Revelation
Posted on: May 30, 2007 - 11:06pm
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Revelation
Your walking down the road minding your own business when a supernatural being ascends from the sky.
You ask it:
Who are you??
It replies:
I am your god, aren't you impressed.
What do you reply?.
Personally I would go for:
"I didn't vote for you"
"Everyone knows that God drives a Plymouth: "And He drove Adam And Eve from the Garden of Eden in His Fury."
And that Moses liked British cars: "The roar of Moses' Triumph was heard throughout the hills."
On the other hand, Jesus humbly drove a Honda but didn't brag about it, because in his own words: "I did not speak of my own Accord." "
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"Smite me, oh mighty Smiter"
This reminds me of the song 'Tribute'
Hopefully I would have a gun with me so I could shoot it. Either it would be telling the truth and would be immune to gunshot injuries, or it would be a dead pervert trying to do something creepy to me. Either way, it seems like the best outcome.
If I didn't have a gun, I would ask how we were able to interact if it's supernatural and I'm natural.
It's only the fairy tales they believe.
Hehe
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logick."Everyone knows that God drives a Plymouth: "And He drove Adam And Eve from the Garden of Eden in His Fury."
And that Moses liked British cars: "The roar of Moses' Triumph was heard throughout the hills."
On the other hand, Jesus humbly drove a Honda but didn't brag about it, because in his own words: "I did not speak of my own Accord." "
I'd ask it what it's problem was. If it's seen a psychiatrist lately.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
He who reads this book and teaches it will recieve a blessing of something of value from the Earth.
A great profit will be born of a woman. He will do many signs and wonders before the people on the Earth. Then he will stretch out his nut sack and staple it to his left leg. Thereafter, all men of God will staple their nuts to their leg or they won't be able to buy, sell, or trade at the market.
Before the profit passes into the next life, a giant sperm whale will fly out of his ass and goble up a third of the alka-seltser on the earth.
Watch, because when daylight is followed by a period of darkness, you will know that the time is near.
Anyone who adds to this book or takes away from it even one word will be beat up and peed on by a naked clown who will take pictures of the proceedings and post them on the internet.
personally, given the scenario and the revelation thus that i, too, am supernatural (w00t!), i would supernaturally kick said being in its supernatural cojones and say "joo gotta lotta supernatural 'splainin to do lu-cee!"
if (born++) {truth=null};
What the fuck were you thinking?
I can see it all now...
Me - "God!! Dude!! You've been gone to long! Man you are gonna be pissed when you find out what the theists have come up within since you've been gone! They are comiting genocides, starting wars against other theists, stoning people, attacking gays and Atheists. Some really messed up stuff! For instance, did you know that the Christians wrote a book and CLAIM it's from you (don't worry, a lot of us didn't buy that)!!! This book then says you are down with raping girls if you pay their fathers money, that women are below men, killing gays is cool and it even has stories where you are ordering people to murder children!"
God - "WTF!!! You are fucking kidding me!!!"
Me - "No shit dude, I swear! Go pick it up, it's called the bible! If you think that's bad you should check out the Muslims!!"
God - "If I'd have known my absence was gonna cause this much shit I would have left a sign or something...I am SOOOO sorry!!"
- V
"All it would take to kill God is one meteorite a half mile across - think about why." - Vorax
Visit my blog on Atheism: Cerebral Thinking for some more food for intelligent thought.
Well what if one day everything you used to think you knew
Turned around and turned the doorknob and just walked right out without you?
Could you stand to just start over? Would it really be so bad?
I asked my mom, she told me, "Go and ask your dad."
Me: Right so which God are you.
God: Yahweh.
Me: Right, dude I think I need to teach you something about ethics.
God: Excuse me? I am God, that means I am greater than you.
Me: Yeah mate you're not going to make any friends by saying things like that.
God: I have nearly a billion friends.
Me: Oh come on they worship you because they're scared of you
God: Really? Oh shit, I thought I was making friends. Well I guess I was wrong.
Me: (Hands God a copy of JS Mill's On Liberty.) Here read this.
God: Oh I've been meaning to read this for years.
Me: I thought you were omnipotent.
God: Meh. Hey this guy's got a point.
Atheist Books
Actually to understand why I started you'l need the part you omitted in your quote. "i didn't vote for you".
What I tried to show is that my political and philosophical views don't agree with a god.
"Everyone knows that God drives a Plymouth: "And He drove Adam And Eve from the Garden of Eden in His Fury."
And that Moses liked British cars: "The roar of Moses' Triumph was heard throughout the hills."
On the other hand, Jesus humbly drove a Honda but didn't brag about it, because in his own words: "I did not speak of my own Accord." "
I don't know if a gun would be enough. You need an iron chariot. God can't beat you if you have iron chariots. Judges 1:19
Thandarr
Thandarr
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"Ummm.... You suck!"
Good reply Matt.
Wait... God comes down from the sky, carried by thunderbolts or whatever carries him, in all his power, and all you would say to him are some half-witted sarcastic comments??? Me, I would just be like "Oh Shit!"
I hope that when the world comes to an end I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.
Why would I change my response? The only way I would change my response is to maybe turn my back and walk away after the sarcastic comment.
God, especially the god of the bible, has not earned respect. Rather, I would expect this diety would have much explaining forthcoming.
Ok think of it this way... imagine Godzilla roars out of the sea, walks over to you, picks you up, brings you right up to his face(which is about 50 stories high), and says, in perfect English, "I heard you were talking about me." I myself would be begging for my life, not commenting on the smell of his breath.
I hope that when the world comes to an end I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.
So your mental image of god is monster-like?
The OP decscribed a more benign encounter, nothing containing threats of being devoured.
The 'god' as described by most religions has not earned my respect or caused me to feel I need to humble myself. I have nothing but disdain for the god described in the bible, it is vile mythology and should have been left behind at the end of the dark ages.
Look at my blog! It's awesome!
I'm also on this Twitter thing
I'd give him some spare change, like I've done for all the other insane homeless people who've come up to me claiming to be Jesus or what not. Then explain to him that he did not actually descend from the sky, as he keeps claiming, he walked up to me and if he wants to stop having such hallucinations, he needs to lay off the sterno and angle dust.
I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world. - Richard Dawkins
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Well, Godzilla didn't threaten you either - the threat is implied. We are talking about an omnipotent being who can do ANYTHING to you, including throwing you to Hell.
I hope that when the world comes to an end I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.
Funny.
If someone mentions that God is a bastard for throwing people into Hell for eternity for finite crimes that his ghost writers call sins, the Christians are the first to say, "God doesn't send anyone to hell. People choose to go their by the way they live their lives"
Which is it?
"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."
— George Carlin
Again, this does not frighten me.
I certainly would NOT want to spend 'eternity' with any of the gods I have heard described and assuredly not the christian god.
This is priceless. Thank you. lol.
If god takes life he's an indian giver
Well, either you are extremely brave, foolish, or lying. If you wish to reject truth, that is your perogative.
I hope that when the world comes to an end I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.
Are you saying 'god' or the christian 'god' is truth?
If he were to come down to Earth in a chariot or cloud or whatever, I would be forced to admit this, yes.
I hope that when the world comes to an end I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.
Do you think such a diety is worthy of worship?
Why?
What kind of diety would 'want' worship from fear?
Why would you worship that which you fear?
Why is fear proper reason to bow down give a diety respect?
Are you saying you would rather sufer eternal punishment and agony than to swallow your pride and give the guy a shot? I mean, you never even met the guy.
Let me put it this way - if I'm walking down an alley , and some guy jumps out and says "Your money or your life", I'm going to give him the damn money, no matter what I think of his morals or values.
I hope that when the world comes to an end I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.
Ahhhh, but would you worship or respect him after that?
I have restated over and over, the christian god and other gods that have been presented to me come across as vindictive, jealous, hateful, petty, childish and asinine.
A diety would have to show that he was worthy of worship.
I already asked but, would you worship or respect such a person?
If it was worship a God presented by its followers as immoral, or suffer an etenity in torment, yes, I would swallow my pride and bow before him.
I hope that when the world comes to an end I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.
I do not give out my worship or respect that easily, and I do not give it out because of fear.
What kind diety wants worship because of fear?
Yes. I would rather go to hell. Any god that would demand I follow him else eternal punishment should be opposed at all costs. If god is this irrational, he's just as likely to throw a follower in hell as a non-follower, since he is apparently behaving as he does for no good reason. So in the end it doesn't matter if you follow him or not in terms of the hell-threat.
Believing is different from following. I believe lots of things. Very few of them do I follow.
Well, I disagree that this is what you would actually do - but if you cannot let go of your pride and self-assurance, then that is your problem.
I hope that when the world comes to an end I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.
Pride and self-assurance?
The god you're talking about is a scumbag.
I'm with xamination. I don't have that much pride to submit myself to eternal hellfire and all that jazz just because the guy is an asshole and I want to make a point because for some reason I think my moral stand would make a difference.
I'd do a lot worse than just worship the sadistic bastard to avoid that shit. Hell, I'd do worse than that for a bundle of cash. Hell, I'd do it for free if it meant saving my own life or avoiding torture in just my own limited years much less eternity...and that wouldn't even take a god.
I care more about me than making a point. I'm selfish that way.
Thanks for the support Tarpan... at least somebody agrees with me.
Analogizing god with someone robbing you is still a bad analogy for many reasons.
If some PERSON insisted I lie to him or else he would torture me, I would lie to him. But that question can't be laid equal with the god-question.
I still submit that I might tell this god I believe he exists but I would not worship him. I'm willing to risk eternal torture for that.
The best reason for denying to worship at the risk of such torture is, as I mentioned, if this god is crazy enough to insist that you worship him then he is crazy enough to torture you even if you do. This god cannot be trusted and it could go either way whether you consent to worship him or not.
You would have 2 equal choices. Say you will not worship, or flip a coin over whether you will worship or not. The choices are equal because you may or may not be tortured no matter what you agree to.
Look, the God in question here is giving you two choices here.
1. Worship me, and save yourself from eternal damnation.
2. Don't worship me, and condemn yourself to eternal damnation.
I understand that the choices sound egotistical, but those are the choices. Now, its pretty clear that if you don't worship him, your going to Hell(or Hades or whatever this underworld is called). Let's say that there is still a 50/50 chance of going to hell if you choose 1.(I disagree with this, but since this is all hypothetical, I'll let it slide) Still, the best choice here is one because there is a chance of eternal life.
I hope that when the world comes to an end I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.
Look, you criticized the flippant answers some people had given. The original poster described a more benign encounter. Here it is in case you didn't read it:
There are zero threats of hell, or damnation.
It was a fun little post to come up with witty comments. You have turned it into a morose scenario, where we are to decide whether to worship a megalomaniacal, jealous deity.
You certainly sucked the fun out of this one.
Hey, I'm not the partypooper, you are
I was just sayin that you should be careful when you talk to an omnipotent being that can exact revenge in any way he can think of.
Thats all.
PS. Does this mean I won?
I hope that when the world comes to an end I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.
Not really....
My first comment still stands:
SMITE ME, OH MIGHTY SMITER!! LOL
First I would ask him to follow me so I could have a psychological evaluation. Then ask him to have one too.
I would then ask him to provide evidence to support his claim, which he must agree to being recorded, and monitered by political and religious world leaders and representatives.
Then I would ask that a world broadcast should occur in which he says exactly what he meant by the bible, if indeed he did write it at all. No cyptic answers are acceptable.
If after this it is proved that he did write the bible, I would then take him to court and sue his arse for all the crap he's caused.
By the end of the Old Testament, everyone knew God was an arrogant spoiled little bitch.
That's why the Jews beat the shit out of Jesus and hung him on a cross.