Do Pets Go to Heaven?

Anonymous
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Do Pets Go to Heaven?

This just cracked me up. From Landover Baptist, a letter from Timmy:

Dear Pastor,

I am 8-years old and I am so sad now cause my dog, Scruffy is awfully sick. The pet doctor told my mom that Scruffy has only a few weeks to live because he has a bunch of cancers everwhere. The doctor told my mom that I am gonna see Scruffy when I get to heaven, but she told me that my doctor is not saved, so that I will write to you and ask you the real answer about Scruffy because you know.

Pastor, I love Scruffy so much! I have been trying so much every day not to cry, but when I look at his eyes, he is so sad! My poor dog is in so much pain with his cancers. Is Scruffy going to go to Heaven, Pastor? Will I get to see him again?

Timothy Galvin - Age 8
Freehold, Iowa

Dear Timmy,

It always breaks my heart when I have to answer a question like this. I understand your concern, but I won't lie to you. According to the Bible, there will be no animals in heaven except for horses. And those horses, the book of Revelation tells us, will be used solely as a means of transportation. Scripture tells us that horses will sprout wings and be able to fly at high speeds. We'll fly too, Timmy, but the horses will probably fly faster, which is why Jesus is going to keep them around.

As True Christians™, we can only speculate why God doesn't find it necessary to populate heaven with dogs, cats, cows, chickens and other creatures. Most likely it is because we won't need food when we get to Heaven. Using Bible logic, we have to assume that there are going to be a whole mess of folks in Hell and most of them will be Chinese, since they never had the luxury of hearing about Jesus. People in hell will need food to sustain them through an eternity of torture at the hands of the loving God they rejected. As we understand it, Chinese folks love to eat dogs. I'm sorry, Timmy - it is a hard sight to take in, but in a few weeks little Scruffy will be savagely ripped to shreds, as will countless other pooches, at the blood-stained hands of starving, godless Chinamen as they are beaten and sodomized by demons on the desolate shores of the Lake of Fire. My guess is that those shores will be piled high with the rotting, bone-picked carcasses of every household pet there ever was.

I hope this helps.

Your friend and Pastor,

Deacon Fred


Rook_Hawkins
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Of course they do, haven't

Of course they do, haven't you ever seen "All Dogs Go To Heaven?"  It's a cartoon so it must be true.

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MarthaSplatterhead (not verified)
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They contradict?  Must be

They contradict?  Must be different denominations.


Chase
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This thread bodes well.

This thread bodes well.


Pikachu
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Rook_Hawkins wrote:

Rook_Hawkins wrote:
Of course they do, haven't you ever seen "All Dogs Go To Heaven?" It's a cartoon so it must be true.
Hydra (atheist), the guy who made the infidelguy intro was one of the animator of that cartoon.

God had no time to create time.


melchisedec
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If they do go to heaven will

If they do go to heaven will clouds now have the dog smell.


politicalhumanist
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Oh course if the dog has

Oh course if the dog has the belief system which includes heaven, and then maybe his faith may or may not prove him right. Oh shit, and I was thinking about those silly homo sapiens species who are profoundly delusioned in the quantitative and cognitive thought processes.

"Only silly, ignorant dogs go to heaven ."

       - Rover the Dog, PhD

Tongue out


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politicalhumanist

politicalhumanist wrote:
"Only silly, ignorant dogs go to heaven ."

- Rover the Dog, PhD

God had no time to create time.