Razorcade and Darth's great big thread of funny remarks.

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Razorcade and Darth's great big thread of funny remarks.

The idea here is to create a thread chronicling the BEST remarks made in any forum, show, thread, blog, or chat.

By BEST, we mean the funniest, cruellest, coldest, and most quotable comments/one-liners. If it needs too much explanation then it probably won't be as funny as it was initially.

Preferably, the person making the comment and the person the commented is directed at should remain anonymous unless permitted.

An example:

person1: I would like to do one on who would win a bar fight.

person2: XXXX, i only read as far as, "i would like to do one"

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From this

Random Theist said:

Isn't "God-of-the-gaps" just away to give atheist away to justify irrational claims?


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This made me laugh my ass

This made me laugh my ass off.

Person One:  This whole thing is stupid, and you need to get a real life.

Person Two:  Oh, what a burn. You've got a rapier's wit.

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Kelly, after a round with

Kelly, after a round with some fundies:

 

"I totally need more drugs, if we are going to talk to these people."


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Show #48 Post

Show #48

Post crazy,ignorant, or lying game analysis:

(after 'winning&#39Eye-wink - "All I'm hearing is the rationalization of losers."

Show #48:

RaptureRight: Brian, we were not aware that there were going to be a female on the program tonight. Is that okay with you guys that she's on the phone right now?

Kelly:Are you out of your fucking head?

Actually, the entire show #48 should just be transcripted in this thread. lol.

Kelly: And thanks so much for the song. I can't wait to dance around naked to it the next time I'm at work.

RaptureRight: You're welcome. I can't wait to try your cookies. Now, go get baking.

 

 

Playboy Party Joke:

What do you call an evangelical preacher addicted to speed?

A Crystal Methodist

 

 

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LOL! Show 48 was

LOL! Show 48 was funny!!!Laughing

 The Rapture Right also said that they don't like talking to teenagers or something like that. Weird, huh?


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It was fucking hilarious!

It was fucking hilarious!


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nothing wrong with crying..

nothing wrong with crying.. its when you use a tissue that your in trouble.. Smiling

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Look between your legs...

Look between your legs... Why would an intelligent designer put an entertainment complex in the centre of a sewage system?

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Lol, good one.

Lol, good one.


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"I think someone has their

"I think someone has their tinfoil hat on a little too tight today. "

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I hope you'll forgive me my

I hope you'll forgive me my ego, but every time I read this I can't help but chuckle.

"Vegetables are what food eats"

Proud Canadian, Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.


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Person 1: Take some boxing

Person 1: Take some boxing lessons. You get to beat people up!

Person 2: Sounds wonderful, but my poor body can't handle that.  Instead I cyber-killed a bunch of Nazis.  Very therapeutic.

Person 3: Between video games, and WWII movies, Nazi Military losses now number in the 10s of billions.... haven't they paid enough for their crimes? 

Person 2: No actual Nazis were harmed in the making of this video game. Smiling  Pixels feel no pain.

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"Run for your life, Patti.

"Run for your life, Patti. Atheists just bitch a lot. Pagans fucking' eat christians."

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"God exists, no really he

"God exists, no really he does!"

 

Funniest one I can find. 


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darth_josh wrote:

darth_josh wrote:

Show #48

Post crazy,ignorant, or lying game analysis:

(after 'winning&#39Eye-wink - "All I'm hearing is the rationalization of losers."

Show #48:

RaptureRight: Brian, we were not aware that there were going to be a female on the program tonight. Is that okay with you guys that she's on the phone right now?

Kelly:Are you out of your fucking head?

Actually, the entire show #48 should just be transcripted in this thread. lol.

Kelly: And thanks so much for the song. I can't wait to dance around naked to it the next time I'm at work.

RaptureRight: You're welcome. I can't wait to try your cookies. Now, go get baking.

This is satire, right?  Right?

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From sumra's post (which is

From sumra's post (which is hilarious, BTW):

He chuckled and said since the Internet became popular even God has learned how to use it and is now hooked to the Internet. "The angels now do most of the godly duties," he confessed, and added  "God is always busy chatting with people through the Internet. He does that with different aliases and screen names. People don’t know that they are chatting with God. He loves it because he always liked to talk to people while hiding behind a messenger, now he can do that hiding behind a computer."

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 I'm still howling over

 I'm still howling over this one.

 Ordering a hamburger:

"I like a bovine platter, but I take mine with a facsimile of sexuality, referenced and assumed to be so or like some thought, though i'm not discussing that here to which you counter a preference but is choice, taco, apple, skateboard, three dogs and pickle on the bus" 

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(while discussing my

(while discussing my distaste for bush)

me: so, why are we in iraq?

friend: they crashed two planes into our buildings!


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  In a thread about

  In a thread about pro-lifers:

 "By the way, is it possible to perform CPR on a blastocyst?"

Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine


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LMAO. This one almost hits

LMAO. This one almost hits too close to home, but I laughed pretty hard.

Quote:
You encourage us to get a life, yet it is you who is sending us messages at 3:43AM, on a Tuesday. Nothing says "a life fulfilled" quite like sitting in front of computer, flaming message boards, at 3:45 in the morning.

 

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"What we're trying to do is

"What we're trying to do is we're trying to expose them, but then at the same time we're also trying to re-save them. They've just sort of lost sight of God's path. It's a very bright path. It's lit up very well, but sometimes they can be blinded by the brightness of it and stray off the path. We're trying to get them back onto the bright path and we're also going to re-save them all over again. So it's a new birth, a rebirth through a newness." - The Rapture Right


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 I hope I get to chance to

 I hope I get to chance to reply this way, quote from the House series.

 
Cuddy: "How is it that you always assume you're right?
House: "I don't, I just find it hard to operate on the opposite assumption.

 

It's subtle. 

 

 


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Bahana wrote: "What we're

Bahana wrote:
"What we're trying to do is we're trying to expose them, but then at the same time we're also trying to re-save them. They've just sort of lost sight of God's path. It's a very bright path. It's lit up very well, but sometimes they can be blinded by the brightness of it and stray off the path. We're trying to get them back onto the bright path and we're also going to re-save them all over again. So it's a new birth, a rebirth through a newness." - The Rapture Right

LMFAO!

Sometimes I wonder if they're for real. 


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Quote: -----------------

Quote:

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ~S~
Date: Dec 8 2006 1:31 PM

 

Your page and blogs are 'riddled' with grammatical errors (not to mention all the other sorts of errors).
Are you really so narrow as you potray yourself?
(That's not to be answered back, just pondered on in that head of yours.)

Merry CHRISTmas Smiling

 


Dear Grammar Nazi,

The word is "portray."

Thanks,

The dumbass who is smarter than you


 Everytime I read this I can't stop laughing. 

If god takes life he's an indian giver


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BGH has done it again in

BGH has done it again in classic style!

BGH wrote:
I will bid you farewell in Mythman_J speak:

Once it was, or might have been. Some say areola, to which I like limburger, then again discussion of profit could be certain or maybe not. Goverment as to the people where rights, interest and future payoff, salamanders ride on tricycles whence it became long and short. The question is ride the jet stream of sex, but I may choose not, certainly my kids will choose against it. Adios....

 

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jce wrote: Well, I have

jce wrote:

Well, I have now read this article three times. I am fairly certain it is written in English, but that is about all I can discern. Perhaps if I print it and put it under my pillow, the physics fairy will sprinkle some dust on my head so I understand it.

 

Is physics really that bad? LOL. She cracks me up. 


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Here is one that a

Here is one that a Christian actually said to me.

"Jesus gave his onlybegotten son for you!"


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Does anyone remember this

Does anyone remember this gem?

l.mcbryar wrote:
For all of you who believe that Jesus never even existed, wow do i have a question for you... What is to be said about the recent "discovery" of the tomb and bones of Jesus? So, doesnt this raise questions about what you hae been saying all along? If those are his bones, it would go to prove Christianity one step closer. If not, it just goes to show that what we have been saying all along, He truely is a God. So...i wanna know what is to be said. (The bones of Christ....sorta makes you wonder how much faith you have to have to believe in atheism and Darwin huh?)

I was pretty much obsessed with this one for 2 or 3 weeks ... I even submitted it to fstdt.com ...

I'm off myspace.com so you can only find me here: http://geoffreymgolia.blogspot.com


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Conn_in_Brooklyn

Conn_in_Brooklyn wrote:

Does anyone remember this gem?

l.mcbryar wrote:
For all of you who believe that Jesus never even existed, wow do i have a question for you... What is to be said about the recent "discovery" of the tomb and bones of Jesus? So, doesnt this raise questions about what you hae been saying all along? If those are his bones, it would go to prove Christianity one step closer. If not, it just goes to show that what we have been saying all along, He truely is a God. So...i wanna know what is to be said. (The bones of Christ....sorta makes you wonder how much faith you have to have to believe in atheism and Darwin huh?)

I was pretty much obsessed with this one for 2 or 3 weeks ... I even submitted it to fstdt.com ...

ROTF!

Yeah, I remember that. I posted a comment on the site, too.

Good times. Cool


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American Atheist

American Atheist wrote:
Conn_in_Brooklyn wrote:

Does anyone remember this gem?

l.mcbryar wrote:
For all of you who believe that Jesus never even existed, wow do i have a question for you... What is to be said about the recent "discovery" of the tomb and bones of Jesus? So, doesnt this raise questions about what you hae been saying all along? If those are his bones, it would go to prove Christianity one step closer. If not, it just goes to show that what we have been saying all along, He truely is a God. So...i wanna know what is to be said. (The bones of Christ....sorta makes you wonder how much faith you have to have to believe in atheism and Darwin huh?)

I was pretty much obsessed with this one for 2 or 3 weeks ... I even submitted it to fstdt.com ...

ROTF!

Yeah, I remember that. I posted a comment on the site, too.

Good times. Cool

LOL!!!  I forgot about that one!  What a dope.

If god takes life he's an indian giver


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I am sure many of us have

I am sure many of us have seen RhadTheGizmo posts and thought, "what the hell does that say?"

We have a new term for it thanks to jce, rhadified.

jce wrote:

Shit! I've been Rhadified again! Does someone have an English to Rhad dictionary I can borrow?


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Susan wrote: BGH has done

Susan wrote:

BGH has done it again in classic style!

BGH wrote:
I will bid you farewell in Mythman_J speak:

Once it was, or might have been. Some say areola, to which I like limburger, then again discussion of profit could be certain or maybe not. Goverment as to the people where rights, interest and future payoff, salamanders ride on tricycles whence it became long and short. The question is ride the jet stream of sex, but I may choose not, certainly my kids will choose against it. Adios....

 

Dammit! You beat me to it.  I even sent darth a note because I couldn't find this thread. Smiling

BGH, it kind of reminds of that character in prison on In Living Color.  

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I love the insults she

I love the insults she slings

Iruka Naminori wrote:

You can't say you weren't warned.

Ahem: Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.


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BGH wrote: I love the

BGH wrote:

I love the insults she slings

Iruka Naminori wrote:

You can't say you weren't warned.

Ahem: Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

I'm sorry, but I must give the credit for that one to the "French guy" (John Cleese) from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.  "I'm French.  Why do you think I speak with this outrageous accent, you silly king?" 

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Quote: Once again, Grammar

Quote:
Once again, Grammar Girl writhes in pain on the cross.

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Quote:  Like in the movie

Quote:

 Like in the movie aliens? We're gonna get a face full of alien wing-wong!?

 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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In reference to Bush being

In reference to Bush being presented a purple heart.

Gauche wrote:
Damn, I was hoping that Purple Heart was a disease that makes your nuts fall off while you die screaming and shitting on yourself.


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kmisho wrote:

P3RFECT wrote:
Sometimes God tested people so they know how strong there faith is.

kmisho wrote:
Congratulations. You have just proven that you are capable of believing anything.

{edited for clarity} 


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ROTFLMMFAO theist wrote: I

ROTFLMMFAO

theist wrote:
I am a born-again, bible-believing, Jesus-worshipping, blood-bought, sanctified, seed-sowing, saved by grace not by works, child of God. Say that five times fast Eye-wink.

BGH wrote:

You are a fairy tale believing, mythology reading, zombie worshipping, human sacrifice idolator, prideful, impregnator, deluded to believe to be chosen, child of a magic sky daddy.

You are a fairy tale believing, mythology reading, zombie worshipping, human sacrifice idolator, prideful, impregnator, deluded to believe to be chosen, child of a magic sky daddy.

You are a fairy tale believing, mythology reading, zombie worshipping, human sacrifice idolator, prideful, impregnator, deluded to believe to be chosen, child of a magic sky daddy.

You are a fairy tale believing, mythology reading, zombie worshipping, human sacrifice idolator, prideful, impregnator, deluded to believe to be chosen, child of a magic sky daddy.

You are a fairy tale believing, mythology reading, zombie worshipping, human sacrifice idolator, prideful, impregnator, deluded to believe to be chosen, child of a magic sky daddy.

 

(I said it five times real fast, now what?)

I just pulled a neck muscle laughing so hard.

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darth_josh

darth_josh wrote:

ROTFLMMFAO

theist wrote:
I am a born-again, bible-believing, Jesus-worshipping, blood-bought, sanctified, seed-sowing, saved by grace not by works, child of God. Say that five times fast Eye-wink.

BGH wrote:

You are a fairy tale believing, mythology reading, zombie worshipping, human sacrifice idolator, prideful, impregnator, deluded to believe to be chosen, child of a magic sky daddy.

You are a fairy tale believing, mythology reading, zombie worshipping, human sacrifice idolator, prideful, impregnator, deluded to believe to be chosen, child of a magic sky daddy.

You are a fairy tale believing, mythology reading, zombie worshipping, human sacrifice idolator, prideful, impregnator, deluded to believe to be chosen, child of a magic sky daddy.

You are a fairy tale believing, mythology reading, zombie worshipping, human sacrifice idolator, prideful, impregnator, deluded to believe to be chosen, child of a magic sky daddy.

You are a fairy tale believing, mythology reading, zombie worshipping, human sacrifice idolator, prideful, impregnator, deluded to believe to be chosen, child of a magic sky daddy.

 

(I said it five times real fast, now what?)

I just pulled a neck muscle laughing so hard.

Thanks. LOL.


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Number 2 in this comment

Number 2 in this comment really made me laugh out loud.  I wasn't aware that Ninja's were so darned tidy! 

 

Tilberian wrote:

You are still claiming that the universe has a will. This is a scientific statement. Evidence, please.

Scottmax posted an excellent analogy that describes my problem with this theory:

I leave the house in the morning and leave the paper on the table. After work I come home and the paper is on the floor. There are a number of possible explainations, but here's two:

1. The dog knocked it off.

2. Ninjas broke into the house, got really pumped up, then totally FLIPPED OUT on a gang of pirates (who were sneaking in through the basement). In the process, the paper got knocked off. Having beheaded all the pirates, the ninjas then cleaned up, because we know that ninjas are very neat and take careful attention to detail, though they can be laid back and cool at the same time. But they left the paper on the floor because ninjas could care less what anyone thinks and do whatever they want. www.realultimatepower.com

#2 is a lot more fun to believe, but there are a lot of added elements that aren't really necessary to explain the observed phenomenon.

 

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marcusfish wrote: What a

marcusfish wrote:

What a double standard! If an atheist went around hijacking threads, insulting everyone he came across, and never presented even a shred of logic you wouldn't ban THEM!

You heartless BASTARDS!

Anbesol and I were just becoming close. I think ... I think I was falling in love with him. Something about the way he called me an idiot over and over again, it just did something for me.

But you ruined it.

BGH wrote:
I am so sorry, I did not realize love was blossoming.

I can only give you words of hope and let you know, there are other fish in the sea and I am sure there will be other trolls running around here calling us idiots in no time. Keep your chin up and remember he probably wasn't right for you, sure he called you an idiot over and over but did he really MEAN it? It may have been something he just said to make you feel better. Sorry.

 

The above was marcusfish's reaction upon learning Anbesol had been banned and BGH's Dear Abby response - made me laugh until I hurt!


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Let's try to get back a

Let's try to get back a level of anonymity for the quotes, folks.

The 'victims' already feel bad enough. lol. 

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"When dealing with

"When dealing with Republicans and providing multiple choice questions, one of the choices should be "Huh?" "

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Borrowed from the FSTDT

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Christian badmouthing

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A crazy christian actually

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Me: "Do you know what is in

Me: "Do you know what is in that bible? Take Malichi 2:3:Behold I will coorupt your seed and spread dung upon your faces."

Theist:. "No no no no, that is the KJV, the NIV says "refuse" not "dung".

Me: "Ok, have it Yahwey, "poop or trash" take your pick, would god spread it in your face?"

We all know that "trash" makes all the difference.  

 

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37


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  "It's all so

 

"It's all so obvious.

Cain's wife came about during the bar-b-que on the seventh day. There were lots of spare ribs."

 

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"I believe someone already

"I believe someone already made this observation, but (RANDOM THEIST) almost bored me into conversion.  What a drone!  The CIA could learn a lot in terms of torture techniques from that guy. "

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