A good way to is present your arguements here and see what other people can give you to improve upon and to also vent your anger with people who might also come across the same problems.

First off atheist is spell with the e first and the i second.  It's a common error.  So much for your IQ.  C'mon slacker! what hte hell.  And there's lots of other problems with your grammer.  Atheist also doesn't need to be capitalized.

Seriously though forks, I'm just trying to see if I can draw the anger.

I have the same problem.  I think the key to not getting angry are two fold: 1) Confidence.  You have to be very confident in your belief, and confident in your reasoning.  Education will be the key to confidence in my experience.  

2) Pick your issues.  You don't need to have all the answers.  You're an atheist becuase of a reason, and you can be passionate about some causes and not others.  For me it's secularism, and the education of hatred that bother me.  So I stick to those issues and educate myself on those issues.  I don't get caught up in the theories about the universe as much because I know that I'm not going to be able to give proper educated responses.  You don't need to have all the answers to say that you don't believe it was caused by a super natural being.  Be confident in saying that you don't know the answer.  You don't need to know the answer.  You're not the one afraid of the unknown, they are.

Trust me, you're not the worst atheist ever.  When I'm verbally debating, I usually get so flustered that I begin to stutter and forget the facts, only to remember them when I'm shaking my head in disgust two hours later. 

Actually, I tend to forget the facts on this forum too, now that I think about it.  So my arguments always suck.  But you gotta keep trying!

I tend to get very angry very quickly.  My friends call it 'the wave of rage'.  I find that if I know I'm about to enter into something that will most likely get me pissed, preparing for that angry tide actually helps me control it.  I try to keep it in the back of mind that getting angry doesn't solve things (well, not all the time).  Most of the time it works; but not always.  

You are not the worst atheist ever, you just need to get your debate 'legs' under you.

Maybe you should start looking for their buttons.

After reading the rest of the responses in this topic, I'd say I'm more than a little concerned at the fact that you all seem to agree that being the "best" atheist means being the best at debating. Surely there is more to what makes a "good" atheist than one's ability to engage in philosophical combat. Isn't there?

I'm going to assume that was a request for information on them.

http://www.nizkor.org/features/fallacies/

Wow, thank you. Thank you very much. I think I'll print all of it and place it in a sleeve to wear on my wrist for quick reference. Like quarterbacks do with their plays!

I'm such a geek.

For any theists reading this, do you see why it would bother me so much to constantly hear how your going to pray for me? I hope so, and I hope your reasons are ones I can express to those constantly doing it to me.(family) Thanks.

Cassiopeia issues with arguments just take experience, maybe a bit of study in interpersonal communication. Anger might just be frustration or could because you are new to atheism (I don't know if you are). I've seen a few people who just "de-converted" who hold some resentment, some said it took them years to let go of it.

The best thing you could do is read convos and start joining in. After awhile you'll be able to spot the kinds of arguments maybe even be able to see some coming. With that you won't be as surprised and expect certain arguments or reactions. Plus even if you do get a bit hot under the collar you'll still know how to respond to the common ones.

Thanks for the warm welcome and advice. I think I'll give my family the following advice: You have to come to atheism on your own, nothing I say or prove will get you there.

They probably will tell me I've conceded defeat. Maybe I have. But enough of my whining eh? I've joined other discussions on the boards now and am anixious to hone my arguing skills.

I think I'll go practice on my cat. Not only does she believe in god, but I'm pretty sure she's republican too!

Dang, whenever I comment recently, it get an error page, and if i refresh, it duplicates my comment.

No problem.

A solution to this is to open replies in a new window/tab, then refresh the topic window when you get the error message. If your post showed up, you can close the window with the error message displayed.
You can also try changing your theme to the default if you've changed it. I was getting an error message with every post on a theme other than the default one. Once I switched themes I stopped getting the error.

If you want a snippy answer, then one I love is "Thank you - and I'll think for you." Got that on these forums.

But try to think back to when you were a deist. If you had said "I'll pray for you" to someone, would you have been saying it out of hate? Would you tell someone you hate that you would pray for them?

"I'll pray for you", said genuinely, could well mean "I am scared, very scared, that someone I care about is getting themselves into more trouble than they can iagine, and there's nothing I can do that will save them from them, and every time I try it just seems to make things worse, and I feel so helpless..."

Would a snippy answer help with that? It would help give you a lift if you are pissed at them, but if you really want to knock them for six, maybe try "thanks. That means a lot to me, because it shows whatever you think about my beliefs, you don't hate me. I love you too, even though I suck at showing it when we disagree."

I've not tried it. I was kicked out of the family religion as a kid when I refused to kiss the guru's feet.

Personally, I think talking about it with your family would be best: but you have to keep the tone level. My fiancée and I (she is mormon) have agreed that we would discuss it through IM (not email, too slow) because that removes some of the aggressiveness. We also agree that if one or the other of us notices ourselves getting too hot (not angry: hot. Actual physical heat is a good sign that rational thought has left the building) then we will go and literally soak our heads to cool down - and when two people go into the bathroom and start splashing, well... it takes a while to get back to the debate, which is good

You could hand him a supersoaker, and hold one yourself, and tell him to squirt you if you get cross, and warn him you'll do the same (but mind the computers, dont get 'em wet!) Then deliberately be the first to get cross, and be sure to laugh when he squirts you, thank him for it, and go get him a jug for a refill.

Suddenly, it becomes a game! You can debate until you get bored, then shout "Doodiehead!" and it's a gunfight!

Might not work. But something might. If you admit to them that discussing it is an anger button for you, and that you would really like to talk with them about it, then maybe you can find some set of rules that at least one of your family will abide by.

Debating is 99% listening. This is why I write so much: I suck at debating. So, listen to them. Find out what their concerns are and what is important to them. I can guarantee you that they totally are not interested in whether there is good evidence for evolution, or any of that stuff.

Odds are, their main concern is that they are scared, for you.

I do not have an answer to that, but if that' their main issue, it's the one you ave to address. Attacking their religion is irrelevant and will just deteriorate the conversation into a fight.

If they ask questions, answer them the best you can. "I don't know" is a good answer. Better is "Ooh, I never thought of that: it'll take me a while to find out, I'll make a note to look it up/I'll need to sleep on it."

The phrase "good question" is best avoided (it sounds condescending when written) or at least not said too often. If you do say it, say it in a self-deprecating way.

Self-deprecation works wonders. Jokes about yourself, rather than digs at them.

Right there is an example - you're scoring points, and pissng him off.

Why? You don't believe in God any more, so you've no imaginary giant hand in the sky keeping tally with a stick of chalk the size of a tree.

It's just your brother. He might be scared for you, he might be scared of the kids at school and what they will be saying "Haha, your sister is a devil worshipper! Have you got horns and a tail too?" He might even be scared of you.

Either way, he hates that you believe this. If you let him know how proud and happy you are that he hates your belief, not you... well eventually maybe he'll get to understand and believe that too.

I had a boss: when I was new in the job, he took me to one side and said "You know, Dewi, I really like you, because, I know need to tell you stuff once." I took pride in that ever after, until two years later I caught on - he said that to EVERY new employee! But I still take pride in it even now, because I'd developed that skill by then!

People respond better to praise that they do X well, than to complaints that they do it badly. If you say you're glad he hates your belief, not you, then he may believe it of himself. And then discussing your belief, as a separate thing to you, becomes easier. He's no longer attacking you, directly.

Of course, YOU will know that your (lack of) belief is a very important part of what you are, and that by attacking it, he is attacking your core. So, you'll still wince when he says atheism is a stupid religion and you think your grandma was a monkey and you worship the devil. Just try not to show it, and laugh it off.

Agreement helps. Find lots to agree with. You'll find (if you can read it) that the first chunk of Daniel Dennett's book is simply agreeing with his detractors. Find out what the strawmen they think you believe, and agree that yes, those ideas are silly - ludicrous even.

Anyway, like I said, I am crap at debating, so don't listen to me.

"...99% of debating is listening"

I like that. That's good. You people were the right people to contact and know. Thanks.

 Oh, among the great advice I read someone mention about school, in which I can I wonder what gave the impression I was young enough to be in school? Just wondering, not an objection.

Welcome Cassiopeia!  I'm a little late with the welcome, but it's no less sincere.

You've come to the right place if you're looking to learn.  Even those that don't come here to learn, at the very least, learn a whole lot of new (and sometimes big) words.

I'm a little concerned about your cat, though.  Being a real critter person myself and having a herd of atheist cats, I cannot imagine the worry and concern you must have. If your cat is also a republican, we can at least be relieved the cat cannot vote. 

We also really appreciate a good sense of humor!

Glad to see you aboard! 

Cassiopia - Your situation sounds very similar to my own - I started hanging out here to get good arguements for my debates with my brother who just decieded to join bible school in the fall to become a preacher.  I also know the feeling of oh no I lost my temper again....

This is scary. My brother just enrolled in a bible school to becaome a preacher. I'll trade you brothers if you want

I've sadly become rather good at arguing with appeals to emotion.