Devout Monkey
I had to take my dog to the vet today and have him put to sleep. He argued with me one too many times about which Jane Austen novel is the best when it is clearly Emma. (Actually, he had cancer and stopped eating.)
So, once he was down, I went out to pay the clerk, and a lady was sitting there holding a monkey. I find monkeys to be hysterical by their very natures. If I could get away with shitting in a diaper and then trowing it at people, I would. Anyway, I was visibly upset that I had just killed poor Zachy, and the lady asked me about him.
Well, once I told her, she said to her monkey, "Show Jesus you love him." The monkey then crossed himself like a catholic. She said it again, and the monkey crossed himself again. I started laughing because I thought of those devout people doing the same thing as this monkey. Turns out the lady is an atheist and taught her monkey to do this to piss off her family.
The moral of this story: when you kill your best friend, there is a chance that you will meet a crazy monkey.
"Tis better to rule in Hell than to serve in Heaven." -Lucifer
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Ya know..I never realized people could actually own a monkey..Where can a monkey be purchased? How much do they cost? I am interested in purchasing a monkey.
www.garageband.com/artist/abandonmypeace
You can get them at: Monkeys "N' Such, All About Monkeys, or The Monkey-Go-Round.
"Tis better to rule in Hell than to serve in Heaven." -Lucifer
The real moral of the story: religion leads to evolutionary regress.
Since I never seem to have anything good to say around here, I figured I'd finally put my two cents where they belong and offer you some advice. DO NOT GET A MONKEY!!! Do some research first!!!
If god takes life he's an indian giver
I had a college mate that owned a monkey. I don't know what kind it is, and I was never able to see it, but it's one of the smaller ones that can perch on your shoulder, Captain Barbosa-like.
He's a huge animal fanatic though. He owned his own pet shop before graduating high school, and I believe he's now a marine biologist. I haven't talked to him in 3 or 4 years. The guy was nuts for animals though. He was like a Dr. Dolittle.
I can imagine them being pets from hell, though.
A place common to all will be maintained by none. A religion common to all is perhaps not much different.
My dear, owning a monkey is every man's dream. A monkey can act out every form of depravity that we cannot because of the contraints of society. Men want to fling poo and masturbate whenever they want to, but, sadly, we cannot. Our little monkey bretheren can though. That's why we all want one. Geesh, ya' spoil sport.
"Tis better to rule in Hell than to serve in Heaven." -Lucifer
Owning a monkey is like living with a 9 month old baby for 30+ years. Shit everywhere and all your stuff screwed up constantly. I would love to have one if it wasn't for that.
"I am an atheist, thank God." -Oriana Fallaci
Fuck that I want a chimp! I'd treat him/her right and teach him/her sign language (after I've taught myself sign language).
I'm sorry about your kanine companion Nero.
Atheist Books
http://www.primatestore.com/forsale.asp
Hey Nero, there is one named Neo for only $3,000 I think he is meant for you.
If, if a white man puts his arm around me voluntarily, that's brotherhood. But if you - if you hold a gun on him and make him embrace me and pretend to be friendly or brotherly toward me, then that's not brotherhood, that's hypocrisy.- Malcolm X
Is that site legal?
The only primate I would spend that kind of money on is a human. I will bring up the issue of voluntary slavery in another thread, but there is no way I would spend that kin dof cash on a monkey. Dogs just cannot be beaten as a pet, except maybe by a human.
"Tis better to rule in Hell than to serve in Heaven." -Lucifer
More like an 18-month-old, probably. 18-month-olds have had some solid practice at walking and climbing, and have learned how to get into everything you thought they couldn't get into.
Nero - condolences on your canine companion. I too, though, am a big fan of our monkey bretheren. To this day I can't understand why every commercial on television does not feature a monkey. Every Super Bowl commercial I even remember, let alone like, are the ones that feature monkeys.
Nobody I know was brainwashed into being an atheist.
Why Believe?