What I am about witch will nevr change!

Reverend_Oglethorpe
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What I am about witch will nevr change!

Well praise Jesus for this opportunity to preach to the heathens right here in this Christian nation! I am indeed the Reverend Jebediah Philemon Oglethorpe (birth in Pewkatuxie Alabama, attended LU, graduated in '94 now pastor of True Faithly Gospel Salvation Station Church in Round O South Carolina, a small faithly church of about 14,000) and it's good to be hear with you today! Let me explane what im about: first of all, I am a Christian. I beleev in only one invisibl frend who craves my sycophantic credalistic adulatory mumblings, witch I faithfully deliver, refusing to question or RATIONALIZE since that would leed me to SATANISTIC ATHIESTISM! I now that god has competition: the devil, who refused to worship god and tried to be god! I now that Adam and Eve brought sin crashing down upon all humanity and that we are indeed sorry worthless sinners who may only be saved by the grace of god as long as we beleev that a first-century-CE-Caucasian-looking-Jewishtic was gods' son and dyed and reserected so that we coud go to a magical city in the sky and keep carrying on worshipping god and supporting the Republican party for eternity!

So if your not a Christian, I have to warn you in all Christian love that you are SATANISTIC and hell bound (Rev. 20:15 and 21:Cool, and my goal is to get you saved so me and god are after you! Don't put it off, your life is worthless without my invisibl frend who created you to worship him! And be glad your in a bible-based country like America where people such as myself can tell you the good words, not like those Arabistic Muhammadanisms and there oil-hoarding sand-beener ways, or the dog-eating ricepeople Chinamen, or those elefant-sodomizing spice-eating Hindoo Indi'ens, or the cannibalistic Ethiopic Africans, or those Mary-worshippin' child-molesting Catholics!

And if you are a Christian im going to CHALLENGE you to live a hardcore Christian life and be just as intolerant and elitist against all things non-christian as am i!

-Christians are being persecuted and oppressed from all fronts in a war on the godly values of this white-Anglo-Saxon-affluent-conservative-Christian-Republican nation! The culprits seem to be libral moran athiestisms and Christ-killin' Jewishtics who don't endorse the values on witch this godly-white-conservative-Christian-Republican nation was built!

-For instans, back in the good ol' days nobody woud have thought twice about going into the Middl-East and settin' those sand-beaner Muhammadanisms strate in order to convert them from there hell-bound ways and get them to stop selfishly hoarding our oil! Why, just look at how our godly Puritan fore-FATHERS handled things: they didn't pussy-foot around when it came to dealin' with heathin Indi'ens and Afry-ken Ethiopisms. Why they new the best thing was to defend there values and stick to there guns! And the Indi'ens and the Ethiopisms had better fall in line or else! But this message is lost on modern America today in the name of MULTI-CULTURALISM as the moran athiestics destroy the foundation of Christian America.

-Why the other day I catch'd my young'ins listening to some hipety-hop "gang-stir" black-Ethiopic-devil-worshippin' music about KILLING WHITE PEOPLE! And so I sat them down (after I burned that satanic Black Ethiopic music) and explained to them in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that killin' people is the LORD'S prerogative ONLY! Oh yes indeedee, it says in Exodus 20:13 not to murder folks, but the lord's not above using killing to achieve his ends! When people fail to adulate his fragile little ego he blows his holy cork in a hurry. So anyway I told them about the Hebrews (back before they became the Christ-killin' Jewishisms) and how the lord told them to do a lot of those vary things that the black-Ethiopistic-devil-music was advicatin', but ONLY agenst the ungodly! Like in Numbers 31 (7;15-18). now ask yourself this: do you think my first-century-CE-Caucasian-Aryun-lookin'-Jewishistic lord and savior Jesus was pleased at ADOLF HITLER for killin' AMERICAN SOLDIERS?! Of course not! 'Caus He's always on the side of the folks that flatters him most! And I have to tell you we're in for a hole mess of trouble here for desertin' the godly-Christian foundation we inherited from people like the Puritans!

-It's a disgrace to our Christian nation when movies like "Batman Begins" can glorify satanic actors like Christian Bale (Christian in name only, mocking our lord!) STRUTTIN' AROUND in his demonistic costume parading his muscular buttox and ripped thighs in those delectably tight black leggings (I'll say it for the athiestisms what good Christians already now but black is the devil's color!) stoppin' the lord's justice against a wicked and godless city! Why I bet he'd even pull off an anti-Christian stunt like that in San Francisco! And if you want any more proof that Christianity is being mocked for a sick satanistic secular agenda look at the Scarecrow, Batman's enemy, who uses drugs to strike terror in folks, clearly settin' himself up as god! The drugs are a psycadelic athiestismic sodomite Trotskyite refirrence to Karl Marx's claim that religion is the opiate of the masses (and he had the audacity to include True Christianity, when all True Christians now that True Christianity isn't a religion, religionisms are all the people worshipping the wrong invisible friend!), the terror is something that god does to sinners who don't turn to him (he's the only legitimit terrorist I'd guess you'd say!), and of course the scarecrow is a reference to the land of Oz, where the scarecrow doesn't have a brain! These athiestismic morans will stop at nothing to insult our One True Christian Faith!

-Why I get so angry at these morans that the other day I was out in town and I seed all them book-stores with there HARRY POTTER witchery (and we now from the scriptures somewhere that we shall not suffer a witch to live, just like the godly Puritans didn't!) and the music stores with there Black-Ethiopic devil music and the movie theaters with there evil satanic BATMAN BEGINS that I went into a holy Pentecostal rampage! I took out a whip of cords and laid into those hellbounden sinners just like Jesus in the temple in John 2:14-15. I figure its all for there own good if I can save them from wasting there money on SATANISTIC HARLOTRY and burning in hell for eternity as it says in (Revelation 21:Cool.

-We now from the scripturs that god pulls no punches in getting even on folks that don't do exactly as he says! And we now from other bible scriptures that god has a pretty SADISTIC streak indeed. Why in Numbers 11:1 he goes so far as to burn folks to death for complainin'! And in Exodus 12:29 he kills all the firstborn in the land of Ejypt to show how good he is at killin' so's the Phairo will let the Hebrews go eat manna in the desirt and give him the adulation he so desperately craves! Before he leeds them into a new country where thay are two kill everybody and destroy everythin'! You see, the lord hates competition, and he don't stand for comin' in second-best! In His Holy Politics, its beleev it or burn!

-Small wonder indeed then that when Saten desided to step out of line and be his own god, god did what any loving and just god would do: he kicked his sorry devil hiny out of paradise and onto earth, which was also were he put his creations Adam and Eve ('bout six thousand years ago), even though he hates competition. So Adam and Eve were to do what any good Christian should: not think or question, simply trust and obey and give god the adulation he so desperately craves! And we shoud too because he deserves it, he makes that very clear! But anyway Adam and Eve were not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil that would make them INTELIJUNT because then they'd start to ASK QUESTIONS and set themselves up all high and mighty like god! And only god gets to do that. So's anyway, saten as a talking snake (and all your athiestismic biologistic textbooks can't teach you that snakes can talk!) gets them to screw it up, and then it's payback time!

-Now that evolution stuff is just plane ahtiestismic nonsense! We didn't come from monkeys, we came from dirt! God did it, he tells us so in scripture! And we now from scriptur that Jesus cum along a few thousand years after the fact to undo what Adam and Eve had done! It may take him a few thousand years, but god gets around to things! So evolution is clearly intended to undercut the plain bible words for ahtiestismic propaganda! Al that nonsense about fossils, whitch obvisly were eether planted by god to test our faith or by saten to tempt us to ahtiestism or deposited by the flood of Noah!

-but ahtiest are crafty morans they then say there isn't a flood! And I say it's the same ahtiestismic tricks to leed Christians astray and get them to think for themselves! Didn't it ever OCCUR to them that all of there so-called SCIENCE could be wrong? You just have to look past the apparent facts and have FAITH! All this nonsense about the earth being older than six thousand years, about humans evolving from monkeys, about the earth moving around the sun (remember, Joshua got god to stop the sun in the sky!) about the earth being ROUND instead of flat with four corners (remember Jesus and the devil on the mountain could see all the kingdoms of the earth!) is just ahtiestismic propegande to discredit my invisibl diabolical short-tempered frend who will smite me if I don't do everything he says!

-We here at the salvation station have been supportin' a godly true Christian movement for good, bible-based science! Hence our CRETIN scientists: Creationists Refuting Evolution Theory IN-deed! Dr. William Raymond "Billy-Ray" Mathers received his godly degree in CRETIN science and biblical mythology right here at our own Biblical University Lead by the Lord in Science of Heavily Indoctrinated Truth or BULLSHIT for short. Doc Billy-Ray has been very busy teaching college students complex models of arcane numbers proving that evolution could not have ocured it coud only have ben our invisibl frend! He is also very adept at presenting biblical and scientific evidunces for a young earth, such as the Paluxy River trackway! Recently Doc Billy-Ray anounsed his planed Noah Ark reconstruction, a replica exactly tru to the original (witch with a litl more funding and cooperation from the Terks he is quite sure we can find!) but with modern amenibilitees! The ark wil be saled around the world to the glory of god, pasing out trakts and dispelling skepticism! The most hardinid ahtiestism wil have to see the gratenes of our invisibl frend now! The ark wil be a part of a larjer atractiun, namely CRETIN-ism Bibleland Jesus World USA, a faithly Christian theme park that wil feature seens from the entire Bible! The ark itself wil of cours be center stage for the Noah flood exibit were good Christians can larn about how our merciful god saved eight people and some animals and plants on a floating boat when he drowned everyone else, including babies and small children, just four thousand years ago! The ark will float in an artificial lake constructed for the purpose and spanning some ten acres, with see-through windows so Christians and ahtiesitic gests can see the limp battirid corpses floating in the waters of gods holy wrath praise Christ! Real corpses from disaster areas such as the Asian tsunami will be flown in for the purpose!

There will be many other exhibits in the park of course, one of them the story of creation. Here the audiens will learn that god was lonely and wanted to be worshipt, so he created Adam and Eve for to do that. But god new that they woud go astray so he put the tree of knowledge of good and evil in the garden and told em it would make em smart! Witch is what the crafty devil posing as a talking snake (Doc Billy-Ray will demonstrate that with extensive surjical modification a skillt ventriloquist can make a snake talk, and donkeys too!) played on and it was payback time! True Christians of course beleev the story in its entirty without question and now the lessin: more Bible 'n less branes!

By far the most important exhibits in the park wil be those about Jesus our first-century CE Anglo-Saxon looking Palestinian Jewishistic. Weell larn how Jesus and his family escapt to Ejipt from the murderes rampajes of King Herid (evin thouh godless ahtiesmic Jewishistic scientists deny that this happened!) thanks to an angel (witch is a flying person! Doc Billy-Ray will demonstrate that peepl can in fact fly and that angels are responsible for such miracles as cars and airplanes! [They make the enjins and propellers work and all they need is a little gasoline! But wach out because they tend to excrete noctius fumes from out the back of the vihicl car or plane]) who left all the other babby boys in the town to die! Weell quickly be reminidid of the True Christian's obligation to vote Pro-Life even if god don't! Moving on weell see Jesus cure a few peepl his daddy coud have kept well to begin with and finally get crucifyd by the Jewishisms, the filthiest money-grubin' misrabl beaner vermin of all (weell learn how the Jewishisms have sufferd nothing but misfortin since they crucified Jesus, including loosing there city and there tempel to the Cathiolater Romines! And how latir on they wer responsible for somethun calt the Crusades and the Spanish Inquisitiun!) and resirect! Finally in the end Jesus returns and casts the atheisms and Jewishistics and heethin beaners and sand-niggers into hell to burn for eternity for not worshipin' and believing! But that's after the Rapture witch is when god's gonna take all the True Christians up into heaven to worship him and leave all the Jewishistics, beaners and sand-niggers with all the ahtiestisms to stew for a while and be ruled over by a beast and a dragon and a talking sheep! (Doc Billy-Ray wil demonstrate that its possibl for these creeturs to talk too especially if the devil's behind it, using metal music from the ahtiestistic world!)

A realistic depiction of heaven and hell will follow: weell see heaven full of godly, clean, affluent conservative white folks, including Our Lord and Savior George W. Bush, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Jim and Tammy Fay Bakker, Doctor Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins and James Dobson. Sermons will be preached nonstop together with hyms being sung! Every one of the True Christians will have ample help from beaner and colurd Ethiopic house servints and a great big mansin with a swimming pool and all the large SUVs and sleek sports cars you could want!

Hell will have all the siners being burned for eternity, screeming in eternal aginy as there flesh is consumed without berning up and are tormented without ceasing prais Christ!

In the Jewishism-spiled blood of Christ,
~Reverend Jebediah Philemon Oglethorpe, your ticket to the one-stop salvation shop, now with more convenient locations, discount tithing plans and indoor parking for all your salvation needs!

~"More bibble 'n less branes! If the bibble says the bibble is the book from god then we now so cause it says so, rite in the bibble! Glory amin prase Christ! It IS more BIBBLICAL that way... and you DON'T have to have so much BRANES!"~

~Reverend Jebediah Philemon Oglethorpe, your ticket to the one-stop salvation shop, now with more convenient locations, discount tithing plans and indoor parking to serve all your salvation needs!

~More bible 'n less branes!~


Sapient
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I'm moving this to atheist vs. theist and leaving a shadow topic so that it gets double exposure. I want the Rev to feel welcome here. Thanks for coming Rev., do you still plan on joining us in the chatroom this Friday when you appearance on our show airs?

- Brian Sapient


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Reverend_Oglethorpe
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Sapient wrote:
I'm moving this to atheist vs. theist and leaving a shadow topic so that it gets double exposure. I want the Rev to feel welcome here. Thanks for coming Rev., do you still plan on joining us in the chatroom this Friday when you appearance on our show airs?

Well you may be hell-bounden with all them libral hipy emoistic types and all the ETHNICALS who worship the wrong INVISIBLE FIEND but i aprishiate the help! Im always hapy to debate with heethins and secure small, faithly donations for our minsitry! We are planing a CRUZE ROUND THE WORLD for a mission-trip! We're going to deliver bibbles to pore heethins who don't speek English and tell them theyre going to hell if they dont beleive in OUR invisiblefreind so donations are always apreciated! If time permits me from sending death threats to the local planed parinthood (JEZEBEL WHORY!), Gay Pride (as tho sodomy was something to be proud of!) group, marching on our local Cathiolater church with torches and burning Hary Potr books, Batman Begins dvd's, and Lindsee Lohan cd's then I will be there prase Christ and George W. Bush too!

~In the Jewishism-spieled blood of Christ,
~Reverend Jebediah Philemon Oglethorpe, cause the Body of Christ was no ordinary cracker!

~More bibble, less branes!~

~Reverend Jebediah Philemon Oglethorpe, your ticket to the one-stop salvation shop, now with more convenient locations, discount tithing plans and indoor parking to serve all your salvation needs!

~More bible 'n less branes!~


Yellow_Number_Five
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Re: What I am about witch will nevr change!

Reverend_Oglethorpe wrote:
Well praise Jesus for this opportunity to preach to the heathens right here in this Christian nation! I am indeed the Reverend Jebediah Philemon Oglethorpe (birth in Pewkatuxie Alabama, attended LU, graduated in '94 now pastor of True Faithly Gospel Salvation Station Church in Round O South Carolina, a small faithly church of about 14,000) and it's good to be hear with you today! Let me explane what im about: first of all, I am a Christian. I beleev in only one invisibl frend who craves my sycophantic credalistic adulatory mumblings, witch I faithfully deliver, refusing to question or RATIONALIZE since that would leed me to SATANISTIC ATHIESTISM! I now that god has competition: the devil, who refused to worship god and tried to be god! I now that Adam and Eve brought sin crashing down upon all humanity and that we are indeed sorry worthless sinners who may only be saved by the grace of god as long as we beleev that a first-century-CE-Caucasian-looking-Jewishtic was gods' son and dyed and reserected so that we coud go to a magical city in the sky and keep carrying on worshipping god and supporting the Republican party for eternity!

Greeting good Reverend! I was wondering, if you only believe in one invisible friend, aren't you atheististic too? There are many people in the world that believe in many different invisble friends - though I must admit some of these people are not first-century-CE-Caucasian-looking-Jewishtic people. Is it OK if I just believe in one less invisble friend than you?

Well, I do believe in my invisble friend Satan though, I have too, because I'm atheististic.

But don't you believe in Satan too? And angels - that's a whole lot of invisible guys running around, though I expect you aren't friends with Satan like me.

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So if your not a Christian, I have to warn you in all Christian love that you are SATANISTIC and hell bound (Rev. 20:15 and 21:Cool, and my goal is to get you saved so me and god are after you! Don't put it off, your life is worthless without my invisibl frend who created you to worship him! And be glad your in a bible-based country like America where people such as myself can tell you the good words, not like those Arabistic Muhammadanisms and there oil-hoarding sand-beener ways, or the dog-eating ricepeople Chinamen, or those elefant-sodomizing spice-eating Hindoo Indi'ens, or the cannibalistic Ethiopic Africans, or those Mary-worshippin' child-molesting Catholics!

Well, that's hard to argue with.

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And if you are a Christian im going to CHALLENGE you to live a hardcore Christian life and be just as intolerant and elitist against all things non-christian as am i!

Reverend, do you, as a hardcore true Christian kill the unbelievers and homosexuals as your God commands?

"If a man lies with a male as with a women, both of them shall be put to death for their abominable deed; they have forfeited their lives." (Leviticus 20:13 NAB)

If your own full brother, or your son or daughter, or your beloved wife, or you intimate friend, entices you secretly to serve other gods, whom you and your fathers have not known, gods of any other nations, near at hand or far away, from one end of the earth to the other: do not yield to him or listen to him, nor look with pity upon him, to spare or shield him, but kill him. Your hand shall be the first raised to slay him; the rest of the people shall join in with you. You shall stone him to death, because he sought to lead you astray from the Lord, your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, that place of slavery. And all Israel, hearing of this, shall fear and never do such evil as this in your midst. (Deuteronomy 13:7-12 NAB)

I can understand if you can't answer, you wouldn't want to call down atheististic secularistic justice down on you for doing the good Lord's work. I know we persecute you poor guys so much, sorry about that, but hey, we're evil and Satanistic - that's just what we do.

Quote:
-Christians are being persecuted and oppressed from all fronts in a war on the godly values of this white-Anglo-Saxon-affluent-conservative-Christian-Republican nation! The culprits seem to be libral moran athiestisms and Christ-killin' Jewishtics who don't endorse the values on witch this godly-white-conservative-Christian-Republican nation was built!

Yeah, like I said, our bad.

Quote:
-For instans, back in the good ol' days nobody woud have thought twice about going into the Middl-East and settin' those sand-beaner Muhammadanisms strate in order to convert them from there hell-bound ways and get them to stop selfishly hoarding our oil! Why, just look at how our godly Puritan fore-FATHERS handled things: they didn't pussy-foot around when it came to dealin' with heathin Indi'ens and Afry-ken Ethiopisms. Why they new the best thing was to defend there values and stick to there guns! And the Indi'ens and the Ethiopisms had better fall in line or else! But this message is lost on modern America today in the name of MULTI-CULTURALISM as the moran athiestics destroy the foundation of Christian America.

Oh, those Puritans. They burnt all kinds of witches too, you can't suffer one of those to live. Do you think we should go back to a Puritanical court system, Reverend? It would be a lot easier and more effiecient if we presumed people guilty, and made them prove their innocence. That way I could call my co-workers witches, and get that promotion. I like this, I'm starting to come around to your way of thinking, Rev, you may convert me yet!

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-Why the other day I catch'd my young'ins listening to some hipety-hop "gang-stir" black-Ethiopic-devil-worshippin' music about KILLING WHITE PEOPLE! And so I sat them down (after I burned that satanic Black Ethiopic music) and explained to them in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that killin' people is the LORD'S prerogative ONLY!

But, Rev, it's your perogative too, the Lord commads that you kill, like I said above. I don't know if I want a part of a religion that doesn't allow me to slaughter hoards of people.

Quote:
-It's a disgrace to our Christian nation when movies like "Batman Begins" can glorify satanic actors like Christian Bale (Christian in name only, mocking our lord!) STRUTTIN' AROUND in his demonistic costume parading his muscular buttox and ripped thighs in those delectably tight black leggings (I'll say it for the athiestisms what good Christians already now but black is the devil's color!) stoppin' the lord's justice against a wicked and godless city!

He does have a nice ass. Does God frown on homosexuality? Not that I am a homosexual.....I was just uh, er, uh, curious, you know?

Quote:
-Why I get so angry at these morans that the other day I was out in town and I seed all them book-stores with there HARRY POTTER witchery (and we now from the scriptures somewhere that we shall not suffer a witch to live, just like the godly Puritans didn't!) and the music stores with there Black-Ethiopic devil music and the movie theaters with there evil satanic BATMAN BEGINS that I went into a holy Pentecostal rampage! I took out a whip of cords and laid into those hellbounden sinners just like Jesus in the temple in John 2:14-15. I figure its all for there own good if I can save them from wasting there money on SATANISTIC HARLOTRY and burning in hell for eternity as it says in (Revelation 21:Cool.

I bet that's why you go to shop in Christian book stores, on Sunday. None of that sort of trash in there.

Quote:
-We now from the scripturs that god pulls no punches in getting even on folks that don't do exactly as he says! And we now from other bible scriptures that god has a pretty SADISTIC streak indeed. Why in Numbers 11:1 he goes so far as to burn folks to death for complainin'! And in Exodus 12:29 he kills all the firstborn in the land of Ejypt to show how good he is at killin' so's the Phairo will let the Hebrews go eat manna in the desirt and give him the adulation he so desperately craves! Before he leeds them into a new country where thay are two kill everybody and destroy everythin'! You see, the lord hates competition, and he don't stand for comin' in second-best! In His Holy Politics, its beleev it or burn!

Wow, your God seems like a total badass. Like Rambo or Chuck Norris! I must say, you're getting through to me on that one! Do you think God could beat up Hulk Hogan, The Rock and Andre the Giant in a no holds barred tag-team handicap match? My roommate says he doubts it.

Quote:
-Small wonder indeed then that when Saten desided to step out of line and be his own god, god did what any loving and just god would do: he kicked his sorry devil hiny out of paradise and onto earth, which was also were he put his creations Adam and Eve ('bout six thousand years ago), even though he hates competition. So Adam and Eve were to do what any good Christian should: not think or question, simply trust and obey and give god the adulation he so desperately craves! And we shoud too because he deserves it, he makes that very clear! But anyway Adam and Eve were not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil that would make them INTELIJUNT because then they'd start to ASK QUESTIONS and set themselves up all high and mighty like god! And only god gets to do that. So's anyway, saten as a talking snake (and all your athiestismic biologistic textbooks can't teach you that snakes can talk!) gets them to screw it up, and then it's payback time!

Wait, the athiestistimic biologistic books are wrong? I've wasted 5 years of my life and several thousand dollars getting degrees in that crap! Satan owes me a refund!

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-Now that evolution stuff is just plane ahtiestismic nonsense! We didn't come from monkeys, we came from dirt!

I never know God was into pottery.

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-but ahtiest are crafty morans they then say there isn't a flood! And I say it's the same ahtiestismic tricks to leed Christians astray and get them to think for themselves! Didn't it ever OCCUR to them that all of there so-called SCIENCE could be wrong? You just have to look past the apparent facts and have FAITH! All this nonsense about the earth being older than six thousand years, about humans evolving from monkeys, about the earth moving around the sun (remember, Joshua got god to stop the sun in the sky!) about the earth being ROUND instead of flat with four corners (remember Jesus and the devil on the mountain could see all the kingdoms of the earth!) is just ahtiestismic propegande to discredit my invisibl diabolical short-tempered frend who will smite me if I don't do everything he says!

I don't know, I saw a picture once of the earth from outer space, it did look round, like a ball. Did Satan make it look like that? If so, Satan must be even stronger than Jesus, and I'll have to keep worshipping him instead.

Quote:
-We here at the salvation station have been supportin' a godly true Christian movement for good, bible-based science! Hence our CRETIN scientists: Creationists Refuting Evolution Theory IN-deed! Dr. William Raymond "Billy-Ray" Mathers received his godly degree in CRETIN science and biblical mythology right here at our own Biblical University Lead by the Lord in Science of Heavily Indoctrinated Truth or BULLSHIT for short.

Wow, and I wasted all that time in my atheistitcicd school. Can you send me application BU?

Oh, and your theme park sounded fun, but I've already been to Disney, so the Baptists want to kill me.

Quote:
Hell will have all the siners being burned for eternity, screeming in eternal aginy as there flesh is consumed without berning up and are tormented without ceasing prais Christ!

So, sort of like Detroit then?

I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world. - Richard Dawkins

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Sapient
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Great post Mike.

Rev, I hope you like the custom "TRUE CHRISTIAN" rank I've made for you. Eye-wink

- Brian Sapient


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Amen Rev


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Re: What I am about witch will nevr change!

Yellow_Number_Five wrote:
Reverend_Oglethorpe wrote:
Well praise Jesus for this opportunity to preach to the heathens right here in this Christian nation! I am indeed the Reverend Jebediah Philemon Oglethorpe (birth in Pewkatuxie Alabama, attended LU, graduated in '94 now pastor of True Faithly Gospel Salvation Station Church in Round O South Carolina, a small faithly church of about 14,000) and it's good to be hear with you today! Let me explane what im about: first of all, I am a Christian. I beleev in only one invisibl frend who craves my sycophantic credalistic adulatory mumblings, witch I faithfully deliver, refusing to question or RATIONALIZE since that would leed me to SATANISTIC ATHIESTISM! I now that god has competition: the devil, who refused to worship god and tried to be god! I now that Adam and Eve brought sin crashing down upon all humanity and that we are indeed sorry worthless sinners who may only be saved by the grace of god as long as we beleev that a first-century-CE-Caucasian-looking-Jewishtic was gods' son and dyed and reserected so that we coud go to a magical city in the sky and keep carrying on worshipping god and supporting the Republican party for eternity!

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Greeting good Reverend! I was wondering, if you only believe in one invisible friend, aren't you atheististic too? There are many people in the world that believe in many different invisble friends - though I must admit some of these people are not first-century-CE-Caucasian-looking-Jewishtic people. Is it OK if I just believe in one less invisble friend than you?

Nevr! God's ego is powerful insecur and he needs your wershipin'! If you dont' adulate him and suck his "limp dick" ego their will be HELL to pay!

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Well, I do believe in my invisble friend Satan though, I have too, because I'm atheististic.

And a sodomite Jewishistismic Trotskyite as well?!!

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But don't you believe in Satan too? And angels - that's a whole lot of invisible guys running around, though I expect you aren't friends with Satan like me.

Well now some of the invisibl guys worsihip my invisiblfriend and some of them are with SAETIN who you-serped gods' purogativ! God is rite because god says god is rite! and god says god is rite in the bibble and we now that the bibble is the book from god and is gods word because it says so rite in the bibble!

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So if your not a Christian, I have to warn you in all Christian love that you are SATANISTIC and hell bound (Rev. 20:15 and 21:Cool, and my goal is to get you saved so me and god are after you! Don't put it off, your life is worthless without my invisibl frend who created you to worship him! And be glad your in a bible-based country like America where people such as myself can tell you the good words, not like those Arabistic Muhammadanisms and there oil-hoarding sand-beener ways, or the dog-eating ricepeople Chinamen, or those elefant-sodomizing spice-eating Hindoo Indi'ens, or the cannibalistic Ethiopic Africans, or those Mary-worshippin' child-molesting Catholics!

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Well, that's hard to argue with.

Well prase Christ and the babby Jesus!

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And if you are a Christian im going to CHALLENGE you to live a hardcore Christian life and be just as intolerant and elitist against all things non-christian as am i!

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Reverend, do you, as a hardcore true Christian kill the unbelievers and homosexuals as your God commands?

Were woerking on that but Jewishismic loy-yers and litee-gatin's are in the way rite now!

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"If a man lies with a male as with a women, both of them shall be put to death for their abominable deed; they have forfeited their lives." (Leviticus 20:13 NAB)

But he loves them! who am i to question gods' inscrutible and diabolical ways?

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If your own full brother, or your son or daughter, or your beloved wife, or you intimate friend, entices you secretly to serve other gods, whom you and your fathers have not known, gods of any other nations, near at hand or far away, from one end of the earth to the other: do not yield to him or listen to him, nor look with pity upon him, to spare or shield him, but kill him. Your hand shall be the first raised to slay him; the rest of the people shall join in with you. You shall stone him to death, because he sought to lead you astray from the Lord, your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, that place of slavery. And all Israel, hearing of this, shall fear and never do such evil as this in your midst. (Deuteronomy 13:7-12 NAB)

Thats why we need to have only TRUE CHRISTIANITY in america this godly Christinsane nation! All the ehtnical religionsisms arent welcome!

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I can understand if you can't answer, you wouldn't want to call down atheististic secularistic justice down on you for doing the good Lord's work. I know we persecute you poor guys so much, sorry about that, but hey, we're evil and Satanistic - that's just what we do.

WEll now we at the True Faithly Gospel Salvation Station are working on the Oglethorpe '08 campane for President to change all that prase Jesus prase Christ his dady 'n birdie!

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-Christians are being persecuted and oppressed from all fronts in a war on the godly values of this white-Anglo-Saxon-affluent-conservative-Christian-Republican nation! The culprits seem to be libral moran athiestisms and Christ-killin' Jewishtics who don't endorse the values on witch this godly-white-conservative-Christian-Republican nation was built!

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Yeah, like I said, our bad.

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-For instans, back in the good ol' days nobody woud have thought twice about going into the Middl-East and settin' those sand-beaner Muhammadanisms strate in order to convert them from there hell-bound ways and get them to stop selfishly hoarding our oil! Why, just look at how our godly Puritan fore-FATHERS handled things: they didn't pussy-foot around when it came to dealin' with heathin Indi'ens and Afry-ken Ethiopisms. Why they new the best thing was to defend there values and stick to there guns! And the Indi'ens and the Ethiopisms had better fall in line or else! But this message is lost on modern America today in the name of MULTI-CULTURALISM as the moran athiestics destroy the foundation of Christian America.

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Oh, those Puritans. They burnt all kinds of witches too, you can't suffer one of those to live. Do you think we should go back to a Puritanical court system, Reverend? It would be a lot easier and more effiecient if we presumed people guilty, and made them prove their innocence. That way I could call my co-workers witches, and get that promotion. I like this, I'm starting to come around to your way of thinking, Rev, you may convert me yet!

Prase Jesus I do! Prase the lord for his fatheful creatin's! I wisht I had livd in that time back before SABREENA THE TEENAGED WITCH and homoistic secularismic Jewishisms in Holywood promoting sodomy and communism and ahteistism!

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-Why the other day I catch'd my young'ins listening to some hipety-hop "gang-stir" black-Ethiopic-devil-worshippin' music about KILLING WHITE PEOPLE! And so I sat them down (after I burned that satanic Black Ethiopic music) and explained to them in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that killin' people is the LORD'S prerogative ONLY!

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But, Rev, it's your perogative too, the Lord commads that you kill, like I said above. I don't know if I want a part of a religion that doesn't allow me to slaughter hoards of people.

Well were working on that if only you atheistisms werent in our way!

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-It's a disgrace to our Christian nation when movies like "Batman Begins" can glorify satanic actors like Christian Bale (Christian in name only, mocking our lord!) STRUTTIN' AROUND in his demonistic costume parading his muscular buttox and ripped thighs in those delectably tight black leggings (I'll say it for the athiestisms what good Christians already now but black is the devil's color!) stoppin' the lord's justice against a wicked and godless city!

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He does have a nice ass. Does God frown on homosexuality? Not that I am a homosexual.....I was just uh, er, uh, curious, you know?

Of course god frowns on homosexuality! You yourself quoted the passige! Sodomy is nevr okay! Gods' mitey particular about who sticks their "Tab A" in someone elsis' "Slot B"!

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-Why I get so angry at these morans that the other day I was out in town and I seed all them book-stores with there HARRY POTTER witchery (and we now from the scriptures somewhere that we shall not suffer a witch to live, just like the godly Puritans didn't!) and the music stores with there Black-Ethiopic devil music and the movie theaters with there evil satanic BATMAN BEGINS that I went into a holy Pentecostal rampage! I took out a whip of cords and laid into those hellbounden sinners just like Jesus in the temple in John 2:14-15. I figure its all for there own good if I can save them from wasting there money on SATANISTIC HARLOTRY and burning in hell for eternity as it says in (Revelation 21:Cool.

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I bet that's why you go to shop in Christian book stores, on Sunday. None of that sort of trash in there.

I dont' reed much other 'n the bibble and comintaries like godly Jonethin Edwards in the Puritanical Grate Aweknin' Times purscribed! The True Faithly Gospel Salvation Station has a very large Christian bookstore with topics from CRETIN science to tithing to disciplining your kids to intoleruntly confrontin' the outside world of rock in roll and drugs and other satanistic ahtiesmic propoganda!

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-We now from the scripturs that god pulls no punches in getting even on folks that don't do exactly as he says! And we now from other bible scriptures that god has a pretty SADISTIC streak indeed. Why in Numbers 11:1 he goes so far as to burn folks to death for complainin'! And in Exodus 12:29 he kills all the firstborn in the land of Ejypt to show how good he is at killin' so's the Phairo will let the Hebrews go eat manna in the desirt and give him the adulation he so desperately craves! Before he leeds them into a new country where thay are two kill everybody and destroy everythin'! You see, the lord hates competition, and he don't stand for comin' in second-best! In His Holy Politics, its beleev it or burn!

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Wow, your God seems like a total badass. Like Rambo or Chuck Norris! I must say, you're getting through to me on that one! Do you think God could beat up Hulk Hogan, The Rock and Andre the Giant in a no holds barred tag-team handicap match? My roommate says he doubts it.

Gods' like the ultimate, real growed-up superhero for grown-ups! his magic is as unsurpasable as his ego!

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-Small wonder indeed then that when Saten desided to step out of line and be his own god, god did what any loving and just god would do: he kicked his sorry devil hiny out of paradise and onto earth, which was also were he put his creations Adam and Eve ('bout six thousand years ago), even though he hates competition. So Adam and Eve were to do what any good Christian should: not think or question, simply trust and obey and give god the adulation he so desperately craves! And we shoud too because he deserves it, he makes that very clear! But anyway Adam and Eve were not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil that would make them INTELIJUNT because then they'd start to ASK QUESTIONS and set themselves up all high and mighty like god! And only god gets to do that. So's anyway, saten as a talking snake (and all your athiestismic biologistic textbooks can't teach you that snakes can talk!) gets them to screw it up, and then it's payback time!

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Wait, the athiestistimic biologistic books are wrong? I've wasted 5 years of my life and several thousand dollars getting degrees in that crap! Satan owes me a refund!

Well, it IS more BIBLICAL that way... and you don't have to have so much BRANES!

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-Now that evolution stuff is just plane ahtiestismic nonsense! We didn't come from monkeys, we came from dirt!

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I never know God was into pottery.

And chess! He playes CHESS with people's lives, helth and property look at Job in the bibble!

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-but ahtiest are crafty morans they then say there isn't a flood! And I say it's the same ahtiestismic tricks to leed Christians astray and get them to think for themselves! Didn't it ever OCCUR to them that all of there so-called SCIENCE could be wrong? You just have to look past the apparent facts and have FAITH! All this nonsense about the earth being older than six thousand years, about humans evolving from monkeys, about the earth moving around the sun (remember, Joshua got god to stop the sun in the sky!) about the earth being ROUND instead of flat with four corners (remember Jesus and the devil on the mountain could see all the kingdoms of the earth!) is just ahtiestismic propegande to discredit my invisibl diabolical short-tempered frend who will smite me if I don't do everything he says!

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I don't know, I saw a picture once of the earth from outer space, it did look round, like a ball. Did Satan make it look like that? If so, Satan must be even stronger than Jesus, and I'll have to keep worshipping him instead.

It's a TEST see... he's using SAETIN to test your fathe... whitch you atheistsims lack but all true Christians now to not think about these things and simply blindly beleev! :roll:

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-We here at the salvation station have been supportin' a godly true Christian movement for good, bible-based science! Hence our CRETIN scientists: Creationists Refuting Evolution Theory IN-deed! Dr. William Raymond "Billy-Ray" Mathers received his godly degree in CRETIN science and biblical mythology right here at our own Biblical University Lead by the Lord in Science of Heavily Indoctrinated Truth or BULLSHIT for short.

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Wow, and I wasted all that time in my atheistitcicd school. Can you send me application BU?

Are you wiling to throw out your satanistic, secularismic, Jewishistic, sodomite logic and just aksept in fathe that GODDIDIT?!!

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Oh, and your theme park sounded fun, but I've already been to Disney, so the Baptists want to kill me.

The theme park's gona be grate! We have REAL CORPSES for the Noah-Arken part! And Rob Zombee is going to direct the Hell part!

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Hell will have all the siners being burned for eternity, screeming in eternal aginy as there flesh is consumed without berning up and are tormented without ceasing prais Christ!

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So, sort of like Detroit then?

Does Detriot have power-drill-penis equiped demuns?!

~Reverend Jebediah Philemon Oglethorpe, your ticket to the one-stop salvation shop, now with more convenient locations, discount tithing plans and indoor parking to serve all your salvation needs!

~More bible 'n less branes!~


Reverend_Oglethorpe
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What I am about witch will nevr change!

Sapient wrote:
Great post Mike.

Rev, I hope you like the custom "TRUE CHRISTIAN" rank I've made for you. Eye-wink

'Deed i do prase Jesus prase CHrist his dady 'n birdie! (Jesus gets to share his throne with his old man and a birdy!)

~Reverend Jebediah Philemon Oglethorpe, your ticket to the one-stop salvation shop, now with more convenient locations, discount tithing plans and indoor parking to serve all your salvation needs!

~More bible 'n less branes!~


Yellow_Number_Five
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Re: What I am about witch will nevr change!

Reverend_Oglethorpe wrote:
Yellow_Number_Five wrote:
Reverend_Oglethorpe wrote:
Hell will have all the siners being burned for eternity, screeming in eternal aginy as there flesh is consumed without berning up and are tormented without ceasing prais Christ!

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So, sort of like Detroit then?

Does Detriot have power-drill-penis equiped demuns?!

You've never been to Detroit, have you? That's their main tourism industry.

I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world. - Richard Dawkins

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bobojojo
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okay...

Sapient wrote:
Thanks for coming Rev., do you still plan on joining us in the chatroom this Friday when you appearance on our show airs?
The Rev is a joke, no one could have that many spelling errors and be that dumb, you're using this profile as a way to make fun of Christians. Unless by any chance he is a real person an Christian, in which place, the Rev is not a good source on anything and should be ignored, in order to be fair, you shouldn't use him as an example of an average Christian. Seriously, you can find better.


Sapient
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Re: okay...

bobojojo wrote:
Unless by any chance he is a real person an Christian, in which place, the Rev is not a good source on anything

And you think you are? You told us that in order to lack belief in a god we must know everything on Earth. Then proceeded to tell us that you know everything on Earth. [paraphrasing]

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Seriously, you can find better.

Like I said, you're not it.

- Brian Sapient


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