10 reasons why English-English is better than American-English

Jacob Cordingley
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10 reasons why English-English is better than American-English

This is just a little joke. I don't mean anything serious by it.  

 

1. The way you spell colour without the 'u' reminds me of the word colon. It's disturbing.

2. Ass means donkey.

3. Fanny means vagina. Not arse!

4. Our dates are more logical eg. DD/MM/YYYY rather than MM/DD/YYYY. Month- Day-Year? Where's the logic in that?

5. Jam is the spread you have on toast. Jelly is the wobbly stuff you have with ice cream at parties. Jello doesn't exist.

6. American English looks like it's been written by a six year old dyslexic.

7. Bum means arse. Not tramp. Think how you'd feel if you were homeless and someone called you an anus!It's demeaning.

8. That letter at the end of the alphabet - you know the one - yeah looks like this: 'z'. Right, its pronounced 'zed' not 'zee'

9. The season between summer and winter is call Autumn. Repeat after me: Or-Tum. Or-Tum.

10. We invented the language.


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I like Americans, except

I like Americans, except when they try to speak French. How fortunate that they do not attempt to speak English

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I'll play along.

I'll play along.

Quote:
1. The way you spell colour without the 'u' reminds me of the word colon. It's disturbing.

Sorry, but unneeded letters suck.

Quote:
7. Bum means arse. Not tramp. Think how you'd feel if you were homeless and someone called you an anus!It's demeaning.

Bum: Bum 'Vagrant' is probably from bummer dating from the same period (Mid 19th centrury), which is perhaps from German Bummler, from Bummeln 'to stroll, loaf about'.

The Oxford dictionary of Word Histories: Page 72

Quote:
8. That letter at the end of the alphabet - you know the one - yeah looks like this: 'z'. Right, its pronounced 'zed' not 'zee'

So I guess you call the (Select) letters

Bed?

Said?

Ed?

Jed?

Jed (Again)?

Ked?

Ped?

Ted?

Ved?

Quote:
The season between summer and winter is call Autumn. Repeat after me: Or-Tum. Or-Tum.

Spring up, Fall down.

Quote:
10. We invented the language.

The German, and the French are now sooo totaly confused.

More rebutal goodness:

We made "Hello" Popular.

We call crackers, ceackers 'cause they crack. Why in the world do you call them biscuts?

We gave the word cute it's modern meaning.

We also made the words ham (A bad actor), yeehaw, yeow, and yipee.

It was called soccer (Even before we called it such), and it sucks more then american football (Amazingly).

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Ophios wrote: I'll play

Ophios wrote:

I'll play along.

Quote:
1. The way you spell colour without the 'u' reminds me of the word colon. It's disturbing.

Sorry, but unneeded letters suck.

Quote:
7. Bum means arse. Not tramp. Think how you'd feel if you were homeless and someone called you an anus!It's demeaning.

Bum: Bum 'Vagrant' is probably from bummer dating from the same period (Mid 19th centrury), which is perhaps from German Bummler, from Bummeln 'to stroll, loaf about'.

The Oxford dictionary of Word Histories: Page 72

Quote:
8. That letter at the end of the alphabet - you know the one - yeah looks like this: 'z'. Right, its pronounced 'zed' not 'zee'

So I guess you call the (Select) letters

Bed?

Said?

Ed?

Jed?

Jed (Again)?

Ked?

Ped?

Ted?

Ved?

Quote:
The season between summer and winter is call Autumn. Repeat after me: Or-Tum. Or-Tum.

Spring up, Fall down.

Quote:
10. We invented the language.

The German, and the French are now sooo totaly confused.

More rebutal goodness:

We made "Hello" Popular.

We call crackers, ceackers 'cause they crack. Why in the world do you call them biscuts?

We gave the word cute it's modern meaning.

We also made the words ham (A bad actor), yeehaw, yeow, and yipee.

It was called soccer (Even before we called it such), and it sucks more then american football (Amazingly).

The letter 'u' in colour is necessary, it looks like colon otherwise. Would you spell enough e-n-u-f? No! Because it looks retarded!

We call crackers crackers and biscuits biscuits. They aren't the same thing.

Would you say:

Fee

Hee

Mee

Nee

Quee

Ree

See

Wee

Xee?

I wouldn't think so. Zee's just retarded!

Football (because I can't stand it being called soccer) is so much better than any American sport! American Football is just Rugby for wimps. Pfft. Protective padding? That in't gonna put hairs on your chest.

Come on Fall is a bit primitive:

'Ug... Look leaves fall, lets call it fall... ug.'

It just lacks the suarve sophistication of Autumn.

It's probably time I brought this pointless thing to an end. Just one more word:

ColoUr


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Speaking of suarve

Speaking of suarve sophistication:

 

 


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Quote: Fee Hee Mee Nee Quee

Quote:
Fee

Hee

Mee

Nee

Quee

Ree

See

Wee

Xee?

You missed my point 


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mindspread wrote: Speaking

mindspread wrote:
Speaking of suarve sophistication:

Haha, they're from my city, the place they mention, Levenshulme is not that far away from my parents. My accent is a less retarded version of that! Yeah, lot of scalls in Manchester, I tend to disassociate myself with them.  


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Well, Ok, if you really want

Well, Ok, if you really want to complain about people who've done horrible things to the English language, start with the French.

It's only the fairy tales they believe.


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I just like to point out

I just like to point out that Americans use Autumn too.

 

I also use Zed, in the rare case of plurals.

 

I wonder what the Australians think. 

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I laughed when once at work

I laughed when once at work this english d00d said to a non english d00d "we gave you our language...."

 

I was like "if genocide and jailings for people speaking there own language and not english and if business being shutdown because they showed signs in that country's own language is what you call giving another country your language then your very kind or have no idea of history"

currently learning multiple languages as a hobby has shown me that english is in no way suppirior to any other language. it simply became the 4th most spoken language in the world by a bunch of freek historical chances, just like islam becoming second most common religion for example. 

 as an aussie I find that time and time again when we have people from all over europe come into work in england they say to me "your accent is a lot easier to understand, its more similar to an american accent, I have a lot of trouble with the english accents"

it's funny that when I go to say the netherlands or iceland or germany etc where england isn't a first language I can easily clearly understand everyone straihgt away, when I arrived in england I had no idea what half the people were saying, it was like my brain had to take a few seconds to translate it.

recently I order a baguette (which the rest of the english speaking countries call a bread roll) the woman is asking me what ingrediants I want and she goes "buhhar" I'm like "sorry?" "buhhar"

"huh" "buhhar!!"

"you mean butter?" "yes" 

 the word has 2 fucking T's ya can atleast say one of them.

I've studied the accent's a lot, what I've noticed is a lot of english almost leave off the end of the word, some english leave out the middle and the end lol.

aussie accents emphasize on the end of the word, which makes it sound clear to people

and americans emphasze on the start, middle and the end of the word which is why many people think they are so loud and can't stand them when traveling and there is some americans in a resturant or what ever. but they are atleast very easy to understand.  

 

 I'd say if you studied the language history you'd find half of the english words in the english language that were created for that language probably didn't come from england anyway.

60% of all words are latin or derived from a latin word.

20% come directly from another language e.g assasin, disaster etc

so your left with 20% of the language actually being created just for the language, so it would be safe to say 10% were made up by countries other then england, resulting in england having only made created 10% of the language. 

 

Don't get me wrong I don't have anything against the english, I live here.

but what annoy's me is people who totally either ignore history or have no understanding of it and try and simply think everyone chose to speak that language lol. 


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Ophios wrote: I just like

Ophios wrote:

I just like to point out that Americans use Autumn too.

 

I also use Zed, in the rare case of plurals.

 

I wonder what the Australians think. 

I once did customer service for a large .com, and it seemed like the only people who use 'zee' were Americans or people whose first language was not English (who presumably learned American English).

I kinda prefer 'zed' as well, and if old habits were easy to break, I would use it more often. Interestingly, my spell-checker doesn't seem to recognize 'zee' as a word, but it does 'zed'.

It's only the fairy tales they believe.


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I don't recall that the

I don't recall that the Brits' superior syntax served much purpose in World War II. 

 

Instead they had to ask for help from .... who?

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zarathustra wrote: I don't

zarathustra wrote:

I don't recall that the Brits' superior syntax served much purpose in World War II.

That's becuase some of English is from French. 

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Personally, I have always

Personally, I have always thought we should stop calling it English and start calling it what it is: "American".  It isn't the same and although I am fluent (sort of) in American, if I were English I would not want my language associated with this one.  Sorry fellow Americans, but seriously it is time we OWN the garbage that spews from our maws.

 

Mexican is not the same as Spanish either.


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Jacob Cordingley wrote:

Jacob Cordingley wrote:
4. Our dates are more logical eg. DD/MM/YYYY rather than MM/DD/YYYY. Month- Day-Year? Where's the logic in that?

Actually it's the Japanese that got it right ... YYYY/MM/DD, so that when you're trying to sort things in order it'll always go oldest to most recent. When ever I'm naming files that need a date I always put it in that format so I don't have to look all over the place for the file that should be between March and May but is actually all the way up the top.

This is the reason I believe the Americans probably started with teh MM/DD thing, but unfortunately they kept the year at the end rather than putting it to the front.

Ophios wrote:

I'll play along.

Quote:
1. The way you spell colour without the 'u' reminds me of the word colon. It's disturbing.

Sorry, but unneeded letters suck.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro- English".

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly,this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favor of the 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20% shorter!

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double leters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' wiz 'v'. During ze fifz year ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kurs be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After ze fifz yer ve vil hav a rali sensibl ritn styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evriun vil find it ezi tu undrstand ech ozer.

Zen Z Drem Vil Finali Kum Tru!!

----------------------------------------------

In addition to this ... damn. I'm trying to find another joke article talking about how most humans read not by looking at the letters in the word, but rather the pattern they make. Unfortunately I can only find serious articles on the matter, but I was going to use it against 1337 speak which is unfortunately infecting people these days to the point where teachers are receiving essays and exams using texting shortcuts. I find things like that much harder to read too and would hate to receive anything more than a text or a short instant message in that way.

 

Ophios wrote:

I just like to point out that Americans use Autumn too.

I also use Zed, in the rare case of plurals.

I wonder what the Australians think.

Americans from my experience only say Autumn once in a blue moon, it's almost always "fall".  As for what we Australians think, we're taught the Queens English not the American bastardisation of it.  Unfortunately our society is quickly becoming just another state of America. So many American influences everywhere,  the American version of English is slowly taking hold.

Personally I use the pronounciation of which ever country invented the product being talked about.  In general speaking I say Zed, but when talking about ZZTop I say Zee Zee.  The word route when using it in regards to a direction of travel is the English version that sounds exactly like "root", but when talking about a router I use the american pronounciation rather than saying "rooter". 

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And then, there's the final

And then, there's the final insult, which is Americans who watch too much Monty Python and actually incorporate British mocking of English into American.

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Quote: 'th' with 'z' and

Quote:
'th' with 'z' and 'w' wiz 'v

Joking aside. That wouldn't work.

None of the pairs sound that close from each other. 

It's kind of like how we spell it qatar, shouldn't it be Katar?

Ka-Lore 

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Ophios wrote: Quote: 'th'

Ophios wrote:

Quote:
'th' with 'z' and 'w' wiz 'v

Joking aside. That wouldn't work.

None of the pairs sound that close from each other. 

It's kind of like how we spell it qatar, shouldn't it be Katar?

Ka-Lore 

I xink it works if yu yuz 'c', 'x', and 'q' for 'ch', 'th', and 'sh'. Thoz leterz can be fazed out.

It's only the fairy tales they believe.


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Quote: I xink Zink is a

Quote:
I xink

Zink is a verb now?

sorry, I speak Californian. 


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zarathustra wrote:

zarathustra wrote:

I don't recall that the Brits' superior syntax served much purpose in World War II.

 

Instead they had to ask for help from .... who?

America also said fuck it until this historical event happened.

 

 

 

I'm Canadian, we also use english-english. I hate talking to Americans when they try to correct my spelling or grammer.

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James Cizuz wrote: I'm

James Cizuz wrote:

I'm Canadian, we also use english-english. I hate talking to Americans when they try to correct my spelling or grammer.

I have a Canadian friend from the fair city of Vancouver who speaks a kind of cross between the two. The spelling is all English, but she uses words like ass for arse and fall for autumn.

thingy wrote:

 

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro- English".

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly,this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favor of the 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20% shorter!

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double leters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' wiz 'v'. During ze fifz year ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kurs be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After ze fifz yer ve vil hav a rali sensibl ritn styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evriun vil find it ezi tu undrstand ech ozer.

Zen Z Drem Vil Finali Kum Tru!!

Anyone notice anything disturbingly Orwellian here? My God NewSpk is coming!!


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The thing that connects

The thing that connects Americans with Canadians, is that we both have french parts of the country.

The big difference here is that Louisiana doesn't seem to want to leave the country (but if they did the government  would suddenly care about them and try to build Nawlins back up.)

Oh, and you guys got Barenaked Ladies (the band), which makes up for Celine "Dijon".

Now if California was closer to Canada... 

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Let's not forget the

Let's not forget the wonderful Alanis Morrissette. And Joni Mitchell and Leonard Cohen, and Veda Hille. Oh Canada!


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Jacob Cordingley

Jacob Cordingley wrote:
Let's not forget the wonderful Alanis Morrissette.

I'm the only person in my Family that likes her, I mean she isn't someone who I would listen to a lot, but she's good every once in a while. 

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Speaking of Alanis

Speaking of Alanis Morrissette, Canada gave us "You Can't do That on Television."

That's good enough for me.


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Ophios wrote: Jacob

Ophios wrote:

Jacob Cordingley wrote:
Let's not forget the wonderful Alanis Morrissette.

I'm the only person in my Family that likes her, I mean she isn't someone who I would listen to a lot, but she's good every once in a while. 

Yeah, I don't have any of her CDs but I do enjoy listening to her every once in a while also. I also dislike her use of the word ironic in the song Ironic. But I do love that song.