"I'm Not Sorry"

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"I'm Not Sorry"

Warning, the following post has vulgar items, and somewhat frightful items... You have been warned.

 

 Yesterday I was in the Rational Response chat when all of a sudden my Ex started calling me... To break down why she was my "Ex" is the fact that she lives 41 miles away from me, The distance was bad for her and myself because we are both low on money and it would be a huge pain spending money over and over on just gas... So we broke up due to distance problems ... Though she came to my work (Jcpenney) and dumped me at work instead of coming over to my house.  Anyway... Back on to the subject... She called me at 3:45 PM 02/21.  I was in the chat and cursed saying "Fuck my ex is calling" going on the fact that im in the library and on a time limit, so i decided not to answer and see if she would leave a voicemail... She didn't.  So I got done at the library and the night was progressing and 8:24 PM came around... She called me again.

 I picked up the phone and started talking to her... She tells me the following: (Recalling this to my best of my knowledge)

Her: "Hey how are you"
     Me: "Hey... I'm fine... little tired"

Her: "I got a new fear today, of heights"

Me: "Heh that sucks... why?"

Her: "Well we put in a new window and its kind of close to the floor"

Me: "Well that sucks... how big is it?"

Her: "It's pretty big..."

Her: "Have you peaced it together yet?"

Me: ".... Obviously not... What's up?"

Her: "Well I have the new fear of heights due to the window..."

Me: "Ok... and?"

Her: "You still don't get it"

Me: "Nope ... sorry"

Her: "I fell out of the window."

Me: "WHAT?! HOW?!"

Her: "Guess how..."

It was at the moment where I knew exactly what happened... Her father is a huge alcoholic... And the time that I was dating her (A whole 6 Days... woooo....) She told me of two times that her father was drunk, one where he grabbed her and slammed her in to a door (Face first if i remember right)... and another time where he yanked on her shoulder to the point where it was shooting up random jolts of pain in her back... All in 6 days... We broke up last saturday fyi... Anyway, continuing with the story...

Me: "How did this happen?!!"

Her: "We got in to a fight..."

Me: "Why didn't you defend yourself?!" 

Her: "I was defending someone else... (Going to say her brother, can't remember if she had one... but I'm thinking so)"  

Her: "He grabbed me and pushed me against the window and was yelling at me... The window broke... I grabbed the ledge, and saw the couch below the window... dropped to it and passed out."

Me: "Are you ok?! Did you go see a doctor?"

Her: "No ... my family went and replaced the window right after it happened... no one else knows about this except you and Morgan.. (My once was best friend... will get to that later)"

Me: "So where is your father?!  You need to get out of that house immediately!"

Her: "Right after it happened and we replaced the window we took him in to rehab."

*Insert long silence* 

Her: "Just ... promise you won't tell anyone..."

Me: "... hey..."

Her: "Just ... promise..."

Me: "... Ok..." 

Her: "Hey my friend is calling me... I'll call you back ok?"

Me: "ok..."

It was soon after that that I feared for her ... big time.  This is the third time her father had done something stupid to her when he was drunk... It upsetted me... Big time, I Opened my phone, hit "Mobile Web" and immediately looked up the Girls and Boys Town National Hotline.  I first called my "friend" Morgan, and asked him some quetions... basically asked what I should do if I should call child services or anything... he said if she wan'ts you too... even barely ... then call them, otherwise ... dont. Going past his word though... I called them and it wen't down like this...

Me: "Hello"

Girl: "Hello"

Me: "I need someone to talk to about something really important"

Girl: "Well I'm here to help, what's going on?"

Me: "My ex-girlfriend (I did not say her name at all during the convo) lives in a house and recently the father was drunk and he basically threw her out of the 2nd story window... I need advice on what I should tell her to do, and how to further handle this situation"

Girl: "Has the father ever done anything like this before?"

Me: "The time which we were dating ... a whole *Insert Sarcasm* 6 Full days... she told me about two other times her father abused her"

Girl: "Well I think you should call up Child services... they would be able to help you out a lot better with this kind of situation... where does your girlfriend live?"

Me: *Says town* (Didn't say address, only town..)

Girl: "Ah she lives there? That's good they have a office where she lives.. here's the number"

Me: "Thanks for your help, Bye"

Girl: "Yes, have a great day and good luck with all of this"

 

*Calls Child Services* (Btw my ex is 17 1/2 Years old.)

 Girl: "Hello, Child services, This is sharron... How may I be assitance to you today?"

 Me: "Hello, this is TJ... And I was re-directed from the Girls and Boys town national hotline to call you guys"

 Girl: "What is the problem?"

 Me: "I need advice... My ex-girlfriend was abused to my knowledge today... The father was drunk at the time and she was trying to defend her brother I think and the father got angry and shoved her out of the 2nd story window"

 Girl: "Is she ok right now?"

 Me: "She sounds fine but she is talking a lot more quieter then usual... like           where you think you might be in huge trouble."

Girl: "I understand... but does she have any cuts, bruises?"

Me: "I'm not sure, she lives 41 miles away... that's the reason we broke up...      since its a pain to go see her with the ammount of money we both have and          how high gas prices can seem to us at times"

Girl: "Was the mother there when it happened"

Me: "Yes..."

Girl: "What did she say about it?"

Me: "From what my ex said ... She said she was confused and sad about it as      she was." 

Girl: "Where is the father right now?"

Me: "They said basically after the incident that they fixed the window real quick and then took the father in to rehab."

Girl: "So the father is out of the house?"

Me: "Yes, to my knowledge he is in rehab right now"

Girl: "Well it sounds right now that this is big enough that we should file a full report, can I have her name please?"

Me:  "Well like I said before I'm calling only for advice... I don't want her to be taken out of her house, her father is already gone... I just need a little more advice so I know what I should tell her"

Girl: "Well ... we can't force you to give her name... but we would appreciate if you would give her our number so she can call us."

Me: "Ok... will do"

Girl: "And Tj... No matter how the conversation goes... Give us a call back, please"

Me: "Will do"

*Rings up Ex*

Me: "Hey"

Her: "Hey..."

Me: "I'm going to be honest ... I would really feel comfortable right now if you would call the Child services line or even the boys/girls town hotline... What your father did was not right and after he gets out of rehab he will most likely do it again... I fear for your safety and still love you as much as I did when we were going out... I would just ... feel so much safer if you called them... and I can give you their number if you want..."

Her: "I've had both those numbers since I was 12 years old..."

Me: "Then why haven't you called them?!"

Her: "Because it has never got this bad before... and me and my mom want to solve this on our own..."

Me: "But ... You've seen how that went... Solving it on your guys own ISN'T working... You guy's need help, he could harm anyone in your family and by not calling them your risking yourself and everyones lives in that house!" 

Her: "I just don't want to be taken out of my house... I wan't to be able to just focus on my work for school and my family..."

Me: "Just... Call the numbers if you get a chance"

Her: "I'll keep them handy just in case anything like this happens again..."

Me: "I don't want it to happen again!"

Her: "Well... I'm going to have to let you go ok... I need to get to bed... I should of been in bed 30 Minutes ago..."

Me: "Fine... Just... You know my number, and you know where I live... If ANYTHING happens you know exactly what to do right?"

Her: "Right..."

Me: "Bye then..."

Her: "Bye..."

*Click*

*Calls Child Abuse line*

Me: "Hi, May I please speak to sharron?" 

Girl: "Yes, may I ask who is calling?"

Me: "Tj"

Girl: "Ok, hold on one moment."

Girl: "Hello, This is sharron."

Me: "Hey sharron, it's me TJ"

Girl: "Ah, hello again."

Me: "She basically told me she want's her mother and herself to figure out things on her own... I was going to give the number to her but then i found out that she had the number to you guys since she has been 12 years old..."

Girl: "I would still really appreciate if you gave her name..."

Me: "I understand... But due to her wishes I cannot..."

Girl: "I understand also, What else did you tell her?"

Me: "I basically told her that if anything else comes up at all she is suppose to basically come over to my house or call me right away, and that I will call you guys right away if she doesn't."

Girl: "well that's good... Since we don't have her name or address I guess we can't file a report"

Me: "And that's how she want's it to stay... She just wants to go back to living her life..."

Girl: "Well remember if anything else happens... please call us immediately!"

Me: "No worries with that."

Girl: "Have a great day."

Me: "You too."

*click*

11:30 Rolls around... All of a sudden I hear a ringtone I'm not familiar with... One that is suppose to ring only when People I don't know are calling me... Of course... "AC/DC - Thunderstruck"

*Wakes up*

*Answers*

Me: "... Hello...?"

Girl: "Hello TJ... This is Jen from *Bleep*"(bleep represents my ex's town...

Me: "Oh hey how are you!" (Jen is the name of one of my Ex's friends... And I thought that was her... Wrong.)

Girl: "I'm from the *Bleep* Police station, and We heard about your story with your Ex ... We would like to fully investigate this so could you please give us her name?"

Me: "Due to her wishes and privacy laws... I am not going to reveal her name to you"

Girl: "There are no privacy laws in the state of nebraska, and by not telling us her name you could be charged with *Blah* (Forgot the name) and be put in jail for the rest of your life, and also if you don't tell us her name she could die... DO YOU WANT THAT ON YOUR MIND?!"

Me: "Jen... First of all the police in this state already know me pretty Good... I'm almost certain of it due to recent events... So jail would not be bad for me... I'm respecting her wishes so..."

*Interrupt* 

Girl: "What happens if she DIES?!" 

Me: "Well not to sound negative or anything but from what I heard from her... she is fine at the mome..."

*Interrupt* 

Girl: "She was thrown out of a 2nd story window... she could have internal bleeding and die!"

Me: "Seriously though if she Die's... from alot of peoples standpoints she will be in a better place, I know that sounds bad... but I'm just saying, Anyway she sounds fine to me and I'm going to take her word"

Girl: "So you would risk going to jail and letting her die?"

Me: "For her own wishes...I guess I would."

Girl: "Well it looks like were going to have to take the hard route with this... You do risk the chance of going to jail if anything happens with her."

Me: "It's a risk I'm willing to take."

Girl: "Well your just wasting my time now and we don't obviously need to talk to you anymore... We have your phone number and expect us to be in contact with you!"

Me: "Fine, have a nice day"

Girl: "... *CLICK*"

I text my "Friend" Morgan...

Text to him: "Ahhh fuck... *Bleep* police are now doing an investigation on the report... seriously am i not suppose to try to do good things in my life...? An answer would be nice..."

Text back from him: "That was Seriously stupid... she asked u not to.." 

Text to him: "Dude i didnt the child services place filed one but they told me they werent going to file one since i didnt give out a name yet they still filed... Now the police said they were going to charge me if anything happens with her and that they are going to take "the hard route" to get to her... They still dont know where she lives or her full name... Not even her first name..."

Text back from him: "And u believed them? Lol ur so ignorant. U cant just call child services... Etc... and expect them not to file anything.... its their job... and against the law for them not to."

*Get's in to a rage*

Text to him: "You know what fuck all of you im tired of trying to do good things for people, i called them just for advice and i made that clear to them, sorry they screwed me over to try to get to her my fucking bad i was just trying to help.  With your comment though all i can say is go fuck yourself morgan and have a great fucking life trying to help everyone, no matter what people do to help out others, someone always gets screwed."

Text back from him: "Real mature"

Text to him: "Yeah thats what i said to your girlfriend after i apologized to her and she gave shit back to me (For apologizing!) Now fuck off.

Text back from him: "Ur the one that keeps texting me.  Lol! Ur Bad!"

*Call's child services*

Girl: "Hello, Child services"

Me: "Hello... Can I speak with sharron?"

Girl: "One moment please..."

Girl: "This is sharron"

Me: "Sharron... I can honestly say right now that I'm not very happy with you and the *Bleep* police."

Girl: "What happened?"

Me: "They called me and asked about my ex... and how they wanted to investigate and basically kept on going on the fact that if I dont give them her name she will die and that i will go to prison"

Me: "She just would not stop saying "OH she is going to die!""

Girl: "What was her name?"

Me: "Jen..."

Girl: "And the phone number?"

*Tells phone number*

Girl: "Well it does look like it is the *Bleep* Police Station"

Me: "Jen... erm i mean sharron... My bad, she just wouldnt stop saying she was going to die"

Girl: "I was about to say... don't compare me to that girl, she sounds horrid.."

Me: "Sharron she was so negative in the way she talked that it made me actually regret calling you guys in the first place."

Girl: "Well im really sorry about that"

Me: "Can you call them up and just tell them to stop everything... I called for advice, not to get her yanked out of her house by the police"

Girl: "Well im sorry about all that... I was sure i made it clear that the police would get involved somewhat due to us filing the report, i didnt think it would turn out this bad though."

Me: "Yeah i totally though you said you couldn't file a report since you didn't have a name or address at all"

Girl: "No ... but i guess i didnt make it clear enough..."

GIrl: "Whats your ex think?" 

Me: "Ive already told her though that she should call me first and then you guys... and if she doesn't call you guys and I find out, that I will call you immediately."

Girl: "Well thats good... I guess this is as far as we can go though... If they do call back though... just cooperate..."

Me: "If it happens again i will surely cooperate, otherwise she just wants to be left alone."

Girl: "I understand... Have a great night"

Me: "You too"

Morning comes around...  8:47 AM

1 Missed call on the cell phone.

*Calls number*

Girl: "Health and humane society this is *Blah* speaking" (Can't remember her name"

Me: "Yeah, someone just called me from this number..."

Girl: "Is this TJ?"

Me: "Sure is..."

Girl: "Tj we just would like to get your cooperation in on this and we cant file a full report until we get her full name."

Me: "And you won't... I'm respecting her privacy and her wishes and plan on not releasing her name at all"

Girl: "Well we really can't do anything at all then"

Me: "And thats the way she wants to keep it..."

This is the part where i tell her to look in the transcript she was looking at of our conversation, and i told her how disappointed i was with the services after i got the call from jen... She told me "Jen" most likely was not an officer, yet still worked at the police station.... Convo kind of gets sidetracked and she says how she is glad that im respecting my ex's wishes but wishes i would give her her name... I refuse... convo basically ends from there with the following: 

Girl: "Though if something else like this happens and we get another report, we will intevine" 

Me: "That will be fine... she will be the one filing the report if something else happens, i told her that... and if she doesn't i will call you guys immediately."

Girl: "Well thats about all we can do then... Thank you tj"

Me: "Have a great day"

*Click*

I then decided to pass on the following text to my ex... Background on the 5$ thing... she has 300 Txts per month and was going slightly over... she didnt want me to text her because she didnt want to get to far over.

Text to her: "Ill totally pitch in 5$ if i have to pay for txts... anyway... health and humane society called me and said that they dont have enough info on you to get you (They cant file a full report)... So they are going to leave you alone completly."

Text back from her: "Yey.  Yes u owe me money. Lol"

 

So the whole thing to sum it up was like this... She tell's me the story of how her dad was drunk and basically through her out of a second story window... She grabbed on to the ledge and fell to the couch though... but still passed out.  I call friend for advice... He tells me what i expect with "IF she says yes then go with it" ... Ex exchanges word with me... says she just wants to have her and her mom fix it without any other help.. I'm like "Ok", but i just need someone to talk to that would give me a little more advice, called child services.... talked very well yet in the end it kind of got messed up by cop called "Jen" But later child services apologizes for how the cop acted... I get in spat with my best friend (Since 8th grade) And Ultimately lose him as a friend because of the emotions running in my mind, and the cursing due to the inability to think before acting.  Get call from health and humane society ... they say they wont file the report due to the withheld name and address... I say thats what she wants, and we all agree (Including ex) that if anything happens again... that she is to call me and then child services (Or more drastically... 911)

After all of this... I have to ask... If you were in my situation... would you of done anything different...I'm really questioning myself... Did I do the right thing?

 

-TJ 

 


James Cizuz
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The only advice I can give

The only advice I can give is this. Since i've been in similiar situations before.

 

The only thing you can do is tell them her name. No matter her wishes. Simply because, people love their parents which is true. It's not her fault she is being hit, and it should not be her choice to be saved or not. It was her fathers fault, even though she loves him, the love blinds the rational thought. Without it you get what happened here.

 

She may hate you at first. It is her right, but it is not her right to choose if she wants to suffer or not when the better choice is easily atained. She will realize some time, maybe not on the same day, or even a year from now. Some day she will realize you were only looking out for her, even though you did go agaisnt her it was for the best. She will thank you then. You may never know it, but for the good of the person you have to do it.

 

 

"When I die I shall be content to vanish into nothingness.... No show, however good, could conceivably be good forever.... I do not believe in immortality, and have no desire for it." ~H.L. Mencken

Thank god i'm a atheist!


Bjxrn
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Without a doubt tell them

Without a doubt tell them her name, its not just her its her brother also. She might be able to get out of the house soon but the brother is still going to be trapped there for a few years more. And with the mother basicly protecting the father instead of the children this could end very badly either for her, her brother or both.

Plus what is the chances that the father is going to come out of rehab a totally changed man?, this almost NEVER happens. You need to tell them her name no matter what she feels about it.

 

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KSMB
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Tell them her name. She's

Tell them her name. She's abused, and most likely doesn't realize that her dad won't change. The kids need to be removed from him. If the mother is in the home, I'd say the odds are pretty good that she is also abused and won't do anything. Get them away from him, tell the police.


Brian37
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Here is the long and short

Here is the long and short of it.

We are not your shrinks. We can empathize with stress and acts of violence.. But the bottem line is no one has the right to touch you under any curcumstances uninvited. An act of violence in response to words is not justification nor is it self defense.

Dont let this get over complecated with history of beefs. He said she said is an emotional appeal. What neither side of a dispute, under law is allowed to do is take the first punch out of anger over words.

Defending yourself physically when actually physically threatened is understandable. But in any case the best thing to do at the first sign of a possible assaut on you, is to remove yourself from the situation and call for help.

Dont get involved in soap opras. Just look at who threw the  first physicall punch and you'll find the person at fault. Words dont have to lead to blows, people often lack the intelectuall integrety to prevent that. 

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Hambydammit
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Brian makes a really good

Brian makes a really good point.

What happened was an assault and battery, and possibly attempted murder/manslaughter/whatever... depending on the laws of your state.

You have testimonial evidence that a crime has been committed, and the police have asked you to help them pursue an alleged criminal. This girl's feelings towards her father have no bearing on the fact that he should be tried for his crimes.

You should call the police and tell them you want to cooperate with them.

 

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Sadistic Stalker
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.

.


Sadistic Stalker
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Hey

First of all, your a really great guy TJ. I would have just told that bitch to fuck off and die. But that's just me, im an asshole. But anyways, i belive that you did the right thing, to approached the situation to help, made a rational decision, then acted on that decision. The fuck ups in the middle were of no fault of yours. Not much else to say, i'll see ya later.

(still kinda curiouse how this didnt get brought up on the phone last night lol Sticking out tongue)
Peace

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Susan
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I've been giving this some

I've been giving this some thought since you first posted your story.

#1 - There had to be a reason your ex called to tell you about this in the first place.  If she wanted to keep it all hush-hush, why did she tell you about it?

#2 - If you truly believe your friend is in danger, would you rather lose a friend or have your friend lose their life?

#3 - Authorities probably can't do a whole lot if your ex is almost 18 and no one will press charges.  That's pretty classic  behavior in abuse cases with adults.

#4 - Do you doubt the story at all?  A window close to the floor?  A sofa just "happened" to be in the yard under the window?  If she was slammed against a window, it broke and she later when through the broken window, seems like she'd be pretty cut up.  All in one day, there was a fight; she went out the window onto a sofa and passed out; they got the window fixed; and they got dad into rehab by 8:00.  Or maybe even by the time she first called you at 3:45.

Just my thoughts. 

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HereticChick
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I used to work in a local

I used to work in a local police department and spent a lot of time with out domestic violence specialist.  The father is not going to change.  If anything he's going to get worse.  A lot of times it takes something drastic, like jail time, to make them change.  If there are other kids in the house, then I would think about them.  She's obviously not able to protect them or herself.  I would give them (the cops) her name.  I can sympathize with you also.  My sister and her husband were in an abusive relationship.  (it was usually mutual battery and alcohol induced)  My young niece (14) called me at work and said they were fighting.  The poor girl was terrified and locked in her bedroom.  So I called the police.  Then I left my job (midnight police dispatch) and went to get my niece.  To make a long story short.  My sister and her husband went to jail and my niece went to my mother's house for the night.  It's been many months since the incident and my sister still talks to me.  Probably more than she has in a long time.  My niece now lives with her father in another state and my sister is single and lives alone.  They're both doing a lot better. 

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Zook
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So lets have a little

So lets have a little update here:

 

Recently the friend that I told off for calling me ignorant had a little chat with me... We talked about our status as friends and he basically told me a few things...


One of them being that the person in question (The star girl of this topic, my ex) said to him that the only reason that my friend hung out with her was because he was pittying her... I told him that i would never say a lie like that... Which I have never have.  So basically he told me that we were to wait a week to give me time to think.  I am fine with that and 3/3/07 comes up... I'm told that by my ex to one of my other best friends that I supposibly called my ex a "Whore".  This enrages me because that is a flat out lie... I ask who said it... It was the friend who i had the conversation with.  My best friend from 9th Grade.  Lets break down the new subject on hand...

 

Ex-GF tell's great friend that I called her a whore.

Find out the person who told her i supposibly said that was my best friend from 9th grade.

Called up Ex, asked about if I ever said the lie "He only hangs out with you because he pitys you" ... she Denys the lie, and says its completly false and That I never said that.

Called up best friend since 9th grade to confront him, and he said "I dont want to talk to you about it".  

 

I have also found out that alot of the stuff that my ex told me was completly false, about how her father was supossibly in rehab... It was hard to hear at first that she lied out to me even though I cared about her so much.

 

So i'm in a loss of words right now... I have a few things on my mind that I should do but ... I just don't know anymore... Any advice at all would be VERY APPRECIATED

 -TJ    

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Susan
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Sorry to say this, but it

Sorry to say this, but it seems she's playing you. 

You're likely better off without her. 

We've all been there....... 

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