught up in the right-wing fundamentalist Christian movement. Before that, they had some obnoxious beliefs, but were not so harsh. Reagan, Falwell, Robertson, Limbaugh, etc. changed that. When I broke away, it became abundantly clear that my family cared more about their "Christian" values (what a laugh!) than they cared about me.

It was a harsh lesson. I have to live with it every day, trying hard to accept my family and love them as best I can.

So yes, we all have our own stories. Getting into arguments over who had it worse is pretty stupid, isn't it? Smiling It's enough to recognize that humans all have the capacity for suffering (joy, too!!!). Yes, Zeeboe needs to realize this, but I'm going to cut him some slack because when a person is in acute pain, considering another's pain is nearly impossible.

Try this experiment:

Find a hammer. Find a hard, flat surface. Place your hand on the hard, flat surface and raise the hammer over your head at an angle that will ensure maximum velocity. Eyeball it. Line it up like a golf putt...then bludgeon that vulnerable piece of meat and bone with all your might. Do this at least twenty times.

Now as you look at the gushy, throbbing bag of broken bones you just created, try to consider someone else's feelings. Go on. Try. Smiling Try to think about how someone else may have lost their entire arm and not just smashed their hand into a bloody pulp. Can you do it? Pretty damn hard, isn't it?

(Note: To anyone who actually carried out my little experiment: You are too stupid to live. Kindly find the nearest tall building and plunge to your death, thereby ridding us of your defective DNA.)

While it's true someone in acute pain has trouble focusing outward, those who encouraged Zeeboe to try are on the right track. If he's in an inordinate amount of pain, he's just not ready. Give him awhile.

Hambydammit wrote:
Zeeboe wrote:
I tell ya, rather one believes in God or not, I think "compassion" is a dead word in this day and age.

And you're making the mistake of thinking that because you're going through a hard time that you're exempt from being compassionate.

See above.

Right now that's pretty hard for Zeeboe, but I encourage him to think about it anyway, if he can.

Hambydammit wrote:
Zeeboe wrote:
I honestly think the reason why some of you who were Christian became atheists was because you were never into the Christian lifestyle that much.

Think it all you like. It would be better if you just asked so that you could learn the truth.

--->IRUKA ATE, SLEPT, BREATHED CHRISTIANITY FOR THE FIRST HALF OF HER LIFE<---

You're not alone.

Zeeboe wrote:
You most likely never enjoyed the Christian life style or had a good relationship with God, and that is why you left.

Um...actually, no.

--->IRUKA ATE, SLEPT, BREATHED CHRISTIANITY FOR THE FIRST HALF OF HER LIFE<---

Zeeboe wrote:
Anyway, go ahead and flame the hell outta me and make some more jokes. I won't be reading.

Like Hamby and others, I'm just trying to help. Quite often my default mode is silly / full of mockery for religion. For me it's very therapeutic. Someday I think you'll find you need it too. Note: when I've been sick (a lot lately), I have a harder time keeping my sense of humor. So I do understand how easily it is to slip into a dark mood. Sometimes the health and chemical makeup of our bodies makes it extra hard to keep perspective.

Zeeboe, I do understand that you're going through a very difficult time. Losing religion was one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through...maybe the hardest because so much of what went down was because of religion or the loss of it. I've been through a lot of other stuff, too: the loss of my father, a very scary surgery on my spine (neck), other scary and painful medical procedures that I don't even want to talk about. My grandmother--my favorite and only living grandparent--is going downhill. Somehow it's hard to ponder life without my grandmother. I have frequent illnesses related to diabetes, degenerative disc disease, fibromyalgia, sleep apnea and the resulting inability of my body to fight off infections. In June I lost control of my blood glucose and spent a few weeks battling the craziness that goes with that. Just as I was starting to feel better, I came down with a virus that has turned into a slew of secondary infections. I was sick for a month (happens a lot). Augmentin and Flonase finally cleared up the sinusitis, but last night I started to feel a relapse coming on. I called the clinic, but due to past experiences, I don't have a lot of confidence in their willingness to help me. I may have to drop classes again...that's upsetting for me. I've had to drop classes many times and it's always a big blow. Because I can't work, music (and other) classes are what give me a sense of fulfillment and belonging.

OK, 'nuff of that. Now I'm starting to get depressed. Smiling

Someone else--lots and lots of someone elses--had a rougher summer than I did, but again, I'm not going to get into the comparison game. I just wanted to show you that you're not alone. We all have the capacity to suffer and feel joy.

Now, if you feel you're up to laughing at religion (very therapeutic when you're ready), why not read the following sites. At least they're not aimed at your personal experience. Eye-wink

Kissing Hank's Ass

Funny Pictures About Religion Go Here

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

EvolveFish <--This is mostly swag, but some of it's hilarious!

When you're really ready, try these spoof sites:

Betty Bowers: America's Best Christian

and the affiliated

Landover Baptist Church

So, I just spent my morning responding to your situation. Let me echo Hamby: Why would I do that? Eye-wink

If you find you're slipping into Depression, you may have to find a good, non-religious therapist...very hard, but not impossible.  It sucks when you go to counseling to get over the loss of religion and the therapist tells you to return to the fold.  How do you explain the situation to someone that dense?  You can't go back even if you want to because you don't believe.  It's like telling a kid to believe in Santa after he saw his parents hide the presents under the tree.

(Jesus, I'm terrible about tangents lately, but I have to relate that one of only a handful of psychiatrists we have in this county is a fundy Christian and has got away with this kind of behavior (and worse from what I've heard).  I've heard a lot of disgusting stuff through the grapevine.  In this case, the loonies really are in charge of the loony bin.)

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Thanks for the responses

I was banned from another Christian forum I used to post on today. I was very nice on this one too. I just asked a hard question that could not be answered, and I was banned.

 Anyway, thanks for the responses everyone. I have read them all, and I know I over-reacted, and I know I keep running in the circles with this whole thing. I know we've all faced suffering before, but some are clearly stronger then others and I am weak.

The truth is, I want to die now. Seriously. The world offers me nothing, and I have nothing to offer it. I am in consent depression and misery 24/7, and I've been that way since I was 12. I feel like I am ready now. I'm tired of being alive. I am burned out on almost everything.The only person who keeps me from ending my life is my Mother. If I died, it would kill her and she's had a hard enough life as it is. I can't do that to her. But if it wasn't for her, I probably would have committed suicide a few days ago.I say this not because I want attention or sympathy. I say this because I believe another example needs to be shown about how emotionally and mentally damaging it can be.


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Zeeboe wrote: The world

Zeeboe wrote:
The world offers me nothing, and I have nothing to offer it.

 

You cannot possibly know this for certain.  I would suggest you learn more about the world and yourself before you come to a rash conclusion like this.  Furthermore, if you have nothing to offer, how come so many on this board have responded to you and your plight on this board?  Clearly many here beleive you do have something to offer and I find it extremely difficult to presume they are mistaken in this beleif Smiling

" Why does God always got such wacky shit to say? . . . When was the last time you heard somebody say 'look God told me to get a muffin and a cup tea and cool out man'?" - Dov Davidoff


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Zeeboe wrote: I was banned

Zeeboe wrote:
I was banned from another Christian forum I used to post on today. I was very nice on this one too. I just asked a hard question that could not be answered, and I was banned.

Anyway, thanks for the responses everyone. I have read them all, and I know I over-reacted, and I know I keep running in the circles with this whole thing. I know we've all faced suffering before, but some are clearly stronger then others and I am weak.

The truth is, I want to die now. Seriously. The world offers me nothing, and I have nothing to offer it. I am in consent depression and misery 24/7, and I've been that way since I was 12. I feel like I am ready now. I'm tired of being alive. I am burned out on almost everything.The only person who keeps me from ending my life is my Mother. If I died, it would kill her and she's had a hard enough life as it is. I can't do that to her. But if it wasn't for her, I probably would have committed suicide a few days ago.I say this not because I want attention or sympathy. I say this because I believe another example needs to be shown about how emotionally and mentally damaging it can be.

Yes, it is emotionally damaging.  But there may be something else going on, too.

Zeeboe, you need professional help.  I've been through a lot myself (won't go into details).  I'm also very sensitive, but I'm still here.  I'd like you to respond to this right away if you're online.  I need to know you're all right. 

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Having your entire worldview

Having your entire worldview shatter right before your eyes is an extraordinarily painful and difficult experience. My first reaction, when I was in your situation was anger. Anger at those who had brainwashed and tricked me into that nonsense. I felt that the last four years (I was really only seriously involved for four years) of my life were wasted. After that initial shock, I felt incredibly relieved. Relieved that no god was watching me go to the bathroom or masturbate and condemning me all the while. It's a grieving process very similar to the death of a close friend or family member. Don't let it get to you. Don't do anything rash based on how you feel right now. Remember, this is the only life you get, and there may be many bigger and better things in store for you. Smiling

 

-Kelly (pretending to be Sapient) 

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Joking is often a way of

Joking is often a way of working through ones pain. If you feel that jokes are at your expense, just back up a little and think of that. (I'll try to remember what I just said next time someone cracks wise with me!)


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Zeeboe, please respond as

Zeeboe, please respond as soon as you can.


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I'm right here. Thanks for

I'm right here. Thanks for the concern everyone.  I apologize for acting this way. This is kind of embrassing. I honestly didn't think I'd get this kind of reaction. I'm very grateful for the responses and advice and I am shopping around right now as we speak to find a good psychiatrist.

Like I said, I'm not going to kill myself because I know it would kill my Mother. I am just saying in my own distrubed way that I don't fear death or hell anymore and maybe that is the first step to start really living and enjoying life.


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Zeeboe wrote: I'm right

Zeeboe wrote:

I'm right here. Thanks for the concern everyone. I apologize for acting this way. This is kind of embrassing. I honestly didn't think I'd get this kind of reaction. I'm very grateful for the responses and advice and I am shopping around right now as we speak to find a good psychiatrist.

Like I said, I'm not going to kill myself because I know it would kill my Mother. I am just saying in my own distrubed way that I don't fear death or hell anymore and maybe that is the first step to start really living and enjoying life.

Good Smile. Life is precious. I think you'll find that your quality and appreciation of life will go up dramatically once you, for lack of a better way to say it, get over it. I know that sounds harsh and I REALLY don't mean it to sound that way. I don't know what else to put there though =\.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that while you may have lost a 'purpose', you have gained true individuality, the ability to pave your own path for whatever cause you seem fit. The ability to truely govern your own decisions and define your own system of morales (which you will soon see don't stem from your past religious experiences but instead from simply being a good person) without having to worry if it will be accepted by some being that judges you constantly.

You can live life for yourself now and truelly cherish every moment of every day.


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Zeeboe wrote:The truth is,

Zeeboe wrote:
The truth is, I want to die now. Seriously. The world offers me nothing, and I have nothing to offer it. I am in consent depression and misery 24/7, and I've been that way since I was 12. I feel like I am ready now. I'm tired of being alive. I am burned out on almost everything. The only person who keeps me from ending my life is my Mother. If I died, it would kill her and she's had a hard enough life as it is. I can't do that to her. But if it wasn't for her, I probably would have committed suicide a few days ago.
Zeeboe, I want you to know that the world DOES have something to offer, though it may be hard to see it now due to your circumstances. The thing it has to offer is great wonder. You have felt it before, you know the feeling exists, and can exist in you again.I don't know what inspires you, but what inspires me is the incredible advancement humanity has so far reached, and the vast potential of our future, IF we act to protect it. So, in that spirit, I recommend watching the television series called Cosmos, by Carl Sagan. You can find it maybe on a torrent or something. Or buy it from Amazon or something.Listen to Carl Sagan. He will inspire you. There is great wonder in this world.
Quote:
I say this not because I want attention or sympathy. I say this because I believe another example needs to be shown about how emotionally and mentally damaging it can be.

Thanks for the reminder. It's an important issue, and I think for most of us it is the reason we continue to fight against religion.

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Randalllord

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Iruka,

Like you, I do have some concerns about 911 but "Zeitgest - The Movie" jumps to the conclusion that it was all staged to get the USA to invade Iraq.

Personally, I think Bush already had motivation to take on Iraq before 9/11. He needed to prove he has a bigger set than his father and try to "finish the job" where he believes his Poppy fell short. 

"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."
— George Carlin


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Zeeboe, Thank you for being

Zeeboe,

Thank you for being willing to look at yourself when you are criticized. I hope you are able to see the concern behind the criticism. Even if it sometimes feels like everyone is against you, it's good to be able to look at it rationally and realize that people respond because they care.

I still think my initial advice to you is a good course of action. Maybe I'm not right about what's wrong, but if you've been depressed for so long, you should find out if there's something chemical going on. If it's not chemical, then fine. If it is, no amount of rationalization is going to make up for it. I know medication isn't something you want to think about, but the fact is, if your brain is not producing chemicals properly, medicine is the best choice available at this time.

As always, we're here to help. If you forget that from time to time, we won't hold it against you, but we will point it out. I hope you understand.

 

Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin

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Zeeboe wrote: I'm right

Zeeboe wrote:

I'm right here. Thanks for the concern everyone. I apologize for acting this way. This is kind of embrassing. I honestly didn't think I'd get this kind of reaction. I'm very grateful for the responses and advice and I am shopping around right now as we speak to find a good psychiatrist.

Like I said, I'm not going to kill myself because I know it would kill my Mother. I am just saying in my own distrubed way that I don't fear death or hell anymore and maybe that is the first step to start really living and enjoying life.

Hey Zeeboe - I am glad to hear to are okay for now, but I am going to echo what others have said:  Find a professional to talk to and please discuss medication options with them.

The group here is quirky, sarcastic, intelligent, and sometimes odd but they care very much about each other (and that includes you).  Personally, I was never tied to religion the way that you were, but I still went through a sense of loss and feeling of betrayal.  As Kelly pointed out, this is perfectly normal and you should not feel ashamed of this.  The only shame is not taking care of yourself.


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Zeeboe wrote: I'm right

Zeeboe wrote:

I'm right here. Thanks for the concern everyone. I apologize for acting this way. This is kind of embrassing. I honestly didn't think I'd get this kind of reaction. I'm very grateful for the responses and advice and I am shopping around right now as we speak to find a good psychiatrist.

Wow, Zeeboe, I'm relieved to hear this. Good for you.  It takes courage to acknowledge you need help.

You may have to shop around and learn how to work the system to get the care you need.  When you're sick or depressed, it's pretty damn hard to do that, so if you have an advocate, use that advocate!  Unfortunately, the system really isn't set up to take care of you.  It's all about the bottom line, not the patient.  This has created some serious problems with our health care system.  

Our health care system does a reasonably good job on acute problems, but when it comes to chronic illnesses, you have to be the squeaky wheel.  Which sucks. 

(BTW, I didn't check in until now because most of my day was consumed with trying to get my sinusitis treated...had to hook up with a friend in health care who can manipulate the system for me...I hope.) 

Zeeboe wrote:
Like I said, I'm not going to kill myself because I know it would kill my Mother. I am just saying in my own distrubed way that I don't fear death or hell anymore and maybe that is the first step to start really living and enjoying life.

I'm glad to hear this. Smiling

And as Kelly said, you will, at the very least, feel great relief when it all sinks in.  I'm relieved the god of the bible doesn't exist because, quite frankly, he's a complete fucktard.

Just think!  That fucktard isn't watching your every move, waiting to condemn you.  What a relief!!!!

You're free from him, Zeeboe. Smiling   

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Zeeboe wrote: I'm right

Zeeboe wrote:

I'm right here. Thanks for the concern everyone. I apologize for acting this way. This is kind of embrassing. I honestly didn't think I'd get this kind of reaction. I'm very grateful for the responses and advice and I am shopping around right now as we speak to find a good psychiatrist.

Like I said, I'm not going to kill myself because I know it would kill my Mother. I am just saying in my own distrubed way that I don't fear death or hell anymore and maybe that is the first step to start really living and enjoying life.

 

I have said this before but I will say it again. Your honesty towards yourself and the world around you is awesome.

I know what you are going through. I can't say that I have lived the Christian Lifestyle, because I haven't. While I can grasp what it must be like, I have not felt it as you have, and I never will. At the same time, I still experienced a profound sense of loss when I came to the realization that this is it. No afterlife, no reincarnation. This is the only life I have and when it is gone, it's gone. The only purpose to living is the purpose I give it. Nothing and no one has given me a purpose.

I have had thoughts of suicide as well. When I get those thoughts, it helps me to think of my loved ones. The feelings pass eventually.

 

and a joke: "Hey buddy, it isn't as if heavan came crashing down or something....oh.. wait... " 

 

Your resident OTD/S, Christina
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Thank you all for your

Thank you all for your responses. I really appreciate the friendless and compassion from you all. I'm sorry again for overacting before.

I think mentally and emotionally, I was ready for death a few days ago. But again, if it wasn't for the love I have of my Mother I doubt I'd be here right now.

Seriously. It was the love I have for another person that kept me going. I mean, I am one sad and angry person for the most part and I live in misery 24/7...and many of the things that go on are not that bad as I make it out to be I think.

Like right now for example, I feel great. I mean, nothing good has happened to me really, but these past two days have been so much better. I'm starting to think I might seriously have some kind of mental illness.

But what makes no sense is that I was in this angry and sad world for months...and then just two days ago, I felt so much better. I woke up and I felt great. I barely got a wink of sleep, it wasn't Friday and I felt really good and had a lot of contentment...and almost kinda viewed the problems I had as being really petty.

I can already see the jokes and maybe even heat coming from a mile away, but I did have some family members praying for me, so from a Christian point of view God might have something to do with it.

But from a scientific point of view (and this is my own theory)...the human mind and body was suffering and it took care of itself on it's own. It healed itself like the body can do.

I admit, the God theory makes a little more sense, but I don't want you guys getting pissed at me. Eye-wink

.....Another theory is that I'm just fucking nuts. I've talked before on here about me being bi-polar and that might have had something to do with it. But it makes no sense that for months I was so angry and sad and just wanted someone to kill me, but then BAM...I wake up and I'm happy and refreshed and those things that made me soooo mad and depressed seemed like nothing.

 Seriously. They're almost petty to me now. And the things in life that hold me back, I suddenly wanna put my gloves back on and tell it to just bring it, and that if my issues wanna get rid of me, they're gonna have to kill me cause I won't kill myself or ever truly give up.

*shrugs*....I don't know...*sigh* I just gotta keep studying. Keep educating myself...thinking of going back to college...the thought just randomly popped in my head today, so I'll keep exercising my mind and as of right now, the desire to quit is long gone.

I guess I better close this rant with something profound...umm..

Well, you never know what life will bring and I won't ever find out if I'm dead.


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Zeeboe wrote:


 

Okay, first, I will qualify this post by saying I am not licensed to evaluate, treat or diagnose any type of physical or mental impairment whatsoever. My advice does not substitute for the advice of a licensed professional. Legal jargon, blah blah blah.

Your description of being sad and unhappy for months, then waking up and feeling happy, even though you barely got any sleep, and suddenly being motivated and energetic, are symptoms of bipolar disorder. This does not mean you have bipolar disorder, and I know you have mentioned looking into professional help, so that's good.

Statistically speaking, as people age they become more content with their lives. People who are 60 are more content than when they were 50, etc. So when you're 60, you'll look back on your life and be like dude, I am glad I have experienced my life, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. You only hae one life, so don't miss out.

If you go back to college, what would you study?

 

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Hi Zeeboe.  Glad to hear

Hi Zeeboe.  Glad to hear you're feeling better.  Hopefully you'll take advantage of this "better" time to find professional help for your depression.

 

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