The Semi-Official Vent-at-the-Religious-Loonies™ Thread (pics, anecdotes, jokes, more):
Offline Here in America we're mostly surrounded by reality-challenged individuals and, let's be honest, it sometimes gets hard. We deal with them personally. We deal with their influence on our towns and society. I thought I would start a thread where we can vent.
Share anecdotes, rant, post pics, joke, poke fun at religion. Do whatever you need to do to get it out of your system. 
I'll start by beginning a series I'll call "St00pid JeBuS sHiT®."
Yesterday I went to a local health food store's website to find out their hours and found this button on the bottom of the page:
Now, the store has every right to do this, but I wonder...do they help non-Christian stores? Or are they helping Christian stores hoping to drive non-Christian stores out of business? Have they even thought this through? I should have clicked on the button to see where it led. In fact...
Well, the owners of the store were too retarded to add a link to the button, but I googled "Christians Helping Christians" and got this page: http://ctclassifieds.stores.yahoo.net/chhech.html . Christians Only ads.
Whatever.
It's their right, but it reminds me of Christian arrogance and exclusivity and therefore pisses me off.
This has been installment one of the ongoing saga: St00pid JeBuS sHiT®
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All I wanted was a dolphin screensaver...
This has been the second installment of...St00pid JeBuS sHiT®.
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This guy, who's been in the news the last couple of days:
http://www.abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=3366511&page=1
I really hope the D.C. Madam's phone records turn up all sorts of misdeeds by more religious right Republican loonies.
Nobody I know was brainwashed into being an atheist.
Why Believe?
Hi geirj! Welcome to the forums. Unfortunately, I couldn't get the link to work. Since I currently don't have access to TV, I would really like to read about this. :D
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Iruka, try copying the URL and pasting it into your browser. It's a pretty good article.
By the way, the link worked for me so I'm not sure what the problem is.
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Welcome, geirj.
When you get a minute, we'd love it if you'd hop over to the General Conversation, Introductions and Humor forum and introduce yourself.
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Hey Susan.
I tried that in both Firefox and in IE and it didn't work. Then an inspiration hit me. I took out the "go" part of the URL and hit enter and it transferred me to the right page. Go figure. 
Now, I shall read.
For those who may have the same problem (unlikely):
http://abcnews.com/US/story?id=3366511&page=1
BTW, thanks for remembering to ask the new guy to introduce himself. You are a most gracious moderator.
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I volunteer for the KC Renfest and we have our meetings and rehearsals in a church. I have no problems whatsoever with this usually until this happened. The most recent church thats letting us use their facilities recently told our director that we could not use the lobby area because they were having a grievance council group in another room the same night, and they were afraid we'd embarass them.
Another annoying church tale. Saturday night before Easter Sunday, I'm driving home from school and I get a flat. The closest place to pull over is a church parking lot (it's a pretty busy downtown road with no real shoulders, so the parking lot was my only option.) I dont have a spare and its like 11:30 at night and I'm exhausted, so i just leave a note saying I'll get a tire tomorrow and get the truck out of their way as early as I can, and I pulled my truck into a parking spot so it wasn't blocking traffic or anything.
I get a phone call at 10:00 am saying that If I dont have my truck off their property by 11:00 am, It's going to be impounded.
So I spend the next thirty minutes frantically calling every friend I know with a truck to see If I can borrow a spare, and eventually have to get the truck towed myself and pay for that tow as well as a new tire...
I'm completely stumped on the whole church generosity thing at this point .
Oh, I just gotta know which church that was so I can drive by and know what jerks these people really are.
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The Holy Trinity Church off of broadway, dunno the exact name but I know its got holy trinity in the name. Its the one thats right across from Bartle Hall if you're familiar with that area.
I was absolutely astonished by them, my truck was taking up ONE parking space, ONE! I did everything I could not to block any ways in or out of the church parking lot.
When I was in about 2nd grade (and still believed in Christianity of course) there were some of those door to door people going around. I of course talked to them a bit, and they asked if I knew anyone who didn't believe in God. I didn't, but took them to the houses of people that picked on me. Only one was home. I heard from him years later that he was playing soccer and they talked to him for over an hour and a half! :
:
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Found, apparently, at the entrance to a church...
I know exactly which one you're talking about. (I'd be a little nervous in that part of town at 11:30 at night if I were alone and on foot.) It's the Grace and Holy Trinity Cathedral at 13th & Broadway.
There's nothing like good xian charity when someone has a problem. How did they know you weren't a good Episcopalian and would have sent them a nice check for letting you use that parking space?
Jerks.
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Yeah, not exactly the most memorable hike I've had through KC.
So I have another story, I was sitting at a resturaunt debating religion with a friend (shes an agnostic theist, fairly liberal but she's fun to debate with.) AS we were talking my girlfriend was trying to get some ketchup and then the cap flew off and I got a face full of ketchup. My theist friend and girlfriend exploded into laughter and after a couple minutes I wiped my face clean and replied "I still don't believe."
Kind of a funny lil' incident in my opinion.
A friend of mine, whom I love and respect, just learned a week ago that dinosaurs and humans did not live together - from me, during a conversation about religion and science. She is 23 years old. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The most frustrating thing is that she wasn't believing it in contrary to scientific findings like a fundamentalist would, she had just never heard different her entire life. She grew up in a hardcore Christian evangelical home (she's now what I would call a pantheist), and she had been told that dinosaurs and people lived together. It was all she knew. I felt disgusted, but also sad thinking about all the other evangelical Christian families who stultify their children's education with such horseshit. These wankers are leaving it up to people like me to educate a grown woman (not a good thing) after they fucked her up.
They'd be happy if we lapsed into a new dark age.
Moderator: We're here today to debate the hot new topic, evolution versus Intelligent Des---
(Scientist pulls out baseball bat.)
Moderator: Hey, what are you doing?
(Scientist breaks Intelligent Design advocate's kneecap.)
Intelligent Design advocate: YEAAARRRRGGGHHHH! YOU BROKE MY KNEECAP!
Scientist: Perhaps it only appears that I broke your kneecap. Certainly, all the evidence points to the hypothesis I broke your kneecap. For example, your kneecap is broken; it appears to be a fresh wound; and I am holding a baseball bat, which is spattered with your blood. However, a mere preponderance of evidence doesn't mean anything. Perhaps your kneecap was designed that way. Certainly, there are some features of the current situation that are inexplicable according to the "naturalistic" explanation you have just advanced, such as the exact contours of the excruciating pain that you are experiencing right now.
Intelligent Design advocate: AAAAH! THE PAIN!
Scientist: Frankly, I personally find it completely implausible that the random actions of a scientist such as myself could cause pain of this particular kind. I have no precise explanation for why I find this hypothesis implausible --- it just is. Your knee must have been designed that way!
Intelligent Design advocate: YOU BASTARD! YOU KNOW YOU DID IT!
Scientist: I surely do not. How can we know anything for certain? Frankly, I think we should expose people to all points of view. Furthermore, you should really re-examine whether your hypothesis is scientific at all: the breaking of your kneecap happened in the past, so we can't rewind and run it over again, like a laboratory experiment. Even if we could, it wouldn't prove that I broke your kneecap the previous time. Plus, let's not even get into the fact that the entire universe might have just popped into existence right before I said this sentence, with all the evidence of my alleged kneecap-breaking already pre-formed.
Intelligent Design advocate: That's a load of bullshit sophistry! Get me a doctor and a lawyer, not necessarily in that order, and we'll see how that plays in court!
Scientist (turning to audience): And so we see, ladies and gentlemen, when push comes to shove, advocates of Intelligent Design do not actually believe any of the arguments that they profess to believe. When it comes to matters that hit home, they prefer evidence, the scientific method, testable hypotheses, and naturalistic explanations. In fact, they strongly privilege naturalistic explanations over supernatural hocus-pocus or metaphysical wankery. It is only within the reality-distortion field of their ideological crusade that they give credence to the flimsy, ridiculous arguments which we so commonly see on display. I must confess, it kind of felt good, for once, to be the one spouting free-form bullshit; it's so terribly easy and relaxing, compared to marshaling rigorous arguments backed up by empirical evidence. But I fear that if I were to continue, then it would be habit-forming, and bad for my soul. Therefore, I bid you adieu.
I hope that when the world comes to an end I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.
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I think sharing Christian junk mail might be interesting. I get a lot of it. Do you? Here's an example of the crappola in my area:
Sigh. These "end timers" are gonna be the death of all of us.
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Been going back and forth with a twatwaffle on YouTube who commented on my "Does God Exist?" video. He brings the typical bullshit and says I don't know anything about logic (I tutored logic and minored in Philosophy.) He says he's not impressed - he had ONE CLASS with a Harvard professor, and has the gall to say the PhD professor was an arrogant ass and logically flawed!
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Crikey! All the people in that flyer look like they got in line twice when they were handing out necks. They're living proof of the alternate theory of evolution, that we share a common ancestor with storks.
--
maybe if this sig is witty, someone will love me.
Maybe they're all secretly into nooses and autoeroticism?
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I wound up blocking the one I mentioned because he was obviously an asshat troll.
Religious Book Seller Struck By Lightning
(CBS4) HIALEAH A man making a trip from Puerto Rico to South Florida to raise money for his religious education remains hospitalized Monday after he was struck down by a bolt of lightning which flew from clear blue sky on Sunday. He was selling religious materials when he was hit.
Hailu Kidane Marian was working with members of his religious group, selling religious materials door-to-door in a Northwest Miami-Dade neighborhood, when the bolt from the blue struck him down.
"I heard a boom, and I looked and the guy jumped back, and he just laid there, stiff," said witness Maria Martinez.
Paramedics say Marian was not breathing and his heart was not beating when they arrived, but they were able to revive him and rushed him to Jackson Memorial hospital, where he was in critical condition Sunday night.
Members of his religious group waited outside the hospital throughout the night for word of his condition.
"He's unconscious, he's in a coma," said Francisco Perez, leader of the Puerto Rico-based group. "It's difficult what happened, you know, but what can we do? Things happen in life, but we still believe in God."
This is the second incident in as many months of someone being struck down by lightning from a clear sky in South Florida.
Last month David Canales, a gardener who worked in the Pinecrest area, was killed when lightning apparently struck him from a rainless sky. Two co-workers standing nearby were unhurt.
CBS4 Meteorologist Jeff Berardelli said 'dry lightning', which can strike even when the sky is clear, can be very dangerous because victims are not expecting it and don't prepare as they might with a storm threatening.
Measurement of lightning strikes in the area Sunday showed only a few bolts compared to the last few days, making Marian especially unlucky to be struck by one of them.
Nobody else was injured when the bolt flew from the sky.
http://cbs4.com/local/local_story_189151333.html
I hope that when the world comes to an end I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.
I already posted that a few days ago in News & Activism!
God damn you Matt and your 3816 posts!!!
Bible revised for the internet age: